Doc

Yesterday we decided to take an important English man to a place of Lego. Mr Lego William Shakespeare. I'll hand him over to you for this report

Suspicion always haunts the guilty mind. And this hand is suspicious, but I'm not guilty.

Welcome to the very merry land of Lego. Let's not read that rubbish book though, lets read a few of my plays.

This life, which had been the tomb of his virtue and of his honour, is but a walking shadow.

Certainly a big walking shadow!

Look mum it's Darth Vader!

O Romeo, Romeo! wherefore art thou Romeo? He's right next to you! It's like they've never seen the play.

OMG it's a train! Like a real train!

Though shall not ask.

Or pass.

My hair's bad in this one

How'd I get up here?

I'm full of words. You don't want to eat me.

If food be the food of food, eat on!

Oh hi there

I'm safe here... right? Don't want me dying for a second time!

His colour choice is amazing.

Do you think he's seen me? Hope not

RUN! (Look at that blur... so much speed!)

They'll never find me here.

Or here.

Definitely won't expect me here!

I settled in to my hotel room and got it ready for my new girl.

The course of true love never did run smooth. Especially not in Legoland.
Good night, good night! Parting is such sweet sorrow, that I shall say good night till it be morrow.

Next month, Universal Studios Florida introduce their 'Diagon Alley' expansion to the Wizarding World of Harry Potter. It sees the headline attraction 'Harry Potter and the Escape from Gringotts', the Hogwarts Express, as well as numerous shops from the Harry Potter universe.
As to be expected, everyone is excited about the development. However, why should we be so excited? We've got a newly opened area which is much better than Diagon Alley ever could be - Angry Birds Land at Thorpe Park! Travelling all the way to America seems pointless when most of us on this forum can pop down to Thorpe in under a couple of hours to enjoy the delightful Angry Birds Land.
First of all, let's look at the rides and attractions in each area. Angry Birds Land has a 115ft drop tower, perfect for thrill seekers, some fun dodgems, which are perfect for everyone, and a 4D cinema experience, which again is perfect for everyone. So, here, we have a land which caters for all ages - we have a ride which is solely dedicated for a thrill audience.
As far as thrill rides go, Detonator: Bombs Away! is as thrilling as you can get; there's not many better drop towers around after all. Then there's a good set of dodgems. Okay, so dodgems aren't anything special, you can find them anywhere. But people like dodgems, and if people like something, you give it to them! Finally, the 4D experience is clearly something that's been designed for a younger audience, yet it works for everyone. What's most surprising about it is how immersive the attraction felt - it's a film about a set of cartoon birds, who don't speak, trying to get the precious eggs back from some bad pigs. Yet you feel a part of the film, you can create emotional bonds with the birds, and you feel like you're there with them. For a cartoon, that's pretty darn impressive.
Now, Diagon Alley. We have a headline attraction being ride about escaping from a bank. Escaping...from a bank. Just let that sink in for a moment. And this will have loads of goblins scattered about. Not gonna lie, those goblins looked pretty hideous in the films, I imagine they'll look even more hideous in real life. Not exactly a family-friendly thing to have is it? Especially considering this is already a ride about escaping from a bank that you've broken into (great moral values there!). Now, this ride is apparently some epic dark ride/coaster combo. These types of rides are always risks, since some people's expectations can really shape how they react to the ride. Expect a coaster, you may be left unthrilled. Expect a dark ride, you may be left unimmersed. It's a really, really big risk.
Then you've got a train ride linking two parks together. Now, it will of course be more like a 4D experience, and this all sounds well and good. But it's not going to be easy to create a 4D experience about a franchise which already has so much going for it; very difficult to create an emotional link to the story. I have so many concerns.
Then there's also theming. Okay, Angry Birds Land's theming isn't the greatest, and there's room for more. However, let's step back and look at what Diagon Alley's theming will entail. Firstly, there's a dragon that breaths fire. Fantastic. That's better than anything at Angry Birds Land. However, this dragon doesn't move, from the looks of it at least. Talk about unrealistic! What's the point in having a creature for theming if it doesn't move. You're meant to be in a world where a dragon has just escaped; it's not gonna stand still, lording it over everyone else puffing some fire occasionally. It's going to move.
Angry Birds Land's theming at least makes sense; you're in a snapshot of a game, where some birds have just been catapulted, others are about to be, and so forth. It makes perfect sense to the story. Diagon Alley's dragon does not. Then there's all the shop fronts. They're shop fronts from shops in a back alley in London. Where's the excitement in that? The transportation to a whole new world? You can't get that here. It's basically just like walking down a part of London with shops you've never seen before (which isn't exactly difficult). Poor theming really; it's taken realism a step too far.
There's other things as well. Harry Potter is an outdated IP. The last book was released 7 years ago. The last film 3 years ago. Even if it's still popular, and there's a spin off film series on the way, the main Harry Potter IP is outdated. It's got little more than nostalgia now. It's time to let go. Take away the nostalgia and all we have is a kid's story that finished many years ago, and whilst still memorable, should be left alone, instead of picked away until its dignity has gone away. Angry Birds is about to get its second wave of popularity. There's a major film to be released in 2016. Mobile gaming is still huge, and a new game could easily make it to the top in 24 hours. Now that's a popular and current IP for you.
I think that's all I need to get my point across. Harry Potter is an outdated IP, and Diagon Alley is shaping up to be an overhyped dark ride that teaches bad moral values and a 4D experience which could go really well or really badly. Perhaps not the best family area. Angry Birds, however, is a current, popular, IP, with Angry Birds Land having a quality 4D experience and rides for everyone, which everyone will enjoy. It also teaches good moral values (don't steal, fight for what you believe in, yadda yadda yadda). If that's not quality, I don't know what is.
So save your money. Avoid Diagon Alley. Save yourself the disappointment. Take a trip down to Thorpe Park and bask in the greatness that is Angry Birds Land, and smile to yourself that you're in a better place than some hocus pocus area set about robbing a bank. You deserve it.

In 2012, I was assigned to write a feature for Colossus's tenth birthday. The article itself was my best work if I don't say so myself. It was my intention that I would be able to do a similar piece when it came to 2003's blisteringly hot but underwhelmingly* tepid Nemesis Inferno in 2013. But this did not happen. No matter what I wrote, constructed or thought about, inspiration abandoned me and I just couldn't put together a piece that would do Inferno justice. And the problem comes down to one sticking point;
There is just nothing special about Nemesis Inferno.

Nemesis Inferno, distinctly middle of the road.
But worry not fellow Thorpe fanboys and coaster nerds for the story doesn't end there. It is for that reason that for me, Nemesis Inferno is one of Thorpe's very best roller coasters and one that I get the most pleasure out of riding during a visit. Let me tell you a tale about a ride that was hyped to the max, but could never reach those lofty heights.
Back in 2002, Colossus had done unexpected things for Thorpe, it's visitor numbers rising and rising and the construction of a brand new Inverter would have been a spectacular thing indeed for English enthusiasts. Remember, we are talking about a time when Nemesis most definitely ruled the roost in the UK and unless you were up for travelling to America, Italy or Spain, chances are it was your only shot. The hype surrounding Inferno was definitely something different, particularly when it was associated with the Nemesis name. I can remember at the time, discussion on Inferno's finale helixes being discussed as potentially as intense as Nemesis's helix after its first inversion. Talk about building the hype.

Of course, come April 2003, Inferno opens and it isn't quite as good as it's predecessor. My favourite description at the time was a ride on Inferno's front row was not as intense as a ride on the Happy Halibuts of Octopus Garden. Talk about damning a product.
At the time, with only Colossus complimenting Inferno, it came under harsher criticism then it probably deserved. With only two major roller coasters** to keep customers happy, Inferno came under the limelight in a way that many rides do not. After all, inverters had really boomed in the 90's with the Batman clones being installed all across America and rides that dominated their respected parks like Katun, Montu and Alpengeist. By 2003, with new types of rides starting to dominate such as sky hogging mega coasters and Intamin's brand new launch technology breaking record after record it's easy to see why Inferno was not enough and why Inferno could actually be seen as a bit, old hat.

This is all hindsight of course. With the addition of Stealth, Saw: The Ride and The Swarm, things have increasingly changed at Thorpe and of course, so has Nemesis Inferno. As higher, faster and more attention grabbing rides have been added, Inferno has become more of a support roller coaster. When everything else goes to hell in a hand basket, Inferno is the old reliable. Always the ride with minimal queues, always the ride that eats through queues like it's going out of fashion and always the ride that delivers a smooth, intense experience. Never really pushing its customers too far but always delivering its promise of an enjoyable and satisfying ride. I know there are those that will disagree. A B&M inverter should be the absolute pinnacle of intensity, nothing should be considered more when riding this ride type. If that is the promise then Inferno doesn't deliver. Luckily, just up the M1 and left a bit is another roller coaster that does fulfil the necessary criteria.

At Thorpe however is a ride built on the tail end of a coaster boom, one that is loved by a small but vocal minority. And for me personally, it holds some very special memories. It was my very first B&M and by default my first B&M inverter, it was the first ride that I really followed construction of and I know full well that it is my most ridden ride thanks to many Single rider sessions in 2004.
More then most then, I can say that Inferno is an average ride at best. But even average is better then the majority of roller coasters out there. And that's good enough for me.
Thanks for reading, Mark9

*I made up a word just for this review. Now that is dedication for you
**I know people will say X:/ No Way Out was a major roller coaster. it just isn't OKAY!