London Dungeons - 24/03/14

[coaster_monkey]

TL;DR - It was okay. Could do better. Why am I walking through corridors?

First Merlin attraction of the year, London Dungeons.

The last time I visited the London Dungeons it was based at London Bridge, located under a railway arch. The location was great, however, caused unnecessary pedestrian traffic, this is due to London still being set in the 1600's and having very narrow streets. You'd think after being flattened 80 years ago London would be redesigned for the 20th Century, but no.... we built it brick by brick back to how it was =/ . That's progress for ya'!

So, back to the past, when I visited the dungeons a few years back I was left underwhelmed. The props looked old, the actors were just not bothered and everything felt lacklustre. This is probably because The London Bridge Experience was kicking the dungeons arse left right and centre. The dungeons needed a revamp... but being within such close proximity to a superior attraction the dungeons had to think of a new plan. Relocate! Where? To Merlin Street! (it is called Merlin Street, right? I mean, they own the London Eye now, it would make sense)

The new London Dungeons is a mixed bag. I can see that they've done very well with the new location, the themeing is good, the use of different smells worked wonderfully and really gave that old London smell to life. The actors were fine, very funny and quite risqué.

As you enter you're told you line up in a queue and wait.... to buy your tickets. I've never had to be in two separate queues for buying a ticket, but there you go. At least I can tick that off the bucket list.

The area is dimly lit and while you're waiting the atmosphere is just about right. Strange sounds, smells and actors walking in and out keeping in character. Once you've brought your ticket you're instructed to enter a "lift", this "lift" "descends" quite awkwardly.... only because the exit doors aren't sealed properly. Still, I love* a good fake lift.

I don't know what it is about themed attractions/parks treating the GP like we belong on a farm. In a theme park nowadays you queue in a cattle pen. With an attraction such as the London Dungeons you're treated like a herd of sheep.

We're herded into different rooms, being beckoned by an actor who needs to keep on schedule.... so you better hurry up.

This.... this is where my experience falls flat on its face.

Between rooms you're walking through corridors. Corridors. Stairs. Corridors. Stairs. Nothing to look at, just... walls. Oh look there's... no.. wait... it's another wall, don't worry people it's just a wall! Really, there's nothing to see here. Lets keep walking. Baaa.

I remember the old dungeons being more spaced out. Between scenes you entered into a different world to explore. Peeking through iron bars to find a dead body covered in rats, prisoners begging for help. The giant axe welding executioner standing in the corner. More bodies, an insight into what an old London house would look like. What the streets felt like.

You were transported into London in the 1600's. It felt real.

Now, we're just given scenes. Educational, funny, brilliantly acted, historical scenes... but that's it. I spent £25 on a lecture.... ... ...Why?!?!

My only problem with the new London Dungeons; it's just scenes. Enter stage left. Exit stage right. It's no longer an open world. There's no longer this idea that there may not be an escape from this dark, damp, horrible, environment. You know that you'll listen to an actor for about 5 minutes and you'll be onto the next one until you're done. Why aren't we trusted to explore? Why must we be herded like sheep? Why must I spend my time with a group people I don't really care for?

This experience has caused me to not like corridors any more. I ****ing despise corridors.