Ryan

Nah that’s just Staines.

My thoughts from last night's mEDiA pRESs NigHT at the Island Like No Other as follows...
 
Top 5 Celebs I spotted.
1. TheJackSilkstone - was behind him in the free buffet queue so I now know how to create the SICKEST of SICK combos of buffet food. ?
2. The Scottish Man What Won Strictly Last Year
3. Err....
 
Right onto the important stuff - at approx 9pm the bar bill on just one of the tills in Fins was over £2k already. Oh no wait, I jest, now onto the important stuff...
 
Mazes Ranked from Best to Really Really Really Awful:
 
1. BLAIR WITCH
If you told me I was going to find this the best maze of the night before visiting, I would have said pickle me sideways and call be Shawn Sanbrooke but alas here we are! We had 3 run throughs on this, two of which where we were in just a pair and I have to say, the first in particularly, was ruddy brilliant. The scene is set very well at the start, love ending up "back where you started", some excellent jump scares, was proper dark and you really did feel you were going through the woods - Thorpe have played a blinder with the scenery in the dark, not so sure how it would work at 3pm! One run we had in a group of 8 (C'mon guys it's press night m8) wasn't as good so maybe come proper FN's with large groups this won't rank highly among da fans - but yes, for us it was our standout. One thing I will say - the Heras temporary fencing (Thorpe love the stuff) at the very start should have black plastic or a thicker tarpaulin on it because yellow (?!) doesn't exactly set the scene, nor does it manage to hide the platform of P15 to the left, so you can see the tour guide waiting for guests. I can also forsee the queue of Blair Witch going far far beyond the area they have set aside, it's tiny. 
 
2. CONTAINMENT
Cracking run on this in it's tweaked format. We were useless. The actors were most definitely not - the blonde girl doing the doctor intro at the start was fantastic, delivered so many lines as if she knew them like the back of her hand and performed it like she meant it. No actors in first room obvs, but the second room with the clocks - man, the actor in there was losing his sh**, amazing stuff, trashing the filing cabinet, getting up in our faces, muttering about time, freaking out - awesome. Similarly, the dentist room next was equally as hectic and delivered with passion, I was made to sit on the chair and the actor performed the creepy dentist role perfectly - also love how the assistant in the back ground does nothing and just looks creepy - until you get into room 4 where it all kicks off! Again we were thoroughly impressed with this attraction and the actors involved last night should be commended if they end up reading this, they knocked it out of the park.
 
3. THE WALKING DEAD: LIVING NIGHTMARE
We got a Neagen, and Neagen had a proper mic! Impressed with this, as anticipated - top notch theming inside, and I love the intro (even if the families don't like the swears). New little twist halfway through at the car scene which worked well. As I say, love the theming on this, the bus is absolute quality and the rooms prior to that were packed with actors - good scares, breathing on your neck etc. Top tip: don't point out to the girl freaking out on her bed that her bottle of Smart Water is on her bedside table as she'll gesture to you to move away
 
4. MATT CREEK'S HAUNTED WOODED AREA
This isn't actually a scare zone but a legit maze... we had low expectations but again there were some decent scares and everyone loves a chainsaw right? Again, a good intro and set piece (via some temporary fencing and you end up doubling back on yourself) which sets the scene well, a decent amount of actors scattered about. I liked it - some actors followed us out too (as they must have been going on their break!) but continued to scare us outside of the maze which was cool. Good interaction, and good to see the actors progressively more "contaminated" as it goes on. A solid effort if you ask me and we enjoyed.
 
5. SAW ALIVE
Not much really to say about this - nothing has changed, it was OK... seemed to be over very quickly and there weren't too many actors vs. other mazes but it's SAW and it's well themed. 
 
6. SANCTUM DO OR DIE THE WALKING DEAD 
If you look very carefully at this you can tell they've used the shipping containers from Sanctum in it's construction...
We were underwhelmed by this, considerably. Expected good things - again, a good start with the bus and set piece with two actors arguing but after that it deteriorated pretty quickly. The area is too well lit (considering it was 8pm!) so you can see exactly where the actors are... just didn't do it for us at all and it all feels very temporary in it's construction (I appreciate it is temporary but you know) - this wouldn't be so noticeable if the lighting wasn't so bright. Perhaps we got unlucky with our run but for us it ranked about the same as Sanctum last year.
 
7. PLATFORM 15
Right, whoever's vanity project Platform 15 is at Thorpe Park - please, please, please admit defeat and get rid of it. I cannot comprehend any Youchoober or vlogstar or fan site raving about this. The walk at the start goes on for too long and does nothing in particular, walking alongside a rotting Loggers Leap, still lit up like a Christmas tree. You see the train with some dummies on it, you might get a bit of fire, you find a bride wandering about, then there's a house that smells of human faeces (which to be fair, had like 4 actors in which was random), then there's the never ending tunnel where not much happens and you get told to go back, and then you have to do a seance (and to put some positive spin on it - the actress here was good and felt like she was holding onto my hand for dear life) and then the conductor appears and then you're out, and you wonder - what the hell was all that about? And the answer is, no one actually knows. Maybe if they filled some areas with some smoke machines (although that's an expense) there'd be more atmosphere, but the walk is just too big and any pace or anticipation just goes and then you think "oh look, there's some actors coming up" and there they are. Kudos to the actors involved like I say because they were good, but the maze just doesn't work and we found it more of a chore to complete than a thrill. Sorry guys but I think Platform 15 needs a new timetable in 2019 where it gets taken over by Southern and then just never turns up.
 
8. VULCAN PEAK
Well. Wow. This has to be quite possibly one of the most hastily and cheaply thrown together embarrassments of an attraction at Thorpe Park I've ever seen. Heck, it wasn't even supposed to open last night because it was still being finished, showing as "opening 5th October". The only plus point I can draw from this "attraction" is that they created an introduction video to watch, but make no mistake other than this, this maze is total utter garbage. I find hooded mazes pointless anyway, the original Hellements at Tulleys was poor, but they at least improved it last year by adding a live action section at the end. We must have literally had 1 actor in Vulcan Peak last night, and it was basically 5 minutes of walking round in the dark with a bag on your head. You then have to take off the bag, before walking through the inflatable walled section, and then you're out. Because that makes a lot of sense. Also - and this is possibly a small thing but it's all about the details - why on earth are there blue LED string lights in the bit where you take off your hood? Do they mean anything? Who decided to put them there? Who at Merlin signed that off? It looked like something from Maplins (RIP) and served no purpose - why not have a flickering light or something SpOoKy. Why not green so it's vaguely "jungle" themed? Anything, but that. That detail just typified the maze for me: cheap, tacky and pointless and I defy anyone to find it anything otherwise. This just screamed to me, Merlin wanted quantity over quality this year. I take pity on anyone should this get big queues and people decide to pay for a Fastrack one shot not knowing the horror that awaits.
 
I can't comment on Fanta Horror Thing as it was still being finished (though did look quite impressive), nor Screamplexx. Spotted the Big Top show happening in the dome but didn't bother watching. Terror at Amity High - I assume this just means the roaming actors? I think? Anyway, they were out in force on the entrance bridge and were good! Massive shout out to the awesome clowns and associated freaks too, they are fantastic walking around and then starting their menacing clap before terrorising someone - genuinely top stuff there, was impressed and added to the night. More of this please!
 
Had two rides on Stealth on the dark including one front row (swoon), a nice night ride on the smooth Swarm, a not so smooth ride on Sore The Ride, and my first ever ride on X Version 2.0. Which, to be fair to Thorpe really isn't that bad at all considering what they had to work with in terms of converting a family coaster. However, as expected, whoever signed off the article stating "15 out of 10 on the scare scale" really really needs to consider their life choices ? Total utter hyperbole as I expected but like I say - in terms of slapping on an IP on to X, they've done a pretty good job - I like the nod to X on the trains (at first I thought they'd just left the old logos on, ha!) No actor in the after ride bit though which was a shame.
 
One thing I touched on earlier - being able to see P15 from Blair Witch etc. - those 3 mazes in Old Town are seriously seriously close together, and I wouldn't like to be queuing round there once FN's get in full swing and there's fast tracks and RAPs and what not going on because there is going to be SO many people in such a small place, it isn't going to be pretty. The Blair Witch queue as I say is tiny, assume they can extend out but yes, the quantity of mazes angle they are going for, when you have a finite amount of space like Thorpe has, could make peak times pretty horrific.
 
Congratulations if you read all that. Bit of a mixed bag as you can see. Be intrigued as to how I find it when the general public (shudder) are allowed in when in visit on the 11th and 13th! ?
 
Oh one thing I forgot to say - Thorpe definitely got a great bulk deal on human waste smell pods this year, bleugh! Could smell 'em in 4 different locations.

I look forward to seeing updates from Fin’s Bar.

I look forward to seeing updates from Fin’s Bar.

I look forward to seeing updates from Fin’s Bar.

I look forward to seeing updates from Fin’s Bar.

‘Negan’ was there when I went through on Saturday. 

Hi Ryan

It’s definitely the best version of X I’ve ridden. The theming inside is really great, and there’s a story throughout which explains why you’re getting on a coaster. 
 
The post ride scene could do with some work, there’s a nice set-piece here but you hear some audio and that’s it it’s over. 
 
I hope general public aren’t expecting too much from this and realise that it is just a retheme of X (some people last night were shocked that it’s not a new coaster).

This 100%. If the PR machine goes into super HYPE mode, and the reality is something very different and the public are disappointed, then that's no-one's fault other than Merlin's.

It’s definitely the best version of X I’ve ridden. The theming inside is really great, and there’s a story throughout which explains why you’re getting on a coaster. 
 
The post ride scene could do with some work, there’s a nice set-piece here but you hear some audio and that’s it it’s over. 
 
I hope general public aren’t expecting too much from this and realise that it is just a retheme of X (some people last night were shocked that it’s not a new coaster).

That's the best use of faint praise I've ever seen.

For the years I've put off visiting, I apologise.
For the jokes I've made with no reasoning behind them, I apologise.
For ever believing the rubbish the enthusiast community spits out about you, I apologise.
 
PortAventura, I'm on my knees, I beg you, please forgive me.
 
This weekend just gone, me and my friend made our first ever trip to PA, a trip that's been years in the making, that kept getting put off, in part due to lack of interest but also due to reading lots of negative things online, well those people were doing it wrong and here's why....
 
Day 1
 
Saturday morning started with an extremely early Easyjet flight from Gatwick to Barcelona, a flight which sadly went by without any significant comedy.
 
We arrived in Barcelona and it was time to try out a new car hire company, for those keeping track at home our relationship with car hire companies is patchy at best. A charming cheap little purple car was our chariot for this trip and it was too cute for even a miserable bastard like me to insult.
 
As we set off for Tibidabo (the first park of our trip) it was pouring it down with rain, but this isn't Asia, surely this won't matter? After driving for 20 minutes up the insanely tight mountain roads to the brave boy car park (you can park at the bottom and take a bus or be brave and drive up the mountain and park at the entrance), the car park attendant informs us, "park's closed but I'll let you in the car park". Without really thinking we took the parking ticket and proceeded to drive into the empty car park, as we left he told us to pay at the ticket office before leaving.
 
For a few moments we sat in the car thinking to ourselves, is this seriously happening? Why is it becoming so hard these days, we seem to be getting spited everywhere at the moment. Right, fair enough, time to grow up, let's walk to the ticket office, pay for this parking ticket we didn't use and ask the staff are they going to be open tomorrow. However, the ticket offices (located outside the park) were closed and the entry gate to the park was bolted shut, I guess we aren't paying for anything. Thankfully we had a friendly bloke working the barriers, who upon seeing we were English deemed it easier to just let us go rather than try to talk it out, top bloke.
 

To be fair, the rain was quite heavy...
 
Right, OK, we will try to come back tomorrow but for now let's head to PortAventura. The one and a half hour drive to PA went by without much to report, apart from the tolls which were a nasty surprise.
 
We were staying onsite in Hotel Caribe, which can be best described as a collection of many 4 star Butlin's chalets. The room was clean, the bed was comfy, the bathroom was great and the noise was minimal, no complaints at all here.
 
Upon entering the hotel car park, security give the car a once over, which in my eyes is absolutely fine, I'll happily put up with having to open the boot for a friendly security guard if it means everyone is safe.
 

This was my view from the hotel car park, ugly isn't it?
 
After checking in at the hotel, you are given your room key, which also doubles as your park entrance pass, so there's no more faffing about after the initial wait, you don't even need to check out, too easy.
 
A short walk from the hotel later and we were now standing in one of the most universally moaned about parks in this hobby, let's go test those claims shall we.
 
 
What a lovely view.
 
Not going to lie we spent the first hour in the park well and truly lost. During this time we got a nice tasting toastie (I swear I've read the food isn't good here, I guess that's wrong) from Camila Cabello, who now apparently works in the China area of PA, small World eh. After this we tried to go ride the mine train, but got lost again and somehow ended up at the park's 3 woodies.
 
Stampida
 
After reading online that Stampida is either rough or crap, I went in thinking the worst and prepared for a beating, a beating that never came. Stampida is great! This racing woodie is damn good fun, has great pops of air time (sometimes taking me by surprise and putting a huge grin on my face), tons of fun laterals and the racing and duelling is fantastic! Easily the best CCI I've ridden, yes better than Zeus and Megafobia and not miles behind the outstanding racing GCI (Draak) at Efteling. This coaster just has so much character to it and was the sleeper hit of the trip, I just love it.
 

 
Tomahawk
 
While obviously not as good as it's big brother, this baby woodie is very well done and it's interactions with Stampida are genius, fantastic stuff.
 

 

Right next to Tomahawk is a singing vulture, it was about this time I decided I like this park.
 
El Diablo
 
After what felt like forever we finally found the entrance to the mine train! This was my first ever Arrow mine train coaster and I can't wait to hunt down more, this thing is brilliant. This coaster just has something for everyone, 3 lifts, a mince through a shed, a drop out of the station like Helix, a long ride time to rest your legs, hilarious transitions and some genuinely forceful moments, amazing.
 
  
 
Dragon Khan
 
What a bitter disappointment this old school B&M was. It's not easy for me to say this because I've idolised this coaster for years and there's no denying it looks outstanding but honestly, what a waste this thing is. A force less first drop, followed by inversion after inversion with no attempt to shake things up is just lazy in my opinion. Some air time moments or some fun twisty bits really would have shaken up the layout but instead, it's just inversion after inversion, which bores me. A boring coaster is 1 thing but DK adds insult to injury with the fact if you are sitting in the outside seats things get quite rattly and unpleasant. I'm sorry Khan, but nah, not for me.
 

Yes that queue board says Shambhala has a 10 minute queue, I hope that hurts the Shambhala fanboys that read this.
 
Khan gave me a headache so I slithered into Sesame to buy something sugary and while there rode the Vekoma Junior.
 
Tami-Tami
 
+1
 
Shambhala
 
Now full of coke and donuts we headed to Shambhala, a coaster many rave about and some even call their number 1, I'm sorry for what's about to happen.
 
Even with low expectations going in, I still managed to walk away disappointed. Shambhala is good but it certainly isn't great and there's no way it's a top 10 ride in my eyes.
 
The first drop is completely void of any forces and it just sort of happens, then every air time hill tries but ultimately fails to do anything exciting and the trim brake trimming an already mincing ride is hilarious. Shambhala's speed hill is the only part of the coaster that gives any sort of good air and you're trimmed by the aforementioned trim brake as you enter it!
 
We rode Shambhala at least twice a day, in different seats, in the sun, in the rain, in the wind, in the morning, in the evening, in the afternoon and always the same result. Trust me I really wanted to love it but it's honestly so lacklustre.
 
As with Khan it does look beautiful though.
 
This crushing disappointment sent me to the toilet with crushing bowel movements, unlike Phantasialand, PortAventura let you deal with that in peace.
 
After another lap on Stampida, El Diablo and Shambala we ended our day with Furius Baco.
 
Furius Baco
 
Countless time I've read Baco is one of the worst coasters out there and that it's so rough it's going to break my spine, well did it? Of course it didn't...
 
Firstly credit to the park, they got this open after a lengthy breakdown with just an hour till close, worst operations in the World? I think not.
 
Furius Baco isn't good, but it isn't rough either, it's just hilarious.
 
Something about monkeys happens, then you launch, everything starts bouncing, you're flying around too fast to even see what's happening, you do an inline, it bounces round some water into the brakes, the end.
 

 
That evening after a very pleasant day on park, I thought to myself, how can my experience with PA be so much different than everyone elses? The park looks fantastic, operations are good, the staff are very friendly, Baco didn't kill me, Shambhala and Khan are bit crap, the hotel is nice, the food is good and Stampida is brilliant. What's going on guys? 
 
Join me next time for Tibidabo and more PA goodness.

Deeply saddened upon hearing of Roodie’s passing. Thoughts go out to his family and closest of friends.
 
I only met him a few times during meets, but he was lovely down to earth guy, who was extremely friendly. He wasn’t one for running round hitting checklists or the first there, but one to simply just take in and enjoy the parks with the company amongst him.
 
Roodie’s premature departure certainly puts things into perspective to try and appreciate life more, regardless of how good or bad things in our lives seem to be. Whether that be a trip/holiday being delayed or cancelled, not landing your dream job or moments where seems to going to plan. The last time time I knowingly saw him was leaving for the car park at Chessington after an exciting meal and visit to the park. Little did I know at the time that would be the last time I saw him. 
 
He may have only been active in the community for just over a year, but certainly left a lasting impression. As long as we can continue to enjoy these wonderful meets and socials. Amongst remembering the good times of those Roodie attended, his spirit can definitely live on.
 
Roodie May be gone, but he is definitely not forgotten.
 
Thanks for reading and I apologise if this is too much for anyone.
 
 

The new section has potential to be better than what it was replacing, a few tweaks and it could be really good. 
 
I had a good ride on Ghost Train yesterday, VR was working well, shop section was all working (apart from the awkward moment the demon was still stood there after the lights came back on). 
 
Lets just hope they can keep Ghost Train running at this standard!

Did the Demon hang around and take selfies?


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The new section has potential to be better than what it was replacing, a few tweaks and it could be really good. 
 
I had a good ride on Ghost Train yesterday, VR was working well, shop section was all working (apart from the awkward moment the demon was still stood there after the lights came back on). 
 
Lets just hope they can keep Ghost Train running at this standard!

Crystal Maze ride confirmed 

Quick reminder that this is tomorrow, looking forward to seeing you all there!  

Got a table booked at TGI's in Staines  

Got a table booked at TGI's in Staines  

Yay! Bring on the purple rain and JD sauce.
 
Not together of course.

Woop woop that's what I hoped you were going to say. Haven't had a TGIs in aaaaaages.

Got a table booked at TGI's in Staines