Mark9

Could even rename the thread Mer's been framed if you like.

Bakken - 21st May And now the review I've been looking forward to more then any other. Bakken is an amusement park near Copenhagen. According to the map it is the oldest amusement park in the world. It is a shame that there is nothing 'amusing' about this park in the slightest. Too the dry sick staining an exit platform to operators openly smoking and answering phones whilst operating their Intamin family coaster, the park has nothing in my mind but bad thoughts. So too start off... Tornado. There are very few amusement parks that have a permanent Intamin in them in the same way that Bakken does. For those that don't know, Tornado is the worlds first and only Intamin spinning roller coaster. Emphasis on the only here. Tornado is truly dire and makes Furius Baco look like absolute genius. It all begins with the car itself. The rides loading and exit platforms are too thin so the metal along the sides of the car could start to cut you up if you dawdle. The car has the horrific restraints which are more material then the plastic used on Stealth and Rita. This does not change the outcome in any way. So you get in your car and the first thing that becomes apparent is that the car doesn't ever actually lock the spinning, Unlike Fury or Spinball where the car locks straight on to enter the station, Tornado does not. This creates a nice surprise when you leave the station and the operator decides to kick start your ride. So you enter the lift hill. It's rather speedy you notice. So far so good. And then it goes to the cobbles. For some reason Intamin decided a simple lift hill wasn't enough and decided at the last minute the chain should launch you straight into a corner without any warning or notice. This does two things. 1) Creates a lot of pain. We all had bruises somewhere and the restraint even cut into Benin. 2) Destroys any sense of enjoyment as you brace yourself at every minute without enjoying any aspect of the ride. I don't actually remember much of the rest of the ride. Both times we rode, all I could do was try and hold the restraint away from my shoulders and hope I could stand the rest of the attraction. I just couldn't. Even the finale caused the car to vibrate horrifically. It doesn't do this for the rest of the ride so I have no idea what causes this vibration. Entering the station, we were just so thankful for it to be over. It is an absolute disaster of a ride and I can't think of anything positive to say about it. Awful doesn't even cover it. So with myself in a bad mood, we headed to the second wooden rollercoaster of the trip, Rustchebanan. This ride was originally run in the same way as Rustchebanan at Tivoli, Bakken in their infinite wisdom decided to get Kumbak in, that famous manufacturer who has destroyed several rides in their short careers. They do their greatest damage here. Any sort of momentum or speed that the train builds up is immediately crushed and neutered by the over the top magnetic breaks. Every corner, every drop, ever incline is tamed down completely. Tivoli's was smooth, Bakkens was rough as hard nails and any sense of personality has been thrown out in favour of saving money on a break man. Two headline rollercoasters, two massive let downs. Hopefully it was too go up from here....

Feel like I've wandered into Loose Women here

Bon Bon land This is a fond favourite park of Theme Park Review. It is a park full of potty jokes such as ants weeing into pots and dogs farting on you. The only problem being that this is all surface level theming. Below the surface the atmosphere and theme of the park is vacuous and lacking massively. We arrived on time and walked over to the parks main attraction, Vild Svinet which was the worlds first Euro-fighter. For some reason it didn't open on time so we took a ride on a kiddy coaster named Venidorm which after a great start, trundled round aimlessly in a field for a bit. Definitely a rollercoaster designed on RCT2 and then bought to life at Bon Bon land. Vild Svinet then opened and it was off we went. The theme of the ride is animals going for a race. The theme isn't too bad and for the parks main rollercoaster it hits some notes well. The only problem is that the ride itself is rather unremarkable. Like Dæmonen, it is too short and lacking in substance to be offensive. It's a tiny little ride for a start and features a solitary vertical loop. It's easy to see how rides like Mystery Mine and Speed were born from this tiny roller coaster but unfortunately they leave Vild Svinet for dust. Unfortunately the Gerstlauer spinning coaster never opened for our trip so with heavy hearts we went and tackled the parks giant frisbee ride. This was a strange ride as the disc continually changed direction throughout the rides duration. It gave stacks of air time as the disc seemed to fight gravity at the top of every swing and stay at maximum height for what felt like an age. The parks first impressive ride on our visit. Our next stop was a Fabbri drop tower, the same as Detonator. It provided the same ride experience with none of the atmosphere of Thorpe's red wonder. We wondered off to the parks rapids ride which wasn't particularly interesting. The water was brown for example but luckily we didn't get wet. We rode Dillen, a Huss invention which wasn't particularly thrilling. We rode on the dog fart rollercoaster (It's Danish name is way to long) which was shockingly bad so no wonder TPR love it, rode the parks drunk turtle wave swinger and then ended up something called pom pom horses. It's for kids but we were desperate for something a bit different. This wasn't great and hurts your legs after a while. Our final ride before lunch was an awful boat ride which took you around the world. The animatronics were awful, they either didn't move or made a windscreen wiper look animated, it was slow and all the countries we visited were stereotypical and poor. We indulged in a coleslaw with pulled pork burger and played Top trumps at lunch. I'm not sure why Jimmy Neutrons atomic rider is considered more intense then Diamondback but apparently it is so sorry B&M. With nothing we wanted to reride we had a go on a pedal attraction.. and then journeyed around an area known as Fantasyland.. hmm. It was warped and weird but featured a ball pit which we very much enjoyed. I leave you with a farting hippo. Thanks for reading.

I'm sure there will be some serious discussions and repercussions throughout Alton/Merlin management for the entire screw up of this project. Hold ups happen but the way the project has been rushed over the last four weeks has meant the ride has hit problems and now instead of a ride opening later in the season is just disappointing people who have planned visits based on Alton giving out an opening date.

Tornado at Bakken is one of the worst rollercoasters I have ever had the misfortune of riding. It is so atrociously bad that it made me wonder what 25 things are better then it. Here is what I came up with and I hope you enjoy reading. 1. Being kicked in the testicles 2. Going to the Dentist 3. Riding Furius Baco none stop for an hour 4. Crashing your car into a wall 5. Being mugged 6. Having to endure a queueline at PortAventura 7. Driving in Italy 8. Being sick after a heavy night out drinking 9. Getting the Victoria line during rush hour 10. Sitting next to someone with body odour on a packed out London bus 11. Watching Holby City 12. Enduring homophobic abuse 13. Going all the way to Towers and finding out the Smiler is closed 14. Reading Theme Park Review 15. Being insulted by Robb Alvey 16. Shopping at Asda 17. Shopping at Primark 18. Eating Brocolli 19. Eating Brussel Sprouts 20. Flying with Ryanair 21. Being stuck in a lift with someone who has just farted 22. Queuing for Colossus on one train operation 23. Living next to very loud neighbours 24. Riding Saw. At all. 25. Visiting Chessington during the 2013 season

So it was back to the UK Thursday night, a rest day on Friday and then back into Europe, more specifically Denmark. We landed in Copenhagen which is one of the most beautiful and cultural cities I've visited. It's a beautiful place and one thing that struck me was how good the city makes you feel. Denmark is quite a liberating place, having a monarchy that everyone likes, the first country in the world to accept civil partnerships and generally, the Danish being very happy and content people. There was an atmosphere in the city too, maybe because of the fact Eurovision was across the pond in Sweden and the Danish entry was hotly tipped to be the winner. Would it be? Who knows. So we all decided to take a little journey around the city finding Tivoli Gardens, slap back in the middle of the city. Take a little gander and who should peak out next to a cycle lane. Yay, it's only Dæmonen, the smallest B&M ever made. We'd be trying that out the next day but for now it was time to grab some typically Danish food (MCDonalds) and to retire to the hotel room to watch Denmark take victory (with a little help of 12 points from the UK) at Eurovision. The next day arrived, as did a typical Danish weather system, pouring rain. Undeterred, we set out to Tivoli Gardens where the park opens at 11, the rides open at 11:30 and the park stays open until 10pm on a Sunday night. If you don't know anything about the park, well here's a brief lesson. It is the fourth most visited theme park in Europe and is as famous for its fountains and gardens as it is for its rides and rollercoasters. We started the trip with a bang so to speak, a B&M right in the middle of Copenhagen and Rutschebanan, a 99 year old rollercoaster which features a break person who controls the speed of the train. Dæmonen is one of the less ridden B&M's on UK forums due to the fact that many UK enthusiasts never bother with Denmark. It is the smallest B&M out there, with only six rows per train and a tiny layout packed into a very small space at the side of the park. It's theme is loosely Chinese however none of this is really evident on the ride. It is very difficult to really criticise the ride for its lack of substance. It was designed to pack three inversions into a thirty second ride and it does this with relative ease. It does have doses of intensity particularly in its first proper drop and the inline twist is very good. It really doesn't do enough to really compete with Superman de Acero or Kraken and I haven't the heart to call it a crap coaster on the basis that it doesn't really do enough to offend or make me fall in love with it. The parks other main rollercoaster is Rustchebanan (Rusty Banana). Wooden rollercoasters have a reputation for roughness which is sometimes warranted if your only coasters are Stampida and the Grawzi twins. This wooden coaster in Denmark which completely reverse your view. For a 99 year old ride it is smooth as silk, gracefully gliding through its layout packing massive bouts of airtime throughout. Unlike the majority of modern wooden rollercoasters which just want to speed you through the layout as quickly as possible, Rusty Banana has those moments that lets you recover and be staggered that such an old ride can be so wonderful and well maintained. It is a gem of a ride and agreed by all on the trip to be the best ride at Tivoli. The park features other rides such as a very odd Mack powered roller coaster, a breakdance ( ), dodgems with guns, a creepy chest dark ride that takes you through Hans Christien stories and masses of spinning flat rides that threatened to see lunch return. Benin and Nicky rode on Vertigo, an insane spinning ride. I opted out, it just wasn't for me. Our final highlight was seeing the Danish Eurovision winner perform live at the park. For a moment, we all felt very patriotic towards Denmark and part of a moment. To conclude, if you ever find yourself in Copenhagen, definitely give Tivoli Gardens a visit. It is a park of an incredibly high standard and well worth a visit.

Not all Gerstlauers are as bad as Saw. I can only vouch for the 10 or so of their rides I have been on but none of them even come close to the pain and misery that Saw inflicts on me. Only problem being most of those rides invert you 2-3 times or not at all. This thing could be brutal.

Before I get to the next ride I wanted to share some general area photos for you. I've seen it argued that Europa Park is only so amazing because the money they save on rides they build can make better theming for those rides. Completely wrong. Europa Park is the best theme park in Europe because the managers, the staff care about their park. Every day we saw the bins around the park being washed by staff. Signs and windows of shops being sparkled up. Euro-sat trains have been refurbished so that the cars now have individual lap-bars and the same is happening on Poseidon. We saw engineers repainting Poseidon boats backstage and a broken down piece of theming on Atlantis Adventure was being fixed whilst the ride was running. Landscapers painting dozens of new flowers around Fairy ride and Spain. You can build lots of theming everywhere but its the care that matters the most. And Europa shows their passion through every scenic element. Which brings me onto Historama, a Mack showroom, detailing every year of the park and some of the design elements and models for some attractions. A show occurs underneath food-loop and whilst the language barrier is quite strong, the message is unquestionable. Mack have a lot of pride and love for their park. Deservedly so too. Eurosat is one of the parks most intense ride and not one to be trifled with. It's queue for example moves like lightening. The ride itself is similar to Space Mountain in Florida. Without giving too much away, its one you need to brace yourself on because some of those turns are lethal on the knees. All said and done, this is up there with Blue Fire, Wodan and Silver Star and shouldn't be missed. Another coaster, this time Atlantica Supersplash and admittedly it is not my favourite attraction and one of the parks weaker offerings. It lacks that certain something that other rides offer. Its theming is top notch so it's more the ride itself that the issues lie. Dare I say it, it's kind of boring. Compared to the novelty of Blitz's elevator lift hill or Poseidons narrative, spinning around on a turntable at Atlantica isn't that exciting. It doesn't help that the drop isn't much exciting and you don't get wet either. The long float back to the station to leave doesn't help matters. Shame really as on paper it looks exciting.

Tuesday 14th May 2013 Off into the park we ventured. For hotel guests Spain, Austria, Portgual, Scandinavia and occasionally Blue Fire are open. Not a bad effort although most people wait for Wodan to open. We never saw the point, it's not as if queues for Wodan spiral out of control from 9am opening. We had our rides on Blue Fire and Wodan before venturing into the rest of the park. Our first stop on our travels was Euro-Mir. Now, I never realised it had such a negative reputation in enthusiast circles. For once I disagree with common belief and will go on to say I really like Euro-Mir for its originality, its soundtrack and it is a really fun and sometimes thrilling ride. Sure it has problems such as its roughness and the way it slams into its final break run. But I am fond of it so there. Before leaving the Russian area we had a go on the Russian sleigh ride, one of those small insignificant attractions that looks like it was put there for the sole reason that they could. It's okay and worth a go once on the trip. Our next stop was Greece, with one of my favourite attractions... PEGASUS! I love Pegasus, I mean sure it's a kiddy coaster and quite short but it has some wonderful moments such as its brilliant first drop, its little spot of air time half way though and the way it's throughput could make most UK coaster cry. I love it. Speaking of which, Europa have now added proper queue boards to the majority of the main attractions. very useful, although for our particularly trip, they rarely ventured above 10 minutes. Our next stop was the rough and ready Poseidon, then the quirky but unsatisfying Cassandras Curse and to round off Greece, Atlantis Adventure with its amazing soundtrack. Gloomy weather. Switzerland was next, an area that I never found any interest in but this time, I really loved both Schweizzer Bobbahn and Matterhorn Blitz. The throughput on Matterhorn was astounding. We worked out that a car was heading by every 15 seconds. By the power of math we worked out that during an hour the throughput of this ride was 960 people per hour. This, one of the lower throughput rides at the park. As a comparison, Rattlesnake at Chessington has a target of 350pph. This is why I love Europa Park. Built to power through people. No faffing, no pointless guest interaction that hampers targets and the best part is how the parks guests know the score too. Germans have this uncanny ability to help the staff reach their throughput targets. Single riders will throw themselves forwards, groups of two's are naturally called forward by people ahead. We were not queue-jumped at any point during our four day visit. I just love this park. And so onto Silver Star which had a lot to do for me. Shambhala had sent it flying across the water so I wasn't expecting much. I was pleasantly surprised. Thankfully, new magnetic trim breaks have been added to the ride replacing the clunk mechanical ones. This does a lot as you cannot feel the effects of the trims as strongly. Secondly, I don't know what the ride was on but it had heaps of air time, particularly towards the end of the ride. Hills which did little before, are now sending you flying upwards in ejector air time. Unfortunately, I did not have a chance to work out the throughput but lets put it this way.. It was running three trains and the trains never stacked outside the station (or even stopped, they just went straight in). According to RCDB its throughput is 1750 an hour. I'd put my life on it that it was higher.

So..Europa Park. I think it's quite clear that you know the drill by know. Any review or trip report from Europa Park basically comes back that it is the best park in the world. From lovingly planted flowers in Spain to refurbished boats/trains on Euro-Sat and Poseidon and the new ride Wodan, Europa Park has reaffirmed itself in my affections after a long three year gap. Monday 13th May Instead of taking the dreaded Ryanair, we instead went for a train travel approach. Using Eurostar, TGV and local train services takes up a lot of the day but you don't have to fly Ryanair which is a positive in anyones book. Upon arrival at Bell Rock which was our choice of hotel this time around, we were offered with park entry for 9 euros from 4-6pm or free entry after 5. We went for the free entry so we could settle down but it is good the park offer you these perks. Our room was gorgeous, there was some fantastic little touches in there and it felt so light and roomy compared to say, Disney hotel rooms. 4:50 hit and off to the park we left. The hotel area connects straight into the Spanish area of the park and what's near by? Yep, Blue Fire and Wodan were calling. Our first stop was Blue Fire and then to Wodan. Blue Fire. I have to admit to having a certain amount of fear that Blue Fire would not be as fantastic as I remembered. I don't know how I could have been so foolish as Blue Fire really is a class act all the way. The lap-bar itself is the rides dark horse. After years of Rita, Stealth, Furius Baco, iSpeed and Cheetah Hunt trying to decapitate me, it is a breath of fresh air to be able to enjoy a launched coaster of this calibre in this way. What astounds me is how wonderfully smooth it is. I always expect some kind of shakiness as the train plunges into its vertical loop but it never comes. It tackles each element superbly with grace, speed and a good amount of air time throughout. That final inversion is my favourite inversion of any ride. And it is all down to that lap-bar. I'm relieved that these types of coasters are selling like hot cakes, as it is fully deserved by Mack. Wodan. This is the newest wooden rollercoaster I have ever ridden. For some reason, I never make a plan based on a wooden roller coaster which seems odd when I actually quite like them. Even the roughest of the rough is enjoyable even if it is teeth chattering. Onto Wodan then and this really is a tour de force of throughput, theming and insanity. The theming is second to none. 2012 really was a bumper year of rides when you think of how much was added and how good it all was. Anyway Wodan. This thing generally runs three trains at a time and because the park has no form of fastrack the queue constantly moves. Wodan was our longest wait of the trip with a poultry half an hour queue which included them adding a train after a Blue Fire rollback/closure. Wodan itself is quite something. One thing for sure is is a pacey little thing, speeding through its circuit at full whack and never letting up. It's a pleasant kind of roughness as well, as the train jerks you from left to right and up and down and yet never feeling uncomfortable. It's interaction with Blue Fire and Atlantica isn't really there to be honest, but when you're flying through at such speed this is a tiny, irrelevant criticism. What's even better then two high quality rollercoasters at the best park in Europe? Only Olly Murs at Europa Park is what! Did anyone know he was big in Europe? And with that hour done it was back to the hotel and for a meal in their restraunt. This was pricey (32 euros) but was very nice food. You certainly wouldn't see things like the below picture at Splash Landings.. Recommended by the chef. And with that it was sleepy times, ready for a full day in the park.

I have been that employee Zufari29. I was there telling guests Runaway had 'technical difficulties' when the whole back wall of Runaway train's queue-line fencing gave way, I was ordered to close Rattlesnake as fast as possible after the fire exit door leading from Mexicana into Rattlesnake's main ride area collapsed. I know all that, it comes up time and time again, every time someone dares to question why things aren't refurbished or asks why the park is allowed to fall beyond disrepair before anyone gives a damn about it. Instead of the priority of the park being "how can we entice our guests to come back season after season" it's "how can we save an hours worth of pay here and there" or "how can we budget cut Zufari as far as possible, despite this being our first real shot at a major Chessington attraction." If all areas of the park is facing budget cuts because of low visitor numbers then the park needs to ask itself why aren't people visiting our theme park. If Blue Fire can attract a two hour queue on a Friday afternoon in the middle of theme parks quietest part of the year then why can't Chessington achieve this (without of course running the rides so badly that it has a two hour queue because the staff are more interested in you pretending to flap your arms instead of dispatching the rides). The theming demolition is one aspect of a greater problem at the park. I don't for one minute believe that the management at the park have no passion for the place, they clearly love what they do so my points aren't completely directed at them. In my post, I never apportioned blame to Chessington. In the eyes of a normal, park visiting person the name above the door is Chessington. To all intents and purposes, it is Chessington that the buck stops with. I won't step into a Giraffe restaurant, be disappointed with the food and start laying into Tesco and it is the same with park guests visiting Chessington. As you say it's supposed to be a discussion. When I talk of Chessington's destroyed theming and scaffold covered Tomb Blaster queue-line I always try and see it from a once in a lifetime visitor. That wasn't belittling, I just really struggle to see how the dressing down of Chessington because of lack of care over the past 25 years can be defended. No offence was intended.

Congratulations for completely missing the point then. The fact is, the park has been owned by Merlin since mid 2007. In that time next to nothing has been done to maintain Tomb, Runaway or Falls. It took the near death of a little girl last June for any kind of work to actually start to occur. Tussauds aren't just to blame for what has happened to the park in all that time, Merlin are just as responsible as Tussauds as while Merlin pumped over 30 million into Thorpe and Alton, Chessington got next to nothing levels of investment in new attractions or refurbishing rides that really were past their best. It's the year when Zufari opens, that the park really had a chance to show what they had to a new audience. Instead these new guests are being treated to naked and ugly rides, decaying theming on Vampire and Bubbleworks and Skyride trains that look like they fell through a time vortex from 1987. I don't see any work happening to Skyway and considering how knackered I know it is I can only assume the only reason it isn't closed for a full on refurbishment is because it isn't seen as dangerous.. yet. What Merlin are doing isn't actually upsetting me, I'm a grown adult and I've learnt that behind the magic is a management that lack any real power to do anything worthwhile with their park. But its the guests that walk into a park that see things like Tomb and Runaway covered in scaffolding or Falls missing rockwork that is missing out. And I think that's a shame.

Hell with it. I don't think there's any point in visiting the park this season. Zufari won't be enough of a reason to go if I have to see Tomb, Runaway Train and Dragon Falls in these naked, dilapidated state. I go to a theme park to see rides and stories, not construction (or more correctly, demolition sites) and Chessington is not delivering at all. Whilst the theming may return and they may be better then the previous versions, it isn't what I grew up with and it won't be the same for me. The park, instead of looking to the future, is having to revisit the past and this could have detrimental effects. I truly hope this is a wake up call for the rest of the Merlin establishments that if you don't start to look after your rides, theming and areas they will end up like Chessington's 2013 season. An utter shambles.

Thats because you aren't experienced Benin. American viruses are much better then European ones.

Thanks to invertalon on Theme Park Review. That really is a work of art. And thats why you buy B&M. Opened today with a rather pitiful four hour queue. Is that all you can muster Gatekeeper, IS THAT IT!

A Mack or an Intamin would suit the park to a tee. it pains me to say it, but a ride like Expedition Ge Force would fit into Oakwood like a glove.

I would but last time I was in Blackpool, this man and his stag do kept calling me a ******. So I'm not fond of Blackpool.

Yeah Saw, nice try in upstaging the Smiler.

Hmm. It looks impressive zooming around that tangled track. The on-ride video doesn't inspire much hope that it will be a ride that matures with age. Her head was flapping about like mine does on Saw at several points during the video. Still, always remain positive, it looks like a very fast ride and takes you all over the place.

I think Benin, more then most on TPM can comment on Cedar Point considering he has been to the park in the past. I can only judge by pictures and what I experienced in Florida which is what I'm doing. Besides, apart from Dragster, Millennium Force and at a push Mean Streak, Cedar Point have never been a park that goes "LOOK AT THE SIZE OF MY DROPS". Thats always been Magic Mountains job.

You're right, it can't be a destroyed Church. It could be an underground bunker, it could be an eagles nest, it could be a godly sanctum where you, as the rider take on an almighty quest to discover the hidden gate keeper creature. As I said, it's a typical American coaster. Stylised and modern but not themed as such.

Double Post but it's been four days so meh. It's good news for anyone wanting to ride Monster at Walygator but was afraid the park had closed for good, it has new owners who are looking to invest properly into the park. Rides that have been dormant for a while are being reopened and Monster itself will have a station and it's third train reinstated for the 2014 season. For those that don't know, Monster originally opened in Japan as Orochi, but when that park closed due to safety concerns (and a fatality on a togo stand up coaster), Monster was put up for sale and its safe to say french enthusiasts were stunned when Walygator purchased it. Since then, Monster left the park crippled financially and it looked like Walygator may have closed down for good. Fortunately this hasn't happened.

Whilst I don't deny I'd sell my family to go out to the point and ride it, I do admit that when watching the video, it just strikes me another big and brash but ultimately bland American B&M coaster.