Day 4b – Bakken

After a morning of alcohol we returned to the car and ventured off to Bakken, the world’s oldest amusement park. Set within an old hunting ground the woodland setting is quite nice, although the layout of the car park is little to be desired.

We went in, purchased our wristbands and found a place to eat whilst we waited for Tornado to open at 2. It did, and we were ready to experience the World’s first (and only) Intamin Spinning Coaster.

Tornado is a very fast spinning coaster, mainly as a result of the launched lift hill, which really throws you into the first corner. It is also one of the few entirely free spinning coasters, so when you get kicked out of the station by the ride staff (a literal fact I’m afraid) you’re already spinning madly.

However, I wish I could continue this charade of it being a good coaster, the simple fact is that Tornado is one of the worst coasters I have experienced, comparing that to Goudrix, Sequoia Adventure and Mean Streak, and it’s an impressive feat for all the wrong reasons. And as with most Intamins, one of the major flaws are the shoulder restraints, which follow in design as the Accelerators, but use a different style of material. This does not improve matters, and in my case, actually physically cut me due to the aforementioned launching lift.

As a result you spend the ride cursing at Intamin for not thinking yet another design through properly, and attempting to brace yourself against the restraints digging into your arms. I would think that without the launch it might be a decent ride, but it’s impossible to judge because of it. I can never enjoy a ride I have to brace myself for throughout it, and as such, Tornado gets thrown to the bottom of the pile, and makes me fear for Baco later this year.

1/10

After that catastrophe of a ride, we had another Rusty Banana to look forward to, especially after Tivoli’s fabulous one. But what’s this? Bakken decided to get new trains and systems in? Well I guess it might save them money on training and wages… Who did they get to redesign it? Kumbak? FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU…

Yep, just when things couldn’t get worse, Kumbak, those perennial rapers of coasters appeared. And naturally, they managed to absolutely ruin another coaster through the train designs (and leg crushing lapbars) and braking the train at every… single… chance… they… got… Every time there was momentum it was killed completely, the train slowing to speeds where it could just about finish the corner. Diabolical doesn’t cover it, especially after Tivoli, where we found a brilliantly smooth and fun coaster. This was just rough, slow and pathetic.

Still, better than Tornado.

2/10

Opposite Ulven was Racingbahn, a weird oval racing car attraction which worked similar to Dodgems and Go-Karts. It was good fun but doesn’t have a real race feel to it due to the lack of starting cars at the same point. We followed this up with the imaginatively named Racing, a Zierer (apparently), which looked like a death trap but was actually a very fun attraction, with good speed and forces building throughout the ride. No restraints as well which was a change. Next door was Vilde Mus a Mack coaster pretending to be a Maurer Sohne. It was not very wild or very fun.

We then encountered the Spin Zone a weird Horror/Space theme set of Dodgems which were more like Daleks. Controlled by joysticks to spin on the spot and move forward, we spent most of our time spinning on the spot as it was generally more fun. We followed this with the Fun House, typical one really with lots of levels and moving things themed to a ship/harbour. Wasn’t bad but wasn’t great either. Heading back towards the park entrance we did the Ladybird, another baby Zierer but with added crazy attendant who stopped the car on the lift on the last circuit. The final attraction of this block were the original African themed Teacups.

The Fun House CANNOT be unseen!

WHY are we at Bakken?

Smug clowny git

We then elected to give Tornado another go, and it was still bad; then Rusty Banana, which again, was still bad. We noticed a show nearby and had time to kill, so we rode the Swanorail, which was another pedal one taking place over the nearby Log Flume. I spent most of my time trying to cause crashes as that was more enjoyable than spending time in the park. We did Ulven again and upon our return to the station the ride op was texting and smoking at the same time, if the park’s image could drop ANY lower.

It was time for the scary clown show which ended up being a magic show. Which was decent enough for the kids, especially when one got owned by one of the tricks after he had declared he knew the answer. Poor lad. The racing cars were done again before we did the Crazy Theatre, which was the same thing at Bon Bon Land but a rejigged video. Another Dillon attraction was found but this was a WaveSurfer instead of Huss spinning thing. Polyp we found to be the same ride as Hydra at Asterix, which made us so happy we did it twice, and was clearly the best ride on the park.

Wall of dummies…

We did Racing again before Double Shot, a teeny S&S tower which had some airtime to it, always think the shorter tower rides are better than those 200ft plus jobs. The Spin Zone was repeated as was the Fun House, before one last go on Rusty confirmed our fears and we ran out in a hurry at 5:30. Meaning we had spent 3 and a half hours.

I spend longer days at a busy Thorpe, which tells how crap this place was. Full of utter tat rides and awful headliners, no charm and was essentially a more permanent fair. All 4 of us were glad to get out as soon as we felt possible.