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Benin

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  1. Benin
    Day 2 – Bellewaerde Park
    Time for coasters! And with a brand new one it was time to head along to Belle, via several country roads and an awful diversion, we eventually arrived at the destination (N.B. There is an easier route to take to get to the park we discovered on our way back, blergh)…



    Formerly a safari park, this place certainly shares similarities with both Chessington and Flamingoland, but let’s not set our hopes too low, and go and ride the first coaster of the day (in order to avoid long queues later), Ladybird a Large Zierer Tivoli…
    Bugger. Well, these coasters are actually quite fun at times; although how it fitted into the Western theme area I have no idea. Though this thing was basically bread and butter to the usual types of this ride, so it’s unremarkable.



    Next up, Boomerang. It’s like the park WANTS us to hate it, but either way, this is a well themed one so at least it looked nice to ride. After Nicky’s apprehension of her first Boomerang, we were on and were surprised to find it smooth, barring the odd jerk during the backwards section of course, it wasn’t perfect. But comparatively, it was like riding a B&M. Amazing scenes!





    The final coaster was the brand new Huracan, an indoor Zierer coaster with random outside bit and epic dark ride section. Most reports heard before were of high praise regarding the level of theme this ride has, and this is most certainly true of the queue, station and pre-lift section. It’s pretty damn awesome, if the queue is quite bland and rather boring. Onto the ride itself and with no explanation you’re set off through various rooms with random theming in each, with music booming out of the speaker, pretty cool so far. After the wind room we’re off into the daylight (and random pointless red strobe) up the lift into the pre-darkness section. I do like the way the music fades out at this point and returns upon entry into the building, and speaking of such, the ride section is decent, but completely lacking in anything. I do like the daylight peeking it allowing you glimpses of the track, but there’s just nothing else. Even cheap cut-outs a la Revenge of the Mummy would improve things. Although with a minimum height of 1m, they put their hat on that market and went with it. The brake run laser show is quite cool, but I can only imagine what if they had decided to put in a freefall section on this to finish it instead? Then the turn back into the station to finish instead of stopping and waiting for the train in front to depart?
    Good family coaster mind, with some decent dark ride element to it, but it had a lot more potential that could have been realised.
    7/10






    Coasters done, it was time for other things, so we polished up the Aztec area with El Volador, a Topple Tower which ran a lot faster than Djurs’, and El Toro a Huss Breakdance of JOY. After which we broke for lunch.








    As the weather was awesome (where has Summer gone now?) we elected for the Log Flume, which had a massive ONE drop, and two lift hills… Lol wut? It was rather refreshing though to be fair, but that to me made no sense whatsoever.


    It was then time to meander around the zoo part, or at least part of it, as it was still reasonably spread out. But regardless we saw Giraffes, Elephants, Zebras and Lemurs for the exotic stuff, whilst goats were the more typical animal nearby.












    A wild Madhouse, Houdini appeared, which was promptly ruined by loud teenagers. But had an amusing clip which was as good as SMUGHEX. Further into the park we delved and found the potentially unique Bengal Express, which makes the idea of Zufari look turd, why? Because you’re in a train going right through the Lion and Tiger enclosure that’s why! Ok it’s well protected and everything, but still… Was awesome.











    Next up were the Bengal Rapids, my very first Wedge rapids style ride, where rather than one complete boat they’ve cut it up and had essentially 3/4 (depending on where you go) sections that can and do act separately from each other. This also means that you can be attacked from any direction which balances out the general lack of being able to have too many large drops (which was disproven by Bagatelle). Was quite good fun though really in the end.



    We dried off with an ice cream before doing the Squirrel Monkey island and then continuing around to the Huss Drop Tower Screaming Eagle, which was a good bit of fun as well. Next up was the Jungle Mission boat ride, after our experiences of such in Denmark, we dreaded to think what would be next, but we found an excessively random ride mixed into some animal enclosures (including Capybara, YAY), worth a go.










    At that point we felt like we had done as much of the park that we wanted, so we rode Boomerang and Huracan again, before heading to the shop and home. Overall I would say Bellewaerde is a good park with a lot of potential ahead. The theming it has is very well done but is rather sparse overall. They also (in my opinion) need a real stand-out ride to really reach out to a larger audience of people, with a hint of uniqueness. Probably why I think Huracan would have benefitted from the freefall drop but on the other hand it would have meant missing out on that 1m limit.
    I really liked the park, and whilst the zoo portion of it is tiny these days, they have some excellent viewing areas which make it rather similar to Flamingoland, only without the awfulness of being it. I hope they expand continually in the future because there is a great potential in there.


  2. Benin
    Another day and this time it was off to the first random small park of the trip in Serengeti Park, which is Germany’s version of West Midlands Safari Park. But this one had two fantastic attractions which were worth the entrance fee alone.

    Unlike everyone else visiting, we weren’t doing the safari portion of the park, as a hire car and an animal safari would probably not combine well in my mind, so we walked into the ride area to find absolutely nothing open. Presumably because they assume that all the sensible people will be driving around looking at animals for hours first.

    As a result, we waited for the AquaSafari to open. This is one of those hoverboat things you tend to see in Florida, so it was an interesting concept for this random park in Germany to have. No seatbelts or lifejackets for the riders to boot (children needed lifejackets), classic H&S there.
    It starts off like Jungle Cruise, with dodgy animal animatronics doing dodgy actions, before an open lake reveals itself and the boat bombs around it a few times, before it leaves for one last random thing to happen and head back to the dock. It’s insanely weird but I really liked it because of the crappy Jungle Cruise rip-off aspect to begin with before the fun of darting around a lake.








    Next up we decided to head towards their other safari attraction, DschungleSafari, which can only be described as “This is what Chessington wanted Zufari to be, only tonnes better”. Two ways it does this from just boarding the vehicle are being able to see out the front of the vehicle, and having a driver that interacts with the riders.
    You begin with a quick dart out into the real safari area on an off-road track not accessible to normal visitors, passing the usual array of Savannah animals until you head back into the jungle/woodland. This is where things get REALLY interesting.
    Once in the woodland, you go on this long trek through them, encountering various scenes of more dodgy animatronics, a danger cave, trick track and many other things. It’s hilarity at its finest, with the stand-out moment being some talking ostriches about half-way through. You begin to think after every scene that it has to be over now, but another corner leads into another scene. Absolutely brilliant and this should make people want to visit.










    After that we wandered around the monkey zoo they have, was quite good actually, with some proper walkthroughs dotted around.










    It was time for the two creds on the park. Firstly there was a Zierer Tivoli, Froschflitzer, which was meh. This meh was followed up by more meh as we rode the Huss Condor. Finally we rode my first S&MCo coaster (actually the company title) Die! Wilde Maus, which was a mental kiddie coaster with lots of scary airtime.








    We had a dodgy burger for lunch and settled to watch some shows, including another Trampolining Show, then the show after that got cancelled, so we hopped on the train and did their Wanyama Village style area. The huts pictured are actually part of the on-site accommodation.










    More wandering happened and we visited another walkthrough before seeing a Dive and Acrobatics Show.




    Then we headed back to the hotel. Serengeti is actually quite a decent park considering that the safari park is the main aspect of it. Interestingly the land it’s on is also huge and there is plenty of space for future expansion, be it for more animal enclosures dotted around (there weren’t THAT many aside from all the monkeys), or for some actual ride expansion. I’d like to see both personally but I’m greedy like that.
    A nice surprise to have from a park with quite low expectations.

  3. Benin
    Day 6 - Djurs Sommerland
    After a long rainy drive to Aarhus the day after was nice and sunny for our next venture into the middle of nowhere for a theme park. Djurs seemed to be a 'true' theme park in comparison to the parks so far, so I was intrigued to see how they would go with it.
    We arrived into the rather empty car park and ventured to the gates.





    The park opened, and we ventured to the nearest coaster, and a highly rated one to boot, that of Piraten. Apparently the worst Mega-Lite in the world, but my first experience of one and that was an experience that had been quite hyped up to severe levels.
    Unsurprising then, that it didn't live up to such on the first ride of the day. Not to say that it was a bad ride, far from it, solid forces and pops of airtime abounded from it, cementing my opinion that all Intamins with deadly lapbars are better than their crappy OTSRs. But it seemed to have that old problem where the first drop was the best thing to it upon our first two rides. However later in the day the airtime machine within burst out into the sunlight, if only the throughputs could be improved by neglecting the seat-belts or actually giving them some length. A park in the UK would do well to buy one in the future.
    8/10


    Themed staff outfits <3



    Next up was Skattoen a Mack Water Coaster which was essentially the first half of Europa's Poseidon with the final drop latched in for good measure. This meant that there was an immense improvement to the overall ride experience due to removing the dull trek between lift hills, and was a very smooth and fun ride to boot. Was nice to get a decent soaking on the warm morning as well.
    Next on the list was the weird Sword flat ride known as Sablen. I have no idea who made this, but this Frog Hopper esque ride has a small surprise hidden within, as the ride mid-way through tilts from side to side as you rise and fall during the sequence. Nothing too intense but certainly produced some excited reactions from the small crowd riding it.





    Further into the park we delved and found Karlo's Taxi, a Wacky Worm, which was a quick smash and grab credit before we moved on towards Juvelen. Which unfortunately had yet to open at the time (this was discovered to be due to the queue flooding rather than any ride based issues), so we moved onto the next coaster and a Gerstlauer that was open on the 23rd May, Thor's Hammer. A clone of Tripsdrill's Bobsled coaster, these are a fun evolution of the original Wild Mouse concept and certainly much more exciting things to experience. One thing Gerstlauer do well are tight helixes and airtime hills. We ventured back to Juvelen and with it still not open we elected to mess around in the playground opposite, which included trampolines, a climbing volcano thing and one of those massive spider web climbing frames.




    Mark is a fierce Viking according to the Cashier




    Eventually, we spotted that Juvelen had opened, so we headed into the massive temple themed queueline. This was extremely well themed it must be said, and although a short indoor queue, this quality of theme continued into the station and the surprise pre-show room. The ATV trains are also extremely comfortable, with a simple lap bar design from under the handlebars, as such there is a lot of space and you can freely move your entire body about. A quick dispatch sends us deeper into the temple, and the surprise pre-show which makes no sense (cos Danish) and eventually the doors open and we get a short and reasonable launch into the first half of Rita. This is actually enjoyable with just lapbars, and before long another curve leads us into the second launch of the ride, which instantly hits us, slams us back and forces us into a wild second half of the ride.
    The second half focuses on quick turns left to ride, evading a few thematic pieces throughout, the main factor of this is the sudden speed achieved by the second launch, creating a mental half of the ride which ends with a few large bunny hops and ends with one final helix.
    Overall, Juvelen was a massive surprise to us all, and easily the best coaster we had experience on the trip. It fulfils quite a fair few points that few coasters hit completely, creating a ride that is fun, forceful and extremely re-rideable, proving that not all rides need to throw you around or make you grey out to be any good. I would definitely say that more parks should get a variation of these, as they can be a well themed and cheaper variation of a launched coaster that can be accessible to the majority of guests whilst still producing a good fun ride.
    9/10





    After that bundle of JOY, we searched high and low for food which led us to the Western area (stereotypical ride area themes ftw!), and after a quick bite we headed towards the Rapids. A very hidden and surprising rapids indeed, which is rather well themed and enjoys one of those surprise soaking moments that I was to play the victim of unfortunately. Either way though, a good set of rapids.
    Onwards we went and found the Topple Tower, which was boring to say the least. It sounded creaky and awful to boot and we all came off wondering why we had bothered in the end. At least the ones in Europe are open mind unlike Dollywood's.
    We found another playarea which had a massive bouncy pillow thing that are quite commonplace in a fair few European parks and we discovered how fun these things are. Would never make it over here mind.









    Next up was the African themed area, and another play area to conquer which was a long and arduous journey in the end. We then decided to experience the Jungle Cruise, in the good old traditional values of European Disney rip-offs it was full of tatty basic animatronics, tackily themed and tonnes of monkeys. Then a giant King Kong appears and the random Tunnel of DOOM and the ride just goes nuts. Europe <3








    After that craziness we decided to re-ride things, and started with Thor's Hammer before another two goes on Joyvelen. More trampolines and another play area followed before a jaunt to Ben & Jerrys.




    As we were enjoying ourselves, Mark and Holly decided to re-enact their experience on Tornado.

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    https://fbcdn-sphotos-h-a.akamaihd.net/hphotos-ak-prn1/945153_10152875990630220_129785204_n.jpg
    After that we went back for more Piraten, which as mentioned had become a beast since the morning, before another 3 goes on Joyvelen finished the day off.
    Overall Djurs is a lovely park and we all really enjoyed our day there. An excellent selection of coasters throughout and some decent theming, it's hard to find many faults with the park. After the misery of Bakken, it was an excellent change to have a quality park appear out of the unexpectedness of it all.
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    If you don't visit Djurs, this puppy will be sad. Do you want a sad puppy on your conscience?
  4. Benin
    Movie Park Germany was the park of the day, having been a stone’s throw from it the day before, so it was a bit weird to drive to it for a second day in a row.

    Upon arrival I grew frustrated by the park not opening up the turnstiles prior to the official opening, mostly due to the lack of space available to the large crowd building up outside and the low number of actual turnstiles available. Does annoy me greatly when they could instead let people into the park, get some early sales from a cold and miserable rainy day and reduce the crowd issues.
    Oh well, first port of call was a shop to pay an Express Pass. For €25 you could buy an unlimited one for all but two of the rides in the park (Jet Ski ride and the 4D Cinema), a ridiculous value that either the Germans don’t buy into because they don’t like the concept or they sell barely any of. Either way, judging by the early crowds, this was to be quite an intelligent investment.


    So to the rides and the first on the list was Van Helsing’s Factory, the indoor Gerst Bobsled which I had heard many good things about. We entered through the side door of the massive shed and quickly onto the ride, the station and ride cars are both nicely themed, and I do wish I had actually seen the queue line proper.
    The ride starts with some faff before the first lift hill, still quite well themed before the ride begins proper. The usual stuff really from this ride type, with swooping drops and turns, and naturally the wild mouse style turns in the dark (with no brakes) made an appearance before the second tyre lift hill. Some dodgy animatronics later we’re launched up into the rest of the ride, which I have no real recollection or knowledge of as it was all dark. Eventually you hit the brakes after defeating the evil vampire.
    This ride is good, very good. It’s fun, enjoyable and quite well themed throughout, with some decent effects to boot. Solid coaster to their line-up.



    Unfortunately, the horizon for coasters didn’t particularly look great, so we had a quick go on the Jet Ski Patrol because of the wish to delay the inevitable. It was time for MP Express, a Vekoma SLC.
    Unsurprisingly, it wasn’t very good. But the worst was still yet to come.





    The next coaster wasn’t open yet, so we decided to go on High Fall, an Intamin Stand-Up Gyro Drop Tower. Oh boy was that a mistake. Combining the tilting motion with the drop and the brakes and all of a sudden the entire ride is screaming in pain and agony. The most entertainment the ride presented was the subtle change in noise as the ride hit the brakes. Again, awful.

    Then it was time for Bandit, my second RCCA Wooden in the space of a month, and this was a clone of Coney Island’s Cyclone. What could POSSIBLY go wrong?
    Turns out, everything.
    Bandit is by a far, far margin the single worst ride I have experienced. It’s that simple. Worse than Coaster Express, worse than Baco, worse than a Volare, worse than a Screaming Squirrel. It was violent on a constant basis, shook around at every corner, juddered about and for good measure did the odd slam into the side. It was at this moment exactly that the Express Pass value came into being, as I didn’t have to queue up for the worst coaster experience of my life. I wish I had been able to burn it down; it would certainly be worth the arsony racket.


    Another go on Van Helsing was needed to experience what a good coaster was, before we headed over to Nickelodeon Land to grab the kiddie creds. Starting with Backyardigans – Mission to Mars, a Vekoma Junior, Ghost Chasers, a Wild Mouse and the infamous in German Top Trumps Jimmy Neutron’s Atomic Flyer. They were all as to be expected, though Atomic Flyer was easily the best coaster of the three.







    Next up was Ice Age Adventure, an indoor dark-water ride combo. It followed the plot (loosely) of the first film, with some typical dodgy animatronics and theming throughout. The interesting part came with the drop, which essentially made it a cred. Was pleasantly surprised by it.

    Time for a random crappy flat ride in Splat-o-Sphere. Had never done an Aileron before, probably won’t ever again since it was pretty dull. We saw a couple of shows around this time which were all pretty standard theme park affair (at least, with those who care about shows, not UK park level). Then it was time for the Van Helsing Show.

    Impressive set aside, the show fell quite flat. Lots of dialogue, weird plot and a really bad werewolf costume mixed in with some rather poorly done fight scenes made it quite a disappointment. Points for trying/effort, but not much else positive.


    As we were walking past it would have been rude to not ride Van Helsing – The Cred again before heading back to the main entrance where (strangely) two big rides sit.
    First up, was new for this year The Lost Temple, to which I was very excited about, and it was probably my most anticipated ride of the entire trip. And whilst it is not a flawless dark ride, it is still entertaining, and above all well themed.
    I think the major flaw with it is the actual ride system. It lacks throughput and if you’re sat in the very front (like myself) then you lose quite a lot of what is actually going on around you. That being said, the theming within the queueline and pre-shows are brilliant, and it has an actual lift rather than a fake Sub Terra style one (indeed, the ride does share some similarities with Sub Terra in some aspects). Good addition to the park and hopefully more a sign of things to come from them.









    Next door was Alien Encounter, a quite randomly themed water ride with extended dark ride (and backwards) sections. It was quite cool it must be said, with an awesome Pepper’s Ghost effect, but it is also very dated at the same time.


    We caught the parade (which was generic) before having a go on Time Riders, featuring John Cleese speaking German. It had an obscene amount of pre-shows that ended in a random tiny simulator. I remarked at some point that it reminded me of the Batman simulator at Madrid, turns out it WAS one once upon a time. It found itself in a similar position to the Batman ride in Madrid, so crap it was actually funny. Though it felt so wrong hearing Mr Cleese speaking German.





    We rode Van Helsing again before seeing the Crazy Cops Stunt Show, which was alright and typical of your basic stunt show. The guys did well in the very wet conditions mind. Least there wasn’t any audience participation faff this time.

    Van Helsing was ridden again before some food and show times again. Afterwards we did Van Helsing again (a pattern emerged very early on in the day it must be said, not helped by the central location of said cred).
    We had a look towards Lost Temple again but unfortunately it was shut (it’s been having LOTS of problems this year), so Jimmy Neutron was ridden again (for some reason, I’m still not sure why) before we did the Fairy World Spin Teacups, which were generic as well. Van Helsing was ridden again before we rode the Crazy Surfer Disko Coaster (which had a lot of bounce to it) and the Santa Monica Pier Carousel, which was actually a Chairswing. The hope was to finish the day on Van Helsing but unfortunately they had seemingly closed it early. Sad face.





    We stopped off at the Happiness Station for epic ice cream before heading home.

    Movie Park is ok, just full of utter, utter crap for the most part. The layout doesn’t help it much, since half the park is pretty much dedicated to Nickelodeon (Ice Age and Mystery River aside), two major attractions at the entrance is also a weird design choice. The major issue is that only one of the coasters is actually good, with the two big draws being crap, some future choices would be served well into getting some good adult rides, as the park is pretty well served for families/kids. Removing Bandit, High Fall and MP Express would be an excellent start and getting some heavily themed coasters that are good could help put the park on the map a little bit more.

  5. Benin
    Day 3
    And lo, the final day approached as we groggily awoke for one last B&M whorage session. However there was some unfinished business to attend to first, so we checked out the hotel, dumped off our bags and headed in to Baco once more.




    It was announcing technical difficulties…
    This turned out to be the addition of the second train however, so we waited it out and before long we were winging our way out of the station on the front row. The pre-show began, the brake fins dropped, the tension built...
    We didn’t move…
    Baco seemed keen to not be out-done by its B&M brethren who had both suffered breakdowns prior to today, so decided enough was enough or that it was too early to be working (to which me and Mark agreed) after a late night.



    #BacoFace
    We were rolled back into the station before being told to get out and wait by the exit. After some time, we left, not being arsed to hang around a broken Intamin when there were B&Ms to ride.



    And so the whoring session began, with 3 goes each on Khan and Shambhala; jumping between the two in the process and enjoying every moment of them.





    We then decided to head back towards Baco because I didn’t want it to be the last ride of the trip and leave a bad experience in my head, so we headed around the park via El Diablo, some ice-cream and some more Halloween characters for one last attempt at Baco.



    Back on the front and it miraculously worked this time, though how good a miracle it was not really agreed upon. Many say it’s better in the front/inside seats, it is really, but does that stop it from being several seconds of pain, bounce and wondering why we wanted to give it a second chance (clearly, our trip to Bakken taught us very little)? The answer is a resounding no, and we longed for the apparent roughness of Khan once more.

    Post Baco Red Ear

    A quick train ride later, and that’s exactly where we were. Though Shambhala took more precedence this time as it was much easier to re-ride compared to Khan, but that’s down to the heavy load of g-force more than anything wrong with the ride. So after 4 more goes on Shambhala (bringing the total rides of it to 20) it was back on the train to the entrance and time to venture back out into the real world of delayed flights and rubbish European airports.





    https://fbcdn-sphotos-e-a.akamaihd.net/hphotos-ak-ash3/q77/s720x720/563137_10153314757995220_127835768_n.jpg " />
    So the final thoughts… The park is very good really, though lacking in dark rides is the main issue here, as it mostly has a decent assortment of flat rides spread (thinly) around the park. Hopefully the 2014 is a nice big indoor attraction of SOME kind, regardless of what it ACTUALLY is (aside from a splash battle, but I’m not too sure if it is one).
    Out of the big 4 coasters, 2 are fantastic, 2 are rough as hell, with El Diablo, Tomahawk and Tami-Tami decent supporting cast to them. The shows are excellent across the board even with the language barrier existing as they are pretty generic in theme/story, but all those involved in the shows were entertaining and deserve plaudits. This especially rings true to those walking characters, who when they could on the quieter Friday put in a hell load of effort into their interactions, whilst the Halloween ones put in just as much.
    The Express Pass however, was an absolute god-send to us, especially considering the situation of queuing in Spain. And it allowed us to take our time around the park instead of just standing in stuffy cattlepens being walked past. The interesting thing is that despite the cheapness of the unlimited and the one-shots, there were no queues for Express to the degree we see on busy days in the UK parks; perhaps they really limit the numbers over there due to the hotels? Or is it just that the country is broke?
    Regardless, an excellent weekend away, and a rather excellent park really. Good theming, good shows, (some) good rides. Good job Port Aventura.

  6. Benin
    Day 3 – Bon Bon Land
    A park that is relatively infamous and well known from a certain American coaster site, Bon Bon Land is essentially famous for being silly. With farting dogs, defecating seagulls and various other creatures doing random stuff; it’s a park I’ve been interested to visit to see what the hype is all about.
    So we hopped into the Nissan of Narcissism and directed by Cassandra the Sat-Nav and were taken off the motorway into the middle of nowhere, a theme certainly to be followed through most Danish parks.





    Needless to say, it was a rather underwhelming place. They’ve got a gimmick that’s for sure, but that’s it, there’s barely any substance behind it overall. And once you get over the fart and pee jokes around the park, there’s nothing really special about it. It’s no surprise the Americans seem to love this place, but for me, whilst the various models dotted around the park are nice with a home-made feel to it, there’s not much else going on for it.





    Either way our first port of call was Wild Hog, the first Eurofighter, but it was shut. As was the Gerstlauer Spinner Han-Katten (which didn’t open all day). We waited and noticed that the Zierer Viktor Vandorm had opened, so ran to that and it’s millions of stairs to the station.
    A weird coaster by anyone’s standards. A short lift hill lead into a decent drop into a long channel built into the lake, and then the designer clearly gave up with his life and proceeded to play RCT for so long he reached his dead-line and hence had to make up some random crap. It reminded me of the Dragon at Legoland Windsor’s outdoor section, but slow, burdenous and not very entertaining. We got two goes around and things didn’t improve much, especially when the bars refused to open on our return to the station, causing a self-evacuation of 90% of the train (the two remaining kids were too fat to escape). Not a great start to the day.
    3/10

    NOT the actual entrance…




    After this we headed towards Sveng Swingarm a gigantic Frisbee ride off, someone… Actually an excellent ride to be honest, the height making it seem much more intense yet enjoyable (in comparison to the full intensity of Flamingoland’s Flip Flop), and the constant change of direction was a decent addition. Solid attraction and the first thing we all really liked at the park. Maybe things were going to look up as we found a Fabbri Drop Tower Cobra Tarnet, which wasn’t as good as Detonator unfortunately.
    In search of new attractions and the sun making an appearance we decided the Baever Rafting would be next. A decent themed rapids ride which had a weird hiking pathway queue. Didn’t get too wet but that wasn’t too much of an issue as the water looked dire as hell.
    Dillen (you son of a bitch!) was next, a Huss flat ride of some description themed to crocodiles and short queuelines and ended up being a decent enough ride to fill up some extra time.







    More meandering around empty pathways lead us to the final coaster of the park, and the most well-known, Dog Fart Coaster. Apparently the farting dog is a famous character in the Bon Bon world of sweets, so of course he was to have his own coaster. And with enthusiasts from that site again proclaiming it’s brilliance, surely we’ll hit a good coaster here?
    Well, no… It’s a mini Zierer with a helix that goes into a massive kennel… I thought it was going to be something of the length of Vandorm, but no, one drop, one helix, one turn, station. And we think Smiler is going to be overhyped? Dreadful ride, and the whole ‘fart’ gimmick wasn’t even working.
    2/10



    After that disappointment we headed to the Drunk Turtle Waveswinger, which was its usual boring dependable self. Then we did my first ever set of porn ponies, Hestepaererne which was long and well themed. This was followed by a boat tour around the world of dodgy stereotypes and rubbish animatronics on Soloven, which was pretty crap but it involved a sit down for some time at least.
    We headed towards the Crow Tower which are the same attraction as the infamous Tree Houses at Tripsdrill, of which Nicky and Holly had never seen before. As such, the secret was kept secret and the surprise that the ride gives was fully appreciated by them both. So much so we did it twice without moving off it.










    We broke for lunch into the Western area specifically. Why? Because Pulled Pork sandwiches! <3 Whilst we waited for them to be cooked we played Coaster Top Trumps, where it appears Jimmy Neutron is more thrilling than Diamondback… At least Merlin’s make some semblance of sense and balance. Anyways, Pulled Pork is made of joy, on we go.


    On our way out we popped into the Office Block/Western themed Hestorado, which was an Alterface thing of shooting at a screen for 10 minutes. It was made of WHY. Walking back into the main section of the park we did Viktor again, which was still crap, but doing the amusingly named Disko, AlbaTossen, which was quite intense. The pedal Monorail Mageklatterne was next, which involved plenty of collisions and other pointlessness. We were all starting to get a bit bored of the park and since Han-Katten didn’t look like opening, we headed back to the entrance.


    Bored, Mark and Holly decide to act out Star Wars





    On our way out, we suggested to venture into the massive Fantasy World building, certainly worth it. Inside is the most random array of animatronics and other things ever. There’s even a ball pit to which we spent some time in because it was the most fun thing we had seen at the park all day.










    After spending some time in there, we were done and headed home. It annoys me that I have to return to this place for the missing coaster, because I don’t really want to. An incredibly over-rated park that we didn’t really enjoy because of the sheer lack of anything really. Lots of empty space and we just didn’t connect with it, especially after a wonderful day at Tivoli before.

  7. Benin
    The second day at Phantasialand started similarly to the first, parking in the China car park and straight off to Black Mamba. A front row ride was in order since it was unlikely another chance would raise its head, front rows are very useful wake-up calls.



    Over to Wuze Town, and as Fear was having the morning off, Winjas Force was ridden, followed by another go on Tittle Tattle Tree. We then rode lots of the new Wuze Town stuff that has been added over the years, starting with the Monorail, Wurmling Express, which could do with a bit of a touch-up already with its rather dilapidated owls. Wakabato, the pointless not so Splash Battle was next, with dodgy guns, broken targets and unreachable boats meant that the point of them was missed. A quick run around the Hedge Maze led us back to Wuze Town by which point Winjas Fear had opened so we rode that. Tittle Tattle Tree followed again and we managed to sit in a side we hadn’t done before, hooray!










    We walked past a Balloon Show on our way to Chiapas. Still fab and welcomed in the nicer weather we had that day.


    It was show time, starting with the Eis Show, which was the typical Ice-Skating show until they decided to SET THE ICE ON FIRE! Love Germany and their obsession over it.
    JUMP was next, and it was basically Stomp but with MORE Trampolining, it was ok but not really a theme park show in my opinion.



    We then headed off to Mystery Castle, only to be bitterly disappointed by the cut down ride cycle, as it launched straight to the top with no faffy bit prior to it. Upset by this, Tikal was ridden again to fulfil the drop tower fix.




    Back in Mexico, it would feel wrong if we didn’t ride Talocan and Chiapas again, especially since Chiapas has the wonderfully useful single rider queue.


    We were back in the plaza to watch the street shows again (mainly as one of the three they run wasn’t on the day before) and have some snack time, which presented itself via wonderful Kinder Ice Cream. Extremely tasty and nom. The shows were all once again very good and all enjoyable. After the third show we went on Maus au Chocolat again.



    Rode Black Mamba once more before a quick run on the Carousel for a sit-down and rest before we discussed what our last ride on the park should be. It was agreed that Winjas Fear would win the coveted role before we would watch Drakkarium and marvel at the dove that tried to kill itself during the finale by trying to fly into the nearby building.









    Two days at Phantasialand is certainly enough if you time your trip just right. It wasn’t actually that busy over the two days, even the Saturday wasn’t horrendously bad, although we did have some show based times as well as getting all the Dragon character photos. As I said before, fantastic park and well worth staying for beyond the coasters.

  8. Benin
    Day 2 - Tivoli Gardens
    After an afternoon of lovely sunshine and warmth, the Sunday morning was the complete opposite, with rain pelting down as we prepared to venture into our first park of the trip. As we waited outside the park, the Gumball 500 decided to venture forth, so we had some entertainment building up to the park opening.





    The park opened at 11, but the majority of rides opened at 11:30, so we hid under a building and awaited our first ride and coaster to open Daemonen. The smallest B&M and by definition the cutest, 6 rows of the tiny floorless cars flit about the tiny compact layout, squeezed into the back end of the park (the exit steps might as well be on the adjoining road). The area and station however are nicely themed to a Chinese back alley area.
    We followed the ride staff who had opened the ride and went for the front row, ending up to be the only people (stupid enough) to ride during the reasonable rain storm on-going. As such, I didn't see much of the ride, but the ride itself was decent, not the best B&M, but at the same time, not the worst. You can see how limited the park were in their design of the ride with the space and local area unlikely to it anything bigger than the existing layout.
    Upon repeat riding in the back due to no queue, it still set itself as a solid if unremarkable ride. It's flaws are to do with the limitations of the park's ability to build anything bigger or longer, and I cannot fault the ride for those limits set upon itself. It was still a fun and enjoyable ride at the end of the day, and that's what counts.
    6/10





    With the rain still lashing down, we seeked more shelter and hid in the nearby dark ride The Flying Trunk. This 'such a cred' dark ride takes us through the various tales of H.C. Andersen in a rather Small World style ride. Typical European dark ride that are always random anyway, and at least we were able to listen to the narration in English.




    We exited into, surprisingly, more rain, but it had slightly lessened so we went onwards to our next attraction Odin Expressen. A trip above one of the many buildings in the park is this powered Mack's forte, not particularly brilliant although the final helix into a tunnel is decent. Either way it's not the best Mack Powered I've ever been on.
    5/10


    We headed towards Rustchebahn (furthermore known as Rusty Banana) only to find it was closed due to the rain, so we elected to find the other coaster, discovering a live band playing Musical Statues at the main stage area.


    Onwards to Karavanen, one of those small Tivoli creds which proceeded to give us 7 laps of it. Usual affair with this type of ride, randomly decent airtime though. After this it was suggested we ride Monsoon the Inverted Magic Carpet which had an excessively long cycle but was good fun regardless. We missed out on the water fountains being used however, no doubt due to the spiteful rain. The Golden Tower was next, an S&S drop tower, for which we had an audience for since we were the only riders.






    The rain still pouring, we walked towards the Dodgems we had seen earlier, only to find that they had laser guns attached. Mentally fast Dodgems with targets and lasers, Takeshi's Castle called Tivoli, they want their attraction back! However they were awesome due to the ridiculous speed, however with tempermental guns and a lack of obvious scoring system meant it wasn't as good as it could have been.

    After this we elected for lunch at the Burger Kitchen, which was cooked to order and damn tasty once we had translated the menu. It was a trend to continue throughout the week with our surprise at the quality and the portions of the food at the parks.

    Upon our exit of the restaurant, the Pippi Longstocking show was starting at the main stage, so after seeing that we went into the Fun House located in the Rusty Banana mountain. I miss the one at Southport, and this was a decent substitute, with lots of levels and different obstacles up and down the building.



    After some time we heard a new rumbling noise in amongst the sound effects, and realised that they were testing Rusty Banana. We headed out and waited for a short time before it opened.
    Rusty being 99 years old is one of them old Scenic Railway style coasters, brakeman included and cable lift hill before Intamin made them cool. Having only done the one since Dreamland I was excited to ride another (and the others hadn't done one before at all). What we found was one of the most fun, smooth and brilliant coasters we had ever ridden. Glass smooth, great airtime, good laterals. Rusty has is all, ducking in and out of the mountain element all the while, with some portions in the pitch black to boot. Quite simply a brilliant attraction, and for something reaching 100 years old next year to be smoother than rides not even 5 years old says a lot about the quality of the ride (and it's renovations). They plan on redoing bits of it next year so it might even gain more thematic elements in the future, but regardless, a class ride that all should ride before it gets Bakken'd.
    9/10




    Time for some more flat rides, and we started with the Star Flyer, which was heavily affected by the high winds flowing through Copenhagen, making the experience better than usual. This was followed with a visit to the park's new area, with the Air Race and Spinny Tower thingy. The Air Race was certainly something different and quite intense at times, it required ice cream times to sort it out, but I wouldn't say no to one being built in the UK.






    A quick meander around the gardens followed, it is a very nice park to be sure.






    We went searching for costumed characters who unfortunately weren't around, however timed it to see the Guards on Parade. The most random thing I've ever seen in a theme park environment quite simply, but when in Denmark.





    Another ride on Rusty followed on, before we rode The Mine another excessively random dark ride of random. This indoor boat ride decided that laser wands shooting coloured gems would be an idea, and it actually kinda worked in the end. Random, enjoyable and long, a hidden gem. We followed with a ride on the Breakdance, which made us all miss Rodeo.



    Back to Daemonen for two more goes, was still quite good before me and Nicky decided we would brave Vertigo, a Technical Park thing of WHY?! Two planes of 4 people attached to a massive arm are either controlled by the guests or put on a preset setting, either forwards, or backwards, with a potential for a turbo mode which sends you to 5G. We didn't opt for this one, going for the basic mode, which lead us to do some mental spinning as the ride got started, then lots of flat rotations before once again spinning as we began to slow down again. One word describes Vertigo, mental. I would dread to think what turbo would be like (as I saw it often from our hotel). In the end I enjoyed it up to the spinning at the end, which was just too much, but I survived it, and would have no doubt regretted not riding in the end.





    We rode Karavanen again for 7 more laps before Mark and Holly ventured back onto the S&S, upon returning to the floor, they proclaimed that they heard Only Teardrops playing at the main stage. So we ran to discover Emilie receiving an award from some bloke and looking like she was going to leave. But then, peer pressure won out and she performed the winning song again, everyone went mental and we joined in. Certainly an unique moment to have at any park, let alone on holiday.




    We had a quick go on Rusty again before heading back into the Fun House for the girls to let off some extra steam as me and Mark made use of the free WiFi available. Another ride on Rusty in the front followed before we headed to Wagamama for food (local Danish food ftw!).
    One more ride on Daemonen followed by Rusty again and we were done. We bid farewell to Tivoli and thanked it for being a lovely park. Blackpool with a sense of decorum and class I'd like to see it as, randomly plonked in the middle of a city with some old school and modern attractions in amongst each other. We didn't see much of the actual gardens but we already have the idea to return to here over a weekend at the least, I would recommend the park to all for its atmosphere, decent attractions and of course, Rusty Banana.


  9. Benin
    I’m already regretting this decision for a massive 2 week holiday featuring 12 parks, mainly because this is gonna be a long as hell TR, and I don’t want to spend ALL my time at work typing it up either. But, the show must go on, so here we go, Germany.
    A pleasant flight in with Germanwings (budget Lufthansa) led us to Hamburg and our Volkswagen Polo for the fortnight, and we drove off to the hotel. Quickly it was discovered that roadworks would be the bane of the holiday, as the Sat-Nav’s path to the hotel was blocked by some, causing circles to be completed. Eventually we arrived to the hotel, and promptly left it to go into Hamburg proper, and more specifically, the SommarDOM.



    I was excited to go to a German funfair, especially excited that you didn’t have to purchase tickets but paid with cash upon entry to each ride, a rather novel idea when you think about it.
    We did a lap of the massive area, tending to watch rides rather than actually ride them, two week’s worth of Euros couldn’t be spent all on madly run Breakdances and the like. However we did ride Rock & Roller Coaster, which was one of them Wildcat type rides, without anything interesting cred wise (Wilde Maus XXL and a Wacky Worm, yawn), we elected to play the Fun House game instead.









    I can’t exactly remember how many were done. I think 4/5 odd, each reasonably different from each other, and including the Winter Wonderland visitor of Alpen Hotel. There was also a fab City themed one which had a water room and plenty of other random effects. The final one was topped off with a classic German death-slide too, which was amazing death-like as I kept getting stuck in it.






    As someone who doesn’t really care for fairs too much, this place was still amazing and pretty much even puts the likes of Winter Wonderland to shame. Didn’t stay too long but I can imagine at night it would look absolutely incredible. Defo worth a visit if you’re into fairs because of the mental settings the flats are run on (the Shaker was vom-worthy just via watching it).

  10. Benin
    The first day proper of the trip led us to Hansa Park, a place which I really enjoyed on my previous visit 3 years ago. Unfortunately, not much has really changed to the park overall since my last visit aside from the entrance area being tarted up. But when you have one of the best Eurofighters around (potential damning with faint praise comments here), that sits in my top 10, of course a revisit was in order.


    Upon arrival a group of enthusiasts were spotted, evidenced by their gooniforms and badges. I didn’t even realise Hansa Park was big enough to have a full on fansite, but they do.

    Into the park and in a similar fashion to my visit 3 years ago, the first rides were once again Nessie and Rasender Roland. Both rides are starting to feel out of place in comparison to the more recent ride additions within the park, as they lack a real theme (Nessie has slightly more of one granted). However their interaction with each other is actually well done; and Nessie is still quite forceful and full of airtime. The ride on Roland involved Nessie going around the loop right above our heads, which was equally terrifying and brilliant.





    After riding those, it was time to join the queue for the main attraction at the park, Fluch von Novgorod. Those who know me know my love for this ride is pretty big, with a wonderful theme, it tells a story and the ride itself is very good fun. My main worry with it this time around was how bad it might have aged over the past 3 years, as most other Gerstlauer Eurofighters are well known for becoming rough as hell after a year or two in operation. Fortunately for Fluch, it hasn’t aged badly at all, with maybe one moment of roughness included in the layout. The launch and all indoor sections are still fab too. It’s just a shame that Gerstlauer’s other efforts seem to have had lots of problems and roughness issues over the years, as this is probably the best version of the ride type around.
    Depressingly however, the exit slide was not in operation. Booooooo.






    A quick second go on Fluch was had (hooray for no-one using the mid-queue single rider) before we went off into the rest of the park. Starting off with the apparent cred but not a cred El Paso Express. I didn’t do this last time around, and this weird contraption is very, very weird. It has constant back and forth motion within the track layout, and uses that mix of gravity and powered coaster. Weird but enjoyable. We also walked through the random Path of the Mayans interactive attraction, where you solve puzzles in order to progress past water features.



    As we walked to our next destination, we saw the Hansa Park Goons getting a tour of Karnan. At the time of our visit it was only dirt and a giant pit, so nothing too interesting to see, so we continued to Die Glocke. Again we missed out on this last time due to the horrid throughput it has (6 people per ride), but as it was still early went for it this time. It was good fun, very spinny and had FIRE. Next door was the still well themed El Dorado Storm Surge alike, minimal wetness ensued which was relatively welcomed in the hot weather.






    It was snack time!


    After the delicious snacks, we headed towards the (FREE) High Ropes Course of terror! It was pretty amazing tbh, with two options for each section, each more confusing and terrifying than the last. The height factor combined with some of the rather unsturdy aspects of it led to some issues, however I made it all the way around like a boss. Huzzah!



    Needing a rest after that, Schlange von Midgard was chosen as the next ride. As it was unfinished 3 years ago, I was intrigued to see what was new about it; it had some cool effects added into the lift hill, but not much else could really be done about it. I’m still confused as to why some batching rows weren’t added in the first place though, and the dragon thing wasn’t working either. Still a fun kids coaster though.




    Torre del Mar was next, because a Starflyer next to a construction site is ALWAYS a good idea. Then we went on Fluch again because it’s fab before breaking for some Steak-on-a-Stick, which was extremely nom.



    A random Variety Show was next, which included Trampolining people, dancing, and a man who flew a remote controlled plane around the auditorium, he was the fabbest of them all. Afterwards there was some investigation into where Karnan is going, and the weirdness of the layout needs to be confirmed, considering it’s seemingly going to go all the way down past half the park.






    Space Scooter was next, which were some Dodgems with lasers to shoot at random targets around the arena. It wasn’t fun because my gun seemingly didn’t work and people actually got annoyed with you if you bumped them. Extremely rubbish, but at least it exited into a play area.

    We left quickly to see the Parade go past before collecting some Crepes for some quick boost of energy, enjoyed the Magical Flower Boat Ride before another go on Fluch to finish off the day.






    I like Hansa, and the stuff they’ve been doing with the entrance refurb does make it have a fantastic entrance area. Hopefully they’ll continue refurbing the park whilst developing it with the likes of Karnan because a lot of it does look slightly worn and run-down in comparison to the actual themed areas (I.e. Nessie vs Wild West area). I’ll certainly have the park back in my sights in 2016 when Karnan is finished.

  11. Benin
    Day 8 – Farup Sommerland
    And so the final day, we packed up and departed Aarhus northwards. We eventually arrived after more venturing through country roads and paid upon arrival in the car (which took us all by surprise, fortunately we were prepared for this) and ended up in the car park, which strangely sits in the middle of the park, allowing for some good views of the two main coasters.




    Our first destination was Lynet, the Gerstlauer launched, to which I was excited for because Anubis back at Plopsa is made of win. Would Lynet (their first) continue the trend? After the dark and dingy Shockwave-esque queueline we arrived in the dark and atmospheric station before taking our comfy seats and rolling out into the small drop into the launch. Rolling launches need to exist more, and the quick and tight layout really showed some good imagination on the park and Gerst’s parts, featuring airtime, 2 corkscrews and a few tight helixes. This seems to be something Gerstlauer do well in relatively intense compact layouts. There was some bumpiness to it but nothing too extreme, why every other Gerstlauer I’ve been on that’s 2009 or older tonnes better than Saw? Either way, a solid headline ride perfect for Farup.
    7/10





    Another go lead us searching for a change of coaster, unfortunately Flagermusen was closed due to vomit cleaning, so we headed deeper into the woodland in which the park is set and eventually found Mine Expressen, a Vekoma Junior which was rattly and rough, hence, not very good indeed.
    It was at this point we realised that Farup was very much an adventure park with rides added on, rather than Djurs which seemed more focused on the ride aspect, as such we hit up the next play area to entice us, as well as some more Bouncy Mats that we found.




    New for 2013 at Farup is Ice Age 4D, so we headed to that corner of the park to see what system they had for times. Being regular, we decided a quick cool down on the Log Flume would be in order, before drying off. The flume was surprising long, with 3 decent drops throughout, although the force at which you stop on the final one is enough to fling you practically out of the boat if you’re not careful.
    Back to the show, which had an enthusiastic operator who treated us to the effects prior to the show, including moving chairs and the unsurprising water sprays, the moving seats were at first a novelty before becoming tiresome halfway through. It does have a scene missing from the version at Towers (the plant scene) which I found weird, but I didn’t really care that much in the end.
    We walked back towards the park entrance and decided to ride Flagermusen, yay for Zamperla spinning coasters! Actually, after Tornado, this was a god-send and actually quite fun since we had a relatively balanced car for it. Quite good in the end.
    We broke for lunch at the entrance and sat outside, enjoying the vast sunshine Denmark had decided to give us upon our last day, before our quest to the left side of the park continued with Pindsnivet a random kiddie coaster which was a welcome change from the constant Zierers we had endured.
    Onwards we went to were Orkanen (new for 2013 but alas, closed, actually opens on the day I am writing this) and Falken, a S&S Wooden coaster. This was good aside from the cornering not being brilliant, with lots of bumping along the track occurring at the finale helix. Not brilliant but not great either sums it up quite nicely.










    We felt like we needed a sugar rush, so Mark, Holly and Nicky elected for candyfloss whilst I went for a normal ice cream which was then dunked in chocolate dust. If I wanted chocolate ice cream, I would have asked for it. No matter, we headed back across the park to the woodland side, and proceeded into THE adventure course…




    Treasure Hunt is something we did not see coming in its entirety. I had seen bits of it such as the water steps and the monkey bars over the water, but nothing can get you ready for the sheer length of the thing. It starts with a ‘maze’ before proceeding to make you slide, climb, step and pull your way around the woodland and over the lake. It was an amazing thing to go through and when we got through to the end we felt a high sense of full on achievement that we had done it. I’ll let the photos speak for some of it, but it cannot be missed.








    Next door there is a Fun House, which was exceedingly dark due to the theme of being the home of one of the woodland creatures. We then did some Mini Golf in which I managed to get 2 hole in ones throughout the course, of which some of the holes were excessively made of WHY? We found another playground and after some mincing around there we all felt like we were done for the day (Treasure Hunt really took it out of us, and we were in there for at least 45 minutes). So we headed back towards Lynet, being enticed by Chairswings along the way before laziness got the better of us and we got the train back to Falken for our very last ride of the trip.










    And that was that, we headed back to Aalborg to find it was in the middle of a Carnival the likes which were unprecedented, with our hotel slap bang in the middle. With some negotiating we got in and enjoyed one last burger in our oasis of calm before the flight home the next morning (N.B. Norwegian Air currently have Wi-Fi and fly from Gatwick to Aalborg).
    Overall, I would say Denmark is a wonderful place. We didn’t do that much in the way of culture, but in our week we could tell that the people are lovely and friendly, speak great English and have a good sense of humour. Bakken and BonBon aside their parks are lovely with a fantastic atmosphere in each one, whilst they might not be full of the biggest or best rides ever, you can tell the parks do care and there is great fun to be had at them.
    I would say Djurs took the top park spot, although Tivoli is just behind it, with Juvelen and Rusty Banana taking the top two spots for best rides. In the end though we discovered a wonderful country with some good (and bad) parks that I think we would happily visit again if we could in the near future. I would recommend Denmark to any theme park enthusiast who is bored of the typical European countries, and it excites me for the trip to Sweden next year.

    Happy Hedgehog thanks you for reading
  12. Benin
    Day 2
    The day started with turning on the TV and watching the Making of Documentary Efteling did for Joris, because it’s never too early to be a goon. After some breakfast it was time to join the queue of people waiting for ERT on the poorly laid-out paving slabs.




    You had one job!
    Eventually let in, we headed straight to Vogel Rok for some back row times, and since it was completely empty, hopped on again further up the train because we could.
    We quickly moved on as it was nearly opening time towards Joris, waving at the normal guests as we passed.



    Themed vending machine
    We were greeted by the extended queue being open and 2 train operation. Even though they were only loading one, it’s amazing how so many parks plan ahead for busier days by having both trains on and ready to go, rather than adding more trains later in the middle of the day. Oh well, a front row ride on each side and a more edging of preference towards the Water side.








    A quick go on Python followed before heading over towards Spookslot, and it’s incredibly dark queue of darkness. This show attraction is similar to Twister and features a lot of animatronics and pepper ghosts dancing along to Danse Macabre (or, the theme to Johnathon Creek), which was pretty cool tbh. The quality of the huge set was again to an excellently high standard too.




    Next up as it wasn’t as windy as the day before was Pagode, my first Flying Island. Certainly not the most interesting of attractions, but it provided a good view of the local woodland and the park as a whole.








    It was lunch time, and that meant finding a Unox stand. Why? Because WINTER HATS OF AMAZING WARMTH!

    Left-overs from their Winter event, €3.50 got you a hotdog and hat, whilst €4.50 got you a large soup and hat. Excellent value and an excellent idea, as LOTS of people were wearing these things.
    We watched the Jokie Show by Carnival Festival which was weird, and featured more slightly racist times, before heading towards our next destination via a nice Diorama mini train room.




    And now it was time for the Fairytale Forest of Forever. Efteling’s main attraction, being a walk through the woods with several set-ups of various fairytale stories based off Anton Pieck’s drawings. We spent 2.5 hours in this one area, as there’s plenty of show scenes and interesting animatronics to keep you wandering through. Favourites included the infamous pooping Donkey, the Indian Waterlilies and the Chinese Nightingale. Again, the high quality and upkeep of these things were there for all to see, especially for things mostly exposed to the elements. There was even a proper show in the middle of it all which still had a Christmas theme and unfortunate Dragon puppet placement.


    Certainly this is the reason why Efteling is so popular in its country, not because of the rides, because of how they have created an area accessible to every age-range available that can be enjoyed by all. I’ll let the pictures speak for it.





    Dancing red shoes



    Speaking Parrot that would record loud children








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    Pooping Donkey!

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    50 cents gets you this out of the Donkey
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    We took so long in getting out that the Puppet show had moved to outside the entrance/exit, so we watched that before heading back to awesome dark ride land, riding both Villa Volta and Dreamflight again.
    Wandering back to Carnival Festival we caught the Jokie Show again, and then was time for the racist Teacups in Monsieur Cannibale.
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    2 more rides on Joris before it was Pancake time again!
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    We then legged it to Aquanura, and I took some pics of it this time.
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    And that was Day 2. The Fairytale Forest does sum up Efteling in several ways. The beauty and presentation of it, with fantastic upkeep and updates to it on a constant basis keep the interest of guests of all ages. Tagging in a free hat with food purchases because its winter is also another perk that’s worthy of mention, especially when they don’t have to do it.
    After this point, it had certainly shot up to the top of my favourite park list ever.
  13. Benin
    Day 7 – Legoland Billund
    Now here was an interesting one, the Merlin park of the group, a park that is usually a burden to visit in the UK, how would the original fare? Would it be smothered in adverts? Would it be full of low throughput rides? Would we hate it for being part of a massive corporate entity? Answers are found and more…
    After once again navigating the emptiness of Denmark and a surprise car park appearing out of nowhere (next door to Billund’s own airport) we had arrived and awaited our entry accompanied by two children and a burdenously annoying theme song.





    Eventually it opened, and we walked the entire bloody length of the park to arrive at the 2012 Polar Land, and Polar X-Plorer. This was to be the intriguing comparison to Thirteen, purely due to the freefall aspect, how would Zierer’s attempt stand up to Intamin’s extremely good system?
    We walked straight through the queue (the cattlepen of death stood on however) and onto the front row of the very comfy trains, and set out on our exploration of the local van-yard behind the park the Artic, and the ride’s surprise appeared. From the first drop to the mountain is actually extremely good and forceful… Grey out forceful in fact. Where did this come from? The first half was such a shock that our entry into the mountain turned into a complete jarring. Unthemed, relatively empty and a broken screen whilst being completely surrounded by the drop system, when the drop itself happened it was ok, but lacked the theatre and quickness that Intamin’s offers. The trundling out finale past some static figures didn’t improve much and eventually you pass the penguin enclosure wondering what happened?
    To put it blunty, the drop system is crap in a comparative sense to Intamin’s. The fact that it is hidden and allows for a variation of drops is a real plus point to it, allowing the pre-mentioned theatre and surprise to really take a hold. Maybe Verbolten does this better due to the pure darkness, but Polar fails to use the system to its potential, the trundle out of it making a real mockery of an exciting and impressive first half. The ideal family ride would be the first half of this with the second half of Thirteen it was agreed amongst our group after a second go on the back, where the system is even more blatant than before. A right shame in the end.
    6/10






    Unsure of our next destination, we spotted the Fire Academy next door to Polar Land, without a queue, something rarely seen ever. So we took the advantage and went 2 on 2 once more on it. Perhaps myself and Nicky took it slightly too seriously after the Fussball defeat, but we were back at base long before Mark and Holly had put out the fire. Overall I would say how much fun it was, if slightly tiring in the end. I would love to do this with a full on enthusiast take-over, then it really would get silly.
    Next was the Temple, the Laser Raiders of the park, but a Mack Omnimover instead. WHY ARE THE OTHERS MADE BY SALLY CORP? Anyways, it was essentially the same as the others, with the usual array of things that move but with slightly grander sets and a decent finale room.
    Wanting more Mack fixings, we went on X-Treme Racers, another Wild Mouse but an actual Mack one, rather than a Maurer clone. Very jolty and rickety throughout this one, but at least tonnes better than the old Jungle Racer in a box.
    Completing our Legoland staples, Jungle Racer was actually next, but was a WaveRider this park around. Usual affair here, with waterbombs placed slightly out of reach of the riders, making them absolutely pointless.









    We then realised we had missed the Ice Pilots Academy back in Polar Land, and knowing that it would have a low throughput, we ran back and went on it before we strayed too far away. It was to be my first experience of a KUKA Robo-Arm ride of any form, having not been on Potterland yet, and the aspect of designing your ride (Read as, press the buttons randomly) was an intriguing idea. We started off slow (Speed 2), picked our moves and on we went to an extremely random and fun experience. So we headed back around and hit up Speed 5 and went X-Treme (as Lego would put it). The differences are quite telling, the transitions are faster and the motions wilder, but still not beyond the realms of too intense for the core audience of the park. A real surprise but with only 20 people max a go, it’s no surprise why these things are so rare, even if they are incredibly random and good fun. When all 5 in one section are going it is a mesmerising experience to say the least.






    We had a quick look at the Penguins whilst in the area as well.




    Back on park, it was time to return to the Legoland staples, and the Dragon coaster, which also returned us onto the path of the Mack. Strangely, this is a powered coaster, which automatically means a single train. WHY LEGOLAND? It still however retains the traditional dark ride section which felt longer and larger than our Windsor counterpart. In addition, the powered system of the ride came into play well on the transition from dark ride to coaster, providing a decent launch into the outdoor layout. It would be better if a second train were to appear on this. Maybe it does? Either way a decent coaster helped by the crazy ride host who singled out Mark and his Viking hat being Swedish and from Djurs.





    Upon exiting we realised that the stunt show was about to take place, so we took our seats and were allowed to enjoy an action heavy, dialogue-less romp around the mini-castle set, featuring (unsurprisingly) lots of people landing in water. It was a simple story to follow, but very entertaining, owing to the simple stunt gags they used and the old ‘suspension of disbelief’. I would certainly say that people should catch this (and the pre-show entertainment) if they’re ever at the park.








    Next door to the show was Viking River Splash, an Intamin version of the ride which is accentuated by the massive lift and drop combo. It’s similar to the other versions, with some scenes practically cloned in but a very different (and dizzy) layout allows it to give its own version of events. The lift and drop is a brilliant finale to have on it as well, and we all fully enjoyed our go on it.

    We broke for lunch at a Fish and Chips place, where you got (as a basic meal) 3 pieces of cod and a tonne of chips. Denmark <3
    After lunch we faffed about what to do next and we elected upon the Pirate Boats, which ended up being a surprise dark ride (and you’ll never guess the ride it was ripping off). It was actually good if very dark at times due to the way in which the lighting was timed to go off between boats, either way I like dark rides that appear from nowhere and this one is no exception, even the duck enjoyed it.






    The final coaster of the day was Timber Ride, another Zierer coaster, which was well landscaped and themed but that was about it. We wondered over to the 4D Cinema to see when the Chima show was on, and had ages, so we elected for the Atlantis attraction.
    About the only Merlin thing in the park (no, serious), this is a walk-through Sea-Life with crap pre-show (we and the Danish family with us walked out) and a very well themed experience, with lots of buttons that activated bubbles in various figures. There were also Spider-Crabs, everyone loves them right?












    We then decided to do Mini-Land, which was the usual high standard you’d expect of a Lego park. We also did the Observation Tower, Lego Top to faff around and get some decent overall views of the park.




















    Way too many photos to choose from on this one
    We ended up back in the Western area and decided to go on Mine Train, which is literally a train going through a mine. It had a mini dark ride section with a non Lego figure within (the HORROR) and was rather pointless if I’m honest. Lego Canoe was done by myself and Nicky, and was a rather boring Log Flume that went past a few animal figures with a singular drop. I might have fallen asleep mid-ride.
    After the faff it was time for Legends of Chima 4D, new for 2013 and a tie into the new range. I have no idea what was going on and it was even in English. It centred around a tour of the land and featured very basic 3D and 4D effects, and the two main characters were friends, then enemies. It made no sense. Then Mark said he thought they were fighting of Cheese rather than Chi, which made it funnier, but still no sense was made. To be young and naïve again.






    After that we had done pretty much everything we wanted to on park, so a few re-rides on Dragon, Temple, Ice Pilots and Polar X-Plorer were done. Overall Legoland Billund is a very nice park, and the least Merlin of the group, which can only be considered a good thing. We really enjoyed our day there but I sense it’d be absolute hell when packed solid and some of those cattlepen extensions were in use.

  14. Benin
    We were done with Hamburg, so today was a day of driving as we headed to our next base of operations in Dortmund. We decided that because there wasn’t much option of things to do in Dortmund as we were staying in a soulless industrial estate and Dortmund isn’t known for having much in the way of touristy stuff (Football stadium aside, but it had a game on that if I’d known about I would’ve gone to), we would visit Schloss Beck instead to pass a few hours.
    Schloss Beck is a tiny little park a stone’s throw away from Movie Park, so close in fact, that they will use their own car park as an overflow to Movie Park, and offer guests money off their parking fee of €5 onto paying to enter the park. The man who greeted us in the car park was very bemused that we had come to visit the park itself rather than Movie Park, but that was for tomorrow.


    First stop was the cred, another Zierer Tivoli ingeniously named Family Rollercoaster. It had an enclosed lifthill but that was about as unique/interesting as it got.




    Now it was time for the stuff that really excited me, the manually operated attractions. These are really common in the small German parks, but I’ve never been to a park that has them. I was able to pretend I was a ride operator again!
    First up, the Nautic Jet, surprisingly terrifying when you realise all that’s holding you in is a flimsy bar and that jump hits you. The reverse climb as well has a wonderful sense of trepidation to it as well.





    Next was some Zip Wire style attraction, which (in another flimsy seat) raised the wire up to send you backwards on your way across the river. You’d then return and do the thing twice more. I had to yell at a German kid as he tried to jump on in front of us, little git.


    Then did the Pirate Ship next, which was a swinging cage with a dangling rope for riders to control the amount of swing available to them. Naturally, went the whole hog on full swing. Utterly terrifying.



    There were also some slides which were done. The death slide was a lot steeper when you got to the top.

    That was pretty much the ride selection exhausted (bar a dead spinning manual ride, a Dragon flat and some Dinghy Slides), so we grabbed some Dippin Dots and headed towards the nature walk that sits within the park grounds. Comparisons to Towers (what with the old house at the entrance) were quite high on the agenda, though not many parks where you can hear another major park’s show taking place.







    We found a play area and messed about in it before having a nose around the old house thing. Not quite the ruins of Towers, but still nice.










    Then we left, for what’s available (and for an entry price of €12 a head), it’s quite nice. Plenty of things for kids to do rather than adults but that’s what the target is. There was a nice atmosphere within the park and the raised nature walk was quite cool. Doubt it has the ability to expand further but it’s a nice enough place to visit regardless.

  15. Benin
    In what will probably be an unsurprising development, our 2nd park of the weekend was Plopsaland, because we all love it to bits.


    It also has an immense amount of new things at the place this year, from a new MASSIVE theatre, two new rides in a newly themed area, and two rethemed rides (the kiddie cred and onion boats) which is really fantastic to see. Add this to the hotel development which is on-going and it does seem like the park is going places.


    They had a good amount of Halloween stuff going on as well, and numerous walking characters because why not? We faffed about the entrance area and K3 Museum before the park opened and we headed over to Vleermuis, the Batflyer since I had only the one side of it and both are separate creds (cue arguments). I forgot how much of a burden it was to get into it and I eventually sat in the child seat. Urgh. Still, plus 1.



    After this we meandered a bit and found the Lapins, a bunny variant on the infamous porn ponies, so naturally we had to ride them because they’re FAB.




    It was then time for our favourite ride on park, Anubis, which has led to us becoming quite massive fans of the TV show (Nickelodeon’s version, not the Dutch one) and very goony about it. Hell, we even played the Board Game in the hotel on the Friday night. Either way, the ride is still very good, aside from the awful rattle you get off the launch; everything else is pretty damn smooth. It also gains points for finale in-line times.




    Up next was the brand new Wickieland and its two new rides. On my last visit this was but a circus tent, but now it’s a lovely themed area with one of the best themed flat rides I’ve ever seen. We first did the Splash Battle of Burden, as the queue is unfinished and people waiting to get off can just fire at you without fear of retribution. In addition to that, you can also get people on the Disko Coaster, which is a hilarious concept indeed. The ride itself was a Splash Battle though, so nothing special really.



    The Disko was next, and unsurprisingly that too rode like one, only sans bouncing which disappointed me slightly. However it does look immense and puts Kobra to absolute shame.





    We fancied a bit of dark ride action so went to the Forest of Plop, which is still as fab and weird as before. We also petted a moody cow in the farm area before electing to have some food because hungry times were abound. This resulted in Waffles of JOY <3





    After the waffles we went into Maya Land, which is a lovely indoor themed area. We did the Slide before the Waterlillies (a Demolition Derby) and finishing on the Flying Flowers of Burden, which were Dumbos but with annoying water fountains. Mergh.






    We decided for another 2 goes on Anubis before heading off towards the newly partially rethemed area. It so far looks a lot better than it did 2 years ago that’s for certain, and hopefully when they finish doing the other coaster and the Teacups it’ll look even better. We did the Onion Boats and found a rubber ducky before Victor’s Race, a Zierer Tivoli with very happy planets and a dinosaur control box.




    It was then time for the first show in the new Theatre, and the entire park seemingly decided to go and see it. It was our first glimpse into the new building and all I can say is wow. There is a MASSIVE reception area which can be used for business functions and probably the hotel in the future. Then inside the theatre itself it looks fantastic, with comfy seats and just all modern stuff. Pete the Pirate was the show in question with a Halloween theme, and the guy doing it was the same who appears in the TV show and epic looking Film. Chalk another for the European park shows, as it had catchy shows and typical kid-friendly amusements.


    We then went in search of other shows, but this led us to the amazing doughy balls of sugary joy! They even had raw dough within them! OM-NOM-NOM!

    The Roller-Skater was next, with it’s weird theme and covered in old theming from the rethemed Zierer. The painting techniques on the back of the washing machine were fab though.


    Into the Castle area and we watched the Witches show, which involved dancing, interaction and sweeties! After a quick run around on Draak, the Mack powered coaster of epic music and weird layout, we sat down for the Ron and Jon show. This was basically a lot of slapstick between two guys which was then exacerbated by a giant monkey of WHY?! It was still quite funny though and it was nice to see a show we could understand.






    After that it was 2 more goes on Anubis, a bit of shopping and the journey home. We could’ve stayed for the last show, but I think Walibi took a lot out of us the day before.

    Unfortunately our trip home was a disaster, as we were turned around from the EuroTunnel due to a stuck train to the ferry, which was delayed so we had to wait around 2 hours to even leave the country, by which point the trains had started up again. Then the ferry was a burden as well. And the rain, the constant miserable rain. URGH. Got back at 12:30 Monday morning and went straight to bed, making a disappointing end to a fantastic weekend.
  16. Benin
    A trip designed to visit one of the lesser countries in Europe known for its parks, even if it has 6 big parks, including one of the most visited in the continent, not much ever seems to come out of Denmark, so as such, this trip was created, organised and visited.
    Day 1 - Arrival and Copenhagen
    We arrived in the afternoon to a warm and humid Denmark, a certain surprise to the 4 of us who were travelling along, and it wasn't long until we realised the Danish way of life was completely different to our own. Very laid back, no expectations and a good versing in foreign languages, leading us to just speak English all week, such is the way of life.
    We picked up the car, found our hotel in central Copenhagen (near Tivoli and the central station) and began our adventures through a quick wander around the city.





    We headed to the main plaza where they were setting up a big screen for Eurovision later, whilst the Gumball derby was also taking place. We later learnt that this was a Bank Holiday Weekend for the Danes, so we had clearly timed our trip well to coincide with these events.









    We went down towards the Royal Palaces to have a quick look at them, before hunger struck us and we went back to the plaza in search for food. In the end, McDonalds was our port of call.







    Afterwards we decided to head back to the hotel via a small supermarket to stock up on drinks and snacks, and we had a mini-Eurovision night. Great fun, especially as Denmark took the honours, the atmosphere outside our hotel was bouncing around and it was great to be part of a country that won for a change.

    And with that, the first night ended on a high, and we hadn't even ridden a ride yet.
  17. Benin
    Day 4b – Bakken
    After a morning of alcohol we returned to the car and ventured off to Bakken, the world’s oldest amusement park. Set within an old hunting ground the woodland setting is quite nice, although the layout of the car park is little to be desired.



    We went in, purchased our wristbands and found a place to eat whilst we waited for Tornado to open at 2. It did, and we were ready to experience the World’s first (and only) Intamin Spinning Coaster.
    Tornado is a very fast spinning coaster, mainly as a result of the launched lift hill, which really throws you into the first corner. It is also one of the few entirely free spinning coasters, so when you get kicked out of the station by the ride staff (a literal fact I’m afraid) you’re already spinning madly.
    However, I wish I could continue this charade of it being a good coaster, the simple fact is that Tornado is one of the worst coasters I have experienced, comparing that to Goudrix, Sequoia Adventure and Mean Streak, and it’s an impressive feat for all the wrong reasons. And as with most Intamins, one of the major flaws are the shoulder restraints, which follow in design as the Accelerators, but use a different style of material. This does not improve matters, and in my case, actually physically cut me due to the aforementioned launching lift.
    As a result you spend the ride cursing at Intamin for not thinking yet another design through properly, and attempting to brace yourself against the restraints digging into your arms. I would think that without the launch it might be a decent ride, but it’s impossible to judge because of it. I can never enjoy a ride I have to brace myself for throughout it, and as such, Tornado gets thrown to the bottom of the pile, and makes me fear for Baco later this year.
    1/10



    After that catastrophe of a ride, we had another Rusty Banana to look forward to, especially after Tivoli’s fabulous one. But what’s this? Bakken decided to get new trains and systems in? Well I guess it might save them money on training and wages… Who did they get to redesign it? Kumbak? FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU…
    Yep, just when things couldn’t get worse, Kumbak, those perennial rapers of coasters appeared. And naturally, they managed to absolutely ruin another coaster through the train designs (and leg crushing lapbars) and braking the train at every… single… chance… they… got… Every time there was momentum it was killed completely, the train slowing to speeds where it could just about finish the corner. Diabolical doesn’t cover it, especially after Tivoli, where we found a brilliantly smooth and fun coaster. This was just rough, slow and pathetic.
    Still, better than Tornado.
    2/10




    Opposite Ulven was Racingbahn, a weird oval racing car attraction which worked similar to Dodgems and Go-Karts. It was good fun but doesn’t have a real race feel to it due to the lack of starting cars at the same point. We followed this up with the imaginatively named Racing, a Zierer (apparently), which looked like a death trap but was actually a very fun attraction, with good speed and forces building throughout the ride. No restraints as well which was a change. Next door was Vilde Mus a Mack coaster pretending to be a Maurer Sohne. It was not very wild or very fun.








    We then encountered the Spin Zone a weird Horror/Space theme set of Dodgems which were more like Daleks. Controlled by joysticks to spin on the spot and move forward, we spent most of our time spinning on the spot as it was generally more fun. We followed this with the Fun House, typical one really with lots of levels and moving things themed to a ship/harbour. Wasn’t bad but wasn’t great either. Heading back towards the park entrance we did the Ladybird, another baby Zierer but with added crazy attendant who stopped the car on the lift on the last circuit. The final attraction of this block were the original African themed Teacups.





    The Fun House CANNOT be unseen!

    WHY are we at Bakken?


    Smug clowny git
    We then elected to give Tornado another go, and it was still bad; then Rusty Banana, which again, was still bad. We noticed a show nearby and had time to kill, so we rode the Swanorail, which was another pedal one taking place over the nearby Log Flume. I spent most of my time trying to cause crashes as that was more enjoyable than spending time in the park. We did Ulven again and upon our return to the station the ride op was texting and smoking at the same time, if the park’s image could drop ANY lower.


    It was time for the scary clown show which ended up being a magic show. Which was decent enough for the kids, especially when one got owned by one of the tricks after he had declared he knew the answer. Poor lad. The racing cars were done again before we did the Crazy Theatre, which was the same thing at Bon Bon Land but a rejigged video. Another Dillon attraction was found but this was a WaveSurfer instead of Huss spinning thing. Polyp we found to be the same ride as Hydra at Asterix, which made us so happy we did it twice, and was clearly the best ride on the park.



    Wall of dummies…





    We did Racing again before Double Shot, a teeny S&S tower which had some airtime to it, always think the shorter tower rides are better than those 200ft plus jobs. The Spin Zone was repeated as was the Fun House, before one last go on Rusty confirmed our fears and we ran out in a hurry at 5:30. Meaning we had spent 3 and a half hours.
    I spend longer days at a busy Thorpe, which tells how crap this place was. Full of utter tat rides and awful headliners, no charm and was essentially a more permanent fair. All 4 of us were glad to get out as soon as we felt possible.


  18. Benin
    Day 2
    A lovely buffet breakfast began our long second day at the park, which was coincidentally the first day of their Halloween event. At 10 we walked very quickly past Baco and through Sesame Street. In order to faff longer, we popped on the wonderfully named Magic Fish ride, one of those Wave Racer things which was reasonably enjoyable.






    Afterwards we sat in that pathway leading to China and mused until Khan roared into life, and we duly skipped the queue twice before doing exactly the same on Shambhala once it had opened (because who DOESN’T love staggered openings?).






    The Spanish Goons were out in force!

    It was VERY busy
    Venturing into Mexico wanting some El Diablo times (and being denied), we decided to faff around for Templo del Feugo and it’s first show at 12. We quickly did the Spinny Serpent Sombrero ride nearby and joined the queue for Templo.
    Let in at 12 we ventured through the well-themed queueline and to the batching area to wait for the show to begin.
    And waited…
    And waited…
    30 minutes later the doors opened and the show began. This was a rather bad introduction to this attraction for me, but the actual show made up for it by being equal parts entertaining and being at a Rammstein concert (all it needed was Feuer Frei!). There was rapturous applause at the end, very contrasted to Armageddon at Paris where the reaction was sobbing from children. A must see show.



    It was now lunchtime and time for the Sesame Street Halloween show, so we did both at once. It wasn’t very good although the hostess improved things somewhat, as was the fact that both Bert and Cookie Monster looking excessively high throughout. Afterwards we ventured back to China for 2 more goes on Shambhala before our next show began, the Rock Symphony, which began with a full advert for the .REC maze, possibly terrifying all kids in the audience. The show was quite good, with the usual stunts and stuff usually saved for Ice Shows and the like, and a particularly annoying theme song. However the standing ovation it received from the audience was entertaining as hell. The applause just refused to stop for ages, then people stood! Me and Mark found this absolutely hilarious.


    After the show we hit up Khan again, before heading to El Diablo and then Stampida’s red side. I suggested the Log Flume as I’d never done it before and it was weird, clearly inspired by Dragon Falls’ massive long and dull turn and the top throughout the entire course.
    Shopping followed before dumping it all back in the hotel for a quick chill and more faff.







    ZZZZZAP!
    Back on park, it was back to China (again) and a good old fashioned ‘whore the B&Ms until it gets dark and then use our front row passes’ time! We did Khan 5 times and Shambhala 6 including the front row on each during the space of a few hours. Both were running insanely well during this time, Khan especially since it decided it wanted to be like Nemesis for a night, whilst on Shambhala we spent most of our time being blinded by the cameras.








    Eventually we got to 9:30 (so about 3 hours of B&M whorage) so it was time to head back to the entrance and see if we could use our front row go on Baco, but it was shut due to the Parade and Lagoon Show. So we thought, sod it and found somewhere to sit to watch both. Before that though there was the Rather Gay Vampire Show, which involved some dodgy musical numbers for some reason. Oh well.

    The Parade was pretty basic, with various actors and floats, probably the most disappointing show in a way but then again we were sat right at the end of the course which may have made a big difference.
    The Lagoon show was interesting, starting with a World of Colour rip off, then fire, then a Dragon, then Jet Skis, then a Tron Man with those water jet shoes. It was all very weird and then it kind of just ended. Bonus points for setting the lagoon literally on fire though, if only it had spread to Baco…………








    And that was it, an OBSCENELY long day at the park but god those night rides on the B&Ms were absolutely fantastic. And with some rather entertaining moments throughout the day as well, it was depressing that we had one more day left and it would involve Baco…

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