OKay this isn't really a rant as such, but it's definately something I need to get off my chest... and everyone is asleep so this seems like the right thing to do.I am so frustrated with myself right now. I can't let go of someone and it's driving me mad. Relationships and myself don't really mix, they don't go, they just don't happen. They either end badly, or the aftermath is so painful it literally eats me up and takes control of my everyday life. When it shouldn't, because I'd like to move on and get on with things thanks!The feeling that swells up inside, from the pit of your stomach, it tugs your insides and you can feel it going through your veins. A mixture of jealousy, a sense of wanting what you once had, and then the pain. The genuine emotional pain. Here it is, as raw and as real as it was all that time ago. He said he was cute, yeah... I know he is, I thought that everytime I looked at him, everytime I spoke to him, everytime he spoke, and I still do. It cripples me, and as I sit here the tears run down my face.This time last year, I was just about to come out of a relationship with someone, it was awful, he was awful. I went through some dark times... he literally took all we had going, ate it, and then spat it back out for it to be shat on. The consequences of that relationship are still affecting me now. I sometimes don't want a relationship, it's made it very difficult to fall for someone again, I can't trust anymore and it doesn't really bode well for my relationship right now.A few months after that relationship ended I got back with someone who I'd gone out with previously and I fell in love with them all over again. Things went well for a while but there were evident faults with our relationship. I eventually got a message from his friend saying that I should talk to them because he's really not very happy. That day we eneded our relationship. At the end of July I got with someone from work. This brings me to present day. I should be happy right? Well I'm really not.Why do I still feel this way? A road layered with sleeping policeman... The more I try to ignore the fact, the more it becomes more prominent. I can't love him because I still love you. I want to let go but it's so hard. There's a world full of pirates but I only want the one.The pain continues...