Jump to content

Jokes


NickD

Recommended Posts

  • 2 weeks later...

Did you know you can't get a job on an aeroplane if your name is Jack, because you walk into the cockpit, the co-pilot says "Hi Jack" and everyone starts screaming!

You also can't get a job on an aeroplane if your name is Iva Handgrenade!

 

I was actually playing football on an aeroplane the other day! It was amazing, I was running up the wing...

 

It's strange these days, because you stand in the middle of a library and go "AAAAAAAAAAHHHHH!!!" and everyone stares at you. But you do the same thing on an aeroplane and everyone joins in!

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • 3 weeks later...
  • 2 weeks later...

Football jokes, guys! :lol:

 

This bloke said to me "Can you state your availability to run a Sheffield football team?". I said "I can't manage Wednesday!".

 

I was watching Match of the Day, and Alan Hansen said "Wayne Rooney is second to none"...so why don't England start playing this nun if she's that good?!

 

I went to a football match and one of the teams came on in a dance - it was Charleston Athletic!

 

I went to a football match in Japan and at the end they started doing martial arts! I said to this bloke "What's going on?". He said "It's two minutes of ninjary time!"

 

I went to the bar afterwards, and a football agent gave me an envelope full of manure. I said "No. Bung! BUNG!"

 

...and then a referee walked in and I thought "It's all gonna kick off now!"

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • 2 weeks later...
  • 3 weeks later...
  • 2 weeks later...

A judge asks a defendant to please stand. "You are charged with murdering a garbage man with a chain saw."

From the back of the courtroom a man shouts, "You lying bastard!"

"Silence in the court!" The judge turns to the defendant again and says, "You are also charged with killing a paperboy with a shovel."

"You tightwad!" blurts the spectator.

"Quiet!" yelled the judge. "You are also charged with killing a mailman with an electric drill."

"You cheap son of a... " the spectator starts to shout.

The judge thunders back, " I will hold you in contempt! What is the reason for your outbursts?"

"I've lived next to that lying b*****d for 10 years now, but do you think he ever had a tool when I needed to borrow one?"

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • 2 weeks later...

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

Loading...
  • Recently Browsing   0 members

    • No registered users viewing this page.
×
×
  • Create New...