August 13, 201411 yr comment_188616 I don't have any jokes unfortunately. I guess you could say I'm a pun wit wonder.
August 20, 201411 yr comment_189192 You know how you get shops like 'Toys R Us'? Well there's one near me that sells right-angled triangles - 'Pythag R Us'!
August 20, 201411 yr comment_189196 Couple of good one liners... http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-scotland-edinburgh-east-fife-28838287 this years winner... "I've decided to sell my Hoover... well, it was just collecting dust" - Tim Vine.
September 2, 201411 yr comment_190644 What is invisible and smells like worms? Bird farts! What is brown and sticky? A stick! What do you do if you see a spaceman? Park, man! What did the frog order at McDonald's? French Flies! Sorry for ruining your day with my corny jokes.
September 2, 201411 yr comment_190646 Last month, I was walking down the street, six hundred feet above sea level (it was a high street ), and some bloke came out of nowhere and hit me with a crowbar, knocking me out. While I was unconscious, I dreamt I was on an errand for Dracula. I was out for the count!
September 2, 201411 yr comment_190647 You could say the invention of the shovel was a groundbreaking discovery. Ba dum tiss. I'll see myself out.
September 2, 201411 yr comment_190659 You could say the invention of the shovel was a groundbreaking discovery. Ba dum tiss. I'll see myself out. Unlike the cold air balloon, the idea really took off!
September 2, 201411 yr comment_190662 Unlike the cold air balloon, the idea really took off! But even that was better than darts covered in superglue - you just can't let that idea go!
September 6, 201410 yr comment_191117 Did you know you can't get a job on an aeroplane if your name is Jack, because you walk into the cockpit, the co-pilot says "Hi Jack" and everyone starts screaming! You also can't get a job on an aeroplane if your name is Iva Handgrenade! I was actually playing football on an aeroplane the other day! It was amazing, I was running up the wing... It's strange these days, because you stand in the middle of a library and go "AAAAAAAAAAHHHHH!!!" and everyone stares at you. But you do the same thing on an aeroplane and everyone joins in!
September 27, 201410 yr comment_193204 Be prepared for cheesiness: What do you call a giggling, 10 looping rollercoaster at Thorpe Park? Cololossus! ha.ha.ha.
September 27, 201410 yr comment_193205 I was reading the paper this morning, and I see the thief stealing t shirts in order of size is still at large!
September 27, 201410 yr comment_193208 Be prepared for cheesiness: What do you call a giggling, 10 looping rollercoaster at Thorpe Park? Cololossus! ha.ha.ha. Clearly wasn't around in the days everyone was calling it Lolossus
September 27, 201410 yr comment_193217 Every week, I do a theory on 'how to keep up with technology'! Those who want to hear it, I will be selling cassettes later...
October 11, 201410 yr comment_194416 Fright nights joke guys.... What begins with 'b' and ends in 'itch'? Blair Witch. I'll see myself out.
October 13, 201410 yr comment_194632 Football jokes, guys! This bloke said to me "Can you state your availability to run a Sheffield football team?". I said "I can't manage Wednesday!". I was watching Match of the Day, and Alan Hansen said "Wayne Rooney is second to none"...so why don't England start playing this nun if she's that good?! I went to a football match and one of the teams came on in a dance - it was Charleston Athletic! I went to a football match in Japan and at the end they started doing martial arts! I said to this bloke "What's going on?". He said "It's two minutes of ninjary time!" I went to the bar afterwards, and a football agent gave me an envelope full of manure. I said "No. Bung! BUNG!" ...and then a referee walked in and I thought "It's all gonna kick off now!"
October 27, 201410 yr comment_196019 Has there ever been a thread on the topic of a brain attached to a fishing rod? Go on - cast your mind back!
November 18, 201410 yr comment_197542 How did the man describe that he had seen Saw: The Ride before it was build
November 29, 201410 yr comment_198267 I was up all night last night wondering when the sun would come..... And then it dawned on me....(hi five?)
November 29, 201410 yr comment_198268 A judge asks a defendant to please stand. "You are charged with murdering a garbage man with a chain saw."From the back of the courtroom a man shouts, "You lying bastard!""Silence in the court!" The judge turns to the defendant again and says, "You are also charged with killing a paperboy with a shovel.""You tightwad!" blurts the spectator."Quiet!" yelled the judge. "You are also charged with killing a mailman with an electric drill.""You cheap son of a... " the spectator starts to shout.The judge thunders back, " I will hold you in contempt! What is the reason for your outbursts?""I've lived next to that lying b*****d for 10 years now, but do you think he ever had a tool when I needed to borrow one?"
November 29, 201410 yr comment_198269 This bloke threw some pastry at me and I threw an apple at him and they collided in the centre of the room and created the perfect strudel. I love it when a flan comes together!
November 29, 201410 yr comment_198270 2 antennae got married. The service wasn't great but the reception was excellent!
December 8, 201410 yr comment_198725 A recent study showed that lizards who have sex at a young age die younger. Scientists therefore know that all old lizards have reptile dysfunction.
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