Matt N’s South Parks Saunter 24th/25th September 2026 (24th September 2026: Thorpe Park)

24th September 2026: Thorpe Park

After my trip to Alton Towers earlier in the week, I headed out for my second trip of the week today, heading out to the London area to visit Thorpe Park and Chessington! Today, I spent the day in Thorpe Park; I couldn’t wait to get back to the UK’s most thrilling theme park for the first time since May and get back on some of my favourite attractions, particularly Hyperia!

My day started early, with me leaving home at before 6:30am to make an early train from Bristol Parkway. I changed at Reading to get to Staines for just before 9:30am, and everything ran to time:

I then caught an Uber to Thorpe Park from Staines railway station, and this was a little bit interesting! After hailing the Uber, I initially stared at my phone for about 5 minutes watching helplessly as my Uber driver seemingly struggled to find Staines railway station and couldn’t make up his mind as to where he was, and then when we got to Thorpe Park, I didn’t pay attention in time to realise that he’d driven into the regular car park rather than the drop off zone and seemed very confused, eventually just randomly stopping in the middle of the car park and letting me out… and to top things off, he didn’t seem to know what Thorpe Park was and asked me “Wow, are they selling cars here or something? Have you come to buy a car?” when we arrived and saw all the cars in the car park… I’ve been taken to theme parks by a lot of Uber drivers over the years, and I’ve never had that before! Anyway, I eventually got into Thorpe for around 9:50am, so still had plenty of time to get in and wait for opening time:

Upon the park opening, I was initially going to head to Colossus, but it was closed, so I instead decided to head for…

Saw: The Ride

Saw was on an advertised 5 minute queue time, so I decided to start my day there instead. I went through the single rider queue, but as it turns out, this wasn’t explicitly necessary as there was no one else waiting in the station and I was batched onto what was seemingly the second dual dispatch of the day! So, how was it? Well, Saw has grown on me somewhat since I first rode it; I do like some of the airtime on there! However, it’s a little bit too much on the rough side to be one of my absolute favourites; while it wasn’t running too badly today all things considered, I would prefer it a little smoother:

After I got off Saw, I decided to head to a favourite of mine…

Hyperia

Hyperia was on an advertised 40 minute queue time, but from previous experience, the single rider queue is very often quiet in the morning, so I decided to have a go at using that today. This proved a prudent choice, as single rider only took 5 minutes; I can never moan about that! So, how was the ride? Well, I was seated in row 9, and I have to say that it was absolutely sublime! Some of the airtime on there is absolutely wonderful; the first drop is my particular highlight, but I would have to say that the outer bank is also up there, and to be honest, every element on the ride provides absolutely fantastic sustained negative g’s! I also love the sense of speed, but also how smooth and comfortable the ride remains while being superbly thrilling! Hyperia definitely deserves the title of my favourite UK coaster, and I think it’s a wonderful testament to how far coaster technology has come in recent years:

After getting off Hyperia, I decided to take advantage of the short single rider queue and go for another ride. I once again only waited 5 minutes, which I can never quibble with, and I had an excellent row 3 ride this time! I can never decide if I prefer Hyperia in the front or the back of the train; I feel like the back offers the fuller effect of that first drop, but the front offers stronger forces in some of the hangtime elements, particularly the big outerbank!

After my reride on Hyperia, I headed to my original planned destination at the start of the day…

Colossus

Colossus was on an advertised 5 minute queue time, so as I’d intended to do it at the start of the day, I decided to strike while the iron was hot and join the shorter advertised queue. The queue ended up taking more like 20 minutes in actuality, but given I’ve waited 2 hours for Colossus later in the day in the past, this wasn’t as long as I have waited for it! So, how was it? Well, I was seated in row 13, and while the ride had been growing on me somewhat over the years, this was probably the worst ride I’ve had on it in a good bit of time. It seemed rougher than it has been in a good bit of time, but more than ever, I also found myself resenting those restraints. They really do feel as though they cut off all circulation to your legs, and it makes it very uncomfortable. It’s a shame; the first half is actually very good, even if the second half still isn’t to my personal taste, and Sik up at Flamingo Land arguably proves how much difference better restraints make to this layout:

After Colossus, I headed over to the other side of the park to ride…

Stealth

Stealth was on an advertised 30 minute queue time, so as I hadn’t ridden it yet, I decided to take a ride on there. The 30 minute queue time ended up being more like 15, which I can never moan too much about; I often find Stealth’s queue is shorter than you might expect! So, how was the ride? Well, I do always love a ride on Stealth; the launch is incredible (even more so when as the operator reminded us, the ride is now the world’s fastest accelerating coaster!), and the top hat and the sustained airtime that offers definitely adds a bit of additional impact compared to riding Rita earlier in the week! I will say, though, that the restraints on this do impede it compared to Red Force; while the launch on that one isn’t as strong, I remember the lap bars making the airtime a bit more comfortable, and while I did always say that I’d take Stealth over Red Force due to the launch, the restraints make me less sure. If we could combine the launch acceleration of Stealth with the size and restraints of Red Force, we really would have the ultimate Intamin Accelerator Coaster!:

After getting off Stealth, I headed around the corner to ride…

Nemesis Inferno

Nemesis Inferno was on an advertised 30 minute queue time, so as I hadn’t yet ridden it today, I decided to give it a ride. The 30 minute queue time ended up being 55, but this was due to a breakdown that saw the ride shut for quite a period of time. Before this, I must say that the operations on here were absolutely superb and probably some of the best I’ve ever seen on the ride; in the 5 readings I was able to get, the throughput averaged nearly 1,200pph, and dispatch intervals as quick as 80s or less were being logged. It was a brilliantly efficient operation, and minimal to no stacking was the name of the game; great job, team! But how was the ride itself? Well, poor old Inferno always gets relegated to being a bit “less than” compared to the original Nemesis at Alton Towers, but every time I personally ride it, I always think it’s a fantastic ride in its own right and offers the Alton original tougher competition than I expect! Today, it was running superbly; it was smooth and it had cracking forces and speed, so what’s not to like? While it lacks the unique layout design and terrain of the original Nemesis, I always find Inferno to deliver more potently than you’d expect, and I thoroughly enjoyed it today:

After Nemesis Inferno, I ate my lunch in the Launch Pad, the new “attraction” for 2026, before heading to my final unridden thrill coaster for the day…

The Swarm

The Swarm was on an advertised 10 minute queue time, so I decided to take advantage of this and take a ride. The 10 minute queue time was perfectly accurate and took exactly 10 minutes; I can never moan about that! So, how was the ride? Well, I’ve always had a soft spot for The Swarm, and today was no exception! I love the sense of speed on there, and I also love the hangtime provided by some of the floaty inversions; the final roll in particular is difficult to beat! While it’s not my #1 coaster anymore as it was back in the day, I still absolutely love it and it’s not difficult to see why I rated it so much:

After getting off The Swarm, I headed for my first flat ride of the day…

Detonator

Detonator was on an advertised 5 minute queue time, so I decided to take advantage and have a go on it! The 5 minute queue ended up being slightly longer than advertised, taking 10 minutes, but as that’s still pretty short, I can’t complain too much! So, how was it? Well, as much as I’m not the greatest lover of flat rides in general, I am a drop tower fan, and Detonator is an excellent one! For a tower that’s relatively small, it packs a serious punch; the amount of airtime is superb, and the forces are tough to beat! As someone who loves a drop tower, it’s a definite must ride for me every time I come to Thorpe:

After Detonator, I went for another reride on Stealth. I was in row 9, and it was great once again; that launch is brilliant:

After Stealth, I went for a reride on Nemesis Inferno. The ride was brilliant once again in row 3, and without any breakdowns stopping proceedings, I got to see those superb operations in full flow. I don’t think I’ve ever seen the ride operated like it; they were giving it the whole “this train is ready to leave with or without you” over the tannoy, and the staff were sprinting around the platform:

After Nemesis Inferno, I went for another reride on Hyperia, waiting 30 minutes in the single rider queue after seeing a brief technical delay where the ride stopped on the lift hill and the other train stopped on the brake run. The ride itself was sublime once again in row 9:

After Hyperia, I went for another brilliant ride on Stealth in row 8; that launch always delivers:

After Stealth, I headed for a second go on Detonator. As simple as the ride appears, I can’t get enough of that drop:

After Detonator, I headed for another row 6 reride on Nemesis Inferno while the queue was only advertised at 15 minutes and turned out to be 10. It was once again brilliant:

After Nemesis Inferno, I headed for another sublime single rider reride on Hyperia. I was in row 2 this time, and my quandary of whether I prefer front or back on Hyperia continues; I always think it’s a sign of a great ride when I struggle to pick a favourite seat on the train:

After Hyperia, I closed out my day with not one, but two back-to-back rerides on The Swarm. I was seated in rows 7 and 6 respectively, and both were absolutely superb; I got two nice, loose restraints, meaning that I really floated out of my seat through the inversions!:

After those final two rides on Swarm, I left the park, having to dash out a bit more quickly than I’d anticipated after booking an Uber while still in the park and not expecting it to arrive nearly as quickly as it did!

To make my way to my next park, I took the train towards London from Staines, which was a first for me. The train up to Clapham Junction was absolutely rammed to the point of almost being overcrowded, but I eventually managed to sit down on the train down to Chessington South. Clapham Junction station was a sight to behold; I’ve never seen a station with so many trains moving around it at once!:

After getting out at Chessington South, I took the short walk to Chessington itself, where I checked into the Safari Hotel for the night. I’ve never stayed on-site at Chessington before, but it was only £81 with Blue Light Card discount, so I thought I might as well give it a try! First impressions are that it feels newer than the Alton Towers Hotel, but it’s not as heavily themed; I’d call it more styled. The fact that they still put 2 Freddos on the bunk beds despite me not bringing any children was a fun surprise, though; you’ve always got to love every Brit’s favourite barometer of inflation!:

So, that wraps up my day at Thorpe Park! I had a great day; I got on 17 rides, which I would call a respectable tally for a 7-hour park day, and it was great to get back on some of the favourites! Hyperia was as sublime as ever, but some of the other rides like Swarm, Inferno, Detonator and Stealth were also great fun and in general, I always enjoy a visit to Thorpe!

Thanks for reading; I hope you’ve enjoyed this report! Join me tomorrow for a report from Chessington; that one should be a little more different, as it’ll be my first visit to Chessington since 2023 and only my second within the last decade!