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NickD

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there is a rather funny one involving a frog that I found on that linkIt is just another working day at the brothel. The punters are coming, the cash is coming, and the girls are faking it. Suddenly the door opens, and a figure steps through the threshold, silhouetted against the backdrop of the red lights.It is a boy, a young boy, about nine. In his hand is a length of string, reaching all the way to the floor, where it is fastened around the neck of what looks like a dead frog. The figure picks the frog up, strides up to the counter, and places the amphibian onto it, exclaiming, “I want a bitch with herpes.”Behind the counter, the sexmonger is flabbergasted. “I’m sorry, what did you say?”“I said ‘I want a bitch with herpes’” says the child.“Well I’m afraid we don’t have any ladies that fit that description” replies the Madam.“I want a bitch with herpes, and I am going to have a bitch with herpes” says the boy, putting £1000 on the counter, next to the frog.The Madam thinks about this for a while and decides that the reputation of her house of ill-repute is definitely worth £1000. She sends for one of her many shingle infected sluts. The boy follows the genitally deformed working girl to her room, trailing his frog behind him.After an hour of quite bizarre shenanigans the kid returns to the counter, frog in tow, to thank the Madam. She takes this opportunity to ask the question that had been puzzling her for the entire previous hour, “Why did you want a whore with herpes?”“Well,” explains the boy “My parents are going out tonight. In the evening I’m going to f**k my babysitter. When my dad drives her back home, he’s going to f**k her. Then he’s going home to f**k Mum. In the morning she’s going to fucgk the milkman. He’s going to f**k his wife, she’s going to f**k her boss, he’s going to f**k his wife - my English teacher, she’s going to f**k my headmaster and HE’S THE c**t WHO KILLED MY FROG"I felt bad posting that but it is said to be permitted haha

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I felt bad posting that but it is said to be permitted haha

Don't worry, not half as bad as the stuff I found funny :angry:---What do u tell a woman with 2 black eyes? Nothing you've told her twice already---Whats the first thing a beaten wife should do after coming back from hospital after the last "incident"?The dishes if she know's whats good for her.---What is so great about shagging twenty five year olds? There's twenty of them.---So wrong... but I don't care, bloody funny. Also, Racism is NOT permitted on the forum, before we get out of hand :o
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Why can't Chinese couples have caucasian babies? Because two Wongs don't make a White!Somehow I think my stay on this forum will now be short lived O_o

Lol, this is a classic great joke.Unfortunately, I went to the bank checkout last night, and this old lady in front of me asked me to check her balance, so I pushed her over!! :oAlsoWhy do Men fart more than women?Because women don't shut up enough to build up the required pressure!Ohh I love that website Jack D :angry:
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I suppose that is a joke and can't be racist, but all I ask that if people are going to make racial jokes then be careful, because people do take offense. So if anyone doesn't like the jokes or take offense, be free to edit.------Kids in back seats cause accidents, accidents in back seats cause kids-------What's dishrevilled, smelly, anorexic and aid's infested?Amy Winehouse's skeleton--------It's a good thing that "Teddy Bear Teacher" Gillian Gibbons, didn't call the Teddy, Max Factor. As with Max Factor, you're guaranteed longer lashes----------It's a good thing that the controversy with Gillian Gibbons has been settled, now Gillian can return to the comfort of her own house to her dog Jesus and her cat Saddam Hussain-----------Apparently, its rumoured that that the pills found in Heath Ledgers room were sold to him by a dodgy geezer..Apparently its not the first time he got f***d by a cowboy..---------The new Madeline McCann advert being shown on TV has been sponsored by Carlsberg.Carlsberg don't do games of hide and seek, but if they did they would probably be the best game in the world............Madeline McCann's sister: "Mummy, I hate my sister's guts".Madeline McCann's mother: "Just shut up and eat what you are given".

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Ok...ok... I got some jokes...SO...An airoplane is destined to crash anto a mountain and everyone on the plane knows it. People are crying, going insane or calling their families. Just then, a woman jumps up from her seat, takes off her shirt and calls"If I'm gonna die, I wanna die feelin' like a woman! Who's man enough to make me feel like a woman???"Suddenly a man sprung from his seat, took off his jumper and said"here, iron this!"

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what do you call a chav in a white tracksuit? A bride----------------What do you call a chav in a suit? The accused----------------What do you call 1000 chavs in the bottom of the sea? A start----------------A chav is in a car with the windows down and no music playing, what car is he in? A police car----------------What do you call a chav in a pond? Innit----------------What do you call a chav in a filling cabinet? Sorted----------------What do you call a 30yr old chavette? GrannyIve probably got loads more but these are the ones I can think of at the top of my head just now.

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Why can't Rita go to Top Thrill Dragster's formal fancy dress party when Stealth can?......... Because it hasn't got a Top Hat. LOL :angry:

OOOH! a rollercoaster themed joke! I love it! I'm gonna think of one....its gonna be terrible....whats the worst ride to be at a special occasion?Detonator.... he just drops in unexpectedly!!! :o
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  • 4 weeks later...

Ok these are really bad so prepare to cringe...Where does the lonerange take his rubbish?<In Cavalry Style> Tothedump tothedump tothedump dump dump tothedump tothedump tothedump dump dump tothedump tothedump tothedump dump dump totheDUUUUUMP tothedump dump dump! </Cavalry Style>What does the Pink Panther say when he steps on a dead bug?<Cue Pink Panther Theme Tune> Deadant, Deadant, Deadant Deadant Deadant Deadant Deadaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaant, Deadant </Pink panther>Okkayy so you kinda have to hear them aloud for them to work but I gots not much else <_<

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haha!!!!!!!!!!!!! it might be cuz I'm sad.. but those cracked me up... <_< hahaaI have a long joke... if no one minds <_<its not that funny but made me giggle when I first heard itGeriatric WeddingJacob, age 92 and Henrietta, age 89, are excited about their decision to get married.They go for a stroll to discuss the wedding and on the way they pass a chemist…Jacob suggests they go in, Jacob addresses the man behind the counter; “Are you the owner?”The Pharmacist answers “yes”.Jacob: “We are about to get married. Do you sell heart medication?”Pharmacist: “Of course we do”Jacob: “How about medicine for circulation?”Pharmacist: “All kinds,”Jacob: “Medicine for rheumatism, scoliosis?”Pharmacist: “Definitely,”Jacob: “Medicines for memory problems, arthritis, jaundices?”Pharmacist: “Yes a large variety … the works!”Jacob: “What about Vitamins, sleeping pills, antidotes for Parkinson’s disease?”Pharmacist: “Absolutely.” Jacob: “You sell wheelchairs and walkers?”Pharmacist: “All speeds and sizes. Why do you ask? Can I help you any more?”Jacob says to the Pharmacist: “Yes, we’d like to nominate your store as our Bridal Gift Shop!”

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