Day 3 – Bon Bon Land

A park that is relatively infamous and well known from a certain American coaster site, Bon Bon Land is essentially famous for being silly. With farting dogs, defecating seagulls and various other creatures doing random stuff; it’s a park I’ve been interested to visit to see what the hype is all about.

So we hopped into the Nissan of Narcissism and directed by Cassandra the Sat-Nav and were taken off the motorway into the middle of nowhere, a theme certainly to be followed through most Danish parks.

Needless to say, it was a rather underwhelming place. They’ve got a gimmick that’s for sure, but that’s it, there’s barely any substance behind it overall. And once you get over the fart and pee jokes around the park, there’s nothing really special about it. It’s no surprise the Americans seem to love this place, but for me, whilst the various models dotted around the park are nice with a home-made feel to it, there’s not much else going on for it.

Either way our first port of call was Wild Hog, the first Eurofighter, but it was shut. As was the Gerstlauer Spinner Han-Katten (which didn’t open all day). We waited and noticed that the Zierer Viktor Vandorm had opened, so ran to that and it’s millions of stairs to the station.

A weird coaster by anyone’s standards. A short lift hill lead into a decent drop into a long channel built into the lake, and then the designer clearly gave up with his life and proceeded to play RCT for so long he reached his dead-line and hence had to make up some random crap. It reminded me of the Dragon at Legoland Windsor’s outdoor section, but slow, burdenous and not very entertaining. We got two goes around and things didn’t improve much, especially when the bars refused to open on our return to the station, causing a self-evacuation of 90% of the train (the two remaining kids were too fat to escape). Not a great start to the day.

3/10

NOT the actual entrance…

After this we headed towards Sveng Swingarm a gigantic Frisbee ride off, someone… Actually an excellent ride to be honest, the height making it seem much more intense yet enjoyable (in comparison to the full intensity of Flamingoland’s Flip Flop), and the constant change of direction was a decent addition. Solid attraction and the first thing we all really liked at the park. Maybe things were going to look up as we found a Fabbri Drop Tower Cobra Tarnet, which wasn’t as good as Detonator unfortunately.

In search of new attractions and the sun making an appearance we decided the Baever Rafting would be next. A decent themed rapids ride which had a weird hiking pathway queue. Didn’t get too wet but that wasn’t too much of an issue as the water looked dire as hell.

Dillen (you son of a bitch!) was next, a Huss flat ride of some description themed to crocodiles and short queuelines and ended up being a decent enough ride to fill up some extra time.

More meandering around empty pathways lead us to the final coaster of the park, and the most well-known, Dog Fart Coaster. Apparently the farting dog is a famous character in the Bon Bon world of sweets, so of course he was to have his own coaster. And with enthusiasts from that site again proclaiming it’s brilliance, surely we’ll hit a good coaster here?

Well, no… It’s a mini Zierer with a helix that goes into a massive kennel… I thought it was going to be something of the length of Vandorm, but no, one drop, one helix, one turn, station. And we think Smiler is going to be overhyped? Dreadful ride, and the whole ‘fart’ gimmick wasn’t even working.

2/10

After that disappointment we headed to the Drunk Turtle Waveswinger, which was its usual boring dependable self. Then we did my first ever set of porn ponies, Hestepaererne which was long and well themed. This was followed by a boat tour around the world of dodgy stereotypes and rubbish animatronics on Soloven, which was pretty crap but it involved a sit down for some time at least.

We headed towards the Crow Tower which are the same attraction as the infamous Tree Houses at Tripsdrill, of which Nicky and Holly had never seen before. As such, the secret was kept secret and the surprise that the ride gives was fully appreciated by them both. So much so we did it twice without moving off it.

We broke for lunch into the Western area specifically. Why? Because Pulled Pork sandwiches! <3 Whilst we waited for them to be cooked we played Coaster Top Trumps, where it appears Jimmy Neutron is more thrilling than Diamondback… At least Merlin’s make some semblance of sense and balance. Anyways, Pulled Pork is made of joy, on we go.

On our way out we popped into the Office Block/Western themed Hestorado, which was an Alterface thing of shooting at a screen for 10 minutes. It was made of WHY. Walking back into the main section of the park we did Viktor again, which was still crap, but doing the amusingly named Disko, AlbaTossen, which was quite intense. The pedal Monorail Mageklatterne was next, which involved plenty of collisions and other pointlessness. We were all starting to get a bit bored of the park and since Han-Katten didn’t look like opening, we headed back to the entrance.

Bored, Mark and Holly decide to act out Star Wars

On our way out, we suggested to venture into the massive Fantasy World building, certainly worth it. Inside is the most random array of animatronics and other things ever. There’s even a ball pit to which we spent some time in because it was the most fun thing we had seen at the park all day.

After spending some time in there, we were done and headed home. It annoys me that I have to return to this place for the missing coaster, because I don’t really want to. An incredibly over-rated park that we didn’t really enjoy because of the sheer lack of anything really. Lots of empty space and we just didn’t connect with it, especially after a wonderful day at Tivoli before.