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Theme Park bloke

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The only problem with cocodomol is that I have to drive every day so I'm not sure they sound like a good idea :P

Haha, the girl I'm seeing takes them and drives. Still a far better driver than me. I'm sure with your completely safe driving you'd do perfectly well, just make it more fun ;).

Officially: No don't drive if you take them.

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I remember when I was in halls quite often timing my washing up when the cleaner would be doing her rounds, just to show that the mess (which we had only one person making a fair amount as he would forget to wash up the pillock) wasn't mine...

I was a fairly lucky guy in regards to living with relatively clean people...

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Must be bad if you're on TPM in a club..

Tell me about it! Then the way the night finished when the music stopped and then barely 30 seconds later people were screaming at you to get out.... I was extremely unimpressed. I ended up sofa sitting quite a bit of the night as the little group I was with were going off doing 'things' :huh: which didn't help matters.

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Turning on the TV to see CNN saying "FIGHT FIRE WITH FIRE: overwhelming majority agree with armed guards at schools". Just to add insult to injury, they put on a scrolling bar next to celeb gossip that 4 people are dead in a PA shooting while having a 5 min slot for Gangnan Style. I've been to America a good few times including the whole "Obama care is communism" stuff but it still gets me. Fox is probably having a "Praise the Gun" special.

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Turning on the TV to see CNN saying "FIGHT FIRE WITH FIRE: overwhelming majority agree with armed guards at schools". Just to add insult to injury, they put on a scrolling bar next to celeb gossip that 4 people are dead in a PA shooting while having a 5 min slot for Gangnan Style. I've been to America a good few times including the whole "Obama care is communism" stuff but it still gets me. Fox is probably having a "Praise the Gun" special.

Yep.. fight gun crime with more guns. America, seriously. For a country that can be so ahead on things like gay marriage and rights for all, how can it be so backwards thinking when it comes to gun crime and healthcare. It's baffling.

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  • 2 weeks later...

Late night dramatic rant, I really hate inconsistent people. Well I don't them per say, but I hate that I can't seem to deal with them. I have trouble enough understanding anyone as it is, but there are some where you just have no idea what you're going to get. One day they'll appear to like you and take an interest, then the next they just won't give a damn. Sometimes it's not even 'days', it's hours or even minutes. Just when I think I'm getting somewhere, the smallest setback with someone like this will probably occur and I start digging myself into a hole again. Something might not have even 'happened', a lot of the time it's probably just insane paranoia. It means sometimes I can't even be comfortable with people I've either known for years or those that I see every day, it's like you don't know anyone anymore. It's so easy to blame other people sometimes even when it's most likely me not knowing how to deal with them like someone should. So I can either choose to hate everyone else or I can just hate myself for it and erode self-esteem, but either way it's a lose-lose. I've become overly self-aware and now all I do is torture myself about it all the time.

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Dan, your post, it totally sums up how I feel a lot of the time too.

In some cases, I know I've done something wrong for sure. But I'd still be friends with these people, yet I've made it awkward because of what I did wrong. I end up not knowing where I stand and how to act; because they may not say directly to me "Everything is fine now, let's carry on as friends as we were before." I want to carry on as before, but then feel like I can't or shouldn't, because it might look like I don't care about whatever I did wrong to upset them. I mean, I would apologise obviously, but if they don't tell me when they feel ok again, how do you when to carry on as normal, or if you should act differently?

But yes, there have been numerous occassions where as far as I know I've not done anything wrong (by that I mean, from my eyes I haven't, and they've not told me I have) yet things feel different and I don't know if it's me or them that have changed, or when, why, how etc. And then yeah, I start over-analysing things and trying to work out when things changed, if I said or did anything that would have upset them, etc.

One of the worst things was when an old friend told me I wasn't putting enough into the friendship and that other people noticed. So it clearly was me doing something wrong, but I honestly do not know what and to this day it still upsets me. I had no idea I came across that way and because I don't know what exactly I did/didn't do to come across like that, I won't know how to correct myself :( I don't want any other people thinking the same about me. I just hope if anyone else does that they speak up before it's too late!

But yeah, I really know how it feels. I think in some cases it definitely is other people. From my friends, I know who the ones are who will always treat me the same with respect, and I am wary of those who seem to er, "vary" :P It's like I have to catch them on a good day or a good moment!

It was when I was about 17 that I realised I had these issues understanding people, plus my family brought it to my attention more, so since then I have been overly aware of myself, like I have too much inhibition (hence why I enjoy alcohol so much, it removes those inhibitions and I feel free and like my real self!). Imagine the indescribable awkwardness and utter embarrassment of being naked in front of everyone...yeah, that's how I sometimes feel around people!

There are some things that have improved since then but that low self-esteem will take a while to fix. I've found that I don't feel quite as bad on anti-depressants, but obviously they're not something I can stay on forever, plus there are other things that could help; I could probably do with CBT to help change my way of thinking.

I could go to my GP about it and hopefully get a referral but when I have good days I kinda forget and don't worry...and then have a bad day...and then get stuck in a cycle!

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