Benin

Day 2 – Parque Warner
Here was a park I was rather excited about, with 2 B&Ms, a Vekoma GIB and some gorgeously themed areas, how could I not be?
The journey to the park was slightly longer than the other, purely because it’s seemingly in the middle of absolutely nowhere, so first step was get the Metro:

Then the RENFE train to Pinto:

Then a bus straight to the park entrance:

Rather simple in the end, who needs to spend lots on hire cars?
My excitement also truly got the better of me when I noticed Stuntfall testing, and then my interest was piqued by the entrance/main street area.







Whilst the quite often unforgiving Spanish sun has faded the paint somewhat, I adored the entrance area; and the theming in general. Though the theming didn’t extend to Stuntfall, our initial first destination, we were denied due to some good old fashioned Spanish operations, where some rides open 45 minutes after park opening. Weird.
Undeterred, we followed the straight path with our goal directly in sight, Superman – de Attraction de Acero.
I have heard LOTS of good things about this. And whilst the ride was on one train operation, I felt that it didn’t really need it, considering the queue was only down the stairs that led into the station. Naturally the first decision was to sit right at the back row, and we were quickly sent out on our journey.
B&M straight drops are brilliant. It’s probably that simple, of course you rarely see them on any bar a Hyper Coaster or Raptor at Gardaland. This is a real shame, as there was tonnes of airtime to be had in the back row of this. The rest of the ride was rather standard in the classic B&M fashion, loop, Immelmann, zero-g, cobra roll, intwined corkscrews, but with the slight difference of a small airtime hill and some good final helixes through in for good measure. The positive of this being that without a MCBR, the ride doesn’t lose pace, which considering it’s on the boundary of when B&M started going ‘safe’ is perhaps the best bit about the ride.
I wouldn’t say it blew me away, but it was still a brilliant ride.


The plan was to ride Batman next, but that was also opening late, so I popped onto La Venganza del Enigma, the shot/drop tower, which was good fun and very whooshy. The drop from the top was probably the standout of the ride, as the shot up was rather gradual. Again, taller drop towers quite often lose the real thrill in comparison to the shorter ones.



Finally, Batman – La Fuga was open. And it probably has the best queueline in the entire park, and should certainly be considered as one of the top ones in Europe. As soon as you enter through the entrance gates of Arkham, it becomes a fair representation of the place. A long and winding indoor queue past noisy gates (hello Sub Terra), abandoned cells and random other bits and bobs was very enjoyable. Unfortunately the theming just stops at the stairs to the station as well as the station itself. Which is a bit weird it must be said.
The ride of course, is a Batman clone, which are varied in their own world as per most clones. Some are good, some are bad, etc. Another run into the back row and away we went.
One of the best parts of a Batman clone is the opening salvo of inversions, loop, zero-g, loop, is pretty much a real push on the senses without doing that much. Of course La Fuga has the added incredible near miss in the zero-g to the station building. Whilst it was still early in the day there was a definite feeling that there was a lot of bite to the latter half of the ride, but it was indeterminable after 3 or so dispatches in.
Still, between this and Superman, this park has two fantastic rides.





Back to Stuntfall it was then. 7 years since I rode Déjà vu at Six Flags Magic Mountain, and I was rather itching to get on it because a – GIB’s are pretty fab, and b – it spites regularly. Unfortunately it wasn’t running the back or front rows, which was a bit burndenous and slow, but the queue moved reasonably quickly. Until…

The dreaded engineer appeared. Fortunately he did some things and the ride tested and he moved on. Huzzah! Before long we were ready to ride (and destroy ‘the burdenous buzzer of unnecessary loud times’).
The lift is fast and actually quite scary, if only for the fact these trains don’t have much in the way of space between cars, and my feet kept touching the giant metal thing in front of me. The drop though is just outstanding. Fortunately due to the large inversions there doesn’t seem to be much in the way of Vekoma rattle on it either, though I was in the fable Vekoma-Brace-Position™ which probably helped. Even backwards it was reasonably smooth and definitely enjoyable. A shame that not many of these exist in the world really.





After that we needed a long sit down, and by luck, a nearby indoor show was starting in the Scooby Doo Musical. Featuring songs from the hit live action film of a decade ago, and of course, the Great Dane himself (the actor of which deserved the most credit, being in that suit and being involved in a very high tempo show). The story seemingly followed a similar tale to that of the Buffy musical episode, where the Romanian 2013 Eurovision entry was causing all the fuss. It was enjoyable and pretty basic theme park show affair for continental European parks. I wish we had more like these in the UK.

After a quick break for lunch (at least when we wanted lunch at British times the places were empty), we headed into the Cartoon Village in search of more coasters.




We were distracted by the Scooby Doo Adventure, a Sally dark ride, which had a lot of burdenously broken targets. A shame but the cars were so, so cute <3



Further on we heard the rumblings of a Zierer Tivoli, Tom y Jerry. Nicely themed to a classic episode involving a picnic, we also had burdenous queue-jumpers in this one, who we actually ended up walking past anyway because of being a two and the staff filling up the car. HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
Not much to report on it tbh, ridden one Zierer Tivoli, ridden most of them.


We meandered around the area looking for the next coaster, where we stumbled into the character house area. We elected for Bugs (because who wouldn’t?) and after walking through the house/queue were greeted by a rather scary scene of Bugs stretched out in his chair waiting for us. It was terrifying. But we had a good bit of banter with him and the photographer. Shame it’s one of those bits where you have to buy a photo over taking your own. Stupid Picsolve </3
Finally we eventually found the entrance to Correcaminos Bip Bip, a Mack Youngstar that had a rather awesome themed queue/station combo. Why aren’t there more of these? As they are clearly better than a Vekoma Roller Skater. I especially like kid’s aimed coasters that don’t really patronise the kids in the same way as Wacky Worms and the like. Good old Mack.






LOL VEKOMA STRAPLINE
That done, we headed into a very rare European Wild West themed area. And headed for Coaster Express.
It’s god-awful.
Not only does it bounce its way around the track, it’s DULL. Being dull is a bigger sin than being rough, and this was BOTH! In addition to the fact that the trains are rather limiting to who can actually ride, this was by and far the worst part of the overall trip. And we can blame two companies for this, RCCA for existing and building the ride, and Intamin for the trains. This was Mean Streak levels of bad, and I’d much rather ride Baco than this. THAT’S HOW BAD IT WAS <////3



After some further faff, we headed to the Police Academy Stunt Show. Which involved 15 minutes of dull chatter involving picking audience members, and then one does the same thing that’s done in every show and starts driving the car because he’s a [sHOCK] part of the show lineup! [/sHOCK]
The actual stunt part of it was cool, but there was truly too much faff going on to enjoy it.

A quick escape led us to Hotel Embrujado, a Vekoma Madhouse, and quite possibly one of the best examples of one I’ve ridden.
The internal theming is amazing. I felt like it was ripping off Tower of Terror, but in a good way, because the quality wasn’t really THAT far off it. Add in the numerous effects in the library, the ride LITERALLY hidden behind an ancient bookcase, and an equally amazing and terrifying animatronic in the ride made it a wonderful experience. Naturally it suffers from the whole language barrier as most Madhouses do (the story seemed to be Phantom Manor in a hotel), but the thing was so gorgeously themed I didn’t care. Definitely better than Villa Volta.


All this needs is 1930s music and it’s Tower of Terror
To continue our dark ride tour, we headed towards Batman: La Sombra del Murciélago, or ‘Knight Flight’. Again the quality of theming within this attraction was rather good, and again the language barrier was there. This simulator also went into full CHEESE mode, so whilst it was a very low quality film/simulator, it entered into the good category because it wasn’t that good. Ironic eh?


Naturally, I NEEDED a pic with the Arnold Mr Freeze <3
We decided to end the day with another go of both Batman and Superman. In the end I would say I preferred Batman, as the second go on Superman was full of old B&M rattle. The kind that doesn’t make the ride bad, but it’s just, there. Batman unsurprisingly had warmed up considerably and was thumping around the track wildly. With that we headed back for tat based times (which were disappointing) and ventured back to Madrid.






I ADORED this park. Whilst I didn’t get to do the water rides and Coaster Express is better off being burnt to the ground, the park is very well themed, and a good range of coasters, flats and dark rides. It perhaps misses a really big world class dark ride in that list, but beyond that I can’t really thing of what else this park needs (aside from a GCI replacing Coaster Express).
It’s truly amazing how a Six Flags park was so well themed. It could probably do with a few touch-ups here and there, and perhaps the entertainment has been scaled back a bit (there were two arenas seemingly unused in Gotham and by Stunt Fall). But the park has a good level of quality theming throughout, and is beautifully designed by someone who clearly knew what they were doing. I definitely want to return in a few years.

Day 1 – Parque de Attractiones
After a late evening flight and a taxi to a hotel, Madrid’s parks beckoned. This trip was mainly done as a “Benin wants to get all open European B&Ms this year” trip, and it also combined with a birthday. So it happened.
After a morning of searching for a McDonalds that became sadly fruitless (and McMuffin-less), we hopped upon the Metro (of which a 3 day unlimited pass on all transit options costs €35) towards Batan station, where Parque de Attractiones lives.

Or at least it’s second entrance, which surprised me. But we were greeted by long queues we simply walked past due to online tickets, and found ourselves in the Nickelodeon area.



As such, the first coaster was to be Padrinos Voladores, one of those random Zamperla suspended kiddie wild mouse jobbies that Mingoland got recently. Themed to Fairly Odd Parents too if you’re into that sorta stuff. Either way, it was meh and juddery. Stupid Zamperla.



After vacating the kids area as quickly as possible, we found TNT Train de la Mina, where stacking was the order of the day (and a reminder of why I find Spanish parks that extra bit frustrating). We didn’t know the manufacturer of this, but turns out Gerstlauer can make decent rides if they don’t invert/launch/etc. Was rather good fun, certainly as good as the Intamin counterparts, with mixtures of airtime and some decent laterals to boot.


Not an easy coaster to get pics of though
The heat and busyness of the park was clear to see, and the next coaster was Vertigo, a Wild Mouse. It had the worst operations I’ve ever seen on one as well, which is EXTREMELY impressive. As opposed to running it normally (as per, every other park in the world), here we have 4 cars (ew), all loaded at once in the station (ew), dispatched, and once they’re all back in the station we load it again. So the queue would move a maximum of 16 people at a time. For a Wild Mouse. In Spain.
Ew.
Plus a group that queue jumped right before the ride decided to have a moan about something and cause security/managers to be called down. Further delaying everyone else. Why is going to a park in Spain so much more burdenous?




Hooray for themed supports!
After the Vertigo issues we decided to look into the Express Pass stuff, cos we still had 4 creds to go, and 3 of those have no throughput. For an unlimited Gold level at €29 (there’s a Silver which allows one shots for slightly cheaper), there was a resounding YES to that. Although this cannot be used for either Vertigo or Tarantula. Which is strangely well thought out considering the operations of the park.


Onwards we went to Abismo then, a Maurer Sohne Skyloop of the extended variety. I was rather excited for it, not sure why, given G-Force exists. But regardless, we skipped the entire queue and onto the front row it was.
The lift is insanely quick, and the hang-time on the top is immense and intense, and the inversion/drop back down are both a lot of fun. Indeed, the ride as a whole was quite fab, which was very, very surprising it must be said. Tonnes of airtime in the hill as well, which given that these restraints don’t try and sever you in half makes it a lot more enjoyable.






Next up was a ride I had zero expectations on, Tornado, one of only two Intamin Inverts in the entire world (the other in Finland). In my experience, rare Intamin rides are rare for a reason, which tends to be that they are utterly awful abominations of rides, so the was a fair amount of trepidation for this.
There was also no queue (the only coaster seemingly not to have one, even on one train), but we hopped in the back row of the train (the same as an Intamin Impulse, which slightly improved my mood as I LIKE those), and off we went.
As like most Intamins, it has a good first drop, and the rest of the ride was pretty good as well. Forceful loops and rattly turns essentially made up the ride, with a corkscrew thrown in for good measure. Overall it was pretty much on the average side of the scale, mainly due to the layout being a bit meh rather than the ride being crap. Intamin deserve props for trying a full Invert but this wasn’t going to trouble even the worst B&M version.




After a chill under Tornado, we elected to do some flats, starting with my first Huss Conder In Rotor, which was pretty dull it must be said. Next up was Tifon, a very long and spinny Zamperla Disko. Cooling off times were required, so Asseradero the Log Flume was done, which was of an acceptable wetness although it did indeed struggle to actually get us over the top of the first lift hill. Bit awkward.

To continue the spinning rides theme we had started, Tarantula was next. Billed as one of the best Maurer Sohne spinning coasters, I was quite hyped up for it. It uses the location on the side of the hill reasonably well, but it could’ve done a whole lot more with it. It didn’t spin a whole lot on our ride of it, but it was quite good. I think on a whole I still prefer Fury to it, just as it has a bit more in the way of final product and less pondering layout.




Up next was a Huss Frisbee in the name of La Maquina, which became our most regretted ride in the park. It was long, spinning and made me feel incredibly awful when combined with an extremely hot day. So ice cream was called for. After said ice cream, the Intamin drop tower La Lanzadera happened, which was a normal one to which I’m rather blasé towards as heights don’t do anything for me. Plus being at the bottom of a tall hill didn’t help the experience at the top to be any more scary.




We did Abismo again in the back, which was had some insane levels of rattle within that ruined the ride somewhat, before heading up the giant hill to investigate Fantasia, which turned out to be a Small World rip-off. It wasn’t very good and it wasn’t that racist either, though that might be due to riding Carnival Festival earlier in the year. We also did the Star Flyer just outside it, which was welcomed due to the cooling breeze that it provided on an awfully hot day.









The idea now was to get the final coaster and leave, because the day had been long and full of terrors. But first, Telesaurio, or the Spinning Dumbo ride as I called it, had to be done because it was quite fab. The final coaster Vagones Locos was then done, because +1, before we re-rode TNT again, had food and then left.




The park was nice, with some very good presentation and theming in some cases, but not in many others. The general high levels of heat and some poor operations/queue jumping did affect the day quite rapidly though. It was a shame we had to resort to Express Passes but they did in the end help get a lot more rides than we would’ve done. We were drained by 3pm and that was only after 3 hours of park opening. The park doesn’t really have anything truly stand-out amazing although I did like Abismo, Tornado and Tarantula, they were all pretty much above average, rather than insanely good.

Alarm set for 4am. Check

Pin badges and Oswald hat ready. Check

Coffee. Check

It was time to take on the ultimate theme park challenge, 24 hours in two of the busiest theme parks in the world. Even on paper it doesn’t sound easy. Luckily there was things on our side. We knew Pirates of the Caribbean and ‘it’s a small world’ would have reopened so extra capacity at Disneyland. We knew kids wouldn't be able to take on this challenge and we knew many wouldn’t attempt such a feat so the first few hours were cruical. So with that in mind, we arrived via driving through the middle of Los Angeles at Disneyland at around 5:45. A giant Olaf snowman had been sculpted on the entrance way and to open the parks was none other then Josh Gadd, of Frozen fame. He spoke about living near Disney World (BOO!) and how he takes his kids to the Disney parks like a right of passage. With that the parks were opened.



Oh hey Olaf!


Fireworks get the parks opened! Here we go!


We had decided early on to get into California Adventure first and grab a Radiator Springs fastpass. Our thinking was to get the busiest rides out the way first so we could relax on the longer rides later in the day. We grabbed ourself an information leaflet for the day and bad news. Radiator Springs, Tower and California Screamin’ wouldn’t be opening till eight. That left us two hours to find something to do. We tried Toy Story Midway Mania but that wasn’t ready yet, so Little Mermaid was chosen. We then had a go on Soarin’ which opened at 6:30, and then onto Mickey’s Fun Wheel. Wow. This is a ferris wheel which offers stationary pods and ones that swing violently. We naturally chose swinging and what a ride. Seriously more intense then it looks and only the second ride I’ve done that offers sick bags in the pods. It was now around 7:30 and we decided to head towards Flo’s via Radiator Springs to see if fast pass was available. SUCCESS! It was. Whilst Chris went to get the coffees, I grabbed our fastpasses which was for 9:30am. We relaxed for a bit, after all, there was plenty of time left. 8 o clock was finally upon us and we went for a ride on the Tower (grabbing a fast pass too) which was as spell bounding as ever, a ride on Heimlichs chew chew train, Tower then took a gamble. We decided to queue for RC Racers, after all fast pass hadn’t started and this was the only reasonable time to try it. If you know the queueline, we were just under the bridge near the entrance. From there it took us exactly 18 minutes to get onto the ride. Faster then using fast pass the week before. So there you go people, the detrimental effects of any fast pass system right in front of your eyes. We decided therefore to do it again. And it took us 15 minutes this time. People have queued six hours for this thing and here we were essentially casually strolling on without a care in the world.

Astounded by this turn of luck, our fast pass turn was quickly upon us. And then it broke down. We had to wait an hour for it to come back to life, so I decided to have a lie down instead of getting depressed about things.





Finally free we descended on California Screamin’, grabbing a fast pass and queuing for Toy Story Mania. It took about 25 minutes to get on and we got exactly the same score somehow. With five minutes remaining till our fastpass, we rode King Tritons Carousel and then rode Screamin’, good as ever. It was now around 11:30 and basically time to jump ships and visit Disneyland. It only seemed natural that our first stop should be Pirates of the Caribbean but naturally we grabbed an Indianna Jones fast pass. Now Pirates. This is a classic ride and no mistake. It makes the Florida and Paris versions look like mere imitations in my opinion.This version evokes such an incredible atmosphere, there is just something about being transported away to that period of time, to not be able to see the roof of the shed sticking out in the pirate boat attack scene or for the journey to be more leisurely paced then its brothers. Captain Jack isn’t necessary but he doesn't detract from this enriching, engaging experience. It’s popularity here is incredible. Hundreds of people joining the queue every minute, each one eagerly anticipating Walt’s last ride he was involved in before he died. I loved it. It’s my favourite ride at Disneyland.


Alas, it was time to move on, we ended up in Fantasyworld for a little ride on its a small world. This one takes on the Paris look of having an outside loading area but unlike Paris, this one is a series of show rooms and not just one big warehouse. And here the props are far much larger and interesting then I’ve seen previously. My favourite hula girls also appeared here with speedy hips so that made me happy. Time for a ride on the other side of Matterhorn, the Tomorrowland side. Felt quite similar to the other one although Chris found this side rougher. We still had a while until Indianna Jones so we entered Tomorrowland and rode on Buzz Lightyear’s Spin thing. I officially hate all three versions of this ride so far. Dull, Dull, Dull. At least this one didn’t have fastpass. Before heading to Indianna we grabbed a fast pass for Star Tours, went and had some chicken on Main Street then rode Indianna Jones Temple where some more effects seemed to be working this time. That was good. With luck our Star Tours fast pass time was upon us but before we headed over that way we grabbed a Thunder Mountain night time ride fast pass and knowing the parade was on, waited near the Storybook Canal Boats. Somehow this had alluded us on our trips, it business and random closing times meaning we never got a look in. This time we somehow started the queue for it, meaning we’d be the first on when it reopened. Totally different world to Paris where there it’s walk on all the time. I like the cast members talking to us though, nice feature. Rode Star Tours then headed down to potentially queue for Splash. I wasn’t keen, 65 minutes for a ride that I don’t really like wasn’t worth it so we queued five minutes for Winnie the Pooh instead. By now it was around six o clock and to slow the pace down a bit we headed to Fantasyland to get rides on Pinocchio and Snow White. With twelve hours left of the day we still felt okay to carry on but it is hard going to keep the energy levels high.

Fastpass Top trumps. I think I win.

We decided not to bother with Space Mountain either and decided to get some snacks to give us an energy boost. It was soon time for Fantasmic and the fireworks. We didn’t move once Fantasmic ended, instead choosing to watch the fireworks from a distance. Works just as well. Our plan was to try and get on Pirates before the second Fantasmic started but unfortunately got caught in the one way system. So instead we had a go on Jungle Cruise which was walk on. The cast member this time was a bit of a mumbler so didn’t catch much of her jokes. We got off and Fantasmic was about to start. We darted into Pirates queue and luckily wouldn't be exciting as Fantasmic finishes (would be disaster). Pirates <3

After our ride we went and saw the Tiki room show which I am a big fan off. This was a chance to rest our feet, necessary after nearly 18 hours of Disney parks. After Tiki, it was Thunder Mountain time where the fast pass queue and stand by queue had become one big sprawl of people; it wasn’t pretty but we made it. And what a ride in the dark it is. So much fun especially as its barely lit up at all. Wonderful stuff. We had no more fast pass energy left and somehow we ended up in Tomorrowland. Space Mountain seemed to be dead so we decided to ride Autopia. I hate this ride too, it seems like such an unnecessary waste of space especially in a park as small and compact as this. Unfortunately we also had to sit in the car for ages as one had stopped somewhere around the circuit. BROKEN! We were evacuated from the ride and decided to call it a day at Disneyland. California Adventure was calling with a 3am showing of World of Colour. There’s nothing like standing in the cold at 3am in the morning and being sprayed with water for thirty minutes. With Screamin’ and Radiator Springs Racers closing at 4 we raced (pun not intended) over to get a go but both had closed already and with Tower the only major ride still running after 4 (but with a tasty 120 minute queue) we decided to call it a day. We’d made it to 22 hours and I especially knew I had driving to do in the morning.



TOWER! I love you but 120 minutes is just to long at 4 in the morning.

So what can I say about the day. It is a hard hard day of theme parking and takes the patience of a saint. It says something that the night-time shows finish and you still have essentially a day at Alton Towers left before the parks close. I whole-heartedly recommend it though as the parks have a special atmosphere like no other. Getting on Pirates was the icing on the cake.

And with that, thats the theme park side of the holiday done and dusted. Whilst I would love to have done some of the other parks in the area, that can be done another time around. For now though, we had done some of the most famous theme parks in America and I have to say I was so impressed with the rides on the west coast. The B&M's and Intamins in Florida are kind of hit and miss but over in California, each one was ridable and enjoyable. Special mention goes to the two floor less coasters of Medusa and Scream. They were great.
I'd like to thank anyone thats read all my trip reports. You guys rule

Day 3 – Walygator Parc
So the final day led us to Walygator, more known for its financial issues and random 2nd hand B&M than for being any good, and we were heading there for their first operational day of the season!

However, the day certainly started poorly as the tickets you pre-book online through the website CANNOT be picked up on park.
You have two options, pick it up at random shops dotted about the country (none near where we were though), or delivered to home. But NOT at the park? Not wanting to waste time having already turned up attempting to find some random place in Metz ended up paying for tickets on the day as well as in advance. Needless to say I was very unimpressed by this situation, not helped by the fact that they have turnstiles they don’t use and a generally bad entrance procedure (let’s have the park gates open into the ticket booth queues!)



Eventually in, we headed straight to Monster, the B&M Invert. We waited for people to turn up to reach the minimum amount of riders and after about 20 minutes into our already limited day we were finally on the front row (first ride of the season though).
I didn’t really like Raptor at Cedar Point, so I wasn’t particularly excited for this one. However it was quite decent, with a good bit of force about itself. It’s certainly not at the top of the Invert pile but it’s not at the bottom either. The RCT plonked nature of it does demean itself somewhat though, especially as the ride just exists off in the distance with no interaction with the rest of the park at all.





We hopped on the Disney themed Chenille (the 3rd Wacky Worm of the trip) before heading towards Anaconda, their (Morgan apparently) Wooden coaster, which had just this year had some retracking done by GCI. As we were in the queue, we noticed that the PLC on the brakes was behaving rather erratically, with the trains stopping at excessively random and unknown times; nevertheless we were on the back row of the half loaded train (we discovered the entire park was in this queue because of the front rows being sand-bagged).



Rides can be awful for many reasons, violent, juddery, rough, but the sole worst reason for a ride to be considered awful to me is for it to be boring. This is what Anaconda is, incredibly dull, forceless and slow. It bounced along the track at a lull, struggling to climb over every hill and not doing anything remotely interesting with the layout. So imagine how surprised we were that the brakes decided to become the most interesting part of the ride and partially fail, causing us to stop half-way down the station, and me breaking out into a fit of hysterical laughter at just how pathetic the situation was.



Eventually the engineer sorted it by opening and closing the gates to reset the rather confused ride system, and we got another go around. It was still dull, even with me laughing my head off.
We were hungry, so giant waffles were had because they were out of pancakes. Fail. We went to see the new Dive Show, with a slight (read – minimal) Wild West theme, and pre-show entertainment by clowns who did EPIC balloon animals and a FBI agent. Confusing times.
Either way, the show was a pretty standard High Dive affair really. The guy who did it whilst on fire was good though, but these shows aren’t THAT interesting enough unless they have a story going on behind it. At least it was better than ITV’s SPLASH!

We wandered into their recently rethemed Space area with the new Air Race which wasn’t open yet (mainly as it had actually arrived EARLIER than planned), however it does look very awesome, and even has a viewing platform which was also unfortunately closed. The 4th and final coaster of the trip was Waly Coaster, a Vekoma ‘Hurricane’, or ‘Loop and 2 Screws’. Again 1st day syndrome hit us, as the ride op sent the train out having missed an open restraint on his side twice on an empty seat, which resulted in an E-Stop (personally, I would’ve either ignored it or pushed it down as it went out). We were sat in the station once again waiting for an engineer.
Unsurprisingly, the ride was not worth the wait, short but smooth, but didn’t really do anything interesting, feeling like a lesser version of their old Bayerncurve Corkscrews really. Meh.










We walked past the abandoned Haunted House towards the Rapids. These have an ingenious design of which the boats are too big to fit inside the station, so have to be manually pulled in by the staff to park up in a group of 4 for loading. Holy bad ride designs!
Again, the ride itself was a mixed bag, with some good bits but an excessively boring ending. Methinks half the park would be better demolishing half their rides and starting over from scratch; which is what they’re doing with their Huss Topple Tower in fact, poor boring things that they are.






After some faff and decision making we elected to go on Waly Boat, which had been slightly revamped for the season. The Tow Boat ride system is incredibly popular in Europe, and I’ve been on a few, but none as slow as this one. It was 25 minutes long and half of that was slowly floating towards the next nice looking but rather uninteresting after seeing it for 5 minutes scenes. It was just completely unnecessary for it to be so damn slow.









Cave of nothing

Once our insomnia had been cured, we had a few minutes to kill before the Dancing with Waly show, so promptly rode the Mistrel Chairswings next door, which completed the collection of dull and slowly run rides. The show itself was rather decent, with pop songs through the ages being played and kids allowed to interact completely with the WalyGator family, rather than sit down and watch. I don’t think I’ll ever forget seeing a dancing giant alligator doing Gangam Style too.





And that was really it. We had to head up to Calais for our ferry back to the UK since the hire car couldn’t really be taken all the way home, but I wasn’t particularly fussed about leaving early as we’d done the major rides and I don’t think the park had anything much else to offer. It has SOME potential, but for the most part it’s really tatty and the rides there are just DULL, which is probably worse than the rides just being rough and awful. I had no desperation to ride anything again, and I even gave Baco the honour of a second ride.
However the new area theme and the brand image both look very good, especially the new branding which is very solid (and the plushies are just so adorable). There is plenty of potential in the park but it’s a long way to go to reach the likes of Nigloland, and hopefully the new management (only their second year of new ownership it must be said, so it looks slightly long term) will learn from the park’s past mistakes and look elsewhere to see how to improve things, such as a station building for Monster, and some actual good rides to support it.


The journey back up to Calais was at least, uneventful, and being a foot passenger on the ferry means you get first dibs on seating. Overall it was a good trip, if a bit mental for all the wrong reasons on the first day, and it was certainly worth it for Nigloland and Alpina Blitz.

Day 2 – Nigloland
To say that Nigloland is in the middle of nowhere would be quite the understatement, with the signs telling you the park is Xkm away, and no visible sign of it until you are literally on the local village’s doorstep. The village itself is on the park’s doorstep itself, with some front gardens literally a road and hill away from the actual entrance building.
The way the park is accessed feels slightly Towers like, with country roads, a small village and a descent into a giant valley with a forest backdrop providing an interesting opener to the day.


A busy day awaited us




As part of the EU “Parks should open rides after the park has actually opened” law, we had 30 minutes to spend having breakfast on park. Eventually the rides opened and we headed towards the dead end of the park (themed to Canada), where the Gold Mine Train lives.
As we were to discover, Nigloland has a ridiculously healthy relationship with Mack, as half their rides are built by them. This is powered Mine Train that kind of sits between that gap of Chessie’s and Towers’, in that it goes off on a little adventure (with a decent drop into a tunnel) but isn’t too long a ride time. However since it actually goes off into the woodland and interacts with the Log Flume next door, it gets a lot of points on that front.




Next door was the aforementioned Log Flume that interacts with the Mine Train. With just a singular drop it was rather short, a basic figure of 8 layout I think actually, however with an extended amount of interaction with the Mine Train it improves the meander around somewhat. Certainly a sign of a ride built from a park slowly building its reputation, and as the park’s only real water ride it’s one of the flaws the park has. Hopefully they plan to rectify this soon.


Next up was our first non-Mack ride, Grizzli, a Zamperla Disko Coaster, which was as standard as the rest of them are. However it was cool to finally ride the one that appears in practically all of Zamperla’s advertising of the ride, and it was also rather well themed (apart from the clash of shed).



We started to head further into the park, and chanced upon The Travels of Jacques Cartier, which was a non-spinning boat variant of Seastorm. It made up for this by having decent animatronics in the middle of the ride and being surprisingly intense.


Further in and we found a ride many of us were anticipating, Air Meeting, a Gerstlauer Sky Fly. These are essentially an intense version of the old Flying Scooters, and are fantastic if you want a solid work-out, lots of confined spinning, and enjoying physics. The seats rotate based on the position of the wings and your own momentum, it’s a rather difficult method to describe and there certainly is a knack to doing it, just got to get it right, because once you lose the momentum mid-ride, you never get it back.
I wouldn’t mind seeing one in the UK, but the throughput would be an immense issue.


Themed staff and stadium announcers



Next up was the Space Experience, located in the 50s area of the park. So naturally, it was some good old fashioned cheesy space times, essentially it was EuroSat light. It was rather good fun, especially in the back row which promoted the tight turns and decent near misses with the scenery, although the change from pounding techno music in the queue and exit to classical was a bit curious to say the least.





After this there was a toilet break, which I took the time to watch the construction taking place around Alpina Blitz. Again that EU Law of “Rides cannot be completed on time, but can run later in the day”.




As I was watching, a man came up to me and asked if I was John. This was a result of John getting in contact with the park prior to our arrival and asking if he could chat to anyone about Alpina Blitz and the park in general. He had received an email the night before asking if we were still visiting and Rodolphe had clearly developed a goon sense having worked at the park (and Madame Tussauds and Pleasurewood Hills), having noticed people talking not only in English but in possession of a Walibi hoodie. Needless to say John’s reaction when he vacated the toilet was quite amusing.
Rodolphe explained he’d had a busy morning doing stuff for a kids TV show, so needed a drink, promptly treating us all to something as well. We had a good natter amongst ourselves over our drinks before he suggested he take us on a mini backstage tour of the park. What kind of goons would we be to turn down such a chance? So off we went.




Even their engineers are goons
Having seen the entirety of the backstage (including the bakery, locker room and a very teasing Alpina Blitz sign they didn’t need anymore and would obviously resulted in a fight to the death over if my Peugeot had been alive), we decided that as most of the rides were closed for lunch (a system they use for very dead days, like this day was), we would also do that. And once again we were treated to a local delicacy which can be described as pork bolognaise, which was rather good and certainly in the upper limits of theme park food.

After more tales of Rodolphe’s exploits at IAAPA and EAS, we decided that it was time for Alpina Blitz. After finding out the various reasonings as to why Nigloland went with Mack over Intamin (cheaper to build (ride alone costs €4.5m), great working relationship, better trains/restraints and many more), we were all pretty excited to ride it, if only to compare it to the Intamin version.



Of course, as we were Rodolphe’s guests in the park, we went via the exit and stood on the offload platform as the ride was going around. Eventually the back two rows were held off and we were on.
The first drop and turn are a fantastic start to this ride, and any qualms people had of it losing speed throughout due to the high second hill can be discarded as rather unfounded. I was greying out everytime on the first turn, which arguably makes it more intense than Piraten, and the second hill when sitting in the front involves a rather special bit of ejector due to the transition. The rest of the ride is filled with airtime of both the floater and tonnes more ejector variety, and I can but hope our reactions as we returned to the station made Rodolphe very happy indeed.



We were allowed to fill up some empty seats (the park really was empty), before being allowed to use the bridge of randomness to access the front row. It’s just as good if not slightly better than the back purely for the second hill turn.
Later on that night we found that the Mitch Hawker polls had come out, with Kawasemi 7th and Piraten 12th. If these are relatively accurate depictions (though why the Mega-Lite clones are separate I have no idea), then Alpina Blitz is quite clearly superior then Piraten at least. The Mack trains take a rather good layout (with some changes it must be said, it’s as much of a clone as Cinecitta World’s 10 looper is a clone of Colossus) and make it something even better. This ride alone makes me believe that Helix could easily be Europe’s best coaster, and hopefully with lots of parks visiting Nigloland to ride Alpina, we’ll be seeing plenty of these in the near future. Which can only be a good thing.



After that, Peter enquired if we could have a nosey at the park’s hotel, a small 32 room affair but with 4 stars. So off we went. It looks rather unassuming (or bland) from the outside, however inside is a different matter. Beautifully themed from the bar to the restaurant, and the rooms are pretty decent as well, we all liked it so much that when we inevitably return to the park we’ll be booking a stay in the hotel for certain.

It kinda shows the difference that a good family run park can provide compared to a corporation run park, as the attention to detail not just in the hotel but also throughout the park (themed staff uniforms, etc) with a focus on providing a great experience with a long term plan over monetary gain in the short term. Nigloland really does tick all the boxes brilliantly.
Back in the park, we decided it would be a good time to grab the rest of the coasters as they were all nearby. Starting with La Chenille, another Wacky Worm, before Schlitt Express, a Mack Wild Mouse which was a lot better than Bakken’s equivalent (probably because it wasn’t at Bakken), and finally Bobsleigh, a smaller version of Black Hole which was quite heavily themed it must be said. The two major coasters were both very enjoyable and themed to a very good standard, with the Bobsleigh standing out as looking rather brand new for something rather old, upkeep eh?




After Bobsleigh, Rodolphe showed us the hydraulic room for the Chairswings. Which on the inside are nothing out of the ordinary, however the theming effort put into the outside is something I’ve only really seen at Europa Park in the pump rooms for Atlantica. The fact that the piping linking the shed and ride together is buried under themed rail and mining cars is that next level set of detailing that sets great parks apart from good parks. To quote Rodolphe “Theming, theming, theming”, and he’s damn right.



After another drink we headed back onto Space Experience, where Rodolphe went off and got the lights turned on for us. It was quite cool to see the level of detail hidden amongst the theming that is dotted around the building. We then had another quick go on Air Meeting, where I did a couple of spins and thought better of it.



Rodolphe then urged us to do “their Zufari”, in Africa Cruise, which is basically Jungle Cruise on a budget. However the home-made rocks looked really good, and the commentary of such issues on the ride like “we need more greenery to hide the mechanics” and “I was told we wouldn’t be able to see the concrete” showed a real honesty and enthusiasm about the park, which seemed to flow through the entire place. Very refreshing indeed.





After this we ventured into the Haunted Mansion, which was practically Disney-light. You do have to love a good old-fashioned Disney knock-off, although the independent spinning car and the lighting of the load vehicle was pretty awesome it must be said. Give this ride an upgrade with brand new effects/animatronics and it’d be even better!


After this we headed over to the King of Mississippi riverboat, where Rodolphe had to leave us to do some real work (rather than show some dodgy English folk the park), so we went around without him. It was quite nice really; nothing too special around it, but one of those rides filed under “for a long sit-down”.




With the rides closing shortly we decided it was time to whore Alpina Blitz a bit, with various rows experienced and the last ride of the day. It truly is a fantastic ride and hopefully we’ll see a lot more of them in the future, especially for a base price of €4.5 million, it’s SUCH a bargain! We met up with Rodolphe at the hotel for a quick drink but unfortunately dinner in the hotel (which he invited us to) had to be cut off as Peter had clearly ridden Alpina Blitz too many times in the heat of the day (turns out you CAN have too much of a good thing). So we bid farewell and promised that we would return to the park in the future.






And that we shall, because even without Rodolphe’s tour of the place we would have loved it anyway. The park itself is presented well, with lots of rides dotted about with some immense theming (I fell in love with the Tractor ride as an example), and just an overall look and atmosphere to the place that few parks can achieve. Alpina Blitz is a brilliant landmark coaster for them to be put on the map in the wider world of the industry, and hopefully that will kick-start them into pushing for a lot more guests not only this year but in the years to come.
I send a lot of thanks to Rodolphe as well for giving us an even more fantastic day and really going above and beyond the levels of park hospitality for us, the sort of stuff that in my experience is only reserved for those huge groups who pay for it, rather than 4 random people. His tales and honest opinions on the industry, the park and his own experiences and future were both fascinating and insightful throughout the day. And his enthusiasm about the park (and his career in general) certainly rubbed off on us.
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Day 1 – Parc Saint Paul
A rather early morning of 3am was the choice made to venture to a selection of rather un-known French parks, and after a McDonald’s service station breakfast and a quick jaunt on the Eurotunnel we were firing down the French motorway with not a care in the world.
Unfortunately, disaster would strike us. We began to hear noises from the car, and decided to pull over on the hard shoulder to investigate. After some initial checks, we agreed to move the car forward slightly to see if there was truly something wrong, and it refused to start up.


Many calls were made and eventually a mechanic (who of course, spoke no English) turned up, and made that classic intake of breath noise that all mechanics do that tend to signify that the car/vehicle is completely buggered.

We were taken to a nearby garage, and made the decision that €2000 for a new gearbox was not worth the money at all, so we would leave the car forever in France, grab a hire car and continue with our adventure post-haste. The garage were very helpful to us especially given the language barrier, however Demi Lovato’s version of “Let It Go” was not particularly appreciated by myself.
We got a taxi to a hire car place and after many a hasty phone call from the guy working there we were eventually given a Volkswagen UP! So after a delay of about two hours we continued on our adventure to Parc Saint Paul.




Upon arrival, our expectations of the place were not high, especially as their new Vekoma Junior coaster was being spiteful and not open. Nevertheless we headed to our first coaster of the trip, a Wacky Worm. Joyous! This one however was very well themed, with lots of statues, a very giant apple and even astroturf. Of course, it was still a Wacky Worm.



Next up in the actual coaster department was the Wild Train, my first Pax coaster (who aren’t exactly known for being good). And the slight launch out the station worried us greatly as to how awful this ride might be, so to say it exceeded all possible expectations would be rather accurate. It was certainly wild, with a fair amount of airtime and reasonable Gs about, with a hint of re-rideability, which is always a bonus in my book.




We meandered further into the park, and decided the spinny mouse could be done later because it had an awful queue (which didn’t get any better unfortunately) and went onto the next Pax coaster, Formule 1. Unsurprisingly, it’s themed to Formula 1, with the different cars based off different manufacturers, and a scary statue of Schumacher at the entrance. It’s also a slight rip-off of the Gerstlauer Bobsleds, with a much steeper lift and a more insane experience, with over-banked turns being the main culprit of this. Again it was rather enjoyable ride, if slightly terrifying.





We wandered a bit further into the park, discovering that it wasn’t all quite run-down as we expected it to look within. There was a fair amount of woodland, lakes and even some buildings taken straight out of Lightwater Valley. It’s very family set with more for the kids, but we saw tonnes of BBQ sets for people to come and cook their own food, and it did have a rather lovely atmosphere.



Back to the rides, Mini Mouse Cartoon was next, which is a Zamperla Mini Mouse or something. It makes a Wacky Worm look interesting that’s all I know. +1


Next door to that was Telepherique, which was by far the most amazing thing ever created by a French person. It’s a platform led zip line, only in (such a) cred format. It involves a lot of spinning, swinging and swearing (and even crashing in some cases, like with me). Part of that old “Never in the UK” ideal, I thought it was brilliant, but the others not so much.






We headed back to the Souris Verte Spinning Wild Mouse of boredom, having endured the queue of burdenous times. I’m so bored of these now it’s not true. Again, +1

We then decided to go and see the Tiger show, to which those who visited Bagatelle and seen their Lion show had “I have seen things” moments as a result. However only two of the tigers looked like they wanted to eat the fat French man who was flicking them with a whip. Fortunately there was no maiming of the fat French man (or unfortunately, dependant on opinion of such animal shows), so we were able to continue on our journey via a Giant Slide.




As John and Peter did the horror house thingy, we meandered around the House of Mirrors, which wasn’t very entertaining. After they returned, we went into the 3D Walkthrough, which was actually quite epic and looked tonnes better than Hocus Pocus Hall even did. We then marvelled at the themed bins and doors as we had some ice cream.




We had another go on the Formula 1 coaster, before me and John did the Drop Tower of Forever – Extreme Edition, which decided it would go from slow to fast to slow again during the trip up the tower, which was equally hilarious and burdenous. I don’t think my laughter was appreciated by the randomer next to us though who was unsure about the whole thing. When it did get to the top, the drop was instantaneous, so it was all a bit weird. Good though. We finished this with another go on the Wild Train before heading off for a long drive down to our hotel, but not before a quick character photo!
Overall, the park exceeded our (admittedly lower than low) expectations of it. It’s very much like Lightwater (but tinier), and whilst it had a fair amount of rides dumped in places, they did make an attempt to make them look really nice. Hopefully the park can continue on a positive trajectory in the future, because we certainly enjoyed ourselves.

Day 3 – Walygator Parc
So the final day led us to Walygator, more known for its financial issues and random 2nd hand B&M than for being any good, and we were heading there for their first operational day of the season!

However, the day certainly started poorly as the tickets you pre-book online through the website CANNOT be picked up on park.
You have two options, pick it up at random shops dotted about the country (none near where we were though), or delivered to home. But NOT at the park? Not wanting to waste time having already turned up attempting to find some random place in Metz ended up paying for tickets on the day as well as in advance. Needless to say I was very unimpressed by this situation, not helped by the fact that they have turnstiles they don’t use and a generally bad entrance procedure (let’s have the park gates open into the ticket booth queues!)



Eventually in, we headed straight to Monster, the B&M Invert. We waited for people to turn up to reach the minimum amount of riders and after about 20 minutes into our already limited day we were finally on the front row (first ride of the season though).
I didn’t really like Raptor at Cedar Point, so I wasn’t particularly excited for this one. However it was quite decent, with a good bit of force about itself. It’s certainly not at the top of the Invert pile but it’s not at the bottom either. The RCT plonked nature of it does demean itself somewhat though, especially as the ride just exists off in the distance with no interaction with the rest of the park at all.





We hopped on the Disney themed Chenille (the 3rd Wacky Worm of the trip) before heading towards Anaconda, their (Morgan apparently) Wooden coaster, which had just this year had some retracking done by GCI. As we were in the queue, we noticed that the PLC on the brakes was behaving rather erratically, with the trains stopping at excessively random and unknown times; nevertheless we were on the back row of the half loaded train (we discovered the entire park was in this queue because of the front rows being sand-bagged).



Rides can be awful for many reasons, violent, juddery, rough, but the sole worst reason for a ride to be considered awful to me is for it to be boring. This is what Anaconda is, incredibly dull, forceless and slow. It bounced along the track at a lull, struggling to climb over every hill and not doing anything remotely interesting with the layout. So imagine how surprised we were that the brakes decided to become the most interesting part of the ride and partially fail, causing us to stop half-way down the station, and me breaking out into a fit of hysterical laughter at just how pathetic the situation was.



Eventually the engineer sorted it by opening and closing the gates to reset the rather confused ride system, and we got another go around. It was still dull, even with me laughing my head off.
We were hungry, so giant waffles were had because they were out of pancakes. Fail. We went to see the new Dive Show, with a slight (read – minimal) Wild West theme, and pre-show entertainment by clowns who did EPIC balloon animals and a FBI agent. Confusing times.
Either way, the show was a pretty standard High Dive affair really. The guy who did it whilst on fire was good though, but these shows aren’t THAT interesting enough unless they have a story going on behind it. At least it was better than ITV’s SPLASH!

We wandered into their recently rethemed Space area with the new Air Race which wasn’t open yet (mainly as it had actually arrived EARLIER than planned), however it does look very awesome, and even has a viewing platform which was also unfortunately closed. The 4th and final coaster of the trip was Waly Coaster, a Vekoma ‘Hurricane’, or ‘Loop and 2 Screws’. Again 1st day syndrome hit us, as the ride op sent the train out having missed an open restraint on his side twice on an empty seat, which resulted in an E-Stop (personally, I would’ve either ignored it or pushed it down as it went out). We were sat in the station once again waiting for an engineer.
Unsurprisingly, the ride was not worth the wait, short but smooth, but didn’t really do anything interesting, feeling like a lesser version of their old Bayerncurve Corkscrews really. Meh.










We walked past the abandoned Haunted House towards the Rapids. These have an ingenious design of which the boats are too big to fit inside the station, so have to be manually pulled in by the staff to park up in a group of 4 for loading. Holy bad ride designs!
Again, the ride itself was a mixed bag, with some good bits but an excessively boring ending. Methinks half the park would be better demolishing half their rides and starting over from scratch; which is what they’re doing with their Huss Topple Tower in fact, poor boring things that they are.






After some faff and decision making we elected to go on Waly Boat, which had been slightly revamped for the season. The Tow Boat ride system is incredibly popular in Europe, and I’ve been on a few, but none as slow as this one. It was 25 minutes long and half of that was slowly floating towards the next nice looking but rather uninteresting after seeing it for 5 minutes scenes. It was just completely unnecessary for it to be so damn slow.









Cave of nothing

Once our insomnia had been cured, we had a few minutes to kill before the Dancing with Waly show, so promptly rode the Mistrel Chairswings next door, which completed the collection of dull and slowly run rides. The show itself was rather decent, with pop songs through the ages being played and kids allowed to interact completely with the WalyGator family, rather than sit down and watch. I don’t think I’ll ever forget seeing a dancing giant alligator doing Gangam Style too.





And that was really it. We had to head up to Calais for our ferry back to the UK since the hire car couldn’t really be taken all the way home, but I wasn’t particularly fussed about leaving early as we’d done the major rides and I don’t think the park had anything much else to offer. It has SOME potential, but for the most part it’s really tatty and the rides there are just DULL, which is probably worse than the rides just being rough and awful. I had no desperation to ride anything again, and I even gave Baco the honour of a second ride.
However the new area theme and the brand image both look very good, especially the new branding which is very solid (and the plushies are just so adorable). There is plenty of potential in the park but it’s a long way to go to reach the likes of Nigloland, and hopefully the new management (only their second year of new ownership it must be said, so it looks slightly long term) will learn from the park’s past mistakes and look elsewhere to see how to improve things, such as a station building for Monster, and some actual good rides to support it.


The journey back up to Calais was at least, uneventful, and being a foot passenger on the ferry means you get first dibs on seating. Overall it was a good trip, if a bit mental for all the wrong reasons on the first day, and it was certainly worth it for Nigloland and Alpina Blitz.

Day 3 – Walygator Parc
So the final day led us to Walygator, more known for its financial issues and random 2nd hand B&M than for being any good, and we were heading there for their first operational day of the season!

However, the day certainly started poorly as the tickets you pre-book online through the website CANNOT be picked up on park.
You have two options, pick it up at random shops dotted about the country (none near where we were though), or delivered to home. But NOT at the park? Not wanting to waste time having already turned up attempting to find some random place in Metz ended up paying for tickets on the day as well as in advance. Needless to say I was very unimpressed by this situation, not helped by the fact that they have turnstiles they don’t use and a generally bad entrance procedure (let’s have the park gates open into the ticket booth queues!)



Eventually in, we headed straight to Monster, the B&M Invert. We waited for people to turn up to reach the minimum amount of riders and after about 20 minutes into our already limited day we were finally on the front row (first ride of the season though).
I didn’t really like Raptor at Cedar Point, so I wasn’t particularly excited for this one. However it was quite decent, with a good bit of force about itself. It’s certainly not at the top of the Invert pile but it’s not at the bottom either. The RCT plonked nature of it does demean itself somewhat though, especially as the ride just exists off in the distance with no interaction with the rest of the park at all.





We hopped on the Disney themed Chenille (the 3rd Wacky Worm of the trip) before heading towards Anaconda, their (Morgan apparently) Wooden coaster, which had just this year had some retracking done by GCI. As we were in the queue, we noticed that the PLC on the brakes was behaving rather erratically, with the trains stopping at excessively random and unknown times; nevertheless we were on the back row of the half loaded train (we discovered the entire park was in this queue because of the front rows being sand-bagged).



Rides can be awful for many reasons, violent, juddery, rough, but the sole worst reason for a ride to be considered awful to me is for it to be boring. This is what Anaconda is, incredibly dull, forceless and slow. It bounced along the track at a lull, struggling to climb over every hill and not doing anything remotely interesting with the layout. So imagine how surprised we were that the brakes decided to become the most interesting part of the ride and partially fail, causing us to stop half-way down the station, and me breaking out into a fit of hysterical laughter at just how pathetic the situation was.



Eventually the engineer sorted it by opening and closing the gates to reset the rather confused ride system, and we got another go around. It was still dull, even with me laughing my head off.
We were hungry, so giant waffles were had because they were out of pancakes. Fail. We went to see the new Dive Show, with a slight (read – minimal) Wild West theme, and pre-show entertainment by clowns who did EPIC balloon animals and a FBI agent. Confusing times.
Either way, the show was a pretty standard High Dive affair really. The guy who did it whilst on fire was good though, but these shows aren’t THAT interesting enough unless they have a story going on behind it. At least it was better than ITV’s SPLASH!

We wandered into their recently rethemed Space area with the new Air Race which wasn’t open yet (mainly as it had actually arrived EARLIER than planned), however it does look very awesome, and even has a viewing platform which was also unfortunately closed. The 4th and final coaster of the trip was Waly Coaster, a Vekoma ‘Hurricane’, or ‘Loop and 2 Screws’. Again 1st day syndrome hit us, as the ride op sent the train out having missed an open restraint on his side twice on an empty seat, which resulted in an E-Stop (personally, I would’ve either ignored it or pushed it down as it went out). We were sat in the station once again waiting for an engineer.
Unsurprisingly, the ride was not worth the wait, short but smooth, but didn’t really do anything interesting, feeling like a lesser version of their old Bayerncurve Corkscrews really. Meh.










We walked past the abandoned Haunted House towards the Rapids. These have an ingenious design of which the boats are too big to fit inside the station, so have to be manually pulled in by the staff to park up in a group of 4 for loading. Holy bad ride designs!
Again, the ride itself was a mixed bag, with some good bits but an excessively boring ending. Methinks half the park would be better demolishing half their rides and starting over from scratch; which is what they’re doing with their Huss Topple Tower in fact, poor boring things that they are.






After some faff and decision making we elected to go on Waly Boat, which had been slightly revamped for the season. The Tow Boat ride system is incredibly popular in Europe, and I’ve been on a few, but none as slow as this one. It was 25 minutes long and half of that was slowly floating towards the next nice looking but rather uninteresting after seeing it for 5 minutes scenes. It was just completely unnecessary for it to be so damn slow.









Cave of nothing

Once our insomnia had been cured, we had a few minutes to kill before the Dancing with Waly show, so promptly rode the Mistrel Chairswings next door, which completed the collection of dull and slowly run rides. The show itself was rather decent, with pop songs through the ages being played and kids allowed to interact completely with the WalyGator family, rather than sit down and watch. I don’t think I’ll ever forget seeing a dancing giant alligator doing Gangam Style too.





And that was really it. We had to head up to Calais for our ferry back to the UK since the hire car couldn’t really be taken all the way home, but I wasn’t particularly fussed about leaving early as we’d done the major rides and I don’t think the park had anything much else to offer. It has SOME potential, but for the most part it’s really tatty and the rides there are just DULL, which is probably worse than the rides just being rough and awful. I had no desperation to ride anything again, and I even gave Baco the honour of a second ride.
However the new area theme and the brand image both look very good, especially the new branding which is very solid (and the plushies are just so adorable). There is plenty of potential in the park but it’s a long way to go to reach the likes of Nigloland, and hopefully the new management (only their second year of new ownership it must be said, so it looks slightly long term) will learn from the park’s past mistakes and look elsewhere to see how to improve things, such as a station building for Monster, and some actual good rides to support it.


The journey back up to Calais was at least, uneventful, and being a foot passenger on the ferry means you get first dibs on seating. Overall it was a good trip, if a bit mental for all the wrong reasons on the first day, and it was certainly worth it for Nigloland and Alpina Blitz.

Day 3 – Walygator Parc
So the final day led us to Walygator, more known for its financial issues and random 2nd hand B&M than for being any good, and we were heading there for their first operational day of the season!

However, the day certainly started poorly as the tickets you pre-book online through the website CANNOT be picked up on park.
You have two options, pick it up at random shops dotted about the country (none near where we were though), or delivered to home. But NOT at the park? Not wanting to waste time having already turned up attempting to find some random place in Metz ended up paying for tickets on the day as well as in advance. Needless to say I was very unimpressed by this situation, not helped by the fact that they have turnstiles they don’t use and a generally bad entrance procedure (let’s have the park gates open into the ticket booth queues!)



Eventually in, we headed straight to Monster, the B&M Invert. We waited for people to turn up to reach the minimum amount of riders and after about 20 minutes into our already limited day we were finally on the front row (first ride of the season though).
I didn’t really like Raptor at Cedar Point, so I wasn’t particularly excited for this one. However it was quite decent, with a good bit of force about itself. It’s certainly not at the top of the Invert pile but it’s not at the bottom either. The RCT plonked nature of it does demean itself somewhat though, especially as the ride just exists off in the distance with no interaction with the rest of the park at all.





We hopped on the Disney themed Chenille (the 3rd Wacky Worm of the trip) before heading towards Anaconda, their (Morgan apparently) Wooden coaster, which had just this year had some retracking done by GCI. As we were in the queue, we noticed that the PLC on the brakes was behaving rather erratically, with the trains stopping at excessively random and unknown times; nevertheless we were on the back row of the half loaded train (we discovered the entire park was in this queue because of the front rows being sand-bagged).



Rides can be awful for many reasons, violent, juddery, rough, but the sole worst reason for a ride to be considered awful to me is for it to be boring. This is what Anaconda is, incredibly dull, forceless and slow. It bounced along the track at a lull, struggling to climb over every hill and not doing anything remotely interesting with the layout. So imagine how surprised we were that the brakes decided to become the most interesting part of the ride and partially fail, causing us to stop half-way down the station, and me breaking out into a fit of hysterical laughter at just how pathetic the situation was.



Eventually the engineer sorted it by opening and closing the gates to reset the rather confused ride system, and we got another go around. It was still dull, even with me laughing my head off.
We were hungry, so giant waffles were had because they were out of pancakes. Fail. We went to see the new Dive Show, with a slight (read – minimal) Wild West theme, and pre-show entertainment by clowns who did EPIC balloon animals and a FBI agent. Confusing times.
Either way, the show was a pretty standard High Dive affair really. The guy who did it whilst on fire was good though, but these shows aren’t THAT interesting enough unless they have a story going on behind it. At least it was better than ITV’s SPLASH!

We wandered into their recently rethemed Space area with the new Air Race which wasn’t open yet (mainly as it had actually arrived EARLIER than planned), however it does look very awesome, and even has a viewing platform which was also unfortunately closed. The 4th and final coaster of the trip was Waly Coaster, a Vekoma ‘Hurricane’, or ‘Loop and 2 Screws’. Again 1st day syndrome hit us, as the ride op sent the train out having missed an open restraint on his side twice on an empty seat, which resulted in an E-Stop (personally, I would’ve either ignored it or pushed it down as it went out). We were sat in the station once again waiting for an engineer.
Unsurprisingly, the ride was not worth the wait, short but smooth, but didn’t really do anything interesting, feeling like a lesser version of their old Bayerncurve Corkscrews really. Meh.










We walked past the abandoned Haunted House towards the Rapids. These have an ingenious design of which the boats are too big to fit inside the station, so have to be manually pulled in by the staff to park up in a group of 4 for loading. Holy bad ride designs!
Again, the ride itself was a mixed bag, with some good bits but an excessively boring ending. Methinks half the park would be better demolishing half their rides and starting over from scratch; which is what they’re doing with their Huss Topple Tower in fact, poor boring things that they are.






After some faff and decision making we elected to go on Waly Boat, which had been slightly revamped for the season. The Tow Boat ride system is incredibly popular in Europe, and I’ve been on a few, but none as slow as this one. It was 25 minutes long and half of that was slowly floating towards the next nice looking but rather uninteresting after seeing it for 5 minutes scenes. It was just completely unnecessary for it to be so damn slow.









Cave of nothing

Once our insomnia had been cured, we had a few minutes to kill before the Dancing with Waly show, so promptly rode the Mistrel Chairswings next door, which completed the collection of dull and slowly run rides. The show itself was rather decent, with pop songs through the ages being played and kids allowed to interact completely with the WalyGator family, rather than sit down and watch. I don’t think I’ll ever forget seeing a dancing giant alligator doing Gangam Style too.





And that was really it. We had to head up to Calais for our ferry back to the UK since the hire car couldn’t really be taken all the way home, but I wasn’t particularly fussed about leaving early as we’d done the major rides and I don’t think the park had anything much else to offer. It has SOME potential, but for the most part it’s really tatty and the rides there are just DULL, which is probably worse than the rides just being rough and awful. I had no desperation to ride anything again, and I even gave Baco the honour of a second ride.
However the new area theme and the brand image both look very good, especially the new branding which is very solid (and the plushies are just so adorable). There is plenty of potential in the park but it’s a long way to go to reach the likes of Nigloland, and hopefully the new management (only their second year of new ownership it must be said, so it looks slightly long term) will learn from the park’s past mistakes and look elsewhere to see how to improve things, such as a station building for Monster, and some actual good rides to support it.


The journey back up to Calais was at least, uneventful, and being a foot passenger on the ferry means you get first dibs on seating. Overall it was a good trip, if a bit mental for all the wrong reasons on the first day, and it was certainly worth it for Nigloland and Alpina Blitz.

Day 2 – Nigloland
To say that Nigloland is in the middle of nowhere would be quite the understatement, with the signs telling you the park is Xkm away, and no visible sign of it until you are literally on the local village’s doorstep. The village itself is on the park’s doorstep itself, with some front gardens literally a road and hill away from the actual entrance building.
The way the park is accessed feels slightly Towers like, with country roads, a small village and a descent into a giant valley with a forest backdrop providing an interesting opener to the day.


A busy day awaited us




As part of the EU “Parks should open rides after the park has actually opened” law, we had 30 minutes to spend having breakfast on park. Eventually the rides opened and we headed towards the dead end of the park (themed to Canada), where the Gold Mine Train lives.
As we were to discover, Nigloland has a ridiculously healthy relationship with Mack, as half their rides are built by them. This is powered Mine Train that kind of sits between that gap of Chessie’s and Towers’, in that it goes off on a little adventure (with a decent drop into a tunnel) but isn’t too long a ride time. However since it actually goes off into the woodland and interacts with the Log Flume next door, it gets a lot of points on that front.




Next door was the aforementioned Log Flume that interacts with the Mine Train. With just a singular drop it was rather short, a basic figure of 8 layout I think actually, however with an extended amount of interaction with the Mine Train it improves the meander around somewhat. Certainly a sign of a ride built from a park slowly building its reputation, and as the park’s only real water ride it’s one of the flaws the park has. Hopefully they plan to rectify this soon.


Next up was our first non-Mack ride, Grizzli, a Zamperla Disko Coaster, which was as standard as the rest of them are. However it was cool to finally ride the one that appears in practically all of Zamperla’s advertising of the ride, and it was also rather well themed (apart from the clash of shed).



We started to head further into the park, and chanced upon The Travels of Jacques Cartier, which was a non-spinning boat variant of Seastorm. It made up for this by having decent animatronics in the middle of the ride and being surprisingly intense.


Further in and we found a ride many of us were anticipating, Air Meeting, a Gerstlauer Sky Fly. These are essentially an intense version of the old Flying Scooters, and are fantastic if you want a solid work-out, lots of confined spinning, and enjoying physics. The seats rotate based on the position of the wings and your own momentum, it’s a rather difficult method to describe and there certainly is a knack to doing it, just got to get it right, because once you lose the momentum mid-ride, you never get it back.
I wouldn’t mind seeing one in the UK, but the throughput would be an immense issue.


Themed staff and stadium announcers



Next up was the Space Experience, located in the 50s area of the park. So naturally, it was some good old fashioned cheesy space times, essentially it was EuroSat light. It was rather good fun, especially in the back row which promoted the tight turns and decent near misses with the scenery, although the change from pounding techno music in the queue and exit to classical was a bit curious to say the least.





After this there was a toilet break, which I took the time to watch the construction taking place around Alpina Blitz. Again that EU Law of “Rides cannot be completed on time, but can run later in the day”.




As I was watching, a man came up to me and asked if I was John. This was a result of John getting in contact with the park prior to our arrival and asking if he could chat to anyone about Alpina Blitz and the park in general. He had received an email the night before asking if we were still visiting and Rodolphe had clearly developed a goon sense having worked at the park (and Madame Tussauds and Pleasurewood Hills), having noticed people talking not only in English but in possession of a Walibi hoodie. Needless to say John’s reaction when he vacated the toilet was quite amusing.
Rodolphe explained he’d had a busy morning doing stuff for a kids TV show, so needed a drink, promptly treating us all to something as well. We had a good natter amongst ourselves over our drinks before he suggested he take us on a mini backstage tour of the park. What kind of goons would we be to turn down such a chance? So off we went.




Even their engineers are goons
Having seen the entirety of the backstage (including the bakery, locker room and a very teasing Alpina Blitz sign they didn’t need anymore and would obviously resulted in a fight to the death over if my Peugeot had been alive), we decided that as most of the rides were closed for lunch (a system they use for very dead days, like this day was), we would also do that. And once again we were treated to a local delicacy which can be described as pork bolognaise, which was rather good and certainly in the upper limits of theme park food.

After more tales of Rodolphe’s exploits at IAAPA and EAS, we decided that it was time for Alpina Blitz. After finding out the various reasonings as to why Nigloland went with Mack over Intamin (cheaper to build (ride alone costs €4.5m), great working relationship, better trains/restraints and many more), we were all pretty excited to ride it, if only to compare it to the Intamin version.



Of course, as we were Rodolphe’s guests in the park, we went via the exit and stood on the offload platform as the ride was going around. Eventually the back two rows were held off and we were on.
The first drop and turn are a fantastic start to this ride, and any qualms people had of it losing speed throughout due to the high second hill can be discarded as rather unfounded. I was greying out everytime on the first turn, which arguably makes it more intense than Piraten, and the second hill when sitting in the front involves a rather special bit of ejector due to the transition. The rest of the ride is filled with airtime of both the floater and tonnes more ejector variety, and I can but hope our reactions as we returned to the station made Rodolphe very happy indeed.



We were allowed to fill up some empty seats (the park really was empty), before being allowed to use the bridge of randomness to access the front row. It’s just as good if not slightly better than the back purely for the second hill turn.
Later on that night we found that the Mitch Hawker polls had come out, with Kawasemi 7th and Piraten 12th. If these are relatively accurate depictions (though why the Mega-Lite clones are separate I have no idea), then Alpina Blitz is quite clearly superior then Piraten at least. The Mack trains take a rather good layout (with some changes it must be said, it’s as much of a clone as Cinecitta World’s 10 looper is a clone of Colossus) and make it something even better. This ride alone makes me believe that Helix could easily be Europe’s best coaster, and hopefully with lots of parks visiting Nigloland to ride Alpina, we’ll be seeing plenty of these in the near future. Which can only be a good thing.



After that, Peter enquired if we could have a nosey at the park’s hotel, a small 32 room affair but with 4 stars. So off we went. It looks rather unassuming (or bland) from the outside, however inside is a different matter. Beautifully themed from the bar to the restaurant, and the rooms are pretty decent as well, we all liked it so much that when we inevitably return to the park we’ll be booking a stay in the hotel for certain.

It kinda shows the difference that a good family run park can provide compared to a corporation run park, as the attention to detail not just in the hotel but also throughout the park (themed staff uniforms, etc) with a focus on providing a great experience with a long term plan over monetary gain in the short term. Nigloland really does tick all the boxes brilliantly.
Back in the park, we decided it would be a good time to grab the rest of the coasters as they were all nearby. Starting with La Chenille, another Wacky Worm, before Schlitt Express, a Mack Wild Mouse which was a lot better than Bakken’s equivalent (probably because it wasn’t at Bakken), and finally Bobsleigh, a smaller version of Black Hole which was quite heavily themed it must be said. The two major coasters were both very enjoyable and themed to a very good standard, with the Bobsleigh standing out as looking rather brand new for something rather old, upkeep eh?




After Bobsleigh, Rodolphe showed us the hydraulic room for the Chairswings. Which on the inside are nothing out of the ordinary, however the theming effort put into the outside is something I’ve only really seen at Europa Park in the pump rooms for Atlantica. The fact that the piping linking the shed and ride together is buried under themed rail and mining cars is that next level set of detailing that sets great parks apart from good parks. To quote Rodolphe “Theming, theming, theming”, and he’s damn right.



After another drink we headed back onto Space Experience, where Rodolphe went off and got the lights turned on for us. It was quite cool to see the level of detail hidden amongst the theming that is dotted around the building. We then had another quick go on Air Meeting, where I did a couple of spins and thought better of it.



Rodolphe then urged us to do “their Zufari”, in Africa Cruise, which is basically Jungle Cruise on a budget. However the home-made rocks looked really good, and the commentary of such issues on the ride like “we need more greenery to hide the mechanics” and “I was told we wouldn’t be able to see the concrete” showed a real honesty and enthusiasm about the park, which seemed to flow through the entire place. Very refreshing indeed.





After this we ventured into the Haunted Mansion, which was practically Disney-light. You do have to love a good old-fashioned Disney knock-off, although the independent spinning car and the lighting of the load vehicle was pretty awesome it must be said. Give this ride an upgrade with brand new effects/animatronics and it’d be even better!


After this we headed over to the King of Mississippi riverboat, where Rodolphe had to leave us to do some real work (rather than show some dodgy English folk the park), so we went around without him. It was quite nice really; nothing too special around it, but one of those rides filed under “for a long sit-down”.




With the rides closing shortly we decided it was time to whore Alpina Blitz a bit, with various rows experienced and the last ride of the day. It truly is a fantastic ride and hopefully we’ll see a lot more of them in the future, especially for a base price of €4.5 million, it’s SUCH a bargain! We met up with Rodolphe at the hotel for a quick drink but unfortunately dinner in the hotel (which he invited us to) had to be cut off as Peter had clearly ridden Alpina Blitz too many times in the heat of the day (turns out you CAN have too much of a good thing). So we bid farewell and promised that we would return to the park in the future.






And that we shall, because even without Rodolphe’s tour of the place we would have loved it anyway. The park itself is presented well, with lots of rides dotted about with some immense theming (I fell in love with the Tractor ride as an example), and just an overall look and atmosphere to the place that few parks can achieve. Alpina Blitz is a brilliant landmark coaster for them to be put on the map in the wider world of the industry, and hopefully that will kick-start them into pushing for a lot more guests not only this year but in the years to come.
I send a lot of thanks to Rodolphe as well for giving us an even more fantastic day and really going above and beyond the levels of park hospitality for us, the sort of stuff that in my experience is only reserved for those huge groups who pay for it, rather than 4 random people. His tales and honest opinions on the industry, the park and his own experiences and future were both fascinating and insightful throughout the day. And his enthusiasm about the park (and his career in general) certainly rubbed off on us.
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Day 2 – Nigloland
To say that Nigloland is in the middle of nowhere would be quite the understatement, with the signs telling you the park is Xkm away, and no visible sign of it until you are literally on the local village’s doorstep. The village itself is on the park’s doorstep itself, with some front gardens literally a road and hill away from the actual entrance building.
The way the park is accessed feels slightly Towers like, with country roads, a small village and a descent into a giant valley with a forest backdrop providing an interesting opener to the day.


A busy day awaited us




As part of the EU “Parks should open rides after the park has actually opened” law, we had 30 minutes to spend having breakfast on park. Eventually the rides opened and we headed towards the dead end of the park (themed to Canada), where the Gold Mine Train lives.
As we were to discover, Nigloland has a ridiculously healthy relationship with Mack, as half their rides are built by them. This is powered Mine Train that kind of sits between that gap of Chessie’s and Towers’, in that it goes off on a little adventure (with a decent drop into a tunnel) but isn’t too long a ride time. However since it actually goes off into the woodland and interacts with the Log Flume next door, it gets a lot of points on that front.




Next door was the aforementioned Log Flume that interacts with the Mine Train. With just a singular drop it was rather short, a basic figure of 8 layout I think actually, however with an extended amount of interaction with the Mine Train it improves the meander around somewhat. Certainly a sign of a ride built from a park slowly building its reputation, and as the park’s only real water ride it’s one of the flaws the park has. Hopefully they plan to rectify this soon.


Next up was our first non-Mack ride, Grizzli, a Zamperla Disko Coaster, which was as standard as the rest of them are. However it was cool to finally ride the one that appears in practically all of Zamperla’s advertising of the ride, and it was also rather well themed (apart from the clash of shed).



We started to head further into the park, and chanced upon The Travels of Jacques Cartier, which was a non-spinning boat variant of Seastorm. It made up for this by having decent animatronics in the middle of the ride and being surprisingly intense.


Further in and we found a ride many of us were anticipating, Air Meeting, a Gerstlauer Sky Fly. These are essentially an intense version of the old Flying Scooters, and are fantastic if you want a solid work-out, lots of confined spinning, and enjoying physics. The seats rotate based on the position of the wings and your own momentum, it’s a rather difficult method to describe and there certainly is a knack to doing it, just got to get it right, because once you lose the momentum mid-ride, you never get it back.
I wouldn’t mind seeing one in the UK, but the throughput would be an immense issue.


Themed staff and stadium announcers



Next up was the Space Experience, located in the 50s area of the park. So naturally, it was some good old fashioned cheesy space times, essentially it was EuroSat light. It was rather good fun, especially in the back row which promoted the tight turns and decent near misses with the scenery, although the change from pounding techno music in the queue and exit to classical was a bit curious to say the least.





After this there was a toilet break, which I took the time to watch the construction taking place around Alpina Blitz. Again that EU Law of “Rides cannot be completed on time, but can run later in the day”.




As I was watching, a man came up to me and asked if I was John. This was a result of John getting in contact with the park prior to our arrival and asking if he could chat to anyone about Alpina Blitz and the park in general. He had received an email the night before asking if we were still visiting and Rodolphe had clearly developed a goon sense having worked at the park (and Madame Tussauds and Pleasurewood Hills), having noticed people talking not only in English but in possession of a Walibi hoodie. Needless to say John’s reaction when he vacated the toilet was quite amusing.
Rodolphe explained he’d had a busy morning doing stuff for a kids TV show, so needed a drink, promptly treating us all to something as well. We had a good natter amongst ourselves over our drinks before he suggested he take us on a mini backstage tour of the park. What kind of goons would we be to turn down such a chance? So off we went.




Even their engineers are goons
Having seen the entirety of the backstage (including the bakery, locker room and a very teasing Alpina Blitz sign they didn’t need anymore and would obviously resulted in a fight to the death over if my Peugeot had been alive), we decided that as most of the rides were closed for lunch (a system they use for very dead days, like this day was), we would also do that. And once again we were treated to a local delicacy which can be described as pork bolognaise, which was rather good and certainly in the upper limits of theme park food.

After more tales of Rodolphe’s exploits at IAAPA and EAS, we decided that it was time for Alpina Blitz. After finding out the various reasonings as to why Nigloland went with Mack over Intamin (cheaper to build (ride alone costs €4.5m), great working relationship, better trains/restraints and many more), we were all pretty excited to ride it, if only to compare it to the Intamin version.



Of course, as we were Rodolphe’s guests in the park, we went via the exit and stood on the offload platform as the ride was going around. Eventually the back two rows were held off and we were on.
The first drop and turn are a fantastic start to this ride, and any qualms people had of it losing speed throughout due to the high second hill can be discarded as rather unfounded. I was greying out everytime on the first turn, which arguably makes it more intense than Piraten, and the second hill when sitting in the front involves a rather special bit of ejector due to the transition. The rest of the ride is filled with airtime of both the floater and tonnes more ejector variety, and I can but hope our reactions as we returned to the station made Rodolphe very happy indeed.



We were allowed to fill up some empty seats (the park really was empty), before being allowed to use the bridge of randomness to access the front row. It’s just as good if not slightly better than the back purely for the second hill turn.
Later on that night we found that the Mitch Hawker polls had come out, with Kawasemi 7th and Piraten 12th. If these are relatively accurate depictions (though why the Mega-Lite clones are separate I have no idea), then Alpina Blitz is quite clearly superior then Piraten at least. The Mack trains take a rather good layout (with some changes it must be said, it’s as much of a clone as Cinecitta World’s 10 looper is a clone of Colossus) and make it something even better. This ride alone makes me believe that Helix could easily be Europe’s best coaster, and hopefully with lots of parks visiting Nigloland to ride Alpina, we’ll be seeing plenty of these in the near future. Which can only be a good thing.



After that, Peter enquired if we could have a nosey at the park’s hotel, a small 32 room affair but with 4 stars. So off we went. It looks rather unassuming (or bland) from the outside, however inside is a different matter. Beautifully themed from the bar to the restaurant, and the rooms are pretty decent as well, we all liked it so much that when we inevitably return to the park we’ll be booking a stay in the hotel for certain.

It kinda shows the difference that a good family run park can provide compared to a corporation run park, as the attention to detail not just in the hotel but also throughout the park (themed staff uniforms, etc) with a focus on providing a great experience with a long term plan over monetary gain in the short term. Nigloland really does tick all the boxes brilliantly.
Back in the park, we decided it would be a good time to grab the rest of the coasters as they were all nearby. Starting with La Chenille, another Wacky Worm, before Schlitt Express, a Mack Wild Mouse which was a lot better than Bakken’s equivalent (probably because it wasn’t at Bakken), and finally Bobsleigh, a smaller version of Black Hole which was quite heavily themed it must be said. The two major coasters were both very enjoyable and themed to a very good standard, with the Bobsleigh standing out as looking rather brand new for something rather old, upkeep eh?




After Bobsleigh, Rodolphe showed us the hydraulic room for the Chairswings. Which on the inside are nothing out of the ordinary, however the theming effort put into the outside is something I’ve only really seen at Europa Park in the pump rooms for Atlantica. The fact that the piping linking the shed and ride together is buried under themed rail and mining cars is that next level set of detailing that sets great parks apart from good parks. To quote Rodolphe “Theming, theming, theming”, and he’s damn right.



After another drink we headed back onto Space Experience, where Rodolphe went off and got the lights turned on for us. It was quite cool to see the level of detail hidden amongst the theming that is dotted around the building. We then had another quick go on Air Meeting, where I did a couple of spins and thought better of it.



Rodolphe then urged us to do “their Zufari”, in Africa Cruise, which is basically Jungle Cruise on a budget. However the home-made rocks looked really good, and the commentary of such issues on the ride like “we need more greenery to hide the mechanics” and “I was told we wouldn’t be able to see the concrete” showed a real honesty and enthusiasm about the park, which seemed to flow through the entire place. Very refreshing indeed.





After this we ventured into the Haunted Mansion, which was practically Disney-light. You do have to love a good old-fashioned Disney knock-off, although the independent spinning car and the lighting of the load vehicle was pretty awesome it must be said. Give this ride an upgrade with brand new effects/animatronics and it’d be even better!


After this we headed over to the King of Mississippi riverboat, where Rodolphe had to leave us to do some real work (rather than show some dodgy English folk the park), so we went around without him. It was quite nice really; nothing too special around it, but one of those rides filed under “for a long sit-down”.




With the rides closing shortly we decided it was time to whore Alpina Blitz a bit, with various rows experienced and the last ride of the day. It truly is a fantastic ride and hopefully we’ll see a lot more of them in the future, especially for a base price of €4.5 million, it’s SUCH a bargain! We met up with Rodolphe at the hotel for a quick drink but unfortunately dinner in the hotel (which he invited us to) had to be cut off as Peter had clearly ridden Alpina Blitz too many times in the heat of the day (turns out you CAN have too much of a good thing). So we bid farewell and promised that we would return to the park in the future.






And that we shall, because even without Rodolphe’s tour of the place we would have loved it anyway. The park itself is presented well, with lots of rides dotted about with some immense theming (I fell in love with the Tractor ride as an example), and just an overall look and atmosphere to the place that few parks can achieve. Alpina Blitz is a brilliant landmark coaster for them to be put on the map in the wider world of the industry, and hopefully that will kick-start them into pushing for a lot more guests not only this year but in the years to come.
I send a lot of thanks to Rodolphe as well for giving us an even more fantastic day and really going above and beyond the levels of park hospitality for us, the sort of stuff that in my experience is only reserved for those huge groups who pay for it, rather than 4 random people. His tales and honest opinions on the industry, the park and his own experiences and future were both fascinating and insightful throughout the day. And his enthusiasm about the park (and his career in general) certainly rubbed off on us.
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Day 1 – Parc Saint Paul
A rather early morning of 3am was the choice made to venture to a selection of rather un-known French parks, and after a McDonald’s service station breakfast and a quick jaunt on the Eurotunnel we were firing down the French motorway with not a care in the world.
Unfortunately, disaster would strike us. We began to hear noises from the car, and decided to pull over on the hard shoulder to investigate. After some initial checks, we agreed to move the car forward slightly to see if there was truly something wrong, and it refused to start up.


Many calls were made and eventually a mechanic (who of course, spoke no English) turned up, and made that classic intake of breath noise that all mechanics do that tend to signify that the car/vehicle is completely buggered.

We were taken to a nearby garage, and made the decision that €2000 for a new gearbox was not worth the money at all, so we would leave the car forever in France, grab a hire car and continue with our adventure post-haste. The garage were very helpful to us especially given the language barrier, however Demi Lovato’s version of “Let It Go” was not particularly appreciated by myself.
We got a taxi to a hire car place and after many a hasty phone call from the guy working there we were eventually given a Volkswagen UP! So after a delay of about two hours we continued on our adventure to Parc Saint Paul.




Upon arrival, our expectations of the place were not high, especially as their new Vekoma Junior coaster was being spiteful and not open. Nevertheless we headed to our first coaster of the trip, a Wacky Worm. Joyous! This one however was very well themed, with lots of statues, a very giant apple and even astroturf. Of course, it was still a Wacky Worm.



Next up in the actual coaster department was the Wild Train, my first Pax coaster (who aren’t exactly known for being good). And the slight launch out the station worried us greatly as to how awful this ride might be, so to say it exceeded all possible expectations would be rather accurate. It was certainly wild, with a fair amount of airtime and reasonable Gs about, with a hint of re-rideability, which is always a bonus in my book.




We meandered further into the park, and decided the spinny mouse could be done later because it had an awful queue (which didn’t get any better unfortunately) and went onto the next Pax coaster, Formule 1. Unsurprisingly, it’s themed to Formula 1, with the different cars based off different manufacturers, and a scary statue of Schumacher at the entrance. It’s also a slight rip-off of the Gerstlauer Bobsleds, with a much steeper lift and a more insane experience, with over-banked turns being the main culprit of this. Again it was rather enjoyable ride, if slightly terrifying.





We wandered a bit further into the park, discovering that it wasn’t all quite run-down as we expected it to look within. There was a fair amount of woodland, lakes and even some buildings taken straight out of Lightwater Valley. It’s very family set with more for the kids, but we saw tonnes of BBQ sets for people to come and cook their own food, and it did have a rather lovely atmosphere.



Back to the rides, Mini Mouse Cartoon was next, which is a Zamperla Mini Mouse or something. It makes a Wacky Worm look interesting that’s all I know. +1


Next door to that was Telepherique, which was by far the most amazing thing ever created by a French person. It’s a platform led zip line, only in (such a) cred format. It involves a lot of spinning, swinging and swearing (and even crashing in some cases, like with me). Part of that old “Never in the UK” ideal, I thought it was brilliant, but the others not so much.






We headed back to the Souris Verte Spinning Wild Mouse of boredom, having endured the queue of burdenous times. I’m so bored of these now it’s not true. Again, +1

We then decided to go and see the Tiger show, to which those who visited Bagatelle and seen their Lion show had “I have seen things” moments as a result. However only two of the tigers looked like they wanted to eat the fat French man who was flicking them with a whip. Fortunately there was no maiming of the fat French man (or unfortunately, dependant on opinion of such animal shows), so we were able to continue on our journey via a Giant Slide.




As John and Peter did the horror house thingy, we meandered around the House of Mirrors, which wasn’t very entertaining. After they returned, we went into the 3D Walkthrough, which was actually quite epic and looked tonnes better than Hocus Pocus Hall even did. We then marvelled at the themed bins and doors as we had some ice cream.




We had another go on the Formula 1 coaster, before me and John did the Drop Tower of Forever – Extreme Edition, which decided it would go from slow to fast to slow again during the trip up the tower, which was equally hilarious and burdenous. I don’t think my laughter was appreciated by the randomer next to us though who was unsure about the whole thing. When it did get to the top, the drop was instantaneous, so it was all a bit weird. Good though. We finished this with another go on the Wild Train before heading off for a long drive down to our hotel, but not before a quick character photo!
Overall, the park exceeded our (admittedly lower than low) expectations of it. It’s very much like Lightwater (but tinier), and whilst it had a fair amount of rides dumped in places, they did make an attempt to make them look really nice. Hopefully the park can continue on a positive trajectory in the future, because we certainly enjoyed ourselves.

Day 1 – Parc Saint Paul
A rather early morning of 3am was the choice made to venture to a selection of rather un-known French parks, and after a McDonald’s service station breakfast and a quick jaunt on the Eurotunnel we were firing down the French motorway with not a care in the world.
Unfortunately, disaster would strike us. We began to hear noises from the car, and decided to pull over on the hard shoulder to investigate. After some initial checks, we agreed to move the car forward slightly to see if there was truly something wrong, and it refused to start up.


Many calls were made and eventually a mechanic (who of course, spoke no English) turned up, and made that classic intake of breath noise that all mechanics do that tend to signify that the car/vehicle is completely buggered.

We were taken to a nearby garage, and made the decision that €2000 for a new gearbox was not worth the money at all, so we would leave the car forever in France, grab a hire car and continue with our adventure post-haste. The garage were very helpful to us especially given the language barrier, however Demi Lovato’s version of “Let It Go” was not particularly appreciated by myself.
We got a taxi to a hire car place and after many a hasty phone call from the guy working there we were eventually given a Volkswagen UP! So after a delay of about two hours we continued on our adventure to Parc Saint Paul.




Upon arrival, our expectations of the place were not high, especially as their new Vekoma Junior coaster was being spiteful and not open. Nevertheless we headed to our first coaster of the trip, a Wacky Worm. Joyous! This one however was very well themed, with lots of statues, a very giant apple and even astroturf. Of course, it was still a Wacky Worm.



Next up in the actual coaster department was the Wild Train, my first Pax coaster (who aren’t exactly known for being good). And the slight launch out the station worried us greatly as to how awful this ride might be, so to say it exceeded all possible expectations would be rather accurate. It was certainly wild, with a fair amount of airtime and reasonable Gs about, with a hint of re-rideability, which is always a bonus in my book.




We meandered further into the park, and decided the spinny mouse could be done later because it had an awful queue (which didn’t get any better unfortunately) and went onto the next Pax coaster, Formule 1. Unsurprisingly, it’s themed to Formula 1, with the different cars based off different manufacturers, and a scary statue of Schumacher at the entrance. It’s also a slight rip-off of the Gerstlauer Bobsleds, with a much steeper lift and a more insane experience, with over-banked turns being the main culprit of this. Again it was rather enjoyable ride, if slightly terrifying.





We wandered a bit further into the park, discovering that it wasn’t all quite run-down as we expected it to look within. There was a fair amount of woodland, lakes and even some buildings taken straight out of Lightwater Valley. It’s very family set with more for the kids, but we saw tonnes of BBQ sets for people to come and cook their own food, and it did have a rather lovely atmosphere.



Back to the rides, Mini Mouse Cartoon was next, which is a Zamperla Mini Mouse or something. It makes a Wacky Worm look interesting that’s all I know. +1


Next door to that was Telepherique, which was by far the most amazing thing ever created by a French person. It’s a platform led zip line, only in (such a) cred format. It involves a lot of spinning, swinging and swearing (and even crashing in some cases, like with me). Part of that old “Never in the UK” ideal, I thought it was brilliant, but the others not so much.






We headed back to the Souris Verte Spinning Wild Mouse of boredom, having endured the queue of burdenous times. I’m so bored of these now it’s not true. Again, +1

We then decided to go and see the Tiger show, to which those who visited Bagatelle and seen their Lion show had “I have seen things” moments as a result. However only two of the tigers looked like they wanted to eat the fat French man who was flicking them with a whip. Fortunately there was no maiming of the fat French man (or unfortunately, dependant on opinion of such animal shows), so we were able to continue on our journey via a Giant Slide.




As John and Peter did the horror house thingy, we meandered around the House of Mirrors, which wasn’t very entertaining. After they returned, we went into the 3D Walkthrough, which was actually quite epic and looked tonnes better than Hocus Pocus Hall even did. We then marvelled at the themed bins and doors as we had some ice cream.




We had another go on the Formula 1 coaster, before me and John did the Drop Tower of Forever – Extreme Edition, which decided it would go from slow to fast to slow again during the trip up the tower, which was equally hilarious and burdenous. I don’t think my laughter was appreciated by the randomer next to us though who was unsure about the whole thing. When it did get to the top, the drop was instantaneous, so it was all a bit weird. Good though. We finished this with another go on the Wild Train before heading off for a long drive down to our hotel, but not before a quick character photo!
Overall, the park exceeded our (admittedly lower than low) expectations of it. It’s very much like Lightwater (but tinier), and whilst it had a fair amount of rides dumped in places, they did make an attempt to make them look really nice. Hopefully the park can continue on a positive trajectory in the future, because we certainly enjoyed ourselves.

In 2012, I was assigned to write a feature for Colossus's tenth birthday. The article itself was my best work if I don't say so myself. It was my intention that I would be able to do a similar piece when it came to 2003's blisteringly hot but underwhelmingly* tepid Nemesis Inferno in 2013. But this did not happen. No matter what I wrote, constructed or thought about, inspiration abandoned me and I just couldn't put together a piece that would do Inferno justice. And the problem comes down to one sticking point;
There is just nothing special about Nemesis Inferno.

Nemesis Inferno, distinctly middle of the road.
But worry not fellow Thorpe fanboys and coaster nerds for the story doesn't end there. It is for that reason that for me, Nemesis Inferno is one of Thorpe's very best roller coasters and one that I get the most pleasure out of riding during a visit. Let me tell you a tale about a ride that was hyped to the max, but could never reach those lofty heights.
Back in 2002, Colossus had done unexpected things for Thorpe, it's visitor numbers rising and rising and the construction of a brand new Inverter would have been a spectacular thing indeed for English enthusiasts. Remember, we are talking about a time when Nemesis most definitely ruled the roost in the UK and unless you were up for travelling to America, Italy or Spain, chances are it was your only shot. The hype surrounding Inferno was definitely something different, particularly when it was associated with the Nemesis name. I can remember at the time, discussion on Inferno's finale helixes being discussed as potentially as intense as Nemesis's helix after its first inversion. Talk about building the hype.

Of course, come April 2003, Inferno opens and it isn't quite as good as it's predecessor. My favourite description at the time was a ride on Inferno's front row was not as intense as a ride on the Happy Halibuts of Octopus Garden. Talk about damning a product.
At the time, with only Colossus complimenting Inferno, it came under harsher criticism then it probably deserved. With only two major roller coasters** to keep customers happy, Inferno came under the limelight in a way that many rides do not. After all, inverters had really boomed in the 90's with the Batman clones being installed all across America and rides that dominated their respected parks like Katun, Montu and Alpengeist. By 2003, with new types of rides starting to dominate such as sky hogging mega coasters and Intamin's brand new launch technology breaking record after record it's easy to see why Inferno was not enough and why Inferno could actually be seen as a bit, old hat.

This is all hindsight of course. With the addition of Stealth, Saw: The Ride and The Swarm, things have increasingly changed at Thorpe and of course, so has Nemesis Inferno. As higher, faster and more attention grabbing rides have been added, Inferno has become more of a support roller coaster. When everything else goes to hell in a hand basket, Inferno is the old reliable. Always the ride with minimal queues, always the ride that eats through queues like it's going out of fashion and always the ride that delivers a smooth, intense experience. Never really pushing its customers too far but always delivering its promise of an enjoyable and satisfying ride. I know there are those that will disagree. A B&M inverter should be the absolute pinnacle of intensity, nothing should be considered more when riding this ride type. If that is the promise then Inferno doesn't deliver. Luckily, just up the M1 and left a bit is another roller coaster that does fulfil the necessary criteria.

At Thorpe however is a ride built on the tail end of a coaster boom, one that is loved by a small but vocal minority. And for me personally, it holds some very special memories. It was my very first B&M and by default my first B&M inverter, it was the first ride that I really followed construction of and I know full well that it is my most ridden ride thanks to many Single rider sessions in 2004.
More then most then, I can say that Inferno is an average ride at best. But even average is better then the majority of roller coasters out there. And that's good enough for me.
Thanks for reading, Mark9

*I made up a word just for this review. Now that is dedication for you
**I know people will say X:/ No Way Out was a major roller coaster. it just isn't OKAY!

Day 3
The final day on park started with a character breakfast, as Pardoes did lots of interaction at an extremely peaceful level never seen at Disney. Once again our first port of call was Vogel Rok with 2 straight goes on the front before having to move back. Burdenous people!


And again like the day before, Joris was our next venture. We got there slightly before it was due to open, so I watched the engineers play around with the sensors on Flying Dutchman. Upon opening we got 4 goes, including front and back seat action. It’s always good when rides like this run extremely well first thing in the morning, and when there’s no queue whatsoever, even on 1 train operation.






Bob had a fair queue so Single Rider was called upon this time, and resulted in minimal (read, none) waiting. Was still rather enjoyable if a bit awkward being slammed into a random Dutch person on some of the corners. Took some pictures of the Pirana refurb that’s currently taking place as well, it feels like being at Chessie.





Fata Morgana was next, I actually took photos this time round instead of being gobsmacked; here they are.










We then wandered the park aimlessly for a bit, taking in another Puppet Show before another go on Carnival Festival before grabbing another hotdog and hat combo and watching yet another Jokie Show.

Straight out of RCT Coffee Shop!

We walked into the Museum again to have another look, and got given free badges for it, yay! Back in the Fairy area, it was time for more Dreamflight and Villa Volta. Because why not? The Train had just come in so we decided to hop on for a ride.






Much safety









It was then of course time for MORE Pancakes. Much further nomming was had, and we purchased some pancake mix to sneak past customs on the way home, and with Shrove Tuesday next month!


We once again rode Carnival Festival and watched the Jokie Show, before one final go on Vogel Rok of the holiday. Bless it. Next were the Gondolettas, which are the fastest Tow Boats I’ve ever seen, yet still take 20 minutes to go around the huge lake.








Heading into an area we had barely visited, it was time to mop up the rest of the unridden rides, starting with the Vintage Cars, which were long but nowhere near as good as Asterix’s, the Pile of Ship Halve Maen and it’s 14 rows of WHY were next, which was pretty awesome. Then the final piece of the puzzle was the weird cousin of Seastorm, Moby idiot, which doesn’t go backwards and just goes around in circles at walking pace. Very weird.






It was time for the final rides, and what better option to have fulfil this than Joris? A ride on each side for the final determination of which was ‘better’ (the winner of which was Water), but both are winners, as they’re both good. Now when will someone in the UK build a GCI?








After Joris, we walked back to the entrance, encountering some cats and buying some sugary as hell doughnuts before settling to watch Aquanura one last time.




















Upon which it was back to the hotel room to rest before heading home.
Efteling is a truly fantastic park. Whilst it may not have a giant assorted of rides, and half of the park is taken up by landscaping or a Fairytale Forest of Forever, it fills itself with charm and colour throughout. And the rides that do exist on the park are all good at the minimum, which is rare for a park to have no truly bad rides (although Carousel land confused me greatly, why have 3?). The staff were all very pleasant and the characters very interactive. The hotel is rather basic in the rooms but even then have little details dotted in them.
I could just say it’s my favourite park because of the Pancake Kitchen (which may have helped my opinion formation), but there’s so much more to the park than that. The Disney quality dark rides and the ‘dead’ areas allow you to relax across your day (though I’m sure the full cattlepens would combat this feeling), and with the Fairytale Forest it has one of the most well designed and picturesque areas in a theme park.
A truly good theme park is one that doesn’t feel like a theme park. And Efteling fits that bill to a tee.

Day 3
The final day on park started with a character breakfast, as Pardoes did lots of interaction at an extremely peaceful level never seen at Disney. Once again our first port of call was Vogel Rok with 2 straight goes on the front before having to move back. Burdenous people!


And again like the day before, Joris was our next venture. We got there slightly before it was due to open, so I watched the engineers play around with the sensors on Flying Dutchman. Upon opening we got 4 goes, including front and back seat action. It’s always good when rides like this run extremely well first thing in the morning, and when there’s no queue whatsoever, even on 1 train operation.






Bob had a fair queue so Single Rider was called upon this time, and resulted in minimal (read, none) waiting. Was still rather enjoyable if a bit awkward being slammed into a random Dutch person on some of the corners. Took some pictures of the Pirana refurb that’s currently taking place as well, it feels like being at Chessie.





Fata Morgana was next, I actually took photos this time round instead of being gobsmacked; here they are.










We then wandered the park aimlessly for a bit, taking in another Puppet Show before another go on Carnival Festival before grabbing another hotdog and hat combo and watching yet another Jokie Show.

Straight out of RCT Coffee Shop!

We walked into the Museum again to have another look, and got given free badges for it, yay! Back in the Fairy area, it was time for more Dreamflight and Villa Volta. Because why not? The Train had just come in so we decided to hop on for a ride.






Much safety









It was then of course time for MORE Pancakes. Much further nomming was had, and we purchased some pancake mix to sneak past customs on the way home, and with Shrove Tuesday next month!


We once again rode Carnival Festival and watched the Jokie Show, before one final go on Vogel Rok of the holiday. Bless it. Next were the Gondolettas, which are the fastest Tow Boats I’ve ever seen, yet still take 20 minutes to go around the huge lake.








Heading into an area we had barely visited, it was time to mop up the rest of the unridden rides, starting with the Vintage Cars, which were long but nowhere near as good as Asterix’s, the Pile of Ship Halve Maen and it’s 14 rows of WHY were next, which was pretty awesome. Then the final piece of the puzzle was the weird cousin of Seastorm, Moby idiot, which doesn’t go backwards and just goes around in circles at walking pace. Very weird.






It was time for the final rides, and what better option to have fulfil this than Joris? A ride on each side for the final determination of which was ‘better’ (the winner of which was Water), but both are winners, as they’re both good. Now when will someone in the UK build a GCI?








After Joris, we walked back to the entrance, encountering some cats and buying some sugary as hell doughnuts before settling to watch Aquanura one last time.




















Upon which it was back to the hotel room to rest before heading home.
Efteling is a truly fantastic park. Whilst it may not have a giant assorted of rides, and half of the park is taken up by landscaping or a Fairytale Forest of Forever, it fills itself with charm and colour throughout. And the rides that do exist on the park are all good at the minimum, which is rare for a park to have no truly bad rides (although Carousel land confused me greatly, why have 3?). The staff were all very pleasant and the characters very interactive. The hotel is rather basic in the rooms but even then have little details dotted in them.
I could just say it’s my favourite park because of the Pancake Kitchen (which may have helped my opinion formation), but there’s so much more to the park than that. The Disney quality dark rides and the ‘dead’ areas allow you to relax across your day (though I’m sure the full cattlepens would combat this feeling), and with the Fairytale Forest it has one of the most well designed and picturesque areas in a theme park.
A truly good theme park is one that doesn’t feel like a theme park. And Efteling fits that bill to a tee.

Day 3
The final day on park started with a character breakfast, as Pardoes did lots of interaction at an extremely peaceful level never seen at Disney. Once again our first port of call was Vogel Rok with 2 straight goes on the front before having to move back. Burdenous people!


And again like the day before, Joris was our next venture. We got there slightly before it was due to open, so I watched the engineers play around with the sensors on Flying Dutchman. Upon opening we got 4 goes, including front and back seat action. It’s always good when rides like this run extremely well first thing in the morning, and when there’s no queue whatsoever, even on 1 train operation.






Bob had a fair queue so Single Rider was called upon this time, and resulted in minimal (read, none) waiting. Was still rather enjoyable if a bit awkward being slammed into a random Dutch person on some of the corners. Took some pictures of the Pirana refurb that’s currently taking place as well, it feels like being at Chessie.





Fata Morgana was next, I actually took photos this time round instead of being gobsmacked; here they are.










We then wandered the park aimlessly for a bit, taking in another Puppet Show before another go on Carnival Festival before grabbing another hotdog and hat combo and watching yet another Jokie Show.

Straight out of RCT Coffee Shop!

We walked into the Museum again to have another look, and got given free badges for it, yay! Back in the Fairy area, it was time for more Dreamflight and Villa Volta. Because why not? The Train had just come in so we decided to hop on for a ride.






Much safety









It was then of course time for MORE Pancakes. Much further nomming was had, and we purchased some pancake mix to sneak past customs on the way home, and with Shrove Tuesday next month!


We once again rode Carnival Festival and watched the Jokie Show, before one final go on Vogel Rok of the holiday. Bless it. Next were the Gondolettas, which are the fastest Tow Boats I’ve ever seen, yet still take 20 minutes to go around the huge lake.








Heading into an area we had barely visited, it was time to mop up the rest of the unridden rides, starting with the Vintage Cars, which were long but nowhere near as good as Asterix’s, the Pile of Ship Halve Maen and it’s 14 rows of WHY were next, which was pretty awesome. Then the final piece of the puzzle was the weird cousin of Seastorm, Moby idiot, which doesn’t go backwards and just goes around in circles at walking pace. Very weird.






It was time for the final rides, and what better option to have fulfil this than Joris? A ride on each side for the final determination of which was ‘better’ (the winner of which was Water), but both are winners, as they’re both good. Now when will someone in the UK build a GCI?








After Joris, we walked back to the entrance, encountering some cats and buying some sugary as hell doughnuts before settling to watch Aquanura one last time.




















Upon which it was back to the hotel room to rest before heading home.
Efteling is a truly fantastic park. Whilst it may not have a giant assorted of rides, and half of the park is taken up by landscaping or a Fairytale Forest of Forever, it fills itself with charm and colour throughout. And the rides that do exist on the park are all good at the minimum, which is rare for a park to have no truly bad rides (although Carousel land confused me greatly, why have 3?). The staff were all very pleasant and the characters very interactive. The hotel is rather basic in the rooms but even then have little details dotted in them.
I could just say it’s my favourite park because of the Pancake Kitchen (which may have helped my opinion formation), but there’s so much more to the park than that. The Disney quality dark rides and the ‘dead’ areas allow you to relax across your day (though I’m sure the full cattlepens would combat this feeling), and with the Fairytale Forest it has one of the most well designed and picturesque areas in a theme park.
A truly good theme park is one that doesn’t feel like a theme park. And Efteling fits that bill to a tee.

Day 3
The final day on park started with a character breakfast, as Pardoes did lots of interaction at an extremely peaceful level never seen at Disney. Once again our first port of call was Vogel Rok with 2 straight goes on the front before having to move back. Burdenous people!


And again like the day before, Joris was our next venture. We got there slightly before it was due to open, so I watched the engineers play around with the sensors on Flying Dutchman. Upon opening we got 4 goes, including front and back seat action. It’s always good when rides like this run extremely well first thing in the morning, and when there’s no queue whatsoever, even on 1 train operation.






Bob had a fair queue so Single Rider was called upon this time, and resulted in minimal (read, none) waiting. Was still rather enjoyable if a bit awkward being slammed into a random Dutch person on some of the corners. Took some pictures of the Pirana refurb that’s currently taking place as well, it feels like being at Chessie.





Fata Morgana was next, I actually took photos this time round instead of being gobsmacked; here they are.










We then wandered the park aimlessly for a bit, taking in another Puppet Show before another go on Carnival Festival before grabbing another hotdog and hat combo and watching yet another Jokie Show.

Straight out of RCT Coffee Shop!

We walked into the Museum again to have another look, and got given free badges for it, yay! Back in the Fairy area, it was time for more Dreamflight and Villa Volta. Because why not? The Train had just come in so we decided to hop on for a ride.






Much safety









It was then of course time for MORE Pancakes. Much further nomming was had, and we purchased some pancake mix to sneak past customs on the way home, and with Shrove Tuesday next month!


We once again rode Carnival Festival and watched the Jokie Show, before one final go on Vogel Rok of the holiday. Bless it. Next were the Gondolettas, which are the fastest Tow Boats I’ve ever seen, yet still take 20 minutes to go around the huge lake.








Heading into an area we had barely visited, it was time to mop up the rest of the unridden rides, starting with the Vintage Cars, which were long but nowhere near as good as Asterix’s, the Pile of Ship Halve Maen and it’s 14 rows of WHY were next, which was pretty awesome. Then the final piece of the puzzle was the weird cousin of Seastorm, Moby idiot, which doesn’t go backwards and just goes around in circles at walking pace. Very weird.






It was time for the final rides, and what better option to have fulfil this than Joris? A ride on each side for the final determination of which was ‘better’ (the winner of which was Water), but both are winners, as they’re both good. Now when will someone in the UK build a GCI?








After Joris, we walked back to the entrance, encountering some cats and buying some sugary as hell doughnuts before settling to watch Aquanura one last time.




















Upon which it was back to the hotel room to rest before heading home.
Efteling is a truly fantastic park. Whilst it may not have a giant assorted of rides, and half of the park is taken up by landscaping or a Fairytale Forest of Forever, it fills itself with charm and colour throughout. And the rides that do exist on the park are all good at the minimum, which is rare for a park to have no truly bad rides (although Carousel land confused me greatly, why have 3?). The staff were all very pleasant and the characters very interactive. The hotel is rather basic in the rooms but even then have little details dotted in them.
I could just say it’s my favourite park because of the Pancake Kitchen (which may have helped my opinion formation), but there’s so much more to the park than that. The Disney quality dark rides and the ‘dead’ areas allow you to relax across your day (though I’m sure the full cattlepens would combat this feeling), and with the Fairytale Forest it has one of the most well designed and picturesque areas in a theme park.
A truly good theme park is one that doesn’t feel like a theme park. And Efteling fits that bill to a tee.

Day 1
What better way to spend the UK closed season than by visiting a park that doesn’t close? Goodbye depressing Merlin situations and hello Efteling, who certainly are the opposite end of the ownership scale, what with being owned by a non-for-profit organisation who happily throw €42 million on a show.
So a blustery Saturday morning greeted us, with a flight to remember as the winds took hold of our plane throughout, providing an intense experience I never wish to repeat again in my life. But fortunately the flight was short and Rotterdam was reached (just). A bus to the train station, a train to Tilburg and another bus (Total of about 90 minutes travel time, especially if you get the connections right), and we had reached our destination of the Efteling Hotel!



We got our park tickets and through the super secret mini-gate we were in, greeted by a DJ Set-up in front of our first coaster, Vogel Rok. This Vekoma indoor variant is hidden behind a fantastic entrance background and a giant animatronic bird welcoming you into his giant building. A short indoor queue led us into the station and the cattlepen of death (Efteling LOVE hidden cattlepens of death, fortunately we used none of them), and before long we were sat on the ridiculously spacious seats (pros of lap-bars of OTSRs on a Vekoma, given the way Space Mountain at DLP is), and sent off into the pitch black.


The ride itself is fun, with a few laser effects and animatronics dotted around as you swoop around the building accompanied by some fantastic music. Very re-rideable (as we found out during the ERT sessions for hotel guests), and probably the smoothest Vekoma I’ve ever ridden. Solid ride and a solid start for Efteling.
7/10


Next door was our first dark ride in Carnival Festival, which is a Small World rip-off in Omnimover form. A really fascinating dark ride; and something that seems to be an institution in Efteling as Bubbleworks once was to Chessington. Catchy theme music, bright colours, moving sets/animatronics, this ride has it all, even some good old-fashioned racism (bless Continental Europe) fill this tour of the world up, from Holland to France (complete with prostitute), London, Japan and Africa; certainly a classic example of a classic style dark ride.











Moving on from the area in search of other coasters, we wandered through the park to the opposite corner, taking in the lovely setting of lakes and woodland, before arriving at our second Vekoma, Python.


In classic Vekoma white and green, this ride is famous for THAT incident where during an evacuation on the lift hill the train suddenly moved forward due to the unloading procedure. Since then though, it’s had the new Vekoma trains added on with a sexy looking vinyl finish to it.

The new trains help this ride a lot though, whilst not as smooth as Vogel, it was certainly the best Vekoma looping thing I’ve been on in a while. Can all of the existing ones have these trains please? A decent helix finale too, but an amazingly bland layout cannot be held up by such an alright finish.
6/10

Efteling have a coaster corner, with Python, Flying Dutchman (closed for off-season maintenance during our visit, so didn’t get to ride it), and Joris en de Draak, the racing GCIs.


At the end of last year I thought Stampida was the best example of a well designed (at least, initially) racing style coaster, however, Joris has taken over that mantle exceedingly well, with a layout that is atypical of GCI, and adding in a finish that is often tighter than Merlin’s purse-strings. Even added onto that is the return of the trains to the station; where the winner returns to unfurling banners and cheers, whilst the loser trots in afterwards to boos and jeers. Simple additions that would be deemed as unnecessary in certain parks, but not here; and obviously capped off by a giant animatronic dragon that breathes fire.



The choices here are Water and Fire, and generally they don’t differ that much until after the journey back over the station. With the usual array of quick turns, airtime dips and near-misses, it was hard to determine which of the two was preferred to the other. Water tends to gain some lead, but the finale removes that as it goes on a longer journey around the lake next door, where Fire holds back into tighter turns and drops (arguable holding the best drop of both as it dives under the lift hills). In the end they are both excellent coasters, and certainly with the 1.1m restriction they fit into Efteling immensely well. I also get the feeling that Europa were inspired by it slightly, as the swampy queue-line looked very familiar.
9/10




We continued our circuit around the park, walking the long way around due to the mass of construction happening at the Rapids, ending next at the final coaster of the trip, Bob, the Intamin Bobsleigh. I remember enjoying Disaster Transport before Cedar Point spited it so I was looking forward to riding another one. An enjoyable romp through the woods followed, with some surprisingly large drops and some fair amount of lateral Gs. Part of me thinks that these single car versions are better than Mack’s multiple car trains, mainly down to the speed this one achieved, but Avalanche at Blackpool is similar. Oh well, either way, a solid enough ride.
7/10

How to refurb your ride 101


Pictures of Bob are extremely difficult
We were hungry at this point, so food was required, and there was a place I had been told (read, ordered) to eat at, Polle’s Keuchen. A pancake place of sheer and utter deliciousness that you so rarely see in a theme park. Heavily themed with a central feature that spun in time to music, open cooking area, waiter service and a bar, all for one little pancake place? Truly, this is the stuff of rare legend.






After stuffing ourselves full of pancake goodness, a dark ride was required, so step forward Fata Morgana, Efteling’s answer to Pirates of the Caribbean. From an unassuming queueline of relative blandness around the loading platform, into one of the most well themed dark rides I’ve seen. It uses the tow boat system to its complete advantage, making the scenes feel a lot more involving of the rider for the majority, yet still managed to pull off the impressive large set pieces off as well. Plus some excellent bonus effects were used throughout it.
I’ve never been so surprised by a dark ride since Gardaland’s pirate effort, but this is another level. This is truly Disney level dark ride goodness, which resulted in me sitting in awe of the entire thing.



Yay for random park entertainment!
We had a quick look at the main entrance building (House of the 5 Senses, the most impressive park entrance architecturally speaking) before moving along to the opposite corner of the park again, home to 3 of Efteling’s well-known attractions (unfortunately Ravelijn, the €42 million show, was closed, but the outside of it looks incredible).




From one amazing dark ride, to another, this time Dreamflight, an inverted dark ride with an extremely bland cattlepen queue of death (apparently it was once actually themed and didn’t use a side-door) and a station that shared its locale with a café (a very weird one there Efteling), so not the most enticing of starts.


Then the ride begins. And after the impressiveness of Fata Morgana, this continued the theme, I was once again blown away by the details, multiple animated characters, the size of the set pieces, and of course the infamous coaster-like finale. It had recently had a bit of a refurb, which did show, but still, my first ride of it, full of the unknown led to even more jaw-dropping moments as gigantic set-pieces revealed themselves. Again, this was some Disney level stuff going on, if not vastly superior.







This photo is blurry because it’s the coaster section

After a second go on Dreamflight, it was time for another famous one in Villa Volta, the first Vekoma Madhouse. Said to be one of the best ones, it unfortunately suffers from the same issues as the rest, dialogue heavy story-telling. Granted, most Madhouse stories are reduced to “The place is cursed”, but the interesting part is always, “Why is the place cursed?” “Why did the Earl lock up a branch?” “Why is there a Pervy Wizard?” all important questions that rarely get answered if you don’t speak the local lingo.
Villa Volta’s first room is an exceptionally bad example of this, as the dialogue comes from speakers in the roof, so you have nothing but people talking about the feared Goat-Riders. The next room improves slightly with the addition of Hugo, the main character and his fabulous animatronic (again, Disney standard), but it still involves a LOT of dialogue. Hex is probably the only Madhouse which manages to get the balance right, as the first pre-show has the accompanying video to tell the story, and the second show has minimal dialogue and is obvious as to what is happening.
The ride room though is beautifully themed, and a slightly different (and more forceful) ride cycle to go with it. The music is another feather in the bow of the ride, with another catchy theme which fits the ride perfectly. I would easily say Hex is a better overall product that Volta, but that’s not to say it is bad, indeed, it’s better than its Italian cousins and Feng Ju Palace. But the dialogue is the issue more than the ride itself.


Projection Mapping screens live here



We had some time to kill so we wandered around to the Laaf Village and did their Monorail thing, which was alright, a very required sit-down attraction. Another go on Vogel Rok followed as we were nearby before walking back to the park entrance for Aquanura, Efteling’s answer to World of Colour, only without projections and just pure fountain action so amazing Amanda Thompson would never leave it alone.
Set to various classical music and some of the park’s own music (Villa Volta, Ravelijn, Carnival Festival), it really is a fantastic show, though the wind at this point was problematic and got us extremely wet in the “Optimal Viewing Area”. Nowhere near as bad as watching Disney Dreams in a blizzard that’s for certain, but the timing, colours and various fountain type (and FIRE, because it makes everything better) worked together to create an entertaining spectacle.




And that was it for the first day, finding an empty park was not what I was expecting, as was getting every major ride done in a few hours. But we still had 2 whole days, and a Fairytale Forest to visit, so we checked into the hotel, had a nice meal and looked forward to another day of pancakes.

So I’ve discussed the UK parks, but what about the foreign ones I visited? Well here we goooooo!
Disneyland Paris
Well it snowed, oh BOY did it snow. Not that it ruined the enjoyment of course, there’s nothing more hilarious than riding Tower of Terror, getting to the top and the doors opening to a mini-blizzard. The park did extremely well dealing with the heavy snow and I take my hat off for the way they dealt with our booked restaurant situation.
The parks were their usually selves really, though it’s hard to judge due to the weather playing havoc with staff numbers and rides in operation. The real highlight of the trip was the Tower of Terror staff, which were constantly fantastic and provided the funniest moments of the week.
Also Disney Dreams, which is fantastic <3
Denmark
This was an exciting trip, especially to somewhere rarely visited by enthusiasts and had a fair share of ups and downs over the week. Although really it peaked from the offset with Eurovision-mania taking a real hold on Copenhagen and Tivoli in particular. Other highlights from Tivoli were Vertigo (terrifying thing of DOOM), the cuteness of Daemonen and the absolutely awesome Fun House. Classic Rusty Banana was an instant hit with us too, proving you don’t have to have all the latest technological advancements in the last 100 years to be a good ride.
Unfortunately the next two parks were not very good, Bakken in particular we all loathed and spent 2 hours there. Bon-Bon Land had one joke and it wasn’t very good, although the drop towers were an amusing time as was Fantasy World, the rest of the park was just mediocrity beyond measure (Fabbri Giant Swing aside ride-wise).
Bakken was just dire. That simple, with the worst Intamin in existence within its grounds (yes worse than Baco, having now experienced it I can give that opinion) in the shape of Tornado, which wasn’t even the worst ride in the park, as their Rusty Banana had been Kumbak’d. I shudder just thinking about them. And you know there’s something wrong when your best ride is a flat, and after you’ve spent the morning at the Carlsberg factory.
Fortunately, the other island proved more fruitful in our ride endeavours. Legoland was quite good; with the Robo-Arms probably the best ride there, although the Powered Dragon and Polar X-Plorer were both very suitable rides for the park. Viking River Splash was also pretty good, I look forward to their dark ride attempt next year mind, which looks AMAZE <3
Djurs Sommerland was the best park out of the 6. It had the best rides, the best dogs roaming the park; it had the best play-areas (bouncy pillows for the win). It was quite simply, very, very good. The standard of theming was surprisingly high for the only traditional theme park (bar Lego) we visited, and Piraten and JOYvelen were certainly worth the admission fee. JOYvelen especially was a complete surprise to us, as we weren’t expecting such a solid family coaster, but that’s what we got, and more parks need to buy one.
We finished with Farup Sommerland, which was a random place, filled with a lot more play areas, including the hour long adventure course. Lynet and Falken were good coasters, but we were spited by Orkanen unfortunately, as that looked quite good fun too. The park played well upon the family picnic market it seemed to, and it was a decent enough closure to our trip.
Overall we rode the best AND worst Intamins in the world. No mean feat for a country like Denmark.
Belgium, Part 1
My first trip to Belgium was partly cultural, with Bruges being involved. But why be cultural when you can ride creds?
First up was Bellewaerde, a weird Chessington like park, only not falling apart at the seams and a relatively decent zoo to go with it. The main headline was a Zierer family coaster, Huracan, which had an epic random dark ride section, but not a very good ride section. Considering the space they had available, it was a disappointment really. Fortunately the rest of the park was quite good really, with the Boomerang being smooth and the support rides being of a decent enough quality to suit the park.
Bagatelle was the next port of call since I had never been before. My 300th coaster is now Triops, a Vekoma Invertigo, which was quite good but not as landmark as X (Six Flags) or Beast. The park is pretty poor really (Soquet are NOT a good manufacturer of rides), aside from the best Rapids in the world with their amazing whirlpool of spinning. When you actually lose 5 seconds of a ride due to the complete insanity of it all, you know it’s good. Even if the rest of the ride is a bit meh, it makes it all the more better as you focus on that one element.
Not the best parks in the world really, but easy enough to access really.
Coney Island
Over in New York for another cultural trip (though that’s up for debate when it comes to the USA), and a jaunt over to Luna Park brought to you by Zamperla for the classic Wooden coaster.
And it wasn’t very good. A real shame really as it had some promise, but after the first two turnarounds it developed into a rough and painful experience. Perhaps the hurricane had something to do with that though?
The rest of the park was unsurprisingly, mediocre; what with everything being a Zamperla, and my first experience of a Volare was one of sheer hatred. It was also VERY expensive, but Nathans was made of joy <3
Port Aventura
God bless the Spanish austerity issues, especially if the park is going to have such deals on the hotels and unlimited Express passes! So off we went to sunny Halloween Spain and experience two fantastic B&Ms and 1 god-awful Intamin. I won’t repeat myself much as the TR is still relatively fresh, but it was a good fun weekend overall, though the park needs some lofty improvements and to get rid of Baco post-haste.
Belgium 2 – Rock n Plop
Even more recently was another jaunt to Belgium to experience more Halloween events. Walibi’s is quite famous and it was also another excuse to go back to Plopsaland because Anubis <3
We shocked a Belgian enthusiast when we all loved Psyke Underground because it’s FAB, as well as enjoyed the new branding, the ridiculous number of actors (40 in one maze alone) and the music battle show. This is a good park with a fair amount of potential but problematic neighbours.
Plopsaland has Anubis, therefore it’s FAB <3 Also the new land was amazing and has an awesomely themed Disko Coaster. Again, the TR is still around so check that out for further details.
Overall, a decent year of parks for me, particularly abroad, where only 2 were really bad (as in, worse than Chessington bad). And so far next year’s plans are really looking to expand on things as well, which is a good thing considering none of the UK parks at the moment are looking to deliver anything worthwhile visiting for.
Roll on 2014!

So I’ve discussed the UK parks, but what about the foreign ones I visited? Well here we goooooo!
Disneyland Paris
Well it snowed, oh BOY did it snow. Not that it ruined the enjoyment of course, there’s nothing more hilarious than riding Tower of Terror, getting to the top and the doors opening to a mini-blizzard. The park did extremely well dealing with the heavy snow and I take my hat off for the way they dealt with our booked restaurant situation.
The parks were their usually selves really, though it’s hard to judge due to the weather playing havoc with staff numbers and rides in operation. The real highlight of the trip was the Tower of Terror staff, which were constantly fantastic and provided the funniest moments of the week.
Also Disney Dreams, which is fantastic <3
Denmark
This was an exciting trip, especially to somewhere rarely visited by enthusiasts and had a fair share of ups and downs over the week. Although really it peaked from the offset with Eurovision-mania taking a real hold on Copenhagen and Tivoli in particular. Other highlights from Tivoli were Vertigo (terrifying thing of DOOM), the cuteness of Daemonen and the absolutely awesome Fun House. Classic Rusty Banana was an instant hit with us too, proving you don’t have to have all the latest technological advancements in the last 100 years to be a good ride.
Unfortunately the next two parks were not very good, Bakken in particular we all loathed and spent 2 hours there. Bon-Bon Land had one joke and it wasn’t very good, although the drop towers were an amusing time as was Fantasy World, the rest of the park was just mediocrity beyond measure (Fabbri Giant Swing aside ride-wise).
Bakken was just dire. That simple, with the worst Intamin in existence within its grounds (yes worse than Baco, having now experienced it I can give that opinion) in the shape of Tornado, which wasn’t even the worst ride in the park, as their Rusty Banana had been Kumbak’d. I shudder just thinking about them. And you know there’s something wrong when your best ride is a flat, and after you’ve spent the morning at the Carlsberg factory.
Fortunately, the other island proved more fruitful in our ride endeavours. Legoland was quite good; with the Robo-Arms probably the best ride there, although the Powered Dragon and Polar X-Plorer were both very suitable rides for the park. Viking River Splash was also pretty good, I look forward to their dark ride attempt next year mind, which looks AMAZE <3
Djurs Sommerland was the best park out of the 6. It had the best rides, the best dogs roaming the park; it had the best play-areas (bouncy pillows for the win). It was quite simply, very, very good. The standard of theming was surprisingly high for the only traditional theme park (bar Lego) we visited, and Piraten and JOYvelen were certainly worth the admission fee. JOYvelen especially was a complete surprise to us, as we weren’t expecting such a solid family coaster, but that’s what we got, and more parks need to buy one.
We finished with Farup Sommerland, which was a random place, filled with a lot more play areas, including the hour long adventure course. Lynet and Falken were good coasters, but we were spited by Orkanen unfortunately, as that looked quite good fun too. The park played well upon the family picnic market it seemed to, and it was a decent enough closure to our trip.
Overall we rode the best AND worst Intamins in the world. No mean feat for a country like Denmark.
Belgium, Part 1
My first trip to Belgium was partly cultural, with Bruges being involved. But why be cultural when you can ride creds?
First up was Bellewaerde, a weird Chessington like park, only not falling apart at the seams and a relatively decent zoo to go with it. The main headline was a Zierer family coaster, Huracan, which had an epic random dark ride section, but not a very good ride section. Considering the space they had available, it was a disappointment really. Fortunately the rest of the park was quite good really, with the Boomerang being smooth and the support rides being of a decent enough quality to suit the park.
Bagatelle was the next port of call since I had never been before. My 300th coaster is now Triops, a Vekoma Invertigo, which was quite good but not as landmark as X (Six Flags) or Beast. The park is pretty poor really (Soquet are NOT a good manufacturer of rides), aside from the best Rapids in the world with their amazing whirlpool of spinning. When you actually lose 5 seconds of a ride due to the complete insanity of it all, you know it’s good. Even if the rest of the ride is a bit meh, it makes it all the more better as you focus on that one element.
Not the best parks in the world really, but easy enough to access really.
Coney Island
Over in New York for another cultural trip (though that’s up for debate when it comes to the USA), and a jaunt over to Luna Park brought to you by Zamperla for the classic Wooden coaster.
And it wasn’t very good. A real shame really as it had some promise, but after the first two turnarounds it developed into a rough and painful experience. Perhaps the hurricane had something to do with that though?
The rest of the park was unsurprisingly, mediocre; what with everything being a Zamperla, and my first experience of a Volare was one of sheer hatred. It was also VERY expensive, but Nathans was made of joy <3
Port Aventura
God bless the Spanish austerity issues, especially if the park is going to have such deals on the hotels and unlimited Express passes! So off we went to sunny Halloween Spain and experience two fantastic B&Ms and 1 god-awful Intamin. I won’t repeat myself much as the TR is still relatively fresh, but it was a good fun weekend overall, though the park needs some lofty improvements and to get rid of Baco post-haste.
Belgium 2 – Rock n Plop
Even more recently was another jaunt to Belgium to experience more Halloween events. Walibi’s is quite famous and it was also another excuse to go back to Plopsaland because Anubis <3
We shocked a Belgian enthusiast when we all loved Psyke Underground because it’s FAB, as well as enjoyed the new branding, the ridiculous number of actors (40 in one maze alone) and the music battle show. This is a good park with a fair amount of potential but problematic neighbours.
Plopsaland has Anubis, therefore it’s FAB <3 Also the new land was amazing and has an awesomely themed Disko Coaster. Again, the TR is still around so check that out for further details.
Overall, a decent year of parks for me, particularly abroad, where only 2 were really bad (as in, worse than Chessington bad). And so far next year’s plans are really looking to expand on things as well, which is a good thing considering none of the UK parks at the moment are looking to deliver anything worthwhile visiting for.
Roll on 2014!

So we come to the end of what has been a rather disappointing year in the UK (there’s no two ways about that) it was up to the park’s abroad to show us how to do things, and that is something they most certainly did.
United Kingdom
I didn’t actually visit any non-Merlin UK parks this year, I nearly made it to Mingoland but fortunately that didn’t pan out.
The additions to the Merlin parks sounded good (at least if you weren’t Thorpe, who seemingly cannot think of suitably well thought out additions when not building a roller coaster), with Zufari being inspired from one of the most engaging Disney rides, and Smiler’s secretive and fantastic advertising showing that when they put their minds to it our parks can advertise things properly. But what went wrong?
Alton Towers
This one is clear, Smiler was both the best and worst thing about this year for Towers. The positives are simple, it is the biggest ride that has been built in the country for years, it captured the imagination of the public, it is a marvel of engineering/construction, the advertising was going well, it clearly boosted the park attendances upon opening. It was what people wanted.
Unfortunately, whoever Towers hired to build the thing probably appeared on that BBC show that sort out dodgy companies in a previous life. The list is longer than the Ultimate of what went wrong, the primary issues surrounding the ground it was built on being surveyed incorrectly which meant they had to delay half the construction in order to concrete the ride it properly. Then of course the winter decided to throw snow onto the matter, delaying it further. Subsidence, flooding, storms, incorrect placement of track, aligning issues, etc. were also major influences on the ride’s construction. I don’t think I’ve ever seen a ride construction be so flawed and have so many external issues added on.

One of the few track pieces inserted correctly...
Then of course, the ride opened, then closed, then opened again, then threw bolts at people. Gerstlauer’s biggest project became the world’s biggest pain, which is a real shame because the ride itself is fantastic (although still the 3rd best ride on the park), but the rushed construction, poor planning and awful contractors will be this ride’s legacy, in amongst the countless breakdowns and the like.
Elsewhere on park, it was a weird situation, as Smiler made the park rather top-heavy in investment. Constant other issues like storms, poor ride reliability and powercuts meant that the park didn’t particularly have good PR for the season (see also the July Smiler breakdown which wasn’t communicated until about 3 days before it re-opened). However, what has been a shining light this year has been the entertainments department, which involved the fantastic pirate show with Roger Ramrod, the new Park Keepers who eventually got a vehicle to tour in, the Orchestra in the Summer; a relatively decent array of stuff for Halloween and the Fireworks. For our parks, where shows are particularly high on the agenda, these were a real joy to see happen; and easily the best part of the year for Towers. I hope that this continues on into the future more than anything.

Fantastic ride, a legacy of issues...
Chessington
Where does one begin? Zufari ended up being a cluster of good ideas badly executed in the worst possible way. Bunnygate. Runaway Train was SBNO all season. Dragon Falls lost its theming. Rameses died. Vampire’s operations got worse somehow. Across the board the park was quite simply, dreadful, and will probably see a very low attendance figure this season (more than usual at any rate).

Just when you thought Chessie couldn't get any worse... 2013 happened...
The Halloween event was probably the best week of their season, and even then the not-so-late openings and general park issues couldn’t be ignored. Most of the theming was non-existant based on previous years attempts. Their two mazes were excellent value for their minimal budget though, with Hocus Pocus Hall’s refurb being a complete surprise. However, that cannot skim over the fact that the park has easily been the worst one this year, and with nothing to look forward to next year (though this can be brought to all Merlin parks, though Towers will get LOTS of guests next year), I simply cannot get excited for it.
Thorpe
In a strange turn of events, the park that did nothing of real value (Mraws is still a poorly designed gimmick and X really isn’t that special) did the most by doing what they should’ve been doing for years. Expanding the social network side and using it to their full potential, whilst creating new events (some which worked well, some which didn’t, Summer Nights variated beyond belief as to the quality of the event, although popularity was non-existant, which isn’t the best indicator of the worthiness of an event from the park’s POV) and just generally keeping a decent improved profile this year.

This was the Ice Scream event...
Will it improve matters completely? It’s hard to tell, as currently the park’s portfolio of rides and attempt at a new direction are very much at odds at each other whilst they also have to get rid of the old image of unreliable rides (which Slammer doesn’t help), long queues and Fastrack over-selling on a regular basis. The two former issues still exist on the park, even with the random attempt at complete Virtual Queuing for Swarm, which still seemed to have plenty of teething problems.
Fright Nights apparently existed, although that wasn’t particularly clear even when visiting the park during it advertised (the second time of the year an advertised event didn’t exist, Ice Scream I’m looking at you). The park-wide theme amounted to a CAD entrance sign, film music and the same announcement on every ride with Detonator being the only modified version. The roaming actors were very good though, both sets (Director and You’re Next), but it just didn’t feel like there was an event going on, which is very disappointing when the park was calling it “the UK’s answer to HHN”, that has plenty of theming on the park, Thorpe did not.
Apparently the mazes were good (or not so good, opinions varied across the board for both Thorpe and Towers’ attempts), although my experience of Blair Witch Project was simply diabolical. Fortunately for it Walibi’s Zombie River exists, which was worse, but not by much.

Thorpe let me know in no uncertain terms that my feedback is always appreciated...
PR aside, the park has advanced to doing the basic minimum I want from our parks. But they made a lot more effort this year to improve the guest interaction and issues, which can only be considered a good thing. Just hope that this extends further in Thorpe’s DNA and also to the other parks.
Legoland
Legoland still exists for some reason. Miniland is an absolute TIP and needs fixing up as standard. Elsewhere it’s still the usual meh place really with nothing spectacular going on. It really needs a decent new ride in there. Well themed high throughput coaster preferably, but currently I do wonder why I bothered going at all. Still, not that worst park of the season.
In another post, I’ll look at all the International parks I visited. Check back soon.

So I’ve discussed the UK parks, but what about the foreign ones I visited? Well here we goooooo!
Disneyland Paris
Well it snowed, oh BOY did it snow. Not that it ruined the enjoyment of course, there’s nothing more hilarious than riding Tower of Terror, getting to the top and the doors opening to a mini-blizzard. The park did extremely well dealing with the heavy snow and I take my hat off for the way they dealt with our booked restaurant situation.
The parks were their usually selves really, though it’s hard to judge due to the weather playing havoc with staff numbers and rides in operation. The real highlight of the trip was the Tower of Terror staff, which were constantly fantastic and provided the funniest moments of the week.
Also Disney Dreams, which is fantastic <3
Denmark
This was an exciting trip, especially to somewhere rarely visited by enthusiasts and had a fair share of ups and downs over the week. Although really it peaked from the offset with Eurovision-mania taking a real hold on Copenhagen and Tivoli in particular. Other highlights from Tivoli were Vertigo (terrifying thing of DOOM), the cuteness of Daemonen and the absolutely awesome Fun House. Classic Rusty Banana was an instant hit with us too, proving you don’t have to have all the latest technological advancements in the last 100 years to be a good ride.
Unfortunately the next two parks were not very good, Bakken in particular we all loathed and spent 2 hours there. Bon-Bon Land had one joke and it wasn’t very good, although the drop towers were an amusing time as was Fantasy World, the rest of the park was just mediocrity beyond measure (Fabbri Giant Swing aside ride-wise).
Bakken was just dire. That simple, with the worst Intamin in existence within its grounds (yes worse than Baco, having now experienced it I can give that opinion) in the shape of Tornado, which wasn’t even the worst ride in the park, as their Rusty Banana had been Kumbak’d. I shudder just thinking about them. And you know there’s something wrong when your best ride is a flat, and after you’ve spent the morning at the Carlsberg factory.
Fortunately, the other island proved more fruitful in our ride endeavours. Legoland was quite good; with the Robo-Arms probably the best ride there, although the Powered Dragon and Polar X-Plorer were both very suitable rides for the park. Viking River Splash was also pretty good, I look forward to their dark ride attempt next year mind, which looks AMAZE <3
Djurs Sommerland was the best park out of the 6. It had the best rides, the best dogs roaming the park; it had the best play-areas (bouncy pillows for the win). It was quite simply, very, very good. The standard of theming was surprisingly high for the only traditional theme park (bar Lego) we visited, and Piraten and JOYvelen were certainly worth the admission fee. JOYvelen especially was a complete surprise to us, as we weren’t expecting such a solid family coaster, but that’s what we got, and more parks need to buy one.
We finished with Farup Sommerland, which was a random place, filled with a lot more play areas, including the hour long adventure course. Lynet and Falken were good coasters, but we were spited by Orkanen unfortunately, as that looked quite good fun too. The park played well upon the family picnic market it seemed to, and it was a decent enough closure to our trip.
Overall we rode the best AND worst Intamins in the world. No mean feat for a country like Denmark.
Belgium, Part 1
My first trip to Belgium was partly cultural, with Bruges being involved. But why be cultural when you can ride creds?
First up was Bellewaerde, a weird Chessington like park, only not falling apart at the seams and a relatively decent zoo to go with it. The main headline was a Zierer family coaster, Huracan, which had an epic random dark ride section, but not a very good ride section. Considering the space they had available, it was a disappointment really. Fortunately the rest of the park was quite good really, with the Boomerang being smooth and the support rides being of a decent enough quality to suit the park.
Bagatelle was the next port of call since I had never been before. My 300th coaster is now Triops, a Vekoma Invertigo, which was quite good but not as landmark as X (Six Flags) or Beast. The park is pretty poor really (Soquet are NOT a good manufacturer of rides), aside from the best Rapids in the world with their amazing whirlpool of spinning. When you actually lose 5 seconds of a ride due to the complete insanity of it all, you know it’s good. Even if the rest of the ride is a bit meh, it makes it all the more better as you focus on that one element.
Not the best parks in the world really, but easy enough to access really.
Coney Island
Over in New York for another cultural trip (though that’s up for debate when it comes to the USA), and a jaunt over to Luna Park brought to you by Zamperla for the classic Wooden coaster.
And it wasn’t very good. A real shame really as it had some promise, but after the first two turnarounds it developed into a rough and painful experience. Perhaps the hurricane had something to do with that though?
The rest of the park was unsurprisingly, mediocre; what with everything being a Zamperla, and my first experience of a Volare was one of sheer hatred. It was also VERY expensive, but Nathans was made of joy <3
Port Aventura
God bless the Spanish austerity issues, especially if the park is going to have such deals on the hotels and unlimited Express passes! So off we went to sunny Halloween Spain and experience two fantastic B&Ms and 1 god-awful Intamin. I won’t repeat myself much as the TR is still relatively fresh, but it was a good fun weekend overall, though the park needs some lofty improvements and to get rid of Baco post-haste.
Belgium 2 – Rock n Plop
Even more recently was another jaunt to Belgium to experience more Halloween events. Walibi’s is quite famous and it was also another excuse to go back to Plopsaland because Anubis <3
We shocked a Belgian enthusiast when we all loved Psyke Underground because it’s FAB, as well as enjoyed the new branding, the ridiculous number of actors (40 in one maze alone) and the music battle show. This is a good park with a fair amount of potential but problematic neighbours.
Plopsaland has Anubis, therefore it’s FAB <3 Also the new land was amazing and has an awesomely themed Disko Coaster. Again, the TR is still around so check that out for further details.
Overall, a decent year of parks for me, particularly abroad, where only 2 were really bad (as in, worse than Chessington bad). And so far next year’s plans are really looking to expand on things as well, which is a good thing considering none of the UK parks at the moment are looking to deliver anything worthwhile visiting for.
Roll on 2014!

So I’ve discussed the UK parks, but what about the foreign ones I visited? Well here we goooooo!
Disneyland Paris
Well it snowed, oh BOY did it snow. Not that it ruined the enjoyment of course, there’s nothing more hilarious than riding Tower of Terror, getting to the top and the doors opening to a mini-blizzard. The park did extremely well dealing with the heavy snow and I take my hat off for the way they dealt with our booked restaurant situation.
The parks were their usually selves really, though it’s hard to judge due to the weather playing havoc with staff numbers and rides in operation. The real highlight of the trip was the Tower of Terror staff, which were constantly fantastic and provided the funniest moments of the week.
Also Disney Dreams, which is fantastic <3
Denmark
This was an exciting trip, especially to somewhere rarely visited by enthusiasts and had a fair share of ups and downs over the week. Although really it peaked from the offset with Eurovision-mania taking a real hold on Copenhagen and Tivoli in particular. Other highlights from Tivoli were Vertigo (terrifying thing of DOOM), the cuteness of Daemonen and the absolutely awesome Fun House. Classic Rusty Banana was an instant hit with us too, proving you don’t have to have all the latest technological advancements in the last 100 years to be a good ride.
Unfortunately the next two parks were not very good, Bakken in particular we all loathed and spent 2 hours there. Bon-Bon Land had one joke and it wasn’t very good, although the drop towers were an amusing time as was Fantasy World, the rest of the park was just mediocrity beyond measure (Fabbri Giant Swing aside ride-wise).
Bakken was just dire. That simple, with the worst Intamin in existence within its grounds (yes worse than Baco, having now experienced it I can give that opinion) in the shape of Tornado, which wasn’t even the worst ride in the park, as their Rusty Banana had been Kumbak’d. I shudder just thinking about them. And you know there’s something wrong when your best ride is a flat, and after you’ve spent the morning at the Carlsberg factory.
Fortunately, the other island proved more fruitful in our ride endeavours. Legoland was quite good; with the Robo-Arms probably the best ride there, although the Powered Dragon and Polar X-Plorer were both very suitable rides for the park. Viking River Splash was also pretty good, I look forward to their dark ride attempt next year mind, which looks AMAZE <3
Djurs Sommerland was the best park out of the 6. It had the best rides, the best dogs roaming the park; it had the best play-areas (bouncy pillows for the win). It was quite simply, very, very good. The standard of theming was surprisingly high for the only traditional theme park (bar Lego) we visited, and Piraten and JOYvelen were certainly worth the admission fee. JOYvelen especially was a complete surprise to us, as we weren’t expecting such a solid family coaster, but that’s what we got, and more parks need to buy one.
We finished with Farup Sommerland, which was a random place, filled with a lot more play areas, including the hour long adventure course. Lynet and Falken were good coasters, but we were spited by Orkanen unfortunately, as that looked quite good fun too. The park played well upon the family picnic market it seemed to, and it was a decent enough closure to our trip.
Overall we rode the best AND worst Intamins in the world. No mean feat for a country like Denmark.
Belgium, Part 1
My first trip to Belgium was partly cultural, with Bruges being involved. But why be cultural when you can ride creds?
First up was Bellewaerde, a weird Chessington like park, only not falling apart at the seams and a relatively decent zoo to go with it. The main headline was a Zierer family coaster, Huracan, which had an epic random dark ride section, but not a very good ride section. Considering the space they had available, it was a disappointment really. Fortunately the rest of the park was quite good really, with the Boomerang being smooth and the support rides being of a decent enough quality to suit the park.
Bagatelle was the next port of call since I had never been before. My 300th coaster is now Triops, a Vekoma Invertigo, which was quite good but not as landmark as X (Six Flags) or Beast. The park is pretty poor really (Soquet are NOT a good manufacturer of rides), aside from the best Rapids in the world with their amazing whirlpool of spinning. When you actually lose 5 seconds of a ride due to the complete insanity of it all, you know it’s good. Even if the rest of the ride is a bit meh, it makes it all the more better as you focus on that one element.
Not the best parks in the world really, but easy enough to access really.
Coney Island
Over in New York for another cultural trip (though that’s up for debate when it comes to the USA), and a jaunt over to Luna Park brought to you by Zamperla for the classic Wooden coaster.
And it wasn’t very good. A real shame really as it had some promise, but after the first two turnarounds it developed into a rough and painful experience. Perhaps the hurricane had something to do with that though?
The rest of the park was unsurprisingly, mediocre; what with everything being a Zamperla, and my first experience of a Volare was one of sheer hatred. It was also VERY expensive, but Nathans was made of joy <3
Port Aventura
God bless the Spanish austerity issues, especially if the park is going to have such deals on the hotels and unlimited Express passes! So off we went to sunny Halloween Spain and experience two fantastic B&Ms and 1 god-awful Intamin. I won’t repeat myself much as the TR is still relatively fresh, but it was a good fun weekend overall, though the park needs some lofty improvements and to get rid of Baco post-haste.
Belgium 2 – Rock n Plop
Even more recently was another jaunt to Belgium to experience more Halloween events. Walibi’s is quite famous and it was also another excuse to go back to Plopsaland because Anubis <3
We shocked a Belgian enthusiast when we all loved Psyke Underground because it’s FAB, as well as enjoyed the new branding, the ridiculous number of actors (40 in one maze alone) and the music battle show. This is a good park with a fair amount of potential but problematic neighbours.
Plopsaland has Anubis, therefore it’s FAB <3 Also the new land was amazing and has an awesomely themed Disko Coaster. Again, the TR is still around so check that out for further details.
Overall, a decent year of parks for me, particularly abroad, where only 2 were really bad (as in, worse than Chessington bad). And so far next year’s plans are really looking to expand on things as well, which is a good thing considering none of the UK parks at the moment are looking to deliver anything worthwhile visiting for.
Roll on 2014!

So we come to the end of what has been a rather disappointing year in the UK (there’s no two ways about that) it was up to the park’s abroad to show us how to do things, and that is something they most certainly did.
United Kingdom
I didn’t actually visit any non-Merlin UK parks this year, I nearly made it to Mingoland but fortunately that didn’t pan out.
The additions to the Merlin parks sounded good (at least if you weren’t Thorpe, who seemingly cannot think of suitably well thought out additions when not building a roller coaster), with Zufari being inspired from one of the most engaging Disney rides, and Smiler’s secretive and fantastic advertising showing that when they put their minds to it our parks can advertise things properly. But what went wrong?
Alton Towers
This one is clear, Smiler was both the best and worst thing about this year for Towers. The positives are simple, it is the biggest ride that has been built in the country for years, it captured the imagination of the public, it is a marvel of engineering/construction, the advertising was going well, it clearly boosted the park attendances upon opening. It was what people wanted.
Unfortunately, whoever Towers hired to build the thing probably appeared on that BBC show that sort out dodgy companies in a previous life. The list is longer than the Ultimate of what went wrong, the primary issues surrounding the ground it was built on being surveyed incorrectly which meant they had to delay half the construction in order to concrete the ride it properly. Then of course the winter decided to throw snow onto the matter, delaying it further. Subsidence, flooding, storms, incorrect placement of track, aligning issues, etc. were also major influences on the ride’s construction. I don’t think I’ve ever seen a ride construction be so flawed and have so many external issues added on.

One of the few track pieces inserted correctly...
Then of course, the ride opened, then closed, then opened again, then threw bolts at people. Gerstlauer’s biggest project became the world’s biggest pain, which is a real shame because the ride itself is fantastic (although still the 3rd best ride on the park), but the rushed construction, poor planning and awful contractors will be this ride’s legacy, in amongst the countless breakdowns and the like.
Elsewhere on park, it was a weird situation, as Smiler made the park rather top-heavy in investment. Constant other issues like storms, poor ride reliability and powercuts meant that the park didn’t particularly have good PR for the season (see also the July Smiler breakdown which wasn’t communicated until about 3 days before it re-opened). However, what has been a shining light this year has been the entertainments department, which involved the fantastic pirate show with Roger Ramrod, the new Park Keepers who eventually got a vehicle to tour in, the Orchestra in the Summer; a relatively decent array of stuff for Halloween and the Fireworks. For our parks, where shows are particularly high on the agenda, these were a real joy to see happen; and easily the best part of the year for Towers. I hope that this continues on into the future more than anything.

Fantastic ride, a legacy of issues...
Chessington
Where does one begin? Zufari ended up being a cluster of good ideas badly executed in the worst possible way. Bunnygate. Runaway Train was SBNO all season. Dragon Falls lost its theming. Rameses died. Vampire’s operations got worse somehow. Across the board the park was quite simply, dreadful, and will probably see a very low attendance figure this season (more than usual at any rate).

Just when you thought Chessie couldn't get any worse... 2013 happened...
The Halloween event was probably the best week of their season, and even then the not-so-late openings and general park issues couldn’t be ignored. Most of the theming was non-existant based on previous years attempts. Their two mazes were excellent value for their minimal budget though, with Hocus Pocus Hall’s refurb being a complete surprise. However, that cannot skim over the fact that the park has easily been the worst one this year, and with nothing to look forward to next year (though this can be brought to all Merlin parks, though Towers will get LOTS of guests next year), I simply cannot get excited for it.
Thorpe
In a strange turn of events, the park that did nothing of real value (Mraws is still a poorly designed gimmick and X really isn’t that special) did the most by doing what they should’ve been doing for years. Expanding the social network side and using it to their full potential, whilst creating new events (some which worked well, some which didn’t, Summer Nights variated beyond belief as to the quality of the event, although popularity was non-existant, which isn’t the best indicator of the worthiness of an event from the park’s POV) and just generally keeping a decent improved profile this year.

This was the Ice Scream event...
Will it improve matters completely? It’s hard to tell, as currently the park’s portfolio of rides and attempt at a new direction are very much at odds at each other whilst they also have to get rid of the old image of unreliable rides (which Slammer doesn’t help), long queues and Fastrack over-selling on a regular basis. The two former issues still exist on the park, even with the random attempt at complete Virtual Queuing for Swarm, which still seemed to have plenty of teething problems.
Fright Nights apparently existed, although that wasn’t particularly clear even when visiting the park during it advertised (the second time of the year an advertised event didn’t exist, Ice Scream I’m looking at you). The park-wide theme amounted to a CAD entrance sign, film music and the same announcement on every ride with Detonator being the only modified version. The roaming actors were very good though, both sets (Director and You’re Next), but it just didn’t feel like there was an event going on, which is very disappointing when the park was calling it “the UK’s answer to HHN”, that has plenty of theming on the park, Thorpe did not.
Apparently the mazes were good (or not so good, opinions varied across the board for both Thorpe and Towers’ attempts), although my experience of Blair Witch Project was simply diabolical. Fortunately for it Walibi’s Zombie River exists, which was worse, but not by much.

Thorpe let me know in no uncertain terms that my feedback is always appreciated...
PR aside, the park has advanced to doing the basic minimum I want from our parks. But they made a lot more effort this year to improve the guest interaction and issues, which can only be considered a good thing. Just hope that this extends further in Thorpe’s DNA and also to the other parks.
Legoland
Legoland still exists for some reason. Miniland is an absolute TIP and needs fixing up as standard. Elsewhere it’s still the usual meh place really with nothing spectacular going on. It really needs a decent new ride in there. Well themed high throughput coaster preferably, but currently I do wonder why I bothered going at all. Still, not that worst park of the season.
In another post, I’ll look at all the International parks I visited. Check back soon.