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Back to The Towers: A Tale with Twists (and Turns)



"Twas on a warm summer night in 2015...when the thunder of suitcase wheels signalled the return of the (not-so) wealthy CoasterDude back to his getaway - Alton Towers. As the journey neared its end, a mysterious force was suddenly present in the road. CoasterDude impatiently demanded at the heavens why his journey had been interrupted. With a menacing demeanor, a thought reminded CoasterDude of work and college. CoasterDude cruelly dismissed his troubles and instructed his family to head back to the Towers. Scorned, the force screamed a curse; "For every branch of the Old Oak Tree that fell, a random turn of events will occur...""

Friday 3rd July was to be no normal trip to Alton Towers. Not for a day, but for a whole weekend! At around 2:10pm we set off and by 4:30pm we were outside Splash Landings...


...complete with its own mine shaft!!!


After checking in we made a break for our rooms...but not before I was distracted by the sight of the hotel's main attraction - the waterpark (which I would later find out that it had far less than my expectations).


"Later that very same night, a ferocious storm raged...and then one mighty bolt of lightning SEVERED a single branch from the Old Oak Tree..."

"...and true to the mysterious thought's prophecy, a random turn of events will eventually occur..."

Day 1:

Following the first night (complete with a pretty impressive thunderstorm), a lift ride to the hotel lobby was made accompanied by the theme tune to none other than Captain Pugwash and we were to cover the few miles to arrive at The Towers...but not on foot. The solution? MONORAIL! *cue the famous song from The Simpsons*


Upon entering the park, there was the beautiful sight before us. Over 150 miles had been covered to get here...and we had made it!


With no reason to take the A route into X-Sector as usual, the B route through Mutiny Bay/Katanga Canyon/Gloomy Wood was taken with one destination in mind - the Forbidden Valley...and its main antagonist - Nemesis.



After two decent runs on this beast (which now apparently permanently bleeds clear blood), I felt the urge to fly away...




Suddenly an unknown force dragged me mid-flight to the north of the park and I plunged into the terror of the Dark Forest! Apparently a certain number has caused mysterious disturbances within an ancient crypt...



I sensed there must be evil afoot. I unwittingly journeyed into The Towers to find out...


...but my findings only brought me to an unexpected occurrence! I found myself falling into the dark pits of Oblivion...




I had to break myself free of this curse! And the only thing for it was to be shaken out of it...literally.



"But the story didn't end there..."

Day 2:

"Legend has it that CoasterDude became so obsessed with the events of the previous day that he returned to the park the following morning..."

...and so I did! ;)


My first guess that the curse had been triggered by me missing out on a few rides...including the likes of...


But then it dawned on me. I had to use the powers of the ride that perfectly demonstrates an intense experience. The ride that was actually heavily themed. The ride...that at 21 years old would always be the top attraction. That ride was...







"Then, CoasterDude became locked into a furious battle...of Nemesis versus the supernatural. Conducting its awesome forces in a desperate attempt to finally banish the evil power of the curse...forever."



Report of Day 1:

Nemesis: x2

Air: x1

Oblivion: x2 (walk-on both times :D)

Hex: x1

TH13TEEN: x4 (3x consecutive rides via single rider while waiting for family to get off Rita :D)

Sonic Spinball: x1

Skyride: x1

Charlie and the Chocolate Factory: x1 (total waste of time)


- Consecutive rides on TH13TEEN were nice. (The single rider queue was literally empty)

- Hex's new effects were cool.

- Starting the day on Nemesis was great.

- Oblivion's queue was walk-on


- Sub-Terra wasn't open this weekend. :(

- The Smiler was a rather sorry sight...although it'll always look amazing as just a twisted torrent of track.

- Air opened later than usual due to some apparent fallen trees in one of the ride areas.

- CatCF's existence

Report of Day 2:

Nemesis: x4

Air: x2

Oblivion: x1

Hex: x1

TH13TEEN: x1

Runaway Mine Train: x1

Duel: x1

Skyride: x2


- Nemesis was as good as ever. :wub:

- Queues were very short again (highest queue time being 20 minutes) ^_^.


- Duel was far too dark in places.

- Having to leave at the resort at the end of the day (all in all this weekend went far too quickly! :().

Hotel Experience:

- Rooms were in good condition (apart from the first one which my parents were in. They were moved to a different room due to the first one smelling of vomit).

- Food was okay.

- Waterpark was far more dull than I hoped.

- Lifts weren't quite what the Alton Towers Hotel have ("Mysterious Lifts")...but the Splash Landings ones having the Captain Pugwash theme tune playing was very amusing.

- General mood of the hotel was pleasant (especially out the front of the hotel), thanks to the heavy Caribbean theming.

Merch Purchases:

- Nemesis ORP

- NEME21S shirt

- Oblivion bag


Recommended Comments

These Hex puns are absolutely amazing and more should exist.

"Shaken by this comment, the arrogant CoasterDude ordered himself that every remaining Hex pun of this blog be removed in an attempt to prevent further misfortune..."   ;)

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