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This is the battery I wish to charge on this garbage ride.

When it comes to reviewing something, I try to be as honest, straight-talking and truthful as I can to the reader because above anything else, integrity to me is the most appreciated value I admire in someone when I am seeking for advice with their opinions. That way, if I decide to pluck down my own money, time and effort on something, I can be assured there is nothing being kept hidden when trying the product myself and therefore, trust can be built. I believe this first paragraph needs to be put at the very start of this review because after trying Wicker Man for the first time, I want to be as honest as I possibly can in what you are about to read. There are presently a lot of exaggerated claims, promises and expectations being thrown around about this coaster at the moment by various people and I refuse to fall into this category, so everything below is exactly what it is with no filter in place, for good and bad. Now onto the ride itself. I’ve been moderately quiet during the construction of Wicker Man these last several months despite the constant updates, advertising, drone footage and leaked name ages before, primarily because time and time again, I have stupidly built false promises and expectations with a lot of Merlin’s recent investments these last several years. Promises which inside I knew they couldn’t deliver but still believed in nonetheless and as a result, I have been scarred by it all and have a real grudge against the majority of Merlin attractions that have been built across the parks from 2014 onwards. To be blunt, I approached Wicker Man with a pessimistic view from the day it was announced until the day I finally rode it. Wooden coasters for me are something special; special in a way that cannot be described easily. Because despite not having fancy elements, being the fastest or tallest or the most amazing coasters out there, they tend to be underestimated a lot of the time and can really surprise you with how great they are. I’ll never forget that first ride on Megafobia at Oakwood, Wales back in 2010 where it left be stunned. Also quite recently sitting on the back row of Balder at Liseberg, Sweden in 2017 and being shocked and amazed by the extreme forces you go through, especially down the first drop after the lift hill. It certainly is an amazing feeling! So whilst I was pessimistic given Merlin’s track record for the last 4 years, coupled with their management of special effects, I was secretly all this time really excited to try Wicker Man and didn’t want to jump to any conclusions too quickly and then regret what I said all the time before trying it (e.g. - Derren Brown’s Ghost Train). I simply didn’t fall for any of it this time and approached the coaster with an open mind for a change. But my word, I’m really glad I did that now, as this coaster has been quite a surprise! To begin this thorough and in-depth review, I’d like to begin with the setting and scenery of the attraction which will be the first thing every person sees upon experiencing this ride: APPEARANCE AND SETTING: When I was at the park’s fireworks display last year and finally saw the majority of the track constructed, I can’t lie, but it did look quite impressively large and dominant through those window fences. However, when seeing it fully constructed and running, the thing looks wonderful! Everything about this ride looks brilliant. The track is moulded against the landscape very well, the rumbling sound of the trains really dominates the area similar to Nemesis, the audio sounds superb and there was a huge amount of buzz and excitement flowing through the entire area on it’s opening ceremony day. Another nice touch was seeing a wooden coaster fresh, because I’m so used to seeing wooden coasters where the wood has faded into a dull, grey colour that it was nice seeing it all looking and even smelling fresh and yellow for once! As silly as this sounds, it made a nice change for once. The entrance plaza and queue line is nicely routed, landscaped and constructed too. Seeing loads of fire beacons filling the plaza with real fire used, coupled with the nicely themed entrance and bizarre-looking vegetation to match the rest of the ride’s theme made the whole area feel more permanent, complete and designed well, unlike the ugly-as-heck-yellow-box-of-an-entrance The Smiler uses. A small touch I liked in the queue were the little bits of theming present used for lighting and signs as you progress nearer and nearer to the station. Unlike the typical laminated, dull-as-anything printed signs we see so often across other rides across Merlin, these were all shaped and sculpted to match the theme, which was a nice detail I appreciate the team for doing. Also, having a queue line for the most part which is linear and doesn’t have endless cattle pens like Smiler and Rita was another touch I appreciated, plus, the queue oddly seemed wider too compared to most other rides. For the landscaping, this is a mixed bag. Whilst some areas surrounding the coaster have clearly been worked on with new plants and turf mats installed, others have not and look as though they are still in the middle of being constructed with dirt and soil everywhere. Also, something I wished the team did before opening this ride was to clean the concrete supports holding the track in place because they were filthy all over and looked quite off-putting, especially in contrast to the freshly installed wood for the track. If the park can clean these concrete supports using a jet washer as well as laying down turf or giving the remaining sections of the area some green grass, I believe it will neaten the overall profile and presentation of the ride, since it was a bit mixed in several places and could have looked better. Just a smaller detail compared to everything else, but an important one regardless. THE WICKER MAN EFFIGY Always knew from the moment the name was announced back in January 2018 this figure of the Wicker Man himself would be the centre of all attention and man, I can see why after finally seeing it in-person as it looks really lovely! The scale of this effigy is huge and very nicely themed and detailed, so much so that I would put it up there with something we would expect to see at Phantasialand. OK, I know that might be an over-exageration here, but that’s what I gathered after witnessing it for the first time. The wood looks genuine even though it isn’t, especially around the shoulders, the shape and design of the two-faced head looks impressive and the attention-to-detail used even for the small holes the train passes through three times was looked after which was a nice surprise. Plus the amount of mist (yes, water mist, not smoke) used really filled the inside of the figure and the holes through him, which was especially great when passing through on the train! Also, I loved how there were audio effects used every time a train passes through which sync with the real fire effects. Probably the best thing about this effigy is when you are passing through the second time after making the banked u-turn, because the position of the track which passes straight through his chest is perfect! The brief view you get when passing straight through the centre of his chest is ideal, especially coupled with the mist and fire effects used on the shoulders. It captures your attention and is a really effective head-chopper effect, especially with the small bump present in the track just before passing through. Very effective and convincing effect used! However, I have to admit, whilst it looks pretty when you see it in real-life, it will not be as impressive up-close as opposed to a distance of at least 20m I theorise. The reason for this is because those fire effects used inside the figure are actually just TV screens playing a loop of some generic flame behind a black background used when filming, plus, the resolution of these displays are not that great because up-close, you can see the pixels used and cameras can pick up some artificial flickering from them, similar to when filming Thorpe Park’s entrance screen on any smartphone or camera. Another detail that aggravated me was the size and position of the fire used on the shoulders, because when standing on the ground, you barely even see the fire used when they are lit normally, but it’s only when they are enlarged in size whenever a train passes through you can see them properly for only a few brief seconds. Not a major issues, but be aware the flame effects might not be as impressive in real life compared to what they look through promotional videos and pictures. But besides from that, the effigy is a really nicely and detailed piece of theming which I welcome being there for the coaster and can really enhance the experience, even though it has some flaws when seeing it up-close. AUDIO When it comes to hearing audio on an attraction, to me, this is absolutely crucial to get right as it’s a very effective piece of theming to any ride regardless of how small or big it might be, plus, it gives it an atmosphere and defines it’s character. Rides like Chiapas, Taron, Helix and The Smiler I simply wouldn’t love as much if it weren’t for their audio in all honesty, so the audio on Wicker Man had to be loud, dominant and catchy for me to appreciate as a whole much more and thankfully, this is the case! This is probably the biggest secret weapon of the coaster, because I noticed across all areas of the ride from the plaza/entrance, start of the queue line, end of the queue line, baggage/pre-show room, station and track sections there were various different pieces of audio playing from the lovely guys at IMAscore. Upon seeing the effigy around the entrance and plaza, the first track you hear sounds very happy and charming similar to Klugheim village at Phantasialand, which gives the impression to riders the whole ride itself has a welcoming theme to it all, but as you progress through the queue, you begin to notice the tune, pitch and instruments used changes and the closer you get to the station the darker it begins to sound as you get ever-closer to the baggage room. After walking through the entire queue, I am certain it’s done in a similar way to Big Top’s audio where there are at least 3 variations of the same 30 minute track, only each one has a darker and more unsettling theme to it. It’s once you are inside the building itself the more vocal sections of the audio are used similar to the snippets found online. Drums are used, the tune changes and a more honestly scary-sounding track plays inside the buildings amongst the darkened rooms. In the station especially where whilst the audio is lower in volume compared to outside, that coupled with the burning wood effect creates a really unsettling theme inside as though something bad is about to happen. A really excellent thing the park have taken advantage of is in the badge waiting room for the pre-show and station, the doors and train dispatch have themed audio playing alongside the use of lighting, which creates a really exciting atmosphere for riders and builds up a lot of anticipation! When the train dispatches, a loud roar of drums starts and the lighting in the station begins to change and flicker, similarly to how the dispatch looks on Nemesis Inferno and Black Mamba, only this time, much more effectively I would say! Same for when a train arrives back into the station too which has is timed to when the train stops on the brake run and people disembark. Just in case that wasn’t enough, even the darkened waiting tunnels once the ride finishes have themed audio matched with smoke and light effects inside, which means even the wait caused by the stacking of the trains is looked after which I thought was great! Also, the lift hill has timed audio with the train too, making the excitement and anticipation even greater for the rider! But in summary, Alton Towers and IMAscore have done a fabulous job with the audio management for this ride and should be commended for their efforts. Excellent job! PRE-SHOW I’ll keep this brief without giving away any spoilers for the viewer, but this was quite a nice addition made. The inside is shaped like a dome tent with pieces of theming all over the walls and flooring with a big projector screen right above you in front. All this scene does is give a little insight as to what the Wicker Man is, how it works and preparing you for what awaits ahead such as “The time has come for the wicker man to rise!”. The audio was nice and loud, the picture was sharp and the video was 60fps which was lovely to see. However, I have to be honest here, this scene felt unneeded and superfluous and didn’t really add much to the experience at all, mostly because of how short it was to watch. Heck, it’s only just over a minute long. To me, this seemed more like another batching room to help reduce the number of people in the station, nothing much more. A nice touch, but a needless one. STATION If you were to ask me “What is your favourite station for any coaster?”, I would have to give it to Wicker Man here. The station is great! Unlike a lot I’ve been through, this one did not feel crammed or overcrowded inside as the platforms on each side of the track were nicely spaced out with plenty of room to move around whilst waiting/disembarking the carriage for a start. The next part being the lighting used inside as it wasn’t too bright or dull, but instead, nicely orange/red filtered, themed and lit perfectly inside to match the rest of the ride. Also, I always look for details on the ceiling and walls for a station so that the entire room is consistently themed, unlike Thirteen with black cloth everywhere and Galactica with industrial machinery everywhere. In Wicker Man’s case, both of these areas have been attended to and look really nice with the wooden beams, themed drapes and flickering lighting on the walls for a fire effect. Glad finally to see a station where all areas have been looked after for once, yay! But to summarise, the station for Wicker Man is really well done and everything about it is perfect from the lighting, to the audio, to the theming and the consistency. Excellent work here! RIDE EXPERIENCE Now onto the best part finally and goodness me, this was surprising! My first ride was incredibly lucky because I was allocated the very back two seats of the train on my first go and couldn’t be happier as it’s always the best. xD The trains themselves look great, neat and fully detailed all over and they are quite comfy to sit in too. Haven never ridden a GCI woodie before, I was expecting something really uncomfortable such as Tomahawk, Stampida and even Balder to some degree, but the seating was wide, spacious and relaxing. I could easily move my feet and legs around a bit when on the train and didn’t in anyway feel cramped or pinned down in the restraint, meaning it was a really comfortable ride from start to finish. Quite pleasantly surprised by the comfort of those seats. Once dispatched and the train immediately turns right under the building, you go through a massive jet of smoke (smoke, not mist this time) filled with lots of red lighting and sound effects of wood burning. It must be said, the amount of smoke which fills this room as you turn to exit the lift hill was huge and obscured your vision for the briefest of moments. Quite liked this actually and hope it stays! Once ascending the lift hill, the audio as mentioned earlier plays through the speakers and whilst you get a lovely view to the right of what awaits, I did find the lift hill incredibly slow which killed the great pace the ride had at the start exiting the station at a surprising speed. That coupled with the absolutely stupid bend on that lift hill made it worse. I’m probably the only person who has a problem with that bend on the lift hill as whilst it was needed due to the design of the layout, to me, that should have been designed better as it frankly looks dumb, especially when you climb it. But once you reach the top where the tunnel lies, everything begins finally. What I didn’t expect on the back row was that left turn before the drop was declined slightly and as a result, was whipped round that corner incredibly fast which took me by great surprise! And even though the first drop is quite small, the airtime you get at the back going down it is quite big and was a great start to the ride! Next was the bunny hop into the second tunnel and the S-bend which follows after and this was by far the best section. Because not only are you whipped again over the second hill, but because the S-bend goes downhill the whole way, you pick up some seriously high speeds down this section and the banking of the track can whip you around a fair bit on the back row! Not uncomfortably so, but enough to make the sudden changes in orientation a lot of fun with even more airtime moments! Without doubt the best section of the layout here. Once passing through the effigy and performing the u-turn back through again, the speed does slow down a moderate amount here noticeably, but not enough to kill the pace thankfully. The bend is nicely shaped and isn’t too extreme for the riders until you reach the small hump as you race through the effigy again everything becomes faster once more. The small drop as you exit the 2nd pass-through of the figure has a bit of a noticeable jolt similar to Smiler’s 12th inversion, though nothing unpleasant, it just gives another small dose of airtime to the rider! From here onwards when the ride continues to make turns, smaller drops and twists, the train does slow down, but it still keeps a strong pace from start to end with more airtime hills and strong forces exerted on riders. Probably the weakest section of the layout is the flat and slow 180 degree turn you make just before dropping back down and passing through the figure again. To me, if this was banked or had a small dip in the middle similar to the way both of Smiler’s turns work for both lift hills, this could have made it a little more interesting. Soon later, you reach the final brake run and the main section of the ride is over. Something I need to mention is regardless of where you sit on the train, be prepared to get a little wet from the mist effects used in the effigy, especially when you pass through the holes. Apart from the mist, water is dripping from the jets used and will drip on you as a result, especially when you go through the 3rd hole. Nothing too major, but enough to notice! You enter the darkened tunnels again with themed audio and more smoke effects before getting back to the station and disembarking to leave for the exit. The ride is now over. If I’m to summarise the experience in one word, it would be “WOW!” Sure, it’s not a Megafobia or Balder killer, but compared to how it looks and what it’s actually like riding, this coaster has some serious surprises to it, the least being the several moments of airtime you get sitting at the back over various parts of the course! This coupled with the comfort of the trains made this a really fun and exciting coaster to try, even though the layout isn’t amazing. The pace is constant after the lift hill, it feels faster than what the statistics say, the interactions with the scenery and effigy are great and it’s just intense enough to allow those as little as 1.2m onto the ride without it being too much for them. Plus, even though the coaster has a few jerky moments that throw you around a bit, it wasn’t rough at all anywhere and didn’t try breaking the rider’s back like Stampida does. SHOP Again, the theming continues here too and the shop looks really nice too! Loads of detailed theming everywhere similar to DBGT’s one with theming across all the flooring, walls and ceiling and some of the merchandise was pretty nice. There was a hand-made figure of the Wicker Man available in the shop too, but for £3,000? Nuuuuuuuu thanks. OTHER POINTS Here are some other points worth mentioning when you try it: • There is a baggage hold for this ride staffed by workers, but I thought Alton were eliminating all of them……? Very confused… • If all three queues are full, the ratio will be 1:1:1 for main, fastback and disabled, so the waits can get incredibly and frustratingly slow at times. • Be aware the lift hill is incredibly noisy when you stand underneath it. • The shop is routed, so it may be difficult or cumbersome to reach one side of the shop to the other. • When this ride breaks down, be prepared to wait a fairly long time. Over an hour was spent sending the trains round when it broke down with full and empty trains going round constantly. I believe the ride was experiencing weight issues, hence why 3/4 rows were running round empty all afternoon. • The on-ride photo camera is at the bottom of the first tunnel drop straight after the lift hill. • Be aware there is a major design flaw with placing the camera here. Honestly shocked nobody has picked this up yet, but the smoke in the 2nd tunnel if blown in front of the camera can make your on-ride photo look very strange with a weird ghost effect. Below is this issue me and Martin ran into, so you have a 50:50 chance of this appearing. Didn’t appreciate this after waiting 2+ hours and making it our only ride on it that day: CONCLUSION If you have read all of what I’ve put above, you probably most likely realise by now despite going in with low expectations, pessimism and serious doubts given Merlin’s recent track record, this ride has honestly surprised me on a level I haven’t witnessed before. It’s surprised my because during all the construction stages, apparent rumours the first drop was re-profiled by John Wardey, negative stabs from enthusiasts and the constant, vacuous marketing WORLD FIRST claims I was seeing for this thing, Wicker Man has delivered on being what I can only describe as a superb family coaster. It really is! Whilst I still have some doubts and questions of the theme behind this ride for a family coaster, especially if one has seen the films or does research behind the whole sacrificial belief behind it, the park have done a superb job with theming the ride as a whole and must be given credit for it. The smallest of details have been looked at, especially in the station, the audio matches it perfectly and everything feels complete and not half-finished like Smiler still does today. But my biggest concern is regarding the special effects used. Whilst for now they might all be working great with no flaws whatsoever, I seriously and honestly cannot see this lasting too long. It won’t be long before the sprayed mist on the effigy starts to degrade similar to The Marmaliser’s The Giggler leg, or 1+ of the screens displaying a flame inside breaking, or even one of the fires on the shoulders breaking. I might be sounding paranoid here, but for a coaster that for the most part lives on the promise of the effects working on this figure, that is incredibly risky of Merlin/Alton. Hopefully I’m proven wrong over time, but I still think eventually they will begin to break one bit at a time. But besides that, if the park can get the coaster to run perfectly with no hiccups regarding the operations and technical faults it has, maintain all the effects to a working standard every day beyond 2018, they could be onto a real winner here. Already I say this is their best family coaster without a doubt at the park, but I wouldn’t go as far as saying this is the best coaster in the country like some YouTubers and vloggers have said. It’s still loads of fun regardless and is a solid addition, but all I’ll say is don’t expect anything amazing here. Instead, expect to be surprised by it and really enjoy it for what it offers because it executes at being a fun, enjoyable woodie really well! Just to add a little more to this review, besides from the masses of pictures above, below is a short video showing many off-ride views, including a naughty sneak of the pre-show. Don't worry, that section is only 5 seconds long! So in summary, Wicker Man to me is a solid addition to Alton Towers, deserves credit for all the teams who put it together and should go down really well with it’s target audience. Heck, if it gets a 3 hour queue just from one day, I can only begin to imagine how big they’re going to get this summer! Wicker Man - 8 / 10

For the years I've put off visiting, I apologise. For the jokes I've made with no reasoning behind them, I apologise. For ever believing the rubbish the enthusiast community spits out about you, I apologise. PortAventura, I'm on my knees, I beg you, please forgive me. This weekend just gone, me and my friend made our first ever trip to PA, a trip that's been years in the making, that kept getting put off, in part due to lack of interest but also due to reading lots of negative things online, well those people were doing it wrong and here's why.... Day 1 Saturday morning started with an extremely early Easyjet flight from Gatwick to Barcelona, a flight which sadly went by without any significant comedy. We arrived in Barcelona and it was time to try out a new car hire company, for those keeping track at home our relationship with car hire companies is patchy at best. A charming cheap little purple car was our chariot for this trip and it was too cute for even a miserable bastard like me to insult. As we set off for Tibidabo (the first park of our trip) it was pouring it down with rain, but this isn't Asia, surely this won't matter? After driving for 20 minutes up the insanely tight mountain roads to the brave boy car park (you can park at the bottom and take a bus or be brave and drive up the mountain and park at the entrance), the car park attendant informs us, "park's closed but I'll let you in the car park". Without really thinking we took the parking ticket and proceeded to drive into the empty car park, as we left he told us to pay at the ticket office before leaving. For a few moments we sat in the car thinking to ourselves, is this seriously happening? Why is it becoming so hard these days, we seem to be getting spited everywhere at the moment. Right, fair enough, time to grow up, let's walk to the ticket office, pay for this parking ticket we didn't use and ask the staff are they going to be open tomorrow. However, the ticket offices (located outside the park) were closed and the entry gate to the park was bolted shut, I guess we aren't paying for anything. Thankfully we had a friendly bloke working the barriers, who upon seeing we were English deemed it easier to just let us go rather than try to talk it out, top bloke. To be fair, the rain was quite heavy... Right, OK, we will try to come back tomorrow but for now let's head to PortAventura. The one and a half hour drive to PA went by without much to report, apart from the tolls which were a nasty surprise. We were staying onsite in Hotel Caribe, which can be best described as a collection of many 4 star Butlin's chalets. The room was clean, the bed was comfy, the bathroom was great and the noise was minimal, no complaints at all here. Upon entering the hotel car park, security give the car a once over, which in my eyes is absolutely fine, I'll happily put up with having to open the boot for a friendly security guard if it means everyone is safe. This was my view from the hotel car park, ugly isn't it? After checking in at the hotel, you are given your room key, which also doubles as your park entrance pass, so there's no more faffing about after the initial wait, you don't even need to check out, too easy. A short walk from the hotel later and we were now standing in one of the most universally moaned about parks in this hobby, let's go test those claims shall we. What a lovely view. Not going to lie we spent the first hour in the park well and truly lost. During this time we got a nice tasting toastie (I swear I've read the food isn't good here, I guess that's wrong) from Camila Cabello, who now apparently works in the China area of PA, small World eh. After this we tried to go ride the mine train, but got lost again and somehow ended up at the park's 3 woodies. Stampida After reading online that Stampida is either rough or crap, I went in thinking the worst and prepared for a beating, a beating that never came. Stampida is great! This racing woodie is damn good fun, has great pops of air time (sometimes taking me by surprise and putting a huge grin on my face), tons of fun laterals and the racing and duelling is fantastic! Easily the best CCI I've ridden, yes better than Zeus and Megafobia and not miles behind the outstanding racing GCI (Draak) at Efteling. This coaster just has so much character to it and was the sleeper hit of the trip, I just love it. Tomahawk While obviously not as good as it's big brother, this baby woodie is very well done and it's interactions with Stampida are genius, fantastic stuff. Right next to Tomahawk is a singing vulture, it was about this time I decided I like this park. El Diablo After what felt like forever we finally found the entrance to the mine train! This was my first ever Arrow mine train coaster and I can't wait to hunt down more, this thing is brilliant. This coaster just has something for everyone, 3 lifts, a mince through a shed, a drop out of the station like Helix, a long ride time to rest your legs, hilarious transitions and some genuinely forceful moments, amazing. Dragon Khan What a bitter disappointment this old school B&M was. It's not easy for me to say this because I've idolised this coaster for years and there's no denying it looks outstanding but honestly, what a waste this thing is. A force less first drop, followed by inversion after inversion with no attempt to shake things up is just lazy in my opinion. Some air time moments or some fun twisty bits really would have shaken up the layout but instead, it's just inversion after inversion, which bores me. A boring coaster is 1 thing but DK adds insult to injury with the fact if you are sitting in the outside seats things get quite rattly and unpleasant. I'm sorry Khan, but nah, not for me. Yes that queue board says Shambhala has a 10 minute queue, I hope that hurts the Shambhala fanboys that read this. Khan gave me a headache so I slithered into Sesame to buy something sugary and while there rode the Vekoma Junior. Tami-Tami +1 Shambhala Now full of coke and donuts we headed to Shambhala, a coaster many rave about and some even call their number 1, I'm sorry for what's about to happen. Even with low expectations going in, I still managed to walk away disappointed. Shambhala is good but it certainly isn't great and there's no way it's a top 10 ride in my eyes. The first drop is completely void of any forces and it just sort of happens, then every air time hill tries but ultimately fails to do anything exciting and the trim brake trimming an already mincing ride is hilarious. Shambhala's speed hill is the only part of the coaster that gives any sort of good air and you're trimmed by the aforementioned trim brake as you enter it! We rode Shambhala at least twice a day, in different seats, in the sun, in the rain, in the wind, in the morning, in the evening, in the afternoon and always the same result. Trust me I really wanted to love it but it's honestly so lacklustre. As with Khan it does look beautiful though. This crushing disappointment sent me to the toilet with crushing bowel movements, unlike Phantasialand, PortAventura let you deal with that in peace. After another lap on Stampida, El Diablo and Shambala we ended our day with Furius Baco. Furius Baco Countless time I've read Baco is one of the worst coasters out there and that it's so rough it's going to break my spine, well did it? Of course it didn't... Firstly credit to the park, they got this open after a lengthy breakdown with just an hour till close, worst operations in the World? I think not. Furius Baco isn't good, but it isn't rough either, it's just hilarious. Something about monkeys happens, then you launch, everything starts bouncing, you're flying around too fast to even see what's happening, you do an inline, it bounces round some water into the brakes, the end. That evening after a very pleasant day on park, I thought to myself, how can my experience with PA be so much different than everyone elses? The park looks fantastic, operations are good, the staff are very friendly, Baco didn't kill me, Shambhala and Khan are bit crap, the hotel is nice, the food is good and Stampida is brilliant. What's going on guys? Join me next time for Tibidabo and more PA goodness.

Animatronic?? Ok....! P.J: the train in the second scene had a mind of its own. It’s not coming back...

Is it just me who remembers the little exit walkthrough after It’s A Small World? It seems to have been demolished in the last 10 years, but I remember it always felt quite iconic as you walked round the little houses and buildings with screens inside that showed little videos. You had to go through it to exit the ride so it couldn’t be missed, and it left an extra sprinkle of magic to the experience (the large Hogwarts model in WBST London actually still reminds me of this scenic walkthrough). I’m not mortified that it’s gone but I don’t think it’s been replaced with anything else... last time I rode, the exit was just another outdoor pathway with railings. What ever became of it (why was it removed)? And what stands in its place now? *UPDATE* I found an old photo of this room, attached. So it definitely existed! You can see people looking into the little windows at the screens in the houses.

Glad you enjoyed the ride. They’ve definitely created an impressive attraction here. Hope to ride it in the coming weeks/months.

It may be a legit concept and exist but it won't even feature on the ride when it opens. I think Thorpe Park just think up a headline then make up the story behind it afterwards. Laughable really. Shame because I thought it looked pretty decent from the entrance facade and watchtower when on park on Saturday - like Josh said, if they actually just sold the ride on it's real life strengths and qualities, instead of these dodgy "fake news" stories, I'd have more respect from them and be more bothered. 15/10 on the nonsense scale.

Harvesting screams, dear god! Monsters Inc: The Ride Sent from my SM-G930F using Tapatalk

And here lies my biggest issue. They've got a roller coaster themed to one of the biggest TV shows in the world (even if it is a bit past its best). It's not a major investment, sure, but it doesn't mean that they can't push it and milk it. But instead of focusing on the attraction, even if it is the 15/10 scare rating claim thing, they're just tacking on rubbish like this. They have a whole scope of potential for things they could do to get people talking, yet they scrape the bottom of the barrel. But I guess all publicity is good publicity, and this is getting a fair few people talking, so they'll be happy...

What? I thought they’d got away from all this nonsense? Surely the ride should be good enough / exciting enough to advertise on its own merits? Things like this make the place look like a joke.

After a brief period of downtime on Saturday, Stealth was back up and running two trains like a dream - fair play to the ride team as they were always dispatching in the 40 second window, and the queue was moving quickly. There's a 2 second gap between "go go go!" and the green lights currently but I can forgive that for now. For all you fans out there, the two trains running are No. 2 and No. 3 #truefacts

With a decent GCI and a fab looking Mack opening this year..

My “ride” today on DBGT was absolutely awful. Lots of standing around, some of the headsets were broken meaning two of my friends couldn’t use them (why they couldn’t have just taken them from the riders per train count is beyond me) as well as mine breaking mid way through the first section. The fact that headsets seem to break so easily just gives me no faith in VR for theme parks. Also, the new section completely destroyed the flow of the experience, it just left everyone else confused and was a bad move. Frankly I thought this was a complete embarrassment for the park, this is their 3rd season with it and they still haven’t sorted it out. Granted it’s a very complex ride system, but it’s a theme park attraction so they should know how to handle it. People are queuing hours for it so it just doesn’t really seem justified to make them wait ages for a pile of s***.

The future of theme park theming consists of labelling what buildings are supposed to be (e.g. "Safe Zone") rather than actually theming them