JoshC.

Gotta number 2 - Liam would never fall over in heels...

Gotta number 2 - Liam would never fall over in heels...

What a result!!

Hi everyone,
Earlier this year, as part of my Television Production degree, I researched and wrote the script for a documentary detailing the history of roller coasters within the UK. I was privileged enough to be given an interview with John Wardley. I've since graduated and felt like people might be interested in the interview. I'm sure none of what he says is news to you lot, but still.. enjoy!
CJ: How does the roller coaster industry today compare to the 1980’s?
JW: Well the biggest change has been through the use of computer technology, both in terms of calculating the dynamics of the rides themselves and in terms of being able to control the track bending and the machinery for fabricating the rides, but I would say the main difference has been brought about by computer technology, and also sophistication in terms of the material that are used, the materials, the synthetic materials for the wheels and so on, and also in the sophistication of computer controls and the control technology.
CJ: The 1980’s saw many “off-the-shelf” design roller coasters…
JW: Well that’s not really the case as such, the permanent theme parks in the 80’s, particularly in America were using companies like Arrow Dynamics and Intamin and neither of those companies had off-the-shelf designs. They had off-the-shelf basic systems, but the actual track configurations were invariably custom designed. It was companies like Vekoma that were producing standard layouts either for travelling fairs or for amusement parks that couldn’t afford the luxury of having a custom design, or in actual fact didn’t have the space and wanted something very compact.
CJ: Yes, I believe the Corkscrew was a popular design having been found at Alton Towers and Drayton Manor
JW: Yes that was the Vekoma Corkscrew which was a standard design, now that was a totally portable ride and it moved on from Alton Towers when Alton Towers sold it a few years ago. That was designed… that was purchased for the reason that I mentioned. The previous owner of Alton Towers, John Broome, wanted a ride that he was able to lease rather than purchase and he also had a very very tight footprint in which to put it. But that was a standard design from Vekoma. But since then, and since I’ve been involved there hasn’t actually been any standard designs, they’ve all been custom layouts
CJ: The development of Chessington Zoo saw it become the UK’s first true theme park. Why was this direction taken as opposed to a more traditional amusement park?
JW: Right well that’s a good question because my original brief was to look at Chessington Zoo with a view to upgrading the circus and fun fair and I reached the conclusion that the way forward was not to upgrade the circus and fun fair because there is precious little point in people travelling long distances for permanent facilities if, what they could see when they got there, arrived at their local village green 6 weeks later. So the fairground was essentially all travelling fairground rides operated by travelling showmen and the circus was no different to any travelling circus that moved around the country and I felt that in order to develop an attraction that had a future, it had to provide something special which meant custom built rides on a permanent site which was very different and much more special than anything that travelled around
CJ: Yes I think the Vampire ride is probably a good example of a custom ride that was built at Chessington
JW: That’s right, it was not only a custom-designed ride, it was also Europe’s first suspended coaster, and a swing coaster like that which was of course built by Arrow Dynamics, very heavily themed using special effects and scenery and so on, combined with the Professor Burp’s Bubbleworks dark ride all embracing one sort of Bavarian-type Germanic theme. That was really the first time anything had been done like that in Britain, so you’re right it was Britain’s first real theme park although of course the definition of a theme park is a much-abused thing and a lot of people think a theme park is any kind of amusement park with a pay-one-price policy, preferably inland, in other words not by the sea side with a reasonably clean-cut image and I think people consider that as a theme park. But I think that’s a nonsense, a theme park is something where you provide a series of adventures and attractions on a theme and tell a story in the process.
CJ: 1994 is referred to as the year of the roller coaster, with the opening of Nemesis, Pepsi Max Big One and Shockwave at rival parks. How do each of these rides differ in terms of unique selling point?
JW: Well it was the starting point that each of the three attractions that you’ve mentioned set out from. Blackpool set out to build the tallest. Drayton Manor with Shockwave set out to build the first stand up coaster in Britain, and at Alton Towers we set out to build the best and the most unique. It certainly wasn’t the tallest, it didn’t get in any record books, we just set out to build the most amazing adventure. But I think probably time has really told the tale in as much as Nemesis is still way, way up there in the popularity charts of the international roller coaster enthusiasts, not just British. But Nemesis is still way up there and when ACE and the various roller coaster societies around the world come to Britain they made a bee-line for Nemesis and both the Big One and Shockwave just don’t get a mention
CJ: So I think it’s fair to say the building restrictions at Alton Towers obviously help with the design of innovative roller coasters?
JW: Oh yes, I mean although we curse the local planners for the restrictions that they put on us, at the same time they force us to be creative, and although it’s incredibly expensive to do what we did.. I mean that hole that we dug for Nemesis cost more than the ride cost and so although it is a great inconvenience, it would be so easy and so much cheaper if we could just throw steel up into the air way above the trees. At the same time the restrictions force us to be much more creative which gives the rides greater appeal both in the short and, most importantly, in the long term
CJ: So in that case, how did you go about topping Nemesis?
JW: Well after Nemesis opened, we obviously had to think outside the box again, and I sat down with Walter Bolliger of B&M and we came up with the idea of a vertical drop, but obviously we didn’t have the height to go up in the air, we had to go down in the ground so it meant digging a big shaft so the idea of a vertical shaft going into the ground and then going through a U-bend and back up again seemed to be the way forward, although again that excavation was going to cost a fortune. Subsequently, B&M have built dive machine coasters on the ground and they have had to be two or three times the size. That’s all very exciting, but the idea of dropping into that hole and not knowing how deep it is and whether you’re ever going to come out again, in other words dropping into oblivion which immediate gave us the name for the ride, that was how the whole project came about.
CJ: And then afterwards, what inspired you to create AIR?
JW: Well, having got a suspended coaster and developed the idea of hanging beneath the track, the next logical step was to lie in a face-down position like Superman and that led to, or suggested the idea of flying. I’d been working on this with B&M immediately after we had built Oblivion and a number of other companies got the same idea, it was the next logical step forward, so in effect the race was on to perfect it. Of course, Vekoma actually got a flying coaster out before we did with B&M but I still think that our system, which was totally different to Vekoma’s, they’re loaded in a different way, it gave a more satisfactory sensation of flying, the means by which we got people of varying dimensions into that flying position so they were safe and comfortable and it could be done quickly for maximum ride capacity was terribly difficult and that’s why it took a long time to get the technology perfected. And then, as we progressed, it was obvious that whereas Nemesis and Oblivion were the villains, they were the baddies, the wonderful thing about AIR was that it allowed you to do something that you wanted to do which was to fly, and so therefore AIR became the hero, it wasn’t a baddie, so it wasn’t threatening, it was a challenge but it was exhilarating, it was the goodie rather than the baddie. So the whole theme of AIR and its name suggested that it was the hero, not the villain.
CJ: So of course Alton Towers is known for its innovative roller coasters. Could you tell me about your relationship with B&M?
JW: Well B&M are arguably the finest roller coaster manufacturer in the world, but they are a very low-key organisation with an elite portfolio of clients. And they will deal with everybody, but at the same time their prices are far higher than other ride manufacturers and they will not build anything that they’re not completely happy with, so they will only build rides within their existing portfolio, they only develop new technology in-house and the only person to the best of my knowledge that collaborates with them is myself. I have a very good relationship with them, from the moment Nemesis opened, with Walter and Claude I developed a good relationship and I do collaborate with them with new technologies and new ideas and of course the wing coaster they’ve currently come out with is one of those collaborations.
CJ: Why was the decision made to build a 10 looping roller coaster at Thorpe Park?
JW: Well again it was at a time when it was very very important that whatever the next new ride was had some kind of easy, unique selling point. The company was in the ownership of merchant bankers, they wanted something that could convey very very quickly what the unique selling point was, and therefore a record breaker of some type was the requirement. But it couldn’t be the highest, it couldn’t be the fastest, it couldn’t be the longest, but we decided that it could have the most inversions of any roller coaster in the world so that quite simply was the reason.
CJ: You’ve had some involvement in the development of B&M’s new wing rider concept seen at Thorpe Park with the Swarm this year. How did you come to develop this concept?
JW: Well B&M wanted a new product, and the concept of separating the riders’ heartline, in other words the riders’ centre of gravity from the actual axis of the track. Below the track was done with the inverted coaster, above the track was the stand-up coaster. Now in terms of either side of the track, although there’s the dive coaster such as Oblivion, or later the bigger ones that they’ve built, had very wide vehicles. They were still very much on top of the track rather than either side of the track. Now the thing that appealed to me with the wing coaster idea is that essentially the vehicle and its track was very wide and not very deep, in other words you could go through a horizontal slot that was wide but not very high. The beauty of it is that you can head towards a vertical slot of the same dimensions so it looks as though you’re not going to fit through and rather like that famous sequence in Star Wars where you’re whizzing through canyons, the idea of a vehicle that rapidly flips onto its side can therefore fit through a gap that looks too narrow for it. That looked like fun. So that was how the wing coaster developed.
CJ: Merlin operates 4 of the UK’s top 5 theme parks. Do you think this lack of competition helps or hinders the UK’s roller coaster offerings?
JW: I would say, it certainly doesn’t hinder it because Merlin are the only people with the budget to enable big coasters to be built, and also they’re the only people that have the imagination to put aside ride manufacturers brochures and start thinking outside the box and creating something different and something special. I would say that Merlin are uniquely placed to be able to take roller coasters forward in Britain, and if it were left just to the competition I don’t think that would happen.
CJ: Did you feel that Alton Towers would be in competition with Disneyland Paris when it opened?
JW: No, none whatsoever. First of all, when Disneyland Paris first opened, it wasn’t a particularly happy sort of ship and it got a lot of bad press. It wasn’t as easy to get to as it is now, and things like the food offerings and the hotel offerings weren’t sorted like they are now, so people still felt that Alton Towers, which they could get to and enter for a fraction of the price of a visit to, what was then called Euro Disney, was, there really was no competition whatsoever from Disneyland Paris and I would say that there still isn’t because you can visit Alton Towers without a tremendous amount of planning, at the drop of a hat you can go there and you can have a thumping good time for far far less than if you got a Eurostar and went all the way over the Paris.
CJ: What do you think will be the next big thing in roller coaster design?
JW: Well that’s the question that everybody asks me because I am working on some new ideas with B&M but obviously until such time as the first one is announced, that will be very much under wraps so I’m afraid I can’t really elaborate on that, but you can rest assured that there is a lot of thought being put into where to go from here.
Please don't repost without crediting me

The site has been updated again, with a little bit more back story, and a competition for kids. http://www.chessington.com/zufari/

Must admit, I'm slowly getting more and more excited for this!

As for the style, I guess it's a case of we'll have to see. I guess having coloured containers is better than having grey/silver containers at the very least...

Great topic!
I haven't got many older than 2010 on my laptop / Facebook at the moment, but I'm planning on scanning all my older ones soon anyway. There's some real classics of me when I was younger. Here's a couple of my favourites that I've got access to at the moment though:

2011. Honestly, it's a faked face.

2011. Again, despite how it looks, I'm not screaming... XD
This one isn't particularly an ORP, but it's from the Old Time Photography thing that used to be in Canada Creek, back from when I was 7/8 I think:

(Think I've posted this on this forum before on the photos from when you were younger thread or something?)
That's all for now.

Great topic!
I haven't got many older than 2010 on my laptop / Facebook at the moment, but I'm planning on scanning all my older ones soon anyway. There's some real classics of me when I was younger. Here's a couple of my favourites that I've got access to at the moment though:

2011. Honestly, it's a faked face.

2011. Again, despite how it looks, I'm not screaming... XD
This one isn't particularly an ORP, but it's from the Old Time Photography thing that used to be in Canada Creek, back from when I was 7/8 I think:

(Think I've posted this on this forum before on the photos from when you were younger thread or something?)
That's all for now.

Looking through the forums I don't think there is a topic for all our ORP's? I'm sure we've all got loads gathering dust somewhere, so lets see them, old and new. I'll start.

Clicking through some old photos I found a small collection from 2006, when PA were already offering an emailed file of photos for a small price - catch up Merlin!

Completely unaware that Hurricane Condor was about to destroy my testicles



A particularly uninteresting one form Dragon Khan



Some ugly as hell merged photo composition on Splash



And quite bizarrely looking like I'm sitting on a park bench, not a woodie, riding Stampida



I know I have a stack of old ones from the early 90's onwards somewhere, I'll try and scan them in later.

Get sharing....

Yesterday I was lucky enough to have the day of school and with my dad of work we decided it would be the perfect day to go to Winter Wonderland. I have been lucky enough to go every year since it began in 2008 and it has been great to see it develop the way it has, however, every year we had been on a weekend making it very busy. Fortunately, this year it was lovely and quiet thanks to it being a school day making it much more enjoyable. The layout of the event this year is much more spread out with wider pathways and more concrete paths other than plastic mud covers (or whatever they are). This and the event only being a week old on Friday meant it was much drier and less muddy.
The ride lineup this year is by far the best. The well known favourites of Power Tower and Air returned in great fashion. Both at £6 but worth every penny (especially when you get a really long ride because there's no queue). Once again Euro Coaster also returned and I've always enjoyed this ride since it arrived in 2009 but it is getting quite repetitive and should be replaced for next years event especially when they charge £6 for it. I found it doesn't compare to the new Alpine Coaster (London City Coaster) which is a very decent £4. New for this year is Wilde Maus XXL (or Christmas Mouse because Winter Wonderland are so imaginative with their names). I wasn't expecting much from it at first but the two drops added to the ride really make it amazing. The roar from a car going down the first drop is quite loud for a travelling coaster. Definately worth the £6 in my eyes (helped by the enjoyable queue line). The last ride I did was the new Starflyer. I had never been on one of these before and they are quite spectactular. The height of it leads to great views of Winter Wonderland and the rest of London. You also get a decent ride time and with it being so cold up there it felt much faster than it actually was. Maybe not worth the £6 but definately worth a go if you've never done a Starflyer before.
Ride count and cost:
Christmas Mouse £6
Alpine Coaster £4
Air £6
Starflyer £6
Christmas Coaster £6
Pictures:





Got to have a Wheel shot


Believe it or not this does say Winter Wonderland

Hopefully I'll get to visit again this year to ride some of the others like Power Tower but overall a great evening.

Like most relationships then
Ohhh, that sounds like a house my mate looked at for third year, one of these fancy new cheap jobbies... Though in the end getting a proper house for 3 people for a max of £30 odd a week was nicer

Banned for banning too much. The power of the faux banhammer has gone to your head.

In over your head?
No No
Correct

Fish. Fingers. And. Custard.

Edited some previous post as per the rules. After eliminating a ride yes, you can add your own new set of votes. It's not mandatory so we'll just move on on the assumption that Josh abstained from voting after bringing Neptune's Beach to zero because he was too distraught...
Chief Rangers Carousel (5)
Colossus (6)
Depth Charge (5)
Detonator (5)
Flying Fish (4)
Logger's Leap (5)
Mr Monkey's Banana Boat Ride (5)
Nemesis Inferno (6)
Quantum (5)
Rocky Express (4)
Rumba Rapids (5)
Rush (5)
Samurai (5)
Saw: The Ride (5)
Slammer (5)
Stealth (5)
Storm In A Teacup (5)
The Swarm (5)
Tidal Wave (5)
Vortex (5)
X:/No Way Out (5)
Zodiac (5)
Nemesis Inferno +1
Rocky Express -1

Woah; 2-1 is not zero!?
Not that it matters too much anyway, as I'll just say:
Swarm +
Neptune's Beach -
to deliver the final blow and take us back to the starting point.
Chief Rangers Carousel (5)
Colossus (5)
Depth Charge (5)
Detonator (5)
Flying Fish (5)
Logger's Leap (5)
Mr Monkey's Banana Boat Ride (5)
Nemesis Inferno (5)
Quantum (5)
Rocky Express (5)
Rumba Rapids (5)
Rush (5)
Samurai (5)
Saw: The Ride (5)
Slammer (5)
Stealth (5)
Storm In A Teacup (5)
The Swarm (5)
Tidal Wave (5)
Vortex (5)
X:/No Way Out (5)
Zodiac (5)

OPERATOR, GET ME THE NUMBER FOR 911
- Homer Simpson

I'm really disappointed if this is the case.
The tunnel adds to the whole experience. It's a bit of the unknown, adds variety into the ride and makes it more enjoyable.
The fact that it's been in a not-so-good state the past few years really speaks volumes about the situation...

I don't know what amuses me more, the fact they can't afford a new roof or the fact they let it get into that condition in the first place.
Merlin. PLEASE REFURBISH YOUR DAMN RIDES PLEASE.

SFMM do just seem to be plonking relatively cheap, small thrill coasters all over the place just to retain the title of the most roller coasters at a theme park.
In other news Etnaland posted a picture of The Storm on there FB page.

The setting of it is amazing and the views from the top off the lift are probably brilliant.

Should really consider wrapping this thing up!

So that is pretty much everything ride wise, then there are the parades.



The 20th Anniversary Train is just that, a single train along the parade route to a great catchy song. Doesn't really draw the crowds so it's easy to get up close and is a fun little diversion. 7/10

Disney Magic On Parade is the main procession, and even on a quiet day pulls in such huge crowds you'd need to be in place early to get anywhere near the front. It is quite long and pretty spectacular with some really beautiful floats.



Not too sure what paedo bear is doing up there though? 8/10



As night time falls the park becomes beautifully lit and even more magical than during the day, just a shame that the 21.00 ride close time only allowed for about 45 minutes of dusky dark ride opportunity, which is pretty much all best spent on Thunder Mountain. Most people stop riding at about 20.00 to get in place for the nigh time show but that really isn't necessary when the park is not too busy.




And then Disney Dreams happens. We loved it, so warmingly traditional Disney but done with such technologically clever and effective laser mapping on the castle. Here the characters projected on to water fountains have conversations with one in French and the other in English so everyone can follow what is going on and the language barrier suddenly becomes charming rather than a burden. The castle looks indescribably stunning, I have no idea how they do it as it changes colour and shape before your eyes, and they even fairly successfully manage to make it look like it disappears, but the technology doesn't get in the way of a good bit of story telling.



Pro tip - for the best show it doesn't really matter how close you are, but being central is key to getting the most from the effects. We did it from a few positions and the best we found was directly behind the disabled area which although quite far back is bang in the middle.

It is hard to fault. I wasn't expecting it to be so good, I'm much more of a fan of the displays over water usually where there is more scope for a bit of spectacle but this showed what can be done with limited space. The only thing it lacked was a real explosive finale, but I understand the locals were moaning about the bangers they were setting off at the end so they've toned it down. Shame that, as it is otherwise pretty flawless. 9.5/10

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So what do I think of the park over all? There is no doubting it is quite odd. Looking back at that report there are a couple of real glaring omission to the line up; how a park of that size can have no water ride is beyond me, and looking at the Disneyland park alone there are no shows. A Disney park without any shows, be it live action or 3/4D is a very odd thing. My park map shows a theatre somewhere near Thunder Mountain and one in Fantasyland but they were not in use, and at the exit of Space Mountain is a huge theatre still with the captain EO signage up but showing nothing.

As well as this there were a HUGE amount of areas boarded off with ugly fencing. From the top of my head - about a third of the entrance plaza, a huge lump of adventureland which I now know was hiding a closed Aladdin walkthrough, another area near the entrance of adventureland which as far as I can tell houses nothing, part of the castle housing 'Dragon' and Casey Jr Train along with the advertised to be closed but not boarded off teacups. It is not that things were closed so much as the ugly fencing. Also there are information boards around the park with queue times etc displaying wait times for rides which don't exist, I can only presume they are ex attractions (I've just looked up 'Honey I Shrunk the Audience' it closed 2 and a half years ago, yet is still displayed!), this sort of thing really makes the place feel unloved and run down. I could not make up my mind whether all these closed areas were a sign of improvements, that they were working to make it better, or if instead it is things they can't be bothered to fix properly so they board it up ad pretend it's not there. Surely they can't be actively working on all these areas at once?

As a first time visitor here, and having done all the American Disney parks, there is really no comparison. Paris does not come close to offering the escapism and perfect fantasy off the originals, but as a stop gap, a way to satisfy some Disney craving without having to get across the Atlantic, it is still very much worth a visit. Not as a replacement though, for those who have the choice it is more than worth it to save, fly to America, and do it properly.

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And so ends Disney and our trip. Time for a sad face as we leave the room for the last time.




We were planning a few nights camping in the outskirts of Paris but the weather took a turn and trying to fry your sausage in the rain is no ones idea of fun, so we drove back to Calais and hopped on the next boat outta there, tired but happy and with some great memories.

I think that's more than enough of that. Paris - done.

The Studios park sometimes feels like it loses it's way with having any kind of blend between areas / attractions. I know that is kind of the thing with a studio park - the whole premise is they are in production doing one thing here and another there, but it is so physically small that it sometimes feels a bit jarring and cramped. In a park that has been designed from scratch I don't know why they've done that. This is worst in the area loosely clustered as Toon Studio.

The star attraction here, and if queue times are to go by the whole park, is Crush's Coaster. So this MS spinner simply can't cope with the numbers required at a Disney park and the constantly full queue is a dull cattlepen which, like Asterix, leads to many queue jumping opportunities gratefully seized upon by hoards of French. They also dont stop smoking and the staff don't have any problem with any of this, we were truly grateful this ride was pretty much it for us queuing in either park, I can imagine it descending into Asterix level torture quite rapidly on busy days. As soon as we entered the building though, it was all worth while



Mine! I've got a thing for spinners anyway, but we both LOVED this. The station and slow section of the ride are beautifully done, a mixture of animatronics and video screens blend tell the short story with care and humour leading up to a fun and decent length coaster. I've heard some people on forums give this a bad review but I don't understand that, the ride itself is superb, it's just they should have built two of them to cope with the demand. 9/10

Next door is Flying Carpets which is like Dumbo but tilting themed Aladdin style. Is what it is, 6/10

While riding that you are looking down over both Crush and Cars Rally which is a shrunken clone of those Disney figure of 8 teacups in a tiny car. Yeah it's a kids ride, but man those seats are needlessly small and uncomfortable The figure of 8 set up Disney use is good though, and they actually got a good spin on them sometimes. 6/10

Animation Academy is another direct import from USA, but they've messed this one up. It is still interesting but it doesn't work with the translations being pumped in to some headphones off of tape while the host tries to do it live in French. The hosts speakers in the room are far too loud so can be heard over the out of sync English recording and the whole thing is a headache and a mess. They should just do English an French show times, the simplest solutions are usually the best. 4/10.

The only other thing around here is the small meet and greet area consisting of two small queues to met characters with photographer. I kind of like the stumble upon meets more than this, feels a bit like a cheat to me choosing who to meet and queuing up, you should have to find them. There star was Woody btw, much longer queue than for Mickey. Poor Mickey, we gave him some company.

But even lunch wasn't something Asterix was able to provide without a huge unmanaged queue snaking across one of the main throughways in the park. It was clear they weren't expecting it to be busy (they obviously don't watch weather forecasts) as most of the little food and drink booths were closed, but again there was a lack of any attempt to to manage the queue with some barriers or serve people with any sort of speed. This is just a little booth with the total number of options being hotdog or tradition sausage with a drink but they still couldn't manage it and it took nearly half an hour to get our snack. It was decent value and tasty though.

Now I was starting to get worried I we wouldn't fit in both OzIris and Zeus before the day was out so we decided regardless of queue length to just do them, Oziris was nearest and just as we had seen at Zeus the queue was spilling out of the entrance and even out of the ride area all the way past the the pathway under the logflume. That is a long long way. As ever totally unmanaged, people cutting in all over the place and infuriating to be in, it took us about 50 mins just to get into the main queue.



After about two hours we made it to the ride itself. There is no denying the area and ride itself are stunning. Beautifully themed, especially once in the indoor queue. I didn't much care though, two hours wait is too long for me in any conditions but surrounded by the stench of the French in over 100 degree heat with no cover whatsoever I've probably never been in a worse mood getting on a ride.



Look at the huge amount of space there. Why are there not tensa barriers or something used to make some sort of queue line when it is this busy. They just make no effort with operations whatsoever.



After all that moaning I can't deny the ride itself is near perfection. Enough people have said enough good things about it without me being able to add much insight but the standout for me are the zero g rolls, which are just so perfectly executed. I've never felt anything like it, they seem to last forever in a little bubble of floatiness. The whole thing flows beautifully and is so much fun to ride, I'm not sold on the lack of pre drop but that is probably just a case of getting used to it, other than that there is not a single moment that does not feel just right. Our back row seat was almost worth the two hours wait. Almost.


After this we were desperate for a drink but guess what? Asterix didn't want to sell me one. It took ages to even find a stand open and then 20 minutes to get served, all the time fighting off people who wanted to push in front of me. We had only a couple of hours left so decided we had to do Zeus and from what we had seen of the queue earlier, that would be about it. Walking back down to the other side of the park we took a look at what we were missing out on which included a kiddie barrel coaster, a StormSurge-a-like (meh) and a decent looking log flume. Coming across the bobsled coaster 'Hourra' with only a small overspilling queue and a sign declaring '20 minutes from this point' we thought we'd be fine.



Just over an hour later when we finally got on I was properly worried about not getting to Zeus on time, again taking away from how much I could enjoy the ride itself. I have something of a soft spot for Mack bobsleds and this was the best I've been on, I loved the length and feeling of out of control speed it gives. Why aren't there more of these about?



Not knowing the queue close policy we quickly made our way to Zeus, again going passed things we wouldn't get a go on; Grand Splash, a magic carpet (meh) and a dolphin show which just started to spill out hundreds of people into a narrow pathway causing utter chaos (who the hell designed this place) to find Zeus looking exactly as it did earlier in the day but with no one telling us not to join, we did. This time there actually was someone at the entrance stopping the constant parade of queue jump attempts and as a result after 15 minutes or so we were through the legs of Zeus in the queue proper where we found every extension closed and we were on within 45 minutes. What a stupid way to run the place - build a queueline, keep it closed and let everyone line up zig zagging across a busy pathway. Utter morons.



I love wooden coasters and had been looking forward to this for a long long time. Having said that considering its age I didn't expect Zeus to be right up there with the best of the modern stuff. How wrong I was. Again heading for the back I could not believe as we crested the lift hill how huge it was, so much of it being hidden away. The first drop into the tunnel is a stunner and it does not let up until the final brake run with huge amounts of airtime and a pleasing roughness giving it some real character. I seemed to spend just as long out of my seat as in it and as it pulled into the station I had the most ridiculous grin on my face. My top ten would be very much troubled by this ride.



I could have ridden in over and over again. Except I couldn't as we emerged to find the queue line had been closed even though it was still about 10 minutes to park close. Assuming the day was over we wandered back towards the exit where we found Grand Splash was still open with very little queue, so we had a go on that too, which felt like a bit of a bonus really. Not a bad ride with some good water effects on the way round but ends with a poor and anticlimactic final drop.

And with that our day was over so it was back to the car for the short drive back to the hotel, which may have included me getting entirely lost and finding out that driving on that side of the road in the dark in small villages is less easy than in the daytime.

So what do I think of Asterix overall then? It is a very good looking park, a lot of the theming is spectacular, immersive and well maintained and it has two of the very best rides I have ever been on with Zeus and OzIris. But what is the point of all that if it is absolutely impossible to have a good time there? I know I was unlucky with the weather causing crazy busyness but when you are visiting from so far away, with all the cost and effort involved, it is a risk that is not worth taking if the park can be run that badly when too many people turn up. Most annoyingly it is very much designed and run with the queue jumper in mind, but unfortunately for helping them rather than stopping them.

I vowed at the end of the day I'd never go back, which is kind of shocking for a park that has rides entering my top ten twic, but I don't feel like I have actually been to Asterix and experienced what it has the potential to deliver, I've merely been on some of the rides there. Now I've thought about it a bit I probably will return one day but I won't ever base a trip around it. If I am passing I will consider it but if I turn up to 3km queues on the way in I will drive right by to somewhere that can be bothered to actually run their park rather than just open the doors and hope for the best.

So the next morning it was an early start to try and make the most of our single day at Asterix. Full of hotel continental breakfast (why is it acceptable to eat a pile of cakes first thing in the morning across Europe?) we set off across the French countryside with our AA route planner print out in the general direction of the park, planning to arrive around 30mins before park opening. It was a Sunday, and it was hot. Normally I wouldn't entertain a weekend park visit, especially at a place that will be a bit of a one off for me, but as Asterix helpfully only open weekends outside of main season there wasn't much choice in the matter. The first frustration of the day was finding our directions to the park were entirely wrong, leading us to the back of the place but with no actual access. Turns out the only way in is directly off of the motorway where the park has it's own exit, not from the villages it is actually local to. So a 30 minute detour resulted us arriving with everyone else, and so from a bad start it went downhill fast.

Every frog within a few hundred kilometers had clearly decided to make the most of the sunshine, the motorway ground to a halt just by the '3km to Asterix' sign, my heart sank with the realisation this was the queue to the park and not some random traffic, and we crawled in from there. The 8 Euro charge for parking is paid on the way in, which is a much better way than on the way out like we do it as it manages the pressures on the entrance gates and doesn't leave you with a bad taste at the end of the day by getting it out of the way at the start. Infact, the whole car park operation was run really quite well with a constant flow as the queue splits multiple times to individual lots. It was the only well run thing we'd find that day.

As our visit was a last minute arrangement we had not been able to book good value park tickets online, which must be purchased at least a week in advance, but we had managed to pick up a discount voucher from our hotel. Money paid and through the turnstile, but without being given or being able to find a map, we wandered through the rather nicely themed main street and it didn't seem too packed. Maybe it could handle this amount of people after all.



I had heard before arriving that they were bizarrely opening their new ride OzIris late each day as part of staggered opening and as it could be seen to be not moving at 10 minutes after opening as we drove past so we headed left instead, using the crappy little map our discount vouchers had been attached to as a rough guide. The first thing we came across was the rapids, which to our amazement was walk on (but you'd never know it as there is no live queue time signage anywhere in the park). Even though it was walk on and the occasional boat was empty we were squeezed in with randoms so every seat was full. We tried to protest the pointlessness of this but to no avail. I'm not small, nor were the randoms, so it was a painful and uncomfortable few minutes. I'm sure the ride was good enough and I know I got at least a little bit wet, but I couldn't enjoy it and have no real memory of it.

Leaving that we continued to one of the big three coasters. Before going it was OzIris, Zeus and Goudurix I had been looking forward to, in that order, so we decided to build up to the best and start with Goudurix.


Again with no indication of how long the queue might be we waited in about half of the built queue line, which amounted to about 20 minutes, and on we got. I had heard some bad things about this ride and it's roughness, but nothing could prepare me for how truly awful it is. Never again will I grumble about Saws jolt or Ritas restraints, this is in another league of horrible uncomfortable roughness. At one particular point near the start it tosses you one way to get your head moving to the left but before it stops you are violently slammed to the right creating a massive jerk in your neck which I genuinely thought had done some damage until I got off and realised I was not paralyzed. Never again will I get on Goudurix, and I think it is the only ride I've ever said that about.Tear it down.



Once we had rearranged our vertebrae into something resembling a spine we left the ride station and noticed something had quite suddenly changed for the bad. The park had already started to fail at coping with the volume of guests with the queue line for that heap of junk now spilling out of the entrance to the queue line and down the path in a totally unmanaged scrum, I'd have guessed it would have been well over an hours wait.

Coming away back towards the centre of the park we stumbled upon the entrance to something called Transdemonium. We didn't know what it was and to a large extent still don't. After a long and thankfully empty walkthrough queue is a ride of random that's too light to be a dark ride and too crap to be worthwhile. It's strange, clearly a lot of thought and effort has been put into the queue line which has some nice touches, but the ride itself is very very poor. Oh wells, three rides down, three disappointments.

Battling our way through the crowds we went towards Zeus, but we didn't get close. The queue line spilling out of the entrance a good couple of hundred meters long and 5 or 6 people wide did not look fun so we thought we'd try again later. Nearby was a spinning thing (in the background below) which was actually very good, I don't know why these sorts of rides have gone totally out of fashion at UK parks, great fillers. On the bad side the single operator working at a snails pace with a miserable face and a fifth of the rides capacity roped off made me want to start hurting people.



This was followed by a large kids coaster, apparently called Vol D'Icare, which again was enjoyable. Both of these though had queues spilling out of the entrance causing a scrum, but extensions within the queue closed. Just stupid frustrating operations made nearly intolerable by the queuing adverse French. It is also I'm sure no revelation or controversy to note a lot of French people smell bad, really bad, and being stuck in close proximity for ages in the queue was nauseating. I've got a strong stomach, I've eaten my lunch in the company of a rotting cadaver on many occasions, but some of the pong kicking up from these made me feel quite ill. I was getting weary of it all and wanted some lunch.

As most of you will know we've been searching high and low to welcome some new members to the team here at TPM and we are pleased we have finally got there!
Firstly Sheepie and Neil are no longer part of the team due to other commitments out side of the forum, we thank you both for your efforts!
Joining us on the team are Peter (Pluk) and Tommy! We had a number of great applications and trust me, it wasn't easy but we're confident we've made the right choices and hope you join us in welcoming them to the team!
Thanks
Marc