The adventures of Asterix and his motley, English crew.

[Mark9]

You always know a year is going to be good when you start off with a new B&M, 30 miles up the road from where you live. To continue the momentum, a trip to Paris and Parc Asterix was planned quite swiftly to experience OzSiris, a brand new custom made B&M inverter. The first day of the trip was seeing all the Parisian sights. Our first adventure was to the Louvre. We didn't go in due to it being far later (and more expensive then we thought) so we instead walked up the Arc de triumphe. I'll be frank when I say things are big in Paris. The Arc de Triumphe, Notre Dame and the Eifel Tower can be seen from all around and for me personally, I really admire the effort and beauty of the structures. Fairly late in the day, we walked up the Eifel Tower for example and the metal structure is so gorgeous... well as far as metal can be gorgeous anyway. And the view from the third level is incredible. Overlooking the urban sprawl of Paris is something everything should do.

On the same day, we also visited a random park with animals. All the coasters were closed, much to john's annoyance but it was a fun diversion, particularly the Barbara Streisland ducks.

So.. Parc Asterix. A very popular park apparently as on both our days rides such as OzSiris, Tonnre de Zeus, L'Oxygernarium and Goudurix saw full queue lines, at least 60 miutes each. It's a very interesting park to, based around the characters of Asterix and Obelix, and a village which want to fight of the invading Roman empire. To follow the theme, each ride is themed accordingly. Each attraction is tounge in cheek in the fun stakes. So to start off, I'll begin with OzSiris

OzSiris - Four rides (One in the front, two in the back and one on row seven)

It was quite evident through-out the construction and concept art that OzSiris was going to be a very special rollercoaster. Unlike 99% of B&M's which are all themed around fear or some kind of animal, OzSiris is themed around the Egyptian god Siris. Now history doesn't tell of a god that hyptnotizes everyone but the park has gone down this route anyway. As you join the queue, the ride jumps around you, giving impressions of rides such as Nemesis and Black Mamba with the ride interacting very well with its landscape. You then enter the main building, themed around an Egyptian pyramid. I can say safely that we were overwhelmed with how much there is look at as you queue. From plans of OzSiris taking over Ceasers palace, Statues, beautiful wall drawings that depict Sris bending the Egyptian people to his will, there is always something new to spot. The ride building has been designed beautifulyly and it is such a joy when the general public latch onto it as well. People around us were photoing the theming, posing in front of it and even better was the lack of graffitti. Swarm's seconday queue line was full to the brim of tags. Nothing such at OzSiris.

So eventually you walk up into the main crypt (like grave robbers) and the full scale of the ride is shown. The use of lighting and effects is dazzling. One of the main things I thought of Swarms openness is that whilst the station inline is inspired, when its sunny, the ride will lose all atmosphere. It was sunny on our rides of OzSiris, but losing atmosphere wasn't on the agenda. Deep blue lighting is used throughout the station and cleverly, depicted on the wall is a line of people being hyptnotized and going through the rides layout. We think the storyline is that OzSiris uses the ride to put the population under his spell, hence the flashing lights as you leave the station.This attention to detail seperates the ride from other inverters in Europe.

So the ride? There are very few custom made inverters in the world that do something different with its layout. The majority go for the tried and tested curved drop into a vertical loop followed by a zero g roll. The only two that realy attempt something unique are Nemesis and OzSiris so unfortunately, as much as I hate doing it, Nemesis will be referenced a few times. OzSiris's first drop is pure excellence and is on a par with Oblivion, iSpeed and Stealth for pure adrenaline. For those that just assume newer B&M's are smooth and forceless, well just give OzSiris a go. Even the bottom of the first drop has a slight edge to it as the train at full speed tackles a high speed corner with a bit of roughness. Not head banging, but think Nemesis's relentlessness.

You dive into a well composed dive loop, rare on a European B&M, around a tight corner into the vertical loop which is very fast and forceful before diving downwards into an immelman turn. Each part of this part of the ride is done at fast speed, giving it some excellent pacing. Even the dive under the main plaza is done surprisingly fast. I thought it would be slow and cumbersome, but no it's done with great spirit, pulling upwards into a nice corkscrew. The only let down is the turnaround here. It interrupts the pace which is similar to what I thought on Batman La Fuga. There is no worry with the Zero-G though. Rarely done with the train turning to the right, the zero g is absolutely perfect. Some criticism is thrown at similar rides (Nemesis, Nemesis Inferno, Katun) that the inversion is done too fast so you lose the zero g ifeeling. None such criticism here, the ride takes it at such a perfect speed that you feel zero g for what feels like minutes rather then micro seconds. The ride is coming to an end now but not before diving into a helix around one of the queuelines zig-zags and into the break run.

The more of these I go on, the more they get harder to rate. Whilst some come across as over-rated such as the Dragons, some boil under the radar and surprise through their sheer awesomeness. Katun was the first and the second is OzSiris. The park has taken one of the most intense ride types available, twisted it and give it a theme that is pure tounge in cheek, fun and more importantly enjoyable. I applaud the park for their effort.

OzSiris - 10/10

[Benin]

It's not based off a god, it's based off a character in the Asterix books! [/pedantic]

Also, needs more park review

Got me all excited now too... YAY B&M!

[Fred]

Bollocks now I want to go. But noone will take me!

[Mark9]

Be patient Benin, ask and you shall recieve.

Tonnerre de Zeus - Three rides, all three in the last car of the train

I must admit that I knew very little about this wooden coaster. Before my trip I only knew that Benin calls it "Tons of Air" and it features in his top ten rollercoaster list. As we knew that OzSiris was going to be rammed from the word go, we headed here first. It's tiny lift hill peaks out of the trees as a red or blue train climbs slowly to the top.

Apart from the squeal of the trains wheels and the small parts of the ride that go over the queue line, barely any of the ride can be seen from the queue. It's main asset is its biggest queue curse however. it is a long ride.. a very long ride and whilst waiting you do feel that a third train (and a mcbr) would really help the rides capacity as it very quickly gains a queue and struggles to eat the numbers. Nonetheless you patrol through the woods. We took the opportunity to play some Merlin top trumps on day two of our trip. Eventually you reach the station and in true European fashion, everyone squashes themselves into every inch of the station floor. It becomes a challenge in itself to ride in the same train as everyone in yoru party. We gave up for two or our three rides.

From my very limited experience of Wooden coasters, I've found they really come alive as the day goes on. The same is true for Tonnerre de Zeus. I found the first ride of the day to be fun, smooth, enjoyable with brief doses of air time through its long circuit. On our last ride of the day, nearly 8 hours after our first go, it was a completely different kettle of fish. The train rackets through its circuit like a bolt of lightening throwing every second of air time and speed at you that it can muster. The ride never finds a moment to meander as each part of its layout is packed full of speed and intensity and that classic wooden roughness. Like Megafobia, it hides its true assets away, surprisingly you with an inspired and technically brilliant layout. It deserves more then 25th place on the Mitch Hawker coaster poll thats for sure.

Tonnerre de Zeus a Ton of Fun? Definitly - 10/10

Now at this point, you may think I just rate everything 10/10 and so be it. Not the case. In fact what I've found is that all these European parks that I've visited recently such as Rainbow Magicland and Maribilandia and now Parc Asterix is that they just know how to build an amazing layout. With this in mind we come to Goudurix, a Vekoma custom designed rollercoaster. Now I knew very little about it before I went (common theme here) but I did find out that before Dragon Khan, it held the record for the worlds most inversions.

I'll get it out of the way quickly. Parts of this ride look like they were designed by someone with a wonky ruler. The train seems to move through certain elements so awkwardly and obviously painfully to the riders. It doesn't help that some of the inversions just look wrong. A butterfly and Skywinder inversion are in its layout and they look so wrong. And yet the ride is actually okay. Sure it lacks the deliberate relentless of de Zeus and the sophistication of OzSiris but its a fun diversion during a visit. It is slightly rough on the shoulders but nothing to dreadful. So yeah, I'd go as far as saying it's worth a go, just as long as you don't expect the world. Goudurix - 6/10

Le Defi de cesar - Ridden twice

Spoiler alert. The next review will be spoilerific. If you wish to avoid spoilers don't read the last part of this post.

When it comes to themed madhouses, nothing quite compares to Hex. Considering how common they are around Europe, it's quite something that Hex manages to beat them all. I've found the closest contender so far at Parc Asterix. The thing with these rides is that you can build anything around them, quite literally is the ride that can have any story, any theme, any effects to create the ultimate experience. The only problem is the language barrier. As far as I can tell, Phantasialands is about kissing, Parque Warner Madrid is about war and Gardalands is about pervy wizards. Asterix's seems to be more clear cut, with you first getting your picture taken and entered into Ceasers army (I think). You move into the next scene where Ceaser greets you begrudingly, makes a speech before the room turns around and you face Asterix and Obelix. They talk in French for a brief bit before Obelix punches the room, it spins and you exit through another door.

This room is amazing with some of the best water effects used on a ride so far. I'm thinking Poseidons Fury at islands of Adventure good, except much more focused and clear cut in its ambitions. As far as I can you walk into a washroom with woman singing, a projection of a blonde man appears, everyone hates the blonde guy and the water goes crazy. it splashes everywhere, cascades from the ceilings and is really really great. The door enters and the next room makes it quite obvious what the ride will be like. You sit on either side of the barrel. What makes this one different is the video screens on the sides of the room and on the roof. The theme is essentially you are on a boat, sailing off to sea when you get attacked by I think the Romans. Asterix and Obelix appear and decide to sink the boat. You travel undersea where an octopus grabs you and flings you back up above water. All the whole the rides swings and wobbles like a boat and is quite effective. It only just narrowly misses out on beating Hex. The reason why?

Well on Hex you leave through a stone building and come out in the gardens of the Towers, completing the experience. The entrance of the ride is through a huge turret and whilst I know its a shed, it never becomes obvious that you are in a shed. With this madhouse, you enter the madhouse with the doors to the outside world still open and the sun blaring in. It slightly dents the performance when you see the bring sunlight. The other issue is that throughout the ride, the sounds of the room creaking can be heard and lighting effects aren't that amazing. Hex hides all this behind an epic soundtrack and dark lighting punctuating the ride giving it an exciting climax. Ceaser ride ends with an angry octopus. So whilst Ceasers madhouse may have better pre-shows, ultimately Hex wins through the rides excellent execution. 8/10

[Mark9]

And so for the rest of the park. As I've touched upon, each attraction has a pure tounge in cheek way of doing things. For example, like the majority of European parks, some kind of spillwater attraction exists. Hidden away behind Asterix Mountain is Le Grand Splatch. The majority of these attractrions involve a lift and a drop followed by a long amble back to the station. Not so this one in which you go on a journey through the mountain. The park has been very clever with sound effects here so for instance you'll see a small lake of water, the sound of an approaching bomb and then an explosion. This builds tension throughout the ride as you fear that the water will explode next to the boat and get you all soaked. It never really does, but the fear is there regardless. The ride has a very small drop but if you are sitting at the sides you will get wet. Very nice attraction, very quirky and so hidden away despite its size.

Next was a hidden away rollercoaster called La Ronde des Rondins, a small family coaster that is surprisingly nippy despite its small size. We did manage to break it due to putting 6 adults on a kiddy coaster and the shock on the operators face as we fell back down the lift hill and only just over-shooting the station was rather priceless.

I don't really like bobsleigh rollercoasters. They feel rather boring as they trundle along their short circuits and I always feel shortchanged particularly if I've queued a while.

La trace du Horra is the most unique of the three I've done. Themed around the first steps of the cavemen, it's brown track and theming is actually of a decent quality. Particularly interesting was that it runs six trains so as you reach the top of the lift, another train is already on the lift hill at the bottom. This is a very different bobsleigh to Europa's and Blackpools though, taking up a lot of space in the park, very high up and a lot faster then it's brothers. It's got a good amount of interaction with the surroundings which is interesting considering its height too, quite a feat. It's only drawbacks is the long queue it had consistently on the trip.

Le Vol D'Icare was a bizarre little rollercoaster because its relatively small size, it makes an amazingly loud noise. It was a mild little ride too, not to intense but perfect for family groups. Theme was also of a high standard too and plus, very short queues when we rode. Worth a go.

The usual fair of flat rides were ridden such as a magic carpet which was reminicsent of Chessingtons old carpet, a waveswinger that gave a long ride time but took ages to start to rise and L'Hydra de Lerne which was a surprisingly intense flat ride. Worth a go because of its short queue.

The park has two main shows (The stunt show wasn't on during our visit). the first we saw was a dolphin show in which dolphins jump and down and swim and do the things that dolphins do. The second was a show in what I shall call the Colosseum. It looked to mock the invading Romans and was very amusing despite the language barrier because of its use of physical comedy. Worth a viewing.

And that concludes my trip to Parc Asterix. Yes, our ride count wasn't that high and we missed out on Storm Surges higher capacity brother, as well as the log flume but sometimes, when parks are busy, it happens. The point is, you can still have an awesome day out at a theme park that is quirky, fun and entertaining at every level. Even the food wasn't as bad as I was expecting it to be. If I was to recommend it for three reasons it would be;

1. OzSiris

2. Tonnerre de Zeus

3. Excellent atmosphere

Thanks for reading.

[Benin]

YOU DIDN'T GET TO SEE THE STUNT SHOW?!!!!

*cries*