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A blog by Han30 in General

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TPM, coasters, meet ups, fears, friends and fun

Han30

Entry posted by Han30

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Warning - may WILL contain wafflage!!! :excl:

Right now I can't sleep - damned insomnia/anxiety grrr. So I thought I would type/waffle for a bit - apologies in advance for rambling but I could cure insomnia with my blog entries (though this is just my second one) - actually - going to read this back once done and maybe it will get me off to sleep :lol:

A few weeks ago I wanted to leave this site and went through deleting all posts I have made since I joined back in April 2011 - it took a while but then I realised I didn't want to leave after all :ph34r: .

Then recently I decided not to go to anymore official meets because I have pretty bad anxiety and social phobia (though I cover this up well and go opposite and come across as fairly confident), plus other issues. I have however retracted on that and am attending next weeks Stealth ice cream thangy. Yes I am indecisive!!! :closedeyes:

My reason for this blog entry is really to say an absolutely massive thank you to TPM and the members here that I have chatted to online or met at meets. I came across this site a few years ago and was a lurker for a while before joining and I am SO glad that I did. Back in 2011 I lost my Mum and it was a hard time, but going into chat made me feel a lot less isolated and I have had times in chat where I have literally been crying with laughter, and on several occasions almost choked from laughing so much! If I could type out a message to each of you I have met/chatted to it would make this post even more waffly than it is already - but as I said, a massive thank you to people here - for making me laugh, making me feel welcome, for accepting me for who I am and just in general being lovely people. :friends:

I was worried about going to my first meet up (Guildford) back in Feb of this year - so much so that I had to take a friend (and a fair amount of anti anxiety meds) - I had NO need to worry and felt so welcomed by everyone and had an amazing day. I thought my age would maybe be a bit of a problem but to be honest I don't act my age or feel my age despite being a fair few years older than many on this site. But through the meets that I have been on, I have felt fine talking to younger members and likewise, people around my age - lets face it, we are all here because we share a common interest! :good:

I have anxiety issues and other stuff going on (which I won't go into) but I can honestly say that this site and the people here have been so supportive - more so than any other forums I have visited over the years. :)

The meets that I have been to have been absolutely brilliant - I haven't laughed so much for a long time or had such fun. Not only that but I have conquered several fears. This may sound odd considering that I joined TPM, but before this year I had only ever been on 2 inverted coasters - one naff one with a tiny loop, and Space Mountain - both before I started getting panic attacks, and to be honest, the idea of being turned upside down scared me a tad. I also had/still sort of have a fear of being ill over people on rides - the thought of it mortifies me. That and the fear of heights and fear of being dropped (eg: detonator/oblivion etc). But I joined because I have an interest in the theme park industry, rides etc - however, my knowledge is pretty limited - but I am a bit simple :lol:

My first trip to Thorpe this year was for the Swarm ERT/photo shoot thing and, to be totally honest, I was scared.....a lot. But I wanted to confront my fears and go on coasters and ENJOY them. With help from several TPMers, I went, I saw and I faced my fears and had an amazing time. So maybe I cheat a little because I need anti-anxiety meds and also anti-sickness tablets but it gets me to the meets but (and I genuinely never thought I would say this) - I have ridden ALL of Thorpes coasters and love all of them. That plus Detonator and Samurai which I vowed I would NEVER ride, so it was a big achievement. :yahoo:

It helped A LOT having people around me who were calm and supportive - in the past when I have gone to theme parks (which has never been regular) I have gone with family members who tend to make my anxiety worse. Before this year, my last trip to Thorpe was in 2002 when Colossus opened and just looking at it was enough to make me feel ill and intimidated. :tease:

This year I have gone to 6 official meets - Guildford trip, Swarm photo shoot, Open season meet at Thorpe Park, Chessington meet, Legoland and Nemesis Inferno ERT. All of which have been fantastic and I have met such lovely people. Before these meets I have always felt a bit uncomfortable talking to males but this is another thing which I have gotten over and I have enjoyed having chats with many of you guys (and gals - though we could do with a few more females here I reckon). :clapping:

Before this year, I was lucky if I got to a theme park once a year - I am sparse in the friends department and none of my friends like rides or theme parks so for the past few years it has generally been an annual visit to CWOA with my niece (which, to be honest is quite fun as you get to go on the kiddies rides which aren't that bad - Berry Bouncers or whatever they are called now are cool!).

So far this year I have been to Thorpe Park 5 times, Legoland once, CWOA once and Alton Towers once - and I don't have a MAP. I am VERY grateful that my first 4 visits to TP I got in for free - the Swarm photoshoot got me in for free and I was kindly given a magic pass for 2 other visits - one of which I was able to get another ticket for as it was a freezing day! I don't take things for granted and realise how lucky I have been to be able to go on meets (both official and unofficial) - and for the people who have got me there as I don't drive. Speaking of which, another fear I have conquered was......TRAINS! I hate them, they hate me (no I am not paranoid) - but with the support and encouragement of several people here I was able to finally get on a train on my own for the first time in gawd knows how long. And knowing that if I felt panicky I could call someone to speak to them was a massive help. :good:

Jeez I really know how to cut a short story LONG - but hey, if you are still awake, give yourself a big pat on the back.....you will surely be asleep any time soon..... :crazy:

So yeah - in short (or long as it appears) - a huge thank you to you guys and gals. I feel like I have made some lovely friends through this site and when meets are coming up, I look forward to seeing people I have met before and also meeting new people. The only downsides to meets for me, are saying goodbye - (I hate goodbyes!) :pardon:

Also a huge thank you to Marc, Peaj and Thorpe Park for the ERT/photo shoot events - they are brilliant and it makes me feel really lucky to be a part of this community that is not only welcoming but allows us to have one off opportunities (nemesis inferno lift hill walk was a once in a lifetime chance even though it was a tad scary!).

Before I finally shut up I just would like to say a big massive apology if I have caused offence to anyone here on these forums - I really hope that I haven't and *if* I have, it would not have been intentional :hi:

Thank you for reading and goodnight.....oh no wait.....it is the morning! :ohmy: Zzzzzzz :lazy:

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pluk

So glad you didn't bugger off in the end!

You clearly have anxiety in the extreme, and it is great that you have been able to confront that here. I've always thought confidence does not exist, it is not a real tangible thing. When you say

I cover this up well and go opposite and come across as fairly confident

that is what everyone is doing! You are not so weird after all! See you for the icecream!

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Han30

James - I hope you can make it to the Stealth thang!

Pluk - yeah, anxiety is pretty extreme - had my first panic attack in 2000 and was literally housebound for 12 weeks and it took a full year before I was able to go out on my own afterwards - ironically, a trip to thorpe park in 2001 was a massive step for me as it was the furthest I had been from home since the anxiety started.

I go into *idiot mode* at times a lot if I am really anxious and will be a bit of a loon (like puddling jumping) or, at theme parks I get a tad hyper sometimes :P

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Smidget

Aww Han!

I too am so glad you didn't disappear - TPM wouldn't be the same without you! You are by fun one of the funniest people I have ever met (even if sometimes that is down to you acting like an idiot ;)). I am really glad that you have been able to begin combating a few of your fears (mostly the anxiety, really) - I realise that can be super difficult.

You are definitely a valued member here, and as far as I'm aware everyone likes you! So who cares if you jump in puddles from time to time and go a bit crazy (you've met Ian, right? ;)) - it's the best way to be! :D

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Han30

Aww thanks Smidget - that's really nice what you typed! I still feel quite new hear despite joining 2 years go - I don't post a great deal on the forums because my knowledge is quite limited on rides/theme parks etc etc. But being accepted at the meets has been a huge step for my confidence (which is pretty low at the best of times) - I am a tad bit crazy but I do get a wee bit hyper when I go to theme parks - then when I do my idiot thang I quite like making people laugh - although I am not sure if they are laughing with me or at me. But hey, when you get to my age (you have years to go yet - lucky!) you learn that not everyone is going to get along and yeah I am waffling. I just hope I haven't annoyed anyone with my idiocy - it just comes naturally to me, like breathing! :P

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