Benin

Weirdly, Fluch’s exit delivers you into the park’s Mexican area, which is essentially where the park’s new aims collide with a lack of them... I’ll let the pictures speak...As you can see, there is such a good level of theming in the area, but the rides (which sit more outside the area) aren’t really themed brilliantly... The Bell ride is the most themed out of the 3 in the pics above, but even then it is rather minimal... After being on Fluch, I can only hope the park has massive plans to over-haul the rest of it, as it doesn’t fit well...The next ride on the list was a water ride, Rio Dorado, which is of course, a Rubber Dinghy ride akin to Oxygenarium at Asterix and Storm Drain at Thorpe...Aside from the whole rainbow lift hill, it is themed really, really nicely... It also gains some epic music on said lift hill and was actually a lot longer than I expected it to be... But once again, you don’t get wet... I kinda don’t really see the point in a water ride that doesn’t get you even moist... But that’s for another time...I have to give special mention to Die Glocke (The Bell) although I didn’t ride it... It deserves something for having the worst ride capacity known to man... 6 people per ride... Let’s just be lucky Hansa is small enough to get away with this... Imagine if a UK park got this... Oh dear it would be horrible... But it did look cool and also randomly had fire and water effects... We then had a quick look at the rather closed looking Schlange von Midgard, the new Gerstlauer kids coaster, again similar to Fluch, it was heavily themed and... unfinished...So unfinished we watched a bloke paint it, seeing as we had some time before it opened, we headed off to another coaster...Crazy MineA standard Sohne Wild Mouse here, essentially Rattlesnake, without the snakes... Some theming is similar to it but there is less to some degree yet more in others...As I’ve probably made no sense, it’s 6/10...We did the StarFlyer afterwards, I like these, and the location surrounding the ride often helps it a lot in these cases... Overlooking the Baltic Sea indeed helps this one, even if you do get bored after a while of general, nothingness...After some more faffing in the Adventure play area thing which involved bridges, climbing, obstacle courses and many other things that we didn’t do, we noticed that the Schlange was testing, so headed to it...Schlange von MidgardThe newest coaster to the park and it is a hard one to review, simply because it just wasn’t finished in regards to the theming... I feel loathe to review something I haven’t had a full proper experience of, and as the doors weren’t operating, bathing the pre-lift scene in sunlight, the scene itself wasn’t done, and the way in which we weren’t sure if the animatronic was still saying the same thing the second time around, I can’t really give it a proper review...However, I can say that it will be a very different kids/family coaster when done, how many do you know that has a pre-lift scene with an animatronic? Exactly... It was a solid kids coaster ride wise, very smooth and nicely themed so far... But I don’t feel like I can give it a rating due to how unfinished it was because it would be unfair to it...Now that all the coasters had been done, was time to relax around the park and enjoy some of the other areas... On the way around we discovered a Huss Pirate Ship with some interesting rules...If you can’t understand that, 6 to a row, under 8s need an adult to ride... In other words, no minimum height restriction... Astounding the difference going across the pond can make to such simple things...Regardless of rules, we went on the random little boat ride next door to the pirate ship which was in the process of re-planting...

You want a report that delivers?You want one that gives you Fluch?Here you go Day 1 – Hansa ParkA misty morning greeted us on the coastline, and after a quick grab of breakfast we began the 30 minute walk to the park from the hotel... A really nice walk actually to be quite honest, helps save money from the rather dis-regular bus services that do run along the main roads to the park from the area...At 9:30, we arrived at the very grand entrance...Hansa of course used to be a Legoland of all places, but is now a family run park with some real things to say if the last two additions have anything to say about it...After faff getting the tickets due to a distinct lack of staff, we entered, and immediately I discovered my first costumed characters of the tripThe entrance of the park is a very small main street plaza thing, which has some work being done on some of it, but it suits the recent aim of the park for theming and I was very impressed...Ohhhh, I spot coasters in the distance, Nessie and Rasender Roland, a Schwarzkopf Looping and Vekoma Mine Train respectively that interact with each other heavily...Now as Nicky was on coaster #97 before this trip, we decided that Fluch von Novgorod would be #100, so we did Nessie and Roland first...NessieThis is a weird one tbh, I wasn’t sure what to expect from it when we went on, but one thing I definitely didn’t was the excessive CLUNK this ride made at the top of the lift hill... That could have set the scene enough but at least lap bars prevent stupid amounts of head-bashing... Some impressive moments of interaction with Roland and a few strong helixes and small bit of airtime are all that follow after the initial strong loop... There’s just something different about Anton’s loops... Bless him for them as they are so different and forceful... The final plunge into a fish mouth (Krake didn’t do it first) was amusing as well before those BRAKES...It was fun certainly, so a solid 7/10 for me...Rasender RolandA rather winding queue with the first of many animatronic bands in this park led us to this custom Vekoma, and like most of their mine trains, it was just kind of bland without an excessive about of theming supporting the attraction on a whole... Again the interaction with Nessie is there and the water-splash was at least a good attempt to putting some theme to the ride, but it just had nothing around the main area of the layout, and hence didn’t really do anything... Aside from be different to picture...Measly 6/10... Two coasters down so now it was time for Hansa’s biggest investment in the past few years and probably the biggest it has ever made, the Launched Eurofighter epic that is known as...Fluch von NovgorodTo think this opened the same year as Saw... Granted back then it was opened unfinished and they didn’t finish the interior theming until sometime last year, but, the result is nothing short of fantastic...The result this rides gives is the atmosphere of Hex, with theming that would impress Disney, and finished off with a quality smooth ride... The backstory for this ride is... Well complicated, especially if you don’t speak German fluently, but essentially bad things went down and unsurprisingly, we get stuck in the middle of it... Time for some photos, and since I only took photos of the outside queue (as they ask no photos inside) and only a third of the ride actually takes place outside...And the inside got even better, with several interactive elements, including a animated tapestry, finger slicer, talking statue head and falling chandelier, brilliant theming from floor to ceiling and just is generally amazing... The one flaw is that there is a lack of space, as the queue splits into 3 (and is generally split into 2 for the most part) near the station for front, back and single rider, which can be very claustrophobic and involve much elbow bumping and the like... But in the overall grand scheme of this ride, it is a tiny, tiny flaw...So we reach the station, and it is small yet grand, with a single car loading and offloading at one time as there is no need for them to have multiple cars doing so, especially as they were only running two anyways... But regardless, ravens caw as cars return from the ride, screams can be heard from the ride, and the epic chandelier really helps finish this setting and cement the theme... Once on board the traditional Eurofighter cars, the doors open (as the Germans do love their doors on dark coasters) some epic dispatch music plays, the lights go on and off and you leave into the darkness...Now this part will be spoilered as I will be saying what happens in the ride, so if you don’t wanna know, skip, if you do... Read on... I could not speak highly enough of Hansa’s effort with Novgorod... It is absolutely fantastic from queue to exit shop... Even the exit is an adventure, as you can even use some steps or a slide to descend into the maze of an exit, and then a crystal covered mine shaft leads to the shop... The theming literally doesn’t end and to say that this ride needs more recognition is such a shame...The ride itself is forceful and smooth, no roughness or tearing itself apart, the story is complex and really engrossing regardless that I couldn’t understand it, the soundtrack (which is purchaseable) is also brilliant...I don’t give rides perfect scores often, but this one thoroughly deserves 10/10 for pure adulterated effort and joy...Rest of the park to come in Part 2...

So me and Nicky went to Germany last week (hence the lack of sarcasm on the boards, I will make up for it ), and since it featured coasters here's the report, have fun...Day 0 – Flight in and Travel to SierksdorfAn early Sunday morning is not always great, especially when you feel ill, but it was needed to be done, as there was a holiday to go to and coasters to ride... So a wake-up, bag-check and money-sorting and off to Heathrow’s Terminal 5 at 7 in the morning it was! Horray for sleeping all the way in the car I tell you, I like sleep...Anyways after checking in and finding out me and Nicky would not be sitting next to each other (evidently we picked the flight with the highest amount of single travelling people ever), we had breakfast, pondered around and eventually sat on our plane for the next 90 minutes... And naturally had to queue for the runway... Always bloody happens, silly planes...Although 30 minutes later than the expected arrival time, we landed in Hamburg, a new city for me and it wasn’t long before we encountered their Bahn machines (which, usefully are multi-lingual) and headed to the S-Bahn to get to the HaupBahnhof for our next proper train which would head us up towards Sierksdorf...Sierksdorf is the nearest station to Hansa Park, only about 15 minutes walk from the park, and is about 90 minutes train journey from Hamburg itself, including a change-over, which isn’t bad... But it is amusing to see how the train tracks all go to single rail, aufsteig rechts indeed...However when we arrived at Sierksdorf our mission was to find the hotel, so we walked towards the Baltic Coast and along the sea-front until we arrived at our destination, Hof Sierksdorf... Huzzah, a nice little sea-front hotel was to be our home for the next two nights, although my rather broken German didn’t seem to be particularly welcomed by the man who owned it, oh wells, at least the ‘rooms’ were nice...Yeah, more of an apartment than a hotel room, rather unexpected to get cooker hobs and a dishwasher included... But cool nonetheless... Dinner time called to us and after a steak and pork combo between the two of us a walk was elected to investigate the area further... Useful thing about the hotel was that they gave us a beach pass, which we obviously would have used more if we had been interested in that, but we weren’t but still a useful thing though...We also found MERLIN! They really are starting to take over the world now... We actually did go to the Sea-Life so that will be after Part 2, Hansa Park and FLUCH!

Yes is the short answer... Usually as they're between two notches or some similar feature... As long as they're pulled down to the sufficient requirement, there is absolutely nothing to fear...

The film was actually brilliant until they let the missionary down...He was only worth it for that one throw-away joke... Aside from that he made me what Orlando Bloom back, because at least he didn't bleat on about religion all the bloody time or faun over a bloody supernatural creature who's line was taken from Portal 2...And also, Pirates 2 didn't have Geoffrey Rush in it (till the last line), hence, not better than 4

Fair point, but very dismissive of the fact that the rules set out to the ride hosts always centre around guest safety and ensuring that all bars have been checked...But Mark says it well, they check bars on Tomb and Buccaneer these days for crying out loud...

Is about the only thing that has entertained me in these shows...And these shows are not the only avenue available to people with talent, many acts begin through school gigs and the like and slowly work their way up by actually engaging into their industry, not because they get voted the 'best'... They are probs the quickest and easiest, but how many long term 'stars' have we had from them? Where's Susan Boyle gone? Mer, the 90s shows you list are very different in some respects, indeed, Gladiators was (and still is) a game show, Noel's House Party was actually the best thing on TV at it's time and the other two were just turd... No-one talks about them because they were that, turd programs

Pirates 4 is good... Even if the replacement Bloom and Kiera combo were about as useful as me using my cat as a speedbump...Still, much improved over 2 and 3...

Not in the UK... It's actually a poor show of staff procedures as technically they should be checked...Germany on the other hand, will dispatch rides without checking bars

This, only for basically every single talentless 'reality' show...

Let's be honest here, losing HPH is no MAJOR loss...

Gonna back up Neil here and say it was decent enough... Cannot compare Krake to Novgorod since they are completely different, shame about the unfinished theming, the bollocky queue and the bollocky station organisation... It's a solid enough ride to the park, and the guests LOVE it... There was so much excitement around it from everyone... Great to see...

This is a fair point, but you could at least attempt to watch the Leopards/Tigers instead (dependant on your route out)... They went to GS to ask about the refund, which makes sense, but parks very rarely give out refunds/free tickets to return unless there are extreme cases which cause mass closures (so for example, powercuts), indeed, the T&Cs do say that all tickets are non-refundable, evidently though if they didn't get what they wanted, they may well have increased rage, which never gets you anywhere in my opinion (although this is arguable again, but if people ever had a go at me for following rules, they got bugger all)...

So why didn't they leave?I have no sympathy for them as they could have easily just walked off once they realised the situation, but obviously I'm wrong in assuming that logical thought of child protection from stuff that could prove 'traumatic' is a widely used thing...

I'm guessing both... They went to GS, who proceeded to probably explain to them that this wasn't the fault of the park and they wouldn't get a refund for something so pathetic, which naturally pissed them off and they may well have made a scene and caused security to come along...Probably with the yelling of "IF I DON'T GET A REFUND, I'LL NEVER RETURN TO THE PARK AGAIN!!" because their day was ruined by watching something natural happen when they could've just simply meandered off like most SANE people would have if they had realised... That is the main issue yes... But there's a whole load of factors like the parents not paying attention, past instances of the babies escaping at least once and a few more...But really, if as a parent would you let your 2 year old watch this? I'd tell them to go look at the Leopards whilst I watched the Lions personally...Really, if there was no faults with the enclosure perimeter (assuming such) then the park really isn't at fault for the incident... Once the bintarongs landed in the enclosure, natural instincts kicked in and the lions fed...EDIT - Saw this comment on Chessie's Facebook, people astound me with their stupidity... *head-desk*

Horray for untrue sensationalist news stories!

He does a lot of voicework for Disney, he was Kronk in Emperor's New Groove, Kim Possible, Chicken Little and did the voice of Buzz Lightyear in the animated version...Legend...

Mark, you look so BORED on Test Track

http://www.thesun.co...-Adventure.htmlhttp://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vX07j9SDFcc Real shame but... Nature innit...EDIT - Here's the HILARIOUS Daily Mirror article for your funnybone... I really hate the press... Bunch of over-sensationalist numpties...

Sorry, must have forgotten about the time when New York had submarines launch missiles at it and when someone managed to drive a vehicle in the Underground...The trailer shows New York being attacked, no different from Independance Day blowing it up... Even the Underground sequence is so unrealistic as there is NO place on any of the lines where there are more than 3 tracks together in the same way...Or maybe we should just ban this sick filth?

Isn't it magical how her face also magically gets thinner without the winge or whatever...Wish these photos would actually have some form of continuity with them...

Considering the ride stalled first thing, no...

Taking it too seriously...Might as well call out people for making films like Independance Day, 2012 and the like for showing off places being wrecked...The majority of people won't find it distasteful, it's not real, realistic maybe, but there's lots of games and films that involve places being blown up and it's just a select few that bat an eyelid for some reason...

LOL!

Sounds like you need one of them things what they were selling on the Apprentice last night